On Saturday night, I choose a casual red dress from my small collection to wear to dinner, and I slip it on over my head. I choose simple wedges for shoes, and I apply makeup- but not more than I would normally wear.
I'm lost in doing the final touches to my look when I hear a knock at my bedroom door, and see my mom is standing in its way.
"Mom!" I exclaim. "You're home early."
She smiles. "There is an 8th grade parent meeting tonight at Bryn's school. It's about their class trip. I took off work to be there."
"Oh."
I remember those times in eighth grade.
My mom walks farther in my room, and smiles at me. "What's all of this for?" She smiles and gestures to my dress. "Not going on a date with that handsome blond cutie, are you?"
I bite my lip, hiding the nervousness and excitement from showing. "I'm going with Anson for dinner with his Dad. He asked me to be there to alleviate some awkwardness."
"Hmm." She mumbles. "Well you look very pretty either way."
My heart melts and I run over to her with outstretched arms. I pull her close and smile. "Thanks mom."
I breathe in the scent of her flowery perfume. "You smell nice." I say, pulling away.
From downstairs, we hear a rapping noise at the door, and I conclude Anson has arrived to pick me up.
"Have a good time." My mom says in my ear. At that, I take deep breaths and walk to meet Anson.
The door opens to him smirking down at me. I exhale a sigh of relief when I see that he drove his car to pick me up- alone.
I would die if we had to ride with his dad in the car, too.
"Are you ready?" His voice calls above me.
"No more than you are." I say honestly, looking up and gripping his arm. I let him lead me to the passenger's side of the camaro.
"You look gorgeous, by the way." Anson's voice is soft.
You look handsome. Like always.
I take a seat and Anson closes me in. When he is in the driver's side, I buckle up and clasp my hands together nervously in my lap.
Anson's jaw is hard as he pulls out onto the road and begins driving off from my home. Houses flash past through the windows as we drive. I look over at Anson.
"How was the game last night?" I ask.
It brings a smile to his face, and he nods. "We beat them. We were actually down in the first and second quarters, but I made a killer comeback in the last quarter."
I wish I could've been there. I smile. "I'm glad you guys are doing so well."
"Yeah, coach has been a nightmare at practice. Hopefully he won't ease up now that we won."
"I think he knows what he's doing." I say.
Anson chuckles, and makes a right turn. He is silent for a moment. "So, How is your family doing this evening?"
I think. "Mom was home today. It was good to see her. And Bryn is going on her 8th grade trip in a few weeks."
I stop talking, and Anson sighs. I notice we have arrived at the restaurant. "Well it's good she can go. I remember going on my trip back then."
He parks the car and looks at me. "But I wouldn't go back for a minute."
I lean closer to him. "I wonder if you'll say that about highschool, this time next year?"
Anson shrugs. "Who wouldn't want to come back to this?" He chuckles.
I roll my eyes and at that, we get out of the car. Anson walks around and wraps his arm comfortably around me. At the same time, I feel utterly nauseous. "Don't worry." He seems to pick up on my nerves. "You'll be fine in here."
I gulp and match his stride as we walk inside of the restaurant. It's dimly lit, and I'm thankful when he quickly spots his dad in the back. We go over to them, and I part from Anson's side to take a seat.
We slide into the crimson-leather booth, and I smile at Dr. Fischart and his girlfriend. Her hair is dark, and pulled back in a braid. She seems younger than Anson's dad, but only by a year or two. Her eyes are a shade of light green.
She smiles and looks past me. "Hello Anson. It's been a few weeks since I've seen you."
"Unfortunately." Anson says with a friendly grace about him.
The lady's eyes rest on me and she smiles. "You can call me Kate."
I smile, something seems almost recognizable about Kate. I don't linger on it. "I'm Indie." My voice is as warm as I can make it. "I'm Anson's..."
I hesitate.
Saying friend seems kinda wrong...
"I'm here to make sure Anson's not a third wheel."
Kate laughs loudly at my comment. I feel Anson looking at me and I relax a little against the back of the booth cushion. Kate looks at Anson's dad and pats him.
"Well, this meeting was all his idea." Kate says. "I'm glad we could be here. I've been dying to know more about Anson. It seems that I hardly hear anything about you."
Her words, seemingly meant as kind, seem to sting Anson. I notice his frown seems... frownier.
"What would you like to know?"
Kate laughs. "Maybe where you get those good looks from? We all know your father doesn't have them!" She laughs at her own joke, Anson shifts uncomfortably.
"The eyes are from my mom, if that's what you're wondering." His voice is deep and I feel a pang in my chest.
This is so awkward.
Desperate to save the conversation, I clear my throat. "Anson's not the best with jokes." I smirk at him. "He's got a dry sense of humor."
He looks at me, expecting me to continue.
"However," I look at Kate and his father, "he is extremely good at football."
That was a good save. I congratulate myself.
Kate looks impressed, and I elaborate. "He was just telling me on our way here that he helped save the game in the final quarter yesterday."
"You won the game?" Anson's dad asks.
Anson nods his blond head silently.
"Hmph! I was sure you all would lose."
Annoyed by the comment, I retort. "Everyone did. But Anson never gives up." I look at him, he is breathing deeply.
"That's what's so great about him." I say. My hand finds his under the table. He relaxes and traces circles over my skin- a familiar trait of his hand holding.
"Thank you." He blinks at me.
My heart feels full to know I have offered him some comfort. Anytime.
"here come the drinks and appetizers!" Kate suddenly interjects. Her green eyes are trained on the distance.
As the food slides onto the table, Anson's hand stays latched onto mine. Even as we order, his hand never lets go.
Kate grins from across the table and starts up a new conversation. "So indie, you're talented too, I take it?"
Me? Talented?
I start to disagree, but Anson elbows me.
"She's a writer." He looks from me to Kate. "She's got a way with words."
"When I have something to write about." I grin. "It's just a hobby."
Kate nods. "Well it seems very cool." she looks between me and Anson. "I assume both of you are very close friends. It's nice. I never had friendship like that in highschool."
My mouth twitches when I think about what she says. I know I'm incredibly lucky to be Anson's friend. In the beginning, that's all I even cared for it to become. But now... I feel more than that for him.
I avoid the 'f' word for the rest of the night.
*****
When the painstaking dinner and conversations are over, Anson and I slip out across the dark parking lot, and to his camaro. I know he's not saying much, but I assume he's thinking a ton.
I sit down in the car and shut my door; Anson does the same. I turn to buckle and notice him looking at me, breathlessly, and still. So unfathomably still.
"What's wrong?" I breathe, and Anson bites his lip.
"I have no complaints."
I smile unsurely. "Then why are you looking at me like that?"
My heartbeat catches somewhere in my throat. In the confined space, I can almost feel the temperature rising.
Anson blinks. "You're so amazing." He leans over to me. "You're so f-"
He stops halfway through his sentence and crashes his lips against mine. The sounds at the back of his throat are hungry. His large hands travel down my back in a frantic pace.
I feel him break through my imaginary walls.
Fireworks seem to ignite at every touch. His warm breath is wet against my neck, and he pulls me by the hips onto his lap. Something hot explodes in both of our chests. His tongue traces down my neck and he buries his head in the space under my ear.
I bite my lip and try not to get lost, but everything seems so perfect about his kisses. His fingers travel up and down the fabric on my back as he coaxes me to his lips.
As pleasurable as it is, I feel as if I've been caught in the eye of a hurricane.
His tongue explores my mouth. At the same time, I hear Kate saying the word friend over and over in the back of my head. His hands caress and my heart hurts when I realize what's got to be done. I've got to adhere to my standards.
He moans and I pull away from his face. His chest rises and falls quickly, I wipe my lips with the back of my hand.
In front of me and beneath me, Anson has halted in surprise. His blue eyes are clouded and I feel bad for letting him become so involved.
"Indie?" He pants for air.
I look out of the window. What do I say? How do I say it?
He grips me tighter and his eyes are questioning. I bite my lip.
"Is something on your mind?" His voice is husky, and he straightens up in his seat.
At the last minute, I am afraid. "I- I was thinking of k..Kyle." I stutter on my lie.
Anson's eyebrows narrow. "Kyle? Why?"
I frown, and his face grows unconvinced.
"I'm not saying that you don't have every right in the world to worry about him, but something tells me you weren't possibly thinking of him just then." Anson fidgets with the hem of my dress, looking at me patiently.
"No." I admit. "Not him."
He nods, and sweeps my hair behind my ear. "What's on your mind? You can tell me."
Can I?
Here goes...
I close my eyes. " I can't do this anymore." I blink at him. My hands start to tremble a little, and I clench them beside of me.
"Can't do what?"
"What ever it is we're doing." I avoid his precious eyes. "Anson, I can't pretend that I only want to be your friend. And you can't either- not after what just happened!"
His eyes are suddenly dark, hooded.
"I'm not pretending anything, and I haven't been since the moment we met." His voice makes a low sound.
"Really?" I sigh. "Cause I've been pretending that I haven't minded standing off to the side letting you kiss me and hold my hand and be close without ever expressing any interest in a relationship."
Anson's eyes are wide.
"But I don't want to do it anymore." I start to pull off of his lap, but his grip tightens on me.
"You've never mentioned wanting a relationship." His voice is deep, almost dangerous.
As he holds me in place, his eyes are almost challenging. I hold his gaze.
"I've never mentioned wanting to take the place of Marissa, but I guess that's just what I've done." My voice breaks.
"Hold on Indie," Anson looks aggravated, "You're not taking the place of Marissa. Maybe consider that I haven't mentioned a relationship because I'm not ready yet."
"Your actions suggest otherwise." I counter.
Anson sighs. "Maybe I think a relationship can't last if it's rushed. I don't want to rush things."
His words sting.
"Or you just don't know if you want me?"
"I don't know if I want to put myself in a position to hurt you."
I look down at his chest, and press against it with my palms. "Too late." I look up at him.
"Indie!" He sighs as I slip into the passenger's side. He looks hot. His hair is ruffled and his lips are rosy.
"I care about you." He says. "Deeply. But please understand why I'm hesitant to jump into something new."
All this time... I waited for a sign. All this time he had no intention of a relationship. He even thought it out and reasoned against it.
Anger begins to bubble in my embarrassed and sad heart. I suck in my cheeks and look out the window.
"Indie please don't be angry at me."
I look at him. "You know, this entire year I've been used and abused by all kinds of jerks. It's good to know that you've been using me too."
"Using you for what?!" Anson begins to raise his voice. "I've done nothing but try to make things perfect for you any time I could."
I look at the time, and realize Anson's mind is no where near being changed.
He's just stalling. He doesn't want to admit that I'm right.
I push on the door handle, and step out of the car.
"What are you doing?" He asks concernedly. I slam the door, ignoring him and running away in my stupid wedges.
Where am I going? Far from Anson's rejection.
Surprise update! Vote and comment if you enjoyed reading! Are you guys mad at me/shocked by what just went down? Hopefully you guys will get over it by Saturday for the weekly update.
Oh btw I felt like that surprise makeout scene was pretty nice or maybe I'm just kidding myself. What did you think?
Alright I'm out. (Until Saturday.)
~ Malibu