Sunshine blinded me, even through close eyelids. Then more warmth spread through me as I realized where I was. I was in the same hotel room as Kellin, and the same bed. The best part of it all was being in his arms. Resting my head deeper into his shirt, I counted each breath. After a while, this got boring, but I wouldn't dare to disturb this moment. Finally, I had my moment with Kellin. A smile found it's way to my lips as many sweet, lovey dovey songs came to mind.
I don't wanna look back, cause I know that we have something the past could never change...
And now I'm stuck in the moment, and my heart is open.
(Lyrics from the song 4 Real by Avril Lavigne )
It was only once the thoughts had entranced me that the snoring came to an end. I froze, hoping I wasn't singing without knowing. I tended to do that, surprisingly.
"Brooke?" The morning voice that I always missed so dearly, was now right behind me. I shifted to face Kellin, and we both looked happier than ever. Even happier than the day we met.
"I'm still here," I teased. In full honesty, this time I never planned on running. Never, no matter what.
"Woah, what a surprise!" Kellin went along. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to manage it a bit.
"I hope it slowly becomes something normal!" I jumped up after saying that, and Kellin followed slowly.
"Energetic, much?" He chuckled. I just nodded my head shortly, and unzipped my bag.
"What are you doing today?" I risked everything. But I needed a restart. I needed Kellin.
"Really, just rehearsing some of our songs for a concert. We still need one other band..." Only one thing came to mind and it was a crazy idea.
"Love Scars?" It came out a question. The way Kellin's eyes widened was hilarious, and cute.
"I mean.....Aren't you busy?" Excitement was obvious. I smiled, shaking my head. He squealed like a school girl and hugged me.
"Thank you!" My only response was laughter. I already began to plan out two songs, then realized I needed to actually know how many songs I needed.
"How many songs do we need to perform?" I asked as I grabbed a cold bottle of water, and leaned against the bathroom counter. Kellin came to my side, silently thinking.
"Well, this is for charity. We are only doing two, so you guys should perform two also!" He seemed happy enough with himself, and I threw away the now empty plastic bottle. I may or may not be a little dehydrated.
"Got any requests?" I finally questioned. Shock settled when Kellin nodded.
"Usually outcasts listen to us and lean to our music when in hard times. I think they need some upbeat songs, and need a new band. And that new band is Love Scars." I was confused. Yeah, I wrote some depressing songs, but which songs could help them that were upbeat?
"So, which songs...?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Advice. And, for the hell of it, Ugly." I just smiled at these fun choices. Advice was a great song to listen to when down.
"So, who else is performing?" By now, I had plopped back down on the bed.
"Blood On The Dance Floor, Black Veil Brides, and possibly, Damaged Rose." Harmony. She might be there?!
"Is this the only one?" I kept my cool. Not to mention, I was doing an excellent job.
"Actually, tomorrow we need unreleased songs or newer versions of our songs. Even covers of someone else's songs. But only one song," He warned.
"Can we perform tomorrow?"
"No! We hate you! Haha, no fucking shit, Brooke," Kellin joked. This was how we were before everything.
"Perfect," My song about Kellin. It would be sung. No doubt, and no complications. At this I took out my phone, and texted the band about this. We had actually been wanting to book a gig.
"What time?" I only needed that information.
"2 o'clock," He replied calmly. 4 hours. I only had four hours?! Hastily, I pressed send, and jumped around. Kellin stood, stunned, as I gathered my stuff.
"What's happening..?" He whispered, wrapping those strong arms around me.
"I only have four hours to prep my band for a concert, smart one," I used my sweet sarcasm. Kellin just nodded and I finally found everything needed.
"We are meeting at my house, wanna come?" I offered. He took up the offer and we both practically ran out to his car.
"I'LL RACE YA!" His loud voice boomed. I just giggled in response and sprinted even faster. In the end, I won.
"I won! I won! I won!" I did a strange victory dance as Kellin pouted playfully.
"Get in the car missy!" Kellin gave up and laughed. I took the passenger seat and he jammed the key into the ignition. We hummed along to obnoxious songs on the radio and tried to occupy ourselves with boring small talk. Finally, I saw my house. I began to jump in my seat. When I was with Kellin, I had no fear. I would be whoever I wanted to be, he excepted me.
"Should I just hang out until we leave? I meet the rest of the guys there," A permanent smile has plastered it's way onto Kellin's adorable face.
"You can hang out, I told them to come within minutes so we could practice and pack up," I shrugged. He just nodded when one of my guitarists, Alec, came up. He has spiky, brown hair that is in somewhat of a quiff. He had light, light, nearly clear, green eyes. His skin was paler than most people, but he still seemed tan. He didn't have huge, noticeable muscles.
"Well, well, well. Look what Item is back!" He might be the most supportive person EVER.
"Hey, Alec," Kellin greeted casually. I, on the other hand, ran to Alec and gave him a huge hug.
"Someone missed me!!" He sang song.
"Damn right," I smirked through my words. Soon enough the rest of the band showed up and we set up, with Kellin leaning against the hood of his car. I began with Ugly. As I sang the lyrics, I pranced around my garage, where we set up. Once we finished, Kellin was shocked. My old styles was much, much different from this. But I always changed, I may not have performed every song I wrote.
"You like it?" Again, Kellin's opinion made the biggest impact. He just nodded, Speechless. I nodded happily, and gestured for us to start Advice.
Don't look down
Cause it's easy
Your falling from force
Just letting it take nature's course
Then picking it up when it's over
Don't be afraid
Cause the chances are there for the take
But treasure the choices you make
And know when you must take it slower
You may think you've had it rough
And try to give it up
But when you think you're stuck
Just go another way
Don't let go of good times
And let the bad ones know you'll feel fine
And wear your heart out on your sleeve
Love is all, love is all you need
Don't be rushed
Cause hurrying causes mistakes
And make sure to give more than take
Cuz sharing your self brings you closer
You may think you've had it rough
And try to give it up
But when you think you're stuck
Just go another way
Don't let go of good times
And let the bad ones know you'll feel fine
And wear your heart out on your sleeve
Love is all you need
Feel with all your senses
Make sure to let down your defenses
There's just one way to make you see
Love is all, love is all you need
Take a chance now cause it's easy
Take a chance now for you and me
Take a chance now you can reach it
Take a chance for me
Don't let go of good times
And let the bad ones know you'll feel fine
And wear your heart out on your sleeve
Love is all, love is all you need
Feel with all your senses
Make sure to let down your defenses
There's just one way to make you see
Love is all, love is all you need
Love is all you need
Love is all
Love is all
Love is all you need
Just seconds after we ended, I began to chug a cold bottle of water.
"I am beyond glad I got you as our last band to play!" I was cheered on by Kellin. The rest of the band high-fived and laughed. At that, I noticed it was time to get ready. I looked at the boys.
"Pack the stuff up in the van, and get the hell ready," I chuckled as us girls, My second guitarist and pianist. Their names (in order of how I told the instruments) were Ember and Gracie. When I got upstairs, I began to do an extremely gentle tease to my hair.
"You barely even tease!" Ember laughed.
"I don't wanna ruin my hair! Anyways, teasing is horrible if you do it wrong. I'd rather be safe and do this.And why did you just notice? It is my style, chick!" I pointed out all the obvious facts. We just laughed and started up again. I applied a simple ring of eyeliner, making it noticeable but barely, and mascara.
"Perfect?" I inquired from the other two. They were already getting dressed.
"Put on some watermelon lipgloss, get on some epic clothes, and hell yeah that is perfect," Gracie directed me. I applied the lipgloss quickly and then rushed to get dressed. I picked out a black tank top, torn, faded jean shorts, and high top converse. My colorful, studded belt hugged my hips as I replaced my earrings.
"Which earrings?" I asked. I already had a black, simple band on my left wrist.
"I like your black mini-hoops, then small diamond studs above those. For your ridges, you bigger studs. Since you only have three!" Gracie was the best at jewelry while Ember was the expert in hair and make up. I was the expert in music, because I never spent much effort for my looks.
"Okay!" I called as I put those many earrings in. My normal diamond stud hung from my belly button And I remembered the stupid, young, reckless, story of getting that piercing...
"Please? I think belly piercings are sexy!" Kellin teased. I blushed and shoved him out of my personal bubbled.
"No! I am too big of a wussy to!" I grumbled angrily, becoming slowly annoyed with his begging of this idiotic dare.
"You can hold my hand through it," He offered. I huffed out and sent a strict glare in Kellin's path.
"No, that is final."
"I will get you to pierce the perfect tummy some time!" He declared in a childish voice.
"Try me, Quinn," I hissed. No matter what, I knew within moments I would be joking with the mad man. I can't stay mad at him, he is the first to except me. Maybe, he will be the last. I tugged at my purple tank top and the small, light, mid waist jacket on it. A grey, plaid, cotton button up shirt covered this magenta tank top. My bracelets hung from my wrists loosely, where they overlapped. My white vans stood out the most, being so clean. I had just got my third ridge piercing on my ears, and had a simple set of white music notes hanging from my ears. Above them, I black spike poked out. All up my ridge had normal diamond studs. I turned to Kellin, wearing a white button up with a black blazer. He had on extremely dark jeans, and his usually shoes. A fedora was placed foolishly on his ruffled, black hair.
"Come on, m'lady. The party awaits!" I giggled and took Kellin's hand that he offered. Our shoes slapped the pavement and I heard music booming in the distance. Soon enough, the huge mansion came into view. I let a few sounds of happiness escape as Kellin and I took turns dragging each other through the front lawn.
"THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED!" Kellin boomed with pride, holding me close. I was in hysterics for no reason, this was how it always was with him. We headed straight to the drinks, and began to take a few shots....
*3 hours later*
I was tipsy. Maybe more. Nothing made sense but I was obnoxious to everything. When Kellin found me, he was a bit more sober.
"Come on, we need to get home Miss Bipolar!" He used my silly nickname and began to tug on my arm.
"WAIT! i am brave!" I blurted out at random. Kellin was confused, but being the smart one he is, figured out what I was saying.
"You're drunk, you will regret it later on. I refuse to let you!" He protested. I began to hiccup and giggle madly and stumbled out the door.
"I DDON'T GIVE A FUCK! I wanna get my tummy pieerrrsssseeeeiiidd!" I said pierced in a such a strange way, people passing by could only imagine what the hell I wanted done to my 'tummy'.
"You will regret it, damn it. But, you're drunk and we talked about this earlier.....So get in the car and we can get your tummy 'piiieerrcceeedd'." He made quotation marks in the air as he stretched the word pierced.
"YYAYYY!" I squealed, hopping into his Range Rover. Finally, Kellin slipped into the driver's seat, starting up the engine, and drove down to the Tattoo and Piercing shop.
"Can we get matching tattoos!?" I gasped. Kellin chuckled.
"No, maybe another time when your choice won't be likely to be Nyan Cat or some deformed Unicorn." We helped me walk through the glass doors, and the guy behind the counter laughed.
"Another drunk one demanding a piercing?" Kellin nodded at the question.
"Eh, she was going to sooner or later. So, can you?"
"You bet ya! I will just tell you what ya need to do," Kellin told him which piercing I wanted, and the older man wobbled to a seat you might see in a dentist office. It took him about five minutes, but he had everything he needed and demanded that I sit and stay still. This is where everything is a bit blurry. I can only remember hearing the faint voice saying "This'll hurt, so be warned!", Kellin's warm, soft hand squeezing mine, and then a burning shot of pain hitting my stomach. I whimpered, coming back to my senses. As Kellin got instructions and paid, I curled into a ball in one of the chairs.
"I'm tireedd," I whined when Kellin walked back over.
"Then let's go home!" He picked me up, and carried me out to the car.
"Thank you..." I mumbled as he place me in my seat. All I remember was lights flashing in front of my heavy eyelids and falling asleep to Kellin sweet humming.
*In the morning*
I was hungover. All because I was stupid enough to drink so much. But I never remembered coming home, or getting in bed. What happened? I went to move and felt a warm body hit my colder one. I gasped out of shock, and found Kellin laying there, shirtless, smirking.
"One, what happened last night? Two, how did I get here?" I interrogated Kellin.
"One, it is a long story. Two, you fell asleep in the car so I carried you up here." Good answer, Quinn. I sighed in consent, then gave Kellin a sweet peck on the lips.
"Now, I want to hear that long story...." I mumbled into his warm, soft chest.
"WellYouKindaGotYourBellyPierced!" He was so rushed with the words, I wanted to believe I did not hear correctly.
"Haha, that's funny! I thought you said I got my belly button pierced!" I laughed, but pain shot from my mid stomach. When my belly button was. I pulled up on my shirt. And screamed.
"YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD KELLIN QUINN!" I shouted, finding a small, silver stud hanging from my stomach.
"Hey, you demanded me to take you. Be thankful I refused the matching tattoo idea!" He stuck up his hands in surrender, but the more I looked at the piercing, I liked it.
"You like it?" I suddenly was intrigued to find out his opinion.
"Love it, dear." He said with a small, nervous smile.
"Then I love it to, and will live with it," I giggled, curling back up beside my 'smart' boyfriend. No matter what we do, I am never mad very long. Which, living the life I had, felt nice for once.
I sighed happily, reliving the memory in less than a minute. I turned on my heel and walked back outside, finding everything ready. Even Kellin was ready, talking to Alec.
"Let's go, people!" I had to drag my two girls, and nearly throw them into the van.
"Okay, I am going to meet them, 1 HOUR!" Kellin informed as he began to drive off to meet his band. We all fit into our white van, and started our drive to where the event was taking place. I guess Kellin told Alec, who was driving, because the boy seemed confident in where he was going. The ride was silent besides the radio and its nonstop music. I was singing along to my two songs as we drove. I ended up tucking my tank top into my sshorts, showing off my belt. The girls ended up having my white combat boots, and I wore those instead of my converse. Soon, when we got there, I was getting nervous.
"Why is it, I get nervous only when Kellin is performing also?" I grumbled under my minty breath.
"Because you luurrvvvv him!" Teased Alec. I just shook my head, and began to help set up the best we could. Until I saw one small, younger girl. She seemed so precious. And only one memory came to mind. It felt like the hospital all over, each memory of life being triggered so easily.....
Her daughter was a true beauty though. She had chocolate brown hair that went down to her mid-back. It had a pure, natural wave. As of right now, the right side of her face was laced with hair as the other side has a tight braid that was pinned back. Her eyes really were a light , brilliant golden shade. She came up to my hip, and I was only 5'5". She had the perfect tan, unlike her mother, who had very light toned skin. Her body was already perfect for her age. She had just enough thickness and thinness in all the right parts. She was adorable. The little girl was wearing a cotton dress that was pink and white plaid. She had a small, short white jacket on, the sleeve barely going over her shoulder. it stopped right under where her breasts would be. She had on simple flat, white shoes. They had a strap across the top of her foot, and small, pink flowers covered that strap. Her gentle face was softened in her sleep.
The image of Katie appeared, and tears were so close. Her precious soul, forever young. My last words to her....My last moment with such a young girl..
"Sing for me, please?" Her voice was in a soft whisper. I remembered singing to my niece. I took in a breath.
"What song?" I answered carefully.
"Something One Direction..." She giggled. I smiled at her innocence.
"What about.....What Makes You Beautiful?" I laughed. I barely knew their music, let alone cared for it. I love Sleeping With Sirens MUCH MORE. But Katy was the kind of girl you couldn't say no to. She nodded and I softly sang the lyrics. All the way through, she had such a big smile. But never fell asleep.
"You have a pretty voice.." She complimented.
"Not as pretty as you!" I gasped. She blushed and hid her face.
"Sing another song" She whispered. I breathed in, remembering an Eminem song.
"Can I choose?" I said, raising my eyebrows.
"Mhm!" She hummed. I laughed a little, getting enough breath as the words flowed out my mouth.
Some days i sit, staring out the window
Watchin' this world pass me by
Sometimes i think theres nothing to live for
I almost break down and cry
I sang along to 'Hailie's Song' by Eminem. Katy recognised the song and smiled.
I began singing again.
Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leaning on me
Cos sometimes it feels like the world's almost over
But then she come back to me
Katie was asleep. I gently kissed her forehead, getting ready to sleep myself. I hummed along to the song ringing through my head. All of a sudden, my voice wasn't the only thing humming. I sat up a bit. My heart stopped. My insecurities could eat me alive. Lights were blinding me. A huge truck was out of control. And it was heading for us. It all makes sense when i look into her eyes. The song didn't stop. I instantly pulled Katie close, just as we were hit. Joe was thrown from his driver's seat. Instant death. The guy Mike was thrown into the back, and wasn't breathing very visibly. Lee flew out of the bus, landing in the wheat. Only one other instant death, Lucas. Metal crushed him. Katie and I, still hugging each other, screaming, also flew out. She landed on me, though. Metal and glass was flying everywhere. But Katy was hit. Glass stabbed her stomach, not going very deep. But still. I instantly froze, and picked her up to run. My bag still at my side. I ran, to Lee. She was gone. Katie started crying, telling her mommy to wake up. I suddenly kneeled beside her, screaming at Lee to wake up, too. Glass stabbed my back, heated metal skimming it and leaving burnt skin. I cradled Katy, as she slowly bled. I layed her down to be comfortable, and ran to grab her bag. I found it surprisingly, along with my guitar. When I came back, I got out my guitar, and started playing. Playing to Moments by One Direction. She realised the song and smiled.
"It's going to be okay..." She gurgled as I sang the lyrics. I trembled and couldn't stand thinking how God could dare try to take Katie's life. I finally finished. I grabbed Katy's hand, and held her close again.
"Stay awake Katie, you can't leave me. Don't.....just...stay. I won't let anyone hurt you.." I managed to choke out before crying again.
"Do you think I'd ever marry Lou?" She said randomly. I grinned.
"Only if you keep fighting. Okay?" I murmured into her hair. Her breathing was rapid, slowing heartbeat.
This time I had to rush and find a bathroom, and became so thankful for waterproof make up. If found the outdoors restroom, and locked it behind me. The stone building would block my sobs from the world around me. I let each tear remind me, this was the first time I cried for Katie. Each shaking breath I forced and tear I attempted to hold back brought more light to each feature of her. I curled up on the ground, hurting for that once precious jewel. She was now one with the angels, but the pain wouldn't rub off to the side. It was, maybe, five minutes later before I gained some more control. The tears weren't flowing as heavy, and my breathing settled down. But my body refused to move. It stayed in the fetal position, on the stone-hard ground. Was I ready to face Harmony? Was I ready to face Andy? Was I ready to face the fans? No. I was never ready. To calm myself, I leaned to the wall for support, remembering what I sang to Katie. If I only knew our fate, I would have sung one song that came to mind. I began to sing gently to the chorus.
"Just close your eyes. The sun is going down You'll be alright, No one can hurt you now. Come morning light, You and I'll be safe and sound," My voice was strained and filled with hurt. For Katie. For me. For us. The rest of the song mesmerized my conscious as I took it all in. My life, the mess it had wound up as. But Music was still there. It always was, and I held that close. Music saved me every second of my life. I stood up finally, and prepared to fx my make up in the shadowed mirror. But I didn't have my make up.
"Perfect..." I sighed, not wanting to show my face anymore. I did my best to disguise the evidence of any tears tracing my soft cheeks. Sighing, I gave in and realised this was the best that would come without make up. Even if it wasn't terribly messed up, touching up the make up would make it so easy to believe I had a long night, no tears or breakdowns. My body gulped on instinct when I opened the door. I bit my lip, this was a familiar scene. One that made me feel so powerful. I walked with pride, but of course, that was cut short when I caught Harmony and Andy walking to get on stage. No Kellin to save me, only music. I scrolled through my mental playlist and decided to focus on the songs being played now. I strode over with less confidence, I was nervous. It was so strange seeing her again. I only had a visit with her for a few minutes, and then I was weak and pathetic. Now I was strong and invincible.....................When Kellin was at my side. I internally growled when they turned on Hailie's Song by Eminem. The song I sang to Katie. Harmony began to leave for stage. I ran. The song echoed as each painful, mentally strained memory hit me like a ton. Then I caught her, I just grabbed her shoulder weakly, with fear. She turned around slowly, taking in it was me. Then Andy looked. He was shocked.
"Brooke, you shouldn't be here!" Harmony snapped. Andy shot her a glare, and walked to me to give me a big hug.
"Hey, sweetie," He always called me Sweetie. It was my nick name for him.
"Hey, and I am. Kellin wanted me and the band here, I wasn't turning down a gig." I argued. I would win this, I belonged here. I sighed when another song by Eminem came on. A song for Katie again. When I'm Gone. I closed my eyes, only Andy saw something was wrong.
"Can I talk to you when you two are done?" He offered. I nodded, then turned to my best friend.
"You and Kellin...?" She whispered. It was haunting.
"I need him, Harmony. He is my armor...." He was. Kellin held me strong.
"What happens when the heartbreak repeats?" She sighed, sitting down nearby. I followed her steps. Making sure each word was heard, I began.
"I let him go. Because it won't be me this time. It's him calling the shots now.. He has the ability to completely and utterly destroy me. I can only trust that he won't. I love him." The Internet quote rang through my head. I wasn't just saying I loved Kellin for the hell of it, or let it become an automatic response. It was true, completely and senselessly true.
"I guess I will always be there for you. We both make stupid choices, and you never judged me. I am just.........no words describe the joy I feel knowing you fought. You made it." She laughed. I nodded and after a few more moments of talking, she had to prep for stage. I went out to find Ember and Gracie again. They were pissed that I ran off, but realized I had been crying.
"What happened?" Ember demanded. I shrugged, not needing to let anyone know why the crash was so tragic.
"Just fix my make up, woman!" I joked. She did as asked, then I realized we had to go on. My stomach was tied in knots, and my head in a whirl. But as they announced us as Love Scars, I forced myself to walk onto that stage. And I was no longer afraid. If I haven't proved it before, then I did as I performed. I made the crowd go wild, they attempted to sing along after a while. I proved that Music had saved me once more.
Holy shnap. This is LOOONNG :o YOU LOVE ME?! Yep, you have too <3 I am glad I finally updated, though I hate this chapter. It feels like some filler, but take in each chapter. It leads to the big picture C; Now, ENJOYYYY!!!!!! No, I aint got no song today. But the songs she sang are being listed and put on the side. I needed to add a photo and thought the quote worked, so yeah >:O WUBBERS YOU SNOWFLAKE CUPCAKEYSS XX ;3
PLAYLIST:
Ugly - Christina Grimmie (External Links)
Advice - Christina Grimmie (Side Bar)