Luke's POV
Six Months Later
"Luke could you stop working on that song for like two seconds and pretend like you actually care." Calum whined from my closet and I sat my pen down against the open notebook lying on the bed in front of me.
"What Cal?" I groaned, giving him my full attention.
"You are the only one that owns nice dress shirts so help me pick one out." He grumbled holding up two different colors of shirts, one blue and one maroon.
"The maroon one. I don't know why you are freaking out so bad Cal, it's just Michael." I said and let my eyes skim the words I had written down.
"But it's our first official date and he said he was dragging me to some fancy restaurant." Calum said, buttoning the shirt up. Once it was on he moved to stand in front of me stretching his arms out, waiting for my approval. Calum looked good in that shirt and with the smile on his face, he looked so happy.
"You look good Cal." I smiled and Calum sat down next to me on my bed. I watched as his eyes looked over the words on my page. He knew I had been working so hard on this song so we would have something new to post to YouTube for our small accumulation of fans.
"Wherever You Are? It's about Ashton I'm assuming." He smiled but I didn't let myself do the same. After all this time it still felt a little painful to hear Ashton's name now that we don't talk as much as we used to.
"It's always about him." I sighed.
"You should call him Lukey." Calum pinched my cheek and I leaned away from him with a small chuckle.
"I will later." I said which I meant because Ashton would be in between classes and able to talk longer.
"You should go out or something. Call that lad from chemistry that keeps hitting on you." Calum suggested. I felt my heart tense at the mention of moving on and I wondered if Ashton has moved on already.
"Ben's coming home tonight so I'll just hang with him." I shrugged as Calum climbed from my bed.
"Well you enjoy that." Calum said pulling on his jacket and heading for the door.
"And you enjoy dinner with your boyfriend." I smirked, getting flipped off by Calum before he disappeared.
I fell back against my pillows with a heavy sigh and let my eyes close momentarily. I really missed Ashton today for some reason. For a couple weeks now our calls have been less and less with mostly just a text message to say good morning or good night. I feel us becoming more and more distant but I don't know what to do about it. Everything is changing for both of us but I'm trying hard not to let it get to me.
"Every night I almost call you just to say it will always be you." I said aloud and screwed my eyes shut, pained by my own words. Time escaped me as I laid there in deafening silence.
Just as I almost let myself fall asleep, I heard the garage door open beneath me signaling that my mother was home. With a tired sigh I pulled myself off my bed, tossing my notebook on my desk to head downstairs. My legs felt heavy as they moved down the stairs and carried me into the kitchen where my mom was putting away groceries. She smiled at me hopping up onto the counter before turning to the fridge.
"What are you up to today? It's Saturday shouldn't you be hanging out with the boys?" She asked with a smile.
"They are on a date." I pouted and my mom patted my leg softly.
"They are so cute. Well Ben should be home soon." My mom said happily and I nodded. I hopped from the counter and hugged my mom quickly before turning to leave the kitchen.
"I'm going for a walk." I said.
"It's snowing outside please wear a jacket." My mom scolded as I left the room. I grabbed my heavy coat, zipping it up and throwing my hood on my head over my ears.
Frost and fresh snow crunched beneath my feet as I walked on through the cold January air. My breath was visible as the cold air entered my lungs and I shoved my hands deep into my pocket. The sun was escaping the sky quickly but I kept walking along. I really had no destination I just wanted to take a walk to clear my frazzled mind. Snowflakes were descending from the sky all around me and I attempted to catch a few with my tongue. One landed on my nose and I shivered at the cold contact from the frozen water.
I smiled to myself as I hurried across the road to pass under the medal gateway. The dirt and stones were covered in a blanket of white but I still knew exactly where I was going. Once I made it there I knelt down with my knees landing on the freezing wet ground but I didn't mind. I tugged my sleeve over my hand and wiped it across the name on the stone until it was visible again.
"Hey dad, I'm sorry it's been so long. I've just been, moping around I guess. Ashton left six months ago and I just never thought losing him would put such a pain on my heart." I said aloud and the snow began to fall harder.
"I guess I'm just scared he's moved on. That'll kill me." I said and wiped a snowflake from my face.
"Losing you didn't mean I stopped loving you though. It isn't the same isn't it?" I asked the sky and watched as a dusting of white fell around me
"I miss you dad." I said finally and kissed my fingers to place them to the ice cold stone. Once it fell dark I decided to make my way back home. A final glance at my fathers grave and I set off back home. At the crossroads between downtown and my home, I paused. Maybe a little longer outside of the house would help me out so I let myself go towards town. Lights were illuminating the streets and I stopped when I saw the record store that Ashton used to work at.
I couldn't help but smile. I mean something so familiar, so incredibly Ashton that reminds me of the times when he was around. With the snow beginning to speed up, I gripped onto my hood and burst through the door into the small store. It was mostly empty except two teenage girls practically drooling over some bands new album, making me chuckle slightly. I moved slowly around the room just taking in the memories when my eyes caught a familiar face.
Jackson, from chemistry. He hits on me at least once a week and won't leave me alone at school so I wasn't too excited to see him here. Once he noticed me there was no escaping so I just grabbed up a cd and scanned the cover to avoid eye contact but he walked up to me.
"Well Luke, fancy meeting you here." He smirked and I shrugged.
"Just looking for a new cd." I lied and let my fingers skim over the various cases before picking one up.
"Well we close in fifteen minutes, do you want to go grab some coffee?" Jackson asked and I mentally rolled my eyes to refrain from doing it for real.
"I can't, my brothers coming home for the weekend." I said and turned to head towards the exit.
"Why do you alway shoot me down?" He asked sounding frustrated and I paused myself before I spun around to face him.
"I have a boyfriend." I snapped a little too harshly.
"But isn't he in Australia or something?" Jackson asked and I tensed up.
"Yes." I said crossing my arms across my chest, a habit I picked up from Calum.
"So why can't you have coffee with me?" Jackson smirked but I was irritated now.
"Because he's still my boyfriend asshole." I bit and pushed my way through the door and back out into the cold. Ashton and I were still dating despite the distance so to go out with someone else is cheating and I refuse to do that to him. My feet crunched along in the snow as my anger carried me home faster than normal.
I burst through the door to slam it, not even bothering to take off my coat or shoes. I just wanted away from everything but when I walked around the corner I was met by Ben. He was texting or something on his phone but looked up when he saw me enter the room. He flashed a smile but I rolled my eyes in response instantly regretting that my brother was taking the heat of my shitty mood.
"Take your coat off and I'll make you some cocoa." He said but it was more like an order. With an annoyed sigh I did what I was told and walked back into the living room to flop down against the couch. Ben came in the room not long after and handed me a steaming mug of hot chocolate and I let my eyes focus on the drink instead of my concerned brother.
"Rough day?" He asked leaning back in the chair he was sitting in.
"Yeah." I admitted and took a sip of the hot liquid.
"What exactly is bothering you?" Ben asked and instead of answering right away I thought about what I should say. I mean, what is bothering me the most? The time difference, the distance, the fact I haven't seen my boyfriend in six months, what was it.
"Ashton." I mumbled and Ben nodded, looking away from me. I watched a marshmallow swirl around in my hot chocolate just to avoid Ben's gaze.
"What about him?" Ben asked and I glared at him. Wasn't it fucking obvious?
"He's been gone for six months and I can feel us drifting apart." I admitted, annoyed.
"Why do you say that?" Ben pressed and I was getting angry now. I placed my cup on the table in front of me and stood up from the couch with Ben following suit.
"I've barely talked to him lately and I just think he's moving on okay? And I mean why wouldn't he? He's got every opportunity to meet someone better and stay in Australia so he doesn't ever have to come back here." I shouted and took off up the stairs ignoring all of Ben's pleas for me to stop. I wanted to be alone like I've wanted to be since six months ago.
Just as I slammed my door shut my phone vibrated in my pocket. With trembling hands I pulled out my phone to see a text from Ashton. I bit my lip nervously as I opened the message to read it.
Ash <3:
Sorry I can't talk... But I just wanted to tell you goodnight and I love you
My chest began rising and falling faster with every word I read and without a reply I shoved my phone back into my pocket. I fisted my hands through my hair frustrated that Ashton was unavailable. This is where it begins I believe, the beginning of the end. We are drifting apart day by day and this proves I can't stop it.
I turned to kick my dresser, knocking off a few things including the picture of me and Ashton. It fell to the floor with a loud crash, shattering the glass. With a sigh I knelt down to pick up the now broken picture but a shard of glass cut the palm of my hand. I sucked in a sharp breath and tugged my injured hand up to my chest. It was already bleeding like crazy but I used my other hand to scoop up the picture frame and stare at the broken picture. This was just irony I suppose.
A ridiculous connection from the now broken picture of me and Ashton to our breaking relationship. I did my best to set the frame back upright on my dresser and go to clean up my hand. Ben opened my bedroom door and I spun around to face him, still clutching my bleeding hand to my chest.
"Are you okay? I heard a crash." Ben asked looking around the room then back to me.
"Yeah I'm fine I just cut my hand on a piece of glass." I shrugged but Ben didn't take that lightly. He tugged me into the bathroom to clean it up and decided it wasn't bad enough for stitches before he wrapped it in a bandage.
"You've got to stop worrying Luke, everything is gonna work out." Ben tried to assure me but I just rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, sure." I mocked and turn to leave the bathroom. Ben let me go again without trying to argue with me any further.
I fell onto my bed and closed my eyes to see an image of Ashton. I smiled at the thought of him and let myself be taken away. I wondered if he was moving on or if we were just in a tough spot right now. More importantly I wondered what he was doing now.
Ashton's POV
What in the hell was I thinking? I shouldn't have let my sister and Mindy drag me out to this bar tonight. I'm having a miserable time feeling guilty over not making more effort to talk to Luke. I've just been really busy with everything even though I know that's no excuse, it shouldn't be an excuse. If you love someone enough even being busy shouldn't give you an out not to try. I'm being a shitty boyfriend.
I've been sitting here on a bar stool trying to drown my guilt in alcohol but it's no use. The moment the drink slides down my throat a new wave of pain washes over my body. I need to get out of here. As I turn my body to get off the stool, I'm stopped by a girls hand on my thigh. I'm frozen as this busty blonde stranger lets her hand wonder up my leg until she's hovering over my crotch.
"Get away from me." I yelled at her over the music and removed her hand from my body. She looks hurt by my actions but judging by how drunk she is, she'll get over it. She tried again to touch me but this time I gave her a gentle shove only to be confronted by a douche bag guy.
"You touching my girl?" He barked at me with a slur and I turn myself to walk away. I really shouldn't have come here. Rather than subjecting myself to a fight, I just turned around to walk away. Before I could get away completely the dumbass guy grabbed me by the shirt yanking me back towards me.
When I spun back around to face him I wasted no time connecting my fist to his face. A loud crunch sounded from the contact and blood was immediately running down the guys face. My chest was rising and falling quickly as I tried to control my breathing but I was beyond angry right now.
It seemed like all eyes were on me as everyone rushed to check on the other guy. I backed away slowly until I turned to run away and out of the bar. My sister called out to me but I didn't care one bit I just kept running. My converse slammed against the concrete as I carried myself further and further away. If I could've ran back to Luke I would've. This isn't fair, I should be trying harder or I never should've left in the first place. He probably hates me by now and is moving on with his life.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, rain started to pour down. I didn't know if my face was wet from my tears or the rain but I just kept moving. Running away from everything like I always fucking did, god I'm such a coward. Thanks to the alcohol I had consumed I stumbled over my feet and felt hard against the concrete, hurting my already throbbing hand. I pulled myself up from the wet sidewalk and continued to run. I ran on through the soaking rain until I reached a familiar house.
I knocked on the door with a shaking hand and waited patiently for an answer if there were to be one. Finally my Grammy opened the door and took in the image in front of her with a frown. I was shaking from frustration and nerves, my hand was a bloody mess and I'm sure I had tears streaming down my cheeks still.
"Ashton baby what's wrong?" She asked softly and I choked out a sob.
"I think I made a huge mistake." I sobbed and my grandmother pulled me into her house shutting the door behind me.
"What are you talking about?" She asked concerned and I just shook my head trying to gather myself.
"I shouldn't have left." I said weakly and my Grammy sucked in a breath.
"Well I'd say it's a little late for that now my dear, let's get you warmed up then we will talk okay?" She asked and I nodded slowly.
I walked down the hallway to the bathroom but paused in the hallway to look at all the pictures on the wall. There were baby pictures of my mother, me and Jade along with old family photos. I smiled at all the memories before everything went wrong when my parents got a divorce. I continued to walk on but stopped when I saw a picture that nearly broke my heart in two.
It was me and my dad. I was really young and we were both smiling like it was the best day of our lives. I remember that day. We went to the theme park downtown while my mum and Jade were off at a baby shower. I don't know how I remember it but I do. My dad let me ride the huge roller coaster over and over until I threw up all the cotton candy he'd bought me. My heart sped up at the picture and I reached out to touch the glass like I could actually feel the memory trapped in the picture hanging on the wall.
"He loved you Ashton even though you are angry with him." My Grammy's voice sounded from behind me making me jump slightly.
"I'm not angry with him anymore." I shook my head and left my Grammy behind to go take a shower. She didn't have any extra clothes for me but she dried mine while I was in the shower so I could put them back on. Once I was showered and dressed I met her in the kitchen where she sat a steaming mug of tea in front of me.
"So you think you made a mistake my love?" She asked and I let my hands wrap around the mug but winced at the pain in my knuckles.
"I don't know did I, Grammy?" I questioned looking into my grandmothers concerned eyes.
"I don't know baby, there's no changing it now. You know in your heart that Luke loves you and I think that should be enough." She said and it made sense to me.
Even though Luke could move on, he could find someone else, I loved him and his love was enough to keep me going. It isn't seen or given to us in physical form, love is felt through the hearts of those we find when we need love the most. If this was the wrong decision there is nothing I could do but prove that love alone was enough. I smiled at how much I admired Luke and sipped my tea to keep myself under control.
"Thanks Grammy." I sighed and she nodded, standing from her chair.
"Now let me find something to clean up those knuckles." She placed a kiss to my forehead and I giggled.
I just wonder if Luke was moving on or it was just my lovesick heart playing tricks on me. It didn't matter because tomorrow I was going to call my boyfriend and I'll be going back to him really soon.
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Wow this is awful. I hope at least one of you likes it.
One. More. Chapter. Wow.
Thank you so much for all the support and 16K reads. Ily all
Until I update again :)