Months later, my birthday came. Like all my other birthdays, I was practically alone. Ka Kobun took me into Rakushou's merchant district to look for a gift, but my heart wasn't in it. He exhibited luxurious dresses, finely made dolls, sparkling jewelry, and fragrant perfumes. None of it slaked my longing. All I truly wanted was to see my friend.
When he'd nearly given up and was about to take me home, I finally spoke up.
"I want peaches."
"Peaches? Why on earth would you want something as plain as that?"
"Because...Judar-nii likes them."
"Ah, I see. I think I know just the thing."
He brought me to a fancy restaurant, where the air was filled with delectable, sweet scents. He told me it was a fine dining establishment that specialized in baked goods and desserts. He ordered for me, and then a short while later I was presented with a cast iron skillet full of something cake-like. Amidst the rich scent of buttery caramel, cinnamon, and nutmeg, I detected the unmistakable smell of that luscious yellow fruit.
"This is a peach cobbler, your highness. I hope it's to your liking. Go ahead, dig in."
I tasted the warm dessert, and it was better than any birthday cake I'd ever had. The familiar flavor of the yellow fruit brought those few cherished times I had spent with my friend flooding back to me. I made a silent vow to enjoy peach cobbler with him when he returned.
Before I knew it, I was welling up again. I rubbed my eyes.
"Thank you, Ka Kobun. Thank you so much. This is perfect."
"Of course your highness. Anything at all for your happiness. I want you to know that I understand what it's like to be lonely and miss your friend. I had to leave behind many of my friends to come and work in the palace with you, after all. I love my job, but sometimes I miss the people I had been close with growing up."
One of the vassals accompanying us jeered him. "Friends? You, Ka Kobun? The only people you've ever been close to are the ones you stabbed in the back or sucked up to!"
"Shut up, you!"
I laughed for the first time in a while. Even though it was at his expense, Ka Kobun seemed content that I had finally cheered up.
Once I had finished my peach cobbler and it was cleared away, Kobun placed a small box tied with a pretty red cord in front of me.
"I actually took the liberty of choosing a gift for you, princess. You're old enough now to begin your tutelage. I wanted to commemorate the occasion, and pledge to you that I shall do my best to give you the finest education possible, befitting a member of the Ren royal family."
I was taken aback. It was the first time I had really been presented with an actual birthday gift. I'd had plenty of birthdays where things were bought for me, but never had someone decide on their own to give me a gift. The only thing that had come close was when Judar brought me a peach.
"Well? Go on, open it."
I delicately untied the cord around the decorative wooden box. He'd had my name and a motif of flowers and butterflies etched into the wood by a skilled artisan. I opened the lid on its hinges, and there inside the box nestled in a velvety cushion was an elegant gold hair pin. Cresting the pin was a large, glimmering ruby set in a delicately fashioned gold flower and butterfly wing.
"It's...so beautiful!"
"It reminded me of you, because in our language your name means red jewel. I wish for you to consider this a token of our everlasting friendship."
I got up and threw my arms around him. "This is the best birthday I've ever had! Thank you so much, Ka Kobun!"
"Happy Birthday, Princess Kougyoku"
I haven't gone a day without wearing that hair pin since.
•••
The following week is when my tutelage began. I didn't have anything else preoccupying me, so I threw myself into my studies. The first thing I learned was reading and writing, and I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. Once I had progressed to an intermediate level, I began reading books on my own for fun. I discovered the palace's massive library and spent the majority of my time there. I'd even encounter my older brothers every once in awhile, though they would often be too busy to spend any meaningful time with me.
My favorite things to read were tales of bravery and adventure. I particularly enjoyed The Adventures of Sinbad. For the longest time, I'd never known or imagined anything beyond Rakushou. I knew of the seas, but never wondered what was beyond them. Reading opened up the whole world for me, and suddenly I dreamed of riding horses out into the open country with my brothers, or sailing beyond the ocean horizon on our fleet of Junk ships.
My favorite novel also taught me about the metal vessels and their power of kings. I'd caught bits and pieces of information about them from my brothers' conversations amongst themselves. In fact, Kouen had already acquired two metal vessels by the age of 16, and Koumei had just recently gotten one for himself. I asked Kouen about them one day. He told me "perhaps, one day you shall know, but now you need not concern yourself." By reading about Sinbad's conquests, I finally understood what my elder siblings were seeking out, and what Judar's purpose was.
"I wonder how I'm supposed to choose a king."
From then on, it was like a bright flame had been stoked within me. I wanted to obtain the power of the kings just as my older brothers had. I wanted to do it so that I could help him. I wanted to do it so that he didn't have to be alone. I wanted to do it so that those people he was so afraid of couldn't hurt him anymore, and I knew they'd hurt him somehow.
Day after day, I worked even harder and pushed my limits. Ka Kobun was astounded at how determined of a student I was. It was a complete transformation from that helpless little girl I was when he found me. I pored through all my books and buckled down through my etiquette lessons. I demanded that Ka Kobun teach me every subject at his disposal, even ones that weren't normally reserved for women. He was a bit hesitant, saying he could be risking his job by teaching me such things. I told him that if he didn't, he wouldn't have to worry about it because I'd be replacing him. I was starting to discover that infamous streak of Ren family intimidation within myself.
Soon I had mastered advanced calligraphy, history, mathematics, world geography, and some fundamentals of Kou's civics and economics. I suspected that Ka Kobun didn't delve too far into my political studies because he didn't want to stick his neck out much further than he already had. The clandestine designs of those people in the veils that Judar had warned me about...it wasn't hard for me to draw the conclusion that they affected Ka Kobun as well. If I learned more than they deemed necessary, I would be too difficult to manipulate. Perhaps they would decide to spirit away my faithful attendant as well...just as they did with my only friend.
I played a gambit of my own against them. I continued my studies, but I did so without the guidance of Ka Kobun. Instead, I told him I wasn't interested in all those difficult subjects anymore, and elected for studies in wistful, feminine things like poetry and philosophy. And when his lessons were over, I'd make more trips to the library under the guise of acquiring literary materials, hiding scrolls of Kou's political and military records amongst armfuls of classical literature. I'd pretend to act out theatre by myself in the gardens while I eavesdropped on tea parties amongst the nobles as they gossiped about the country's political affairs. No one suspected a thing from a silly young girl with her head in the clouds, after all.
As time went on, I grew increasingly restless. I wasn't satisfied with just my academic prowess anymore. While I prided myself with the knowledge I had worked so hard to obtain, there was something else that the elders of the Ren family possessed that had been kept out of my reach.
The art of warfare. The skills of weaponry. I knew my country was deeply embroiled in war, and while I was apprehensive about this knowledge, I came to the belief that it was my duty as a member of the Ren royal family to fight for my country, strengthening and protecting it with my own might.
I was well aware of the burden my elder brothers shouldered to protect us younger siblings. I saw it in Kouen's stony demeanor; he wanted to ensure no one doubted his strength so that he could instill the same strength in everyone else. I saw it in the dark circles plaguing Koumei's eyes as he brooded over his battle plans night after night. The two of them suffered in silence so that the rest of us could lead comfortable, care-free lives.
It was not desired for the women of the royal family to become involved with the military, but I knew for certain that I wasn't the only female who harbored this motivation. Many times I had already seen my cousin, the first princess Hakuei, practicing in the training yards with the soldiers. She had become very skilled with horseback riding, archery, and swordplay. She would spar with her attendant, Ri Seishun. Now that prince Hakuryuu had recovered from his grievous injuries, I'd sometimes see him practicing with his sister as well. The two of them seemed determined to improve their combat skills, and it wasn't a stretch of the imagination for me to assume it had something to do with the death of the first emperor and his eldest sons.
So then one day, once I considered myself grown enough to handle it, I broached the subject over afternoon tea.
"Ka Kobun, are you learned in swordplay?"
"Of course, your highness. One of my sworn duties is to protect you at all costs. Luckily, the need has never arisen, and I hope for both our sakes that it never will. Why do you ask?"
"Because I want you to instruct me."
He did a spit-take.
"Compose yourself, Ka Kobun. You nearly spit tea all over my silks."
"Forgive me your highness," he fussily dabbed up the mess with a napkin, "but my ears must be failing me. I thought I heard you say that you want to be instructed in swordplay."
"You heard correctly. Starting tomorrow, I want you to accompany me to the training yard and teach me how to wield a sword."
"That's preposterous. I'll do no such thing."
"You aren't allowed to disobey me. Need I remind you that I can still easily find a replacement for you?"
"I will disobey when it concerns your personal safety and well-being, princess. I can't allow you to play around with swords, they're incredibly dangerous."
I slammed my hands on the table. He flinched.
"You think this is just for my own amusement? I'm not asking to do this out of some misguided desire to alleviate boredom, Ka Kobun. I'm fully aware that there is danger involved. I take this very seriously, and I intend to do it even if you choose not to help me. I can always go to the training yards and learn by watching the soldiers and practicing on my own. I'm allowed to do as I please."
Kobun's face blanched until he was nearly the same color as the porcelain tea set.
"P-princess...please, I urge you to reconsider! Have you even taken the time to think about what it is you are saying?"
"Of course I have. I didn't wake up this morning and make this decision on a whim. I've already put a monumental amount of thought into this. My country needs the steadfast support of its leadership, and I refuse to take on a passive role the way all my other sisters have. Several of them are already engaged to marry the monarchs of the foreign nations we've expanded our influence to, and they're barely even old enough to be considered adults. I've decided that I would rather serve alongside my brothers with a sword in my hand, the same way Hakuei has already dedicated herself to. Otherwise, what's the point of all this effort I've put in to be knowledgeable, if I'm just going to end up as the arm ornament of some strange man in a far-off place?"
Mortified, Kobun threw himself onto his knees and scrambled over to me, clasping my hands tightly.
"Princess Kougyoku...I so greatly admire your noble sentiment, but please, there's no need for you to blister your hands with the weight of steel and dirty them with blood! Not when I would do so at your beck and call like the low-born dog that I am!"
"You mustn't speak of yourself in such a manner, Kobun. You are not a dog, and your birthright means nothing to me. I too am low-born, and it was your words that once inspired me to make something greater of myself. If not for you, I'd still just be the second Emperor's worthless illegitimate child. I can't even imagine what would have become of me now if you hadn't become my vassal."
I got to my feet and held my hand out to him.
"So then, will you continue to work hard and help me become the best that I can be? Can I continue to rely on your unwavering support, so that I may realize my dream of joining my siblings and strengthening our country?"
Kobun grumbled, but he took my hand.
"Under one condition," he said as he got back to his feet, "you must obtain permission from your eldest brother, his highness Prince Kouen."
When I asked Kouen, he laughed. At first, it didn't seem like he took me seriously.
"You're sure this is what you want? You would give up the sanctity of life in the capital for the grueling path of a warrior?"
Wholeheartedly, I answered in the affirmative.
"Very well then. Why don't you train with your brother Kouha? I'm sure he could use the outlet for his aggression."
The first time I met Kouha was in the training yards. Like me, he had been hidden away as a disgrace until recently. He was so full of rage and violence. When we practiced on the straw dummies, he'd disregard the techniques being taught and slash wildly, reducing the straw to a pile of dust. He'd always want to use a sword that was too big for him. He even injured our Sifu on a few occasions. It was best just to placate him and let him do things the way he saw fit. Slowly, he managed to calm down, and we were able to spar. He'd almost always win, just because I was still terrified of him. He became quite skilled with those large swords and he even seemed to develop his own techniques. Almost like he was a prodigy. I was a bit envious.
Kouha explained to me that he wanted to become the best with swordsmanship because of what Kouen told him. He could become a valuable asset to the Emperor on the battlefield, thus proving his worth and allowing him and his mother to be freed from the solitude and ridicule. Our goals weren't so different, so every day when we practiced together, we became a little closer. It was nice to finally have a real sibling relationship.
The best days were when Kobun would train me one on one. Our military's swordsmanship trainer had taught me well, but he seemed disgruntled with having to take on a young girl as a student. Once I'd gotten past the basics, Kobun was in charge of teaching me advanced techniques and daily sparring. As always, he was patient and considerate, and he allowed me to learn at a pace I was comfortable with. Though sometimes, it felt like he babied me a little too much.
Just as Kobun warned me, I'd train so hard that my hands would blister and bleed. There were days when my hands were so cramped and bloodied, that I couldn't do anything with them. Kobun would always fuss over me and lecture me about pushing myself too hard while he bandaged my battered hands. I always told him that this very temporary pain was nothing compared to the crushing loneliness I lived through as a small child.
I got stronger and stronger every day. Soon I was dueling the trainee soldiers in tournaments, and winning. My brothers would sometimes attend to see how I was doing. I swelled with pride whenever Kouen would watch me, the corners of his mouth upturned ever so slightly. Kouha began to get frustrated during our matches, telling me not to get any better because it'd be embarrassing to lose to his little sister. I placated him, but only a little, making sure to keep him on his toes whenever we sparred.
About a year later, Kouha and I were given honors and awards for all our efforts, and the Emperor and military leaders held a graduation ceremony for us, where we got to be recognized for our skills alongside the newest regiment of soldiers. We were each presented with our own custom made weapon. Kouha received his huge Niyou Rentou sword that was practically as tall and heavy as him. I was given an ornately decorated Jian, with a ruby encrusted pommel and a gold butterfly motif in the cross-guard that matched my hairpin. I had a hunch that Ka Kobun helped the blacksmith with the design.
Being formally commended for my efforts didn't slow me down. I continued to hone my skills as much as I could. Kobun said I had reached a level of skill where he no longer had anything to teach me, and I should start looking to learn from my more experienced siblings when I had the chance. I was hoping to be able to practice with Kouen, but of course he was hardly ever available.
Early one morning, I came out to the training yard to practice on my own. I drilled a new set of sword forms that I found in a Tai Chi scroll, rehearsing the names of the stances like I would the lines in a play.
"Crane spreads its wings...blue dragon raises its head...swallow skims the water...flying star chases the moon…"
I heard someone clapping. I froze.
"You're so elegant, miss Kougyoku!" A sweet lady's voice spoke from behind me.
I flushed deep red, whirling around and bowing low, my sword tucked under my arm.
"G-good morning, miss Hakuei! Er-I mean- princess!"
She chuckled. "You can just call me Hakuei. I'm sorry I startled you. I came to practice too, but I couldn't help watching you. I'm so impressed, it's like you're telling a story."
"Uh...th-thank you. I'm sure I'm ages away from being as good as you, though. I like to watch you train too. Actually, it was because I saw you training first that I wanted to start learning."
Hakuei smiled. "You honor me. It's great to have inspired another woman of the Ren family to accept the path of the warrior. Let's both continue to do our best."
Just then, Hakuryuu came marching up the steps to the arena, his guan dao resting against his shoulder.
"Good morning, Hakuryuu." His sister greeted him.
I followed suit with a bow and the Kou salute. "Good morning, Prince Hakuryuu."
He didn't speak, but he returned our courtesy with a bow and a salute. His eyes remained fixed to the ground, harboring a deep mixture of sorrow and anger behind a mask of detachment. It reminded me a lot of the way Judar looked the day he left.
He trudged past us and went to go practice on a dummy.
"Hakuei...when your brothers died and Hakuryuu got hurt so badly, it made him really sad, didn't it?"
"...Yes. I want so much for him to have a new life with a fresh start. But I know all that pain will probably never go away for him.
"Do you think it would help if I could be his friend? I mean, we're still family after all, right?"
Hakuei's expression flashed with a glimmer of hope, but it quickly faded to dejection.
"I suppose it's worth a try, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. He only ever seems to want to talk to me. Most of the time he just wants to be left alone."
I had a feeling that if I could get someone as violent and angry as Kouha to calm down a little, then I could get someone as grief stricken and lonely as Hakuryuu to cheer up a bit. I wasted no time with my approach.
"Hey, Hakuryuu let's train together! I've never sparred with anyone who uses a guan dao before, can you show me some moves?"
He was stunned. Frozen like an anxious little fawn. I'd seen that look before too. I knew exactly what he needed.
I took his hand.
"It's okay. I haven't been training as long as you have, so you'll probably beat me at sparring all the time. But my vassal doesn't have anything else to teach me, and I need a new training partner. What do you say?"
He glowered, pulling back his hand. He doubted my intentions. I remembered the way Judar spoke of his mother, and I couldn't fault him for it. I only continued to smile warmly in response.
"You can say no. I understand if you just want to be alone. But I'll still be here almost every day if you change your mind. I can practice with Hakuei and Seishun instead. How about I give you some time to think about it?"
I made to leave.
"W-wait!"
I turned to see him flushed and his lip quivering.
"Er...I-I would like it if we practiced together." He stammered.
"Really? You mean it?"
He squinted and nodded fervently.
I scampered back over to him and leaned in close so he'd look up at me.
"Come on then, chin up! Let's see what you can do. I might be a little wet behind the ears still, but I won't go easy on you."
He went from being flustered to looking pumped up. "Is that so? I'll accept your challenge."
Hakuei sniffled, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Hey, Hakuei you should practice with us too!" I said.
"Oh, don't mind me. I'll just supervise. You two have fun."
Going forward, I trained with Hakuryuu and Hakuei as often as I could. I tried to focus on helping them create pleasant new memories while continuing to bolster my skills. Hakuryuu was indeed very adept and a difficult opponent, but once he came out of his shell little by little, I found him to be just as patient and encouraging as Ka Kobun. And of course Hakuei was almost always there to nurture the both of us.
When the cold crept back in and the days became darker, I gave myself some repose from training. And then one quiet winter day, Ka Kobun brought me a letter. When I saw who it was from, I bundled up and rushed outside to my favorite spot in the garden to read it.