"I don't think you've ever driven us anywhere. It's kind of weird." Calum says from the passenger seat. His hand rests on my thigh as I drive. I'm still in my party dress, and they're still in their party clothes too. It wouldn't feel spontaneous if we changed.
"I'm a fantastic driver, Calum." I roll my eyes.
"I think the last time we were all together in a car this small was when Teagan sliced her foot open. Calum puked his guts out." Michael laughs a little evilly, and I shake my head.
"Quit hating on my small car. I'm not a mother; there is no reason for me to have a big SUV."
"Except for when you're transporting four men roughly six feet or taller, that's a reason to have an SUV." Luke somehow managed to get himself in the middle seat, so after he speaks, he wiggles his knees.
"Got it, next time you're in town, I'll rent a car." Out of the corner of my eye, I see Calum smile as he's looking out the window, maybe he's thinking about that 'next time.' There was still a lot we haven't talked about, we apologized, but we never said what we wanted to do from here. I was too chicken to ask, but after our conversation, it doesn't feel stupid to assume we could try long distance.
We didn't have a plan, but since I knew the area the best it was kind of up to me. That also made it hard because I haven't gone anywhere in town in the last six months besides the grocery store — sort of.
"I guess the park would be fun. There's not much to do this time of night. The downtown strip area looks like a ghost town when everything is closed, but we could walk that too. Then we could end the night on the pier 'cause it's not too far from the hotel." I tap my fingers against the steering wheel and listen to them all say "okay" at different times.
When we pull up to the park, I find a parking spot and then turn off the car.
"Oh fuck yes, there's a playground!" Ashton giggles and takes off, Michael in tow. Luke is on the phone with someone, so I give him the keys before I get out. Calum is standing in front of the car waiting for me.
"Will you push me on the swings?" I ask, batting my eyelashes.
"Are you wearing underwear?" He immediately shoots back, and I blink a few times.
"What?"
"If I push you on the swings your dress could come up, so do you have on any underwear?" Cal places a hand on the small of my back and leads me towards the playground.
"Do you see how tight this dress is? Does it look like I have on underwear?" I ask, laughing. "I'll be fine. It's too tight to fly up anyway."
"Did you just ask if I've seen how tight that dress is? Of course, I fucking did, and now that I know that there is nothing underneath it kills me even more."
"Just shut up and push me," I smack his arm before I step away from him to get on the swings.
+++
Walking downtown was quickly erased from our plan because it was already two am and all the bars would start to close by the time we'd get there. Calum made a point that we could go to see all the drunks stumbling out of the bars, but I told him it wasn't nice to make fun of people. He's probably been one of those people before.
Walmart is next on our list before the pier. The boys wanted snacks and blankets because it had gotten even colder as the night went on. An all-nighter in January wasn't the brightest idea, especially wearing a dress. I was surprised we hadn't gotten any snow yet.
I should've been a little more worried about taking the four of them into Walmart at two a.m.. They're loud and obnoxious on their own and if you place them in a quiet and deserted Walmart that only intensifies.
"Can we get some Doritos?" Michael asks, holding up a party-sized bag of the nacho cheese flavor.
"Only if you put those back and get the best kind. The cool ranch will always be superior." Luke scoffs, picking up another bag of his favorite flavor.
"Are you kidding me? No way. Nacho cheese is classic." Michael rolls his eyes, and I giggle. Ashton told us he was going to find something else he wanted, so he wasn't here to witness their fight.
"They'll argue about anything." Calum laughs next to me, leaning closer so he can say it without Luke and Michael hearing him.
"Okay get a family sized bag of each one. They're a little bit smaller than the family bags, and then you'll waste less. Let's go find something else." I scold them like I'm their mother, but they both raise their eyebrows at me.
"Are you doubting our ability to eat a whole bag by ourselves?"
"Okay, I don't care what you do. Let's go." I pull the shopping cart towards me so I can turn it around. Before I can get out of the aisle, Ashton appears with a three-foot sub in his hands.
"It was in the deli, and I'm hungry." He shrugged, gently placing it into the cart.
"Oh my god. What in the world is going on?" I laugh to myself, and I hear Calum chuckling beside me.
Luke and Michael throw their chips into the cart, and we continue down the next aisle. I kept reminding them not to get things they wouldn't eat tonight because they were leaving tomorrow, but it didn't help much. Ashton said something about buying a suitcase to transport the snacks with them and that it would save them from grocery shopping in the next state they visit. I gave in and stopped trying to be their mother, but that only resulted in a shopping cart that was pretty much overflowing with junk and snacks.
I decided to get a small tray of sushi to eat, and all four of the boys looked at me like I was a wild animal.
"Oh, so you're telling me that it's weird to buy sushi from a grocery store when you're the ones who insisted on a jar of pickles to go with a jar of peanut butter?" I wave my hand.
They're all just as baffled as before, so I shrug and place my food into the cart.
"I'm going to get two sandwiches because you might want something else later." Calum grabs two of the smaller prewrapped subs from the deli, and I shrug.
After that, we debate on buying new clothes, so we don't have to be in nice clothes all night, but then we decide against it. We wanted this to seem spontaneous, and that doesn't include changing clothes to be comfortable. We grab a ton of blankets and then make our way back to the car.
"Your car isn't big enough for all the snacks we bought, Teagan." Luke narrows his eyes at me.
"I get it, Luke, I need a suburban to satisfy your needs. I'll be prepared next time. Maybe if you hadn't already shoved two cases of beer in there, we'd have room." I get in the front seat and start the car. Once they're all in the car, we head towards the pier. It's almost four when we get there, and the sun will start to come up around six.
We'd bought enough blankets to all have one to lay on plus one to cover up with, so we decided to lay on the sand and watch the stars for a little while. Calum and I shared a blanket to lay on top of, and he put one of his arms out so I could use it as a pillow.
"Will you guys sing a song? Anything, I think it would sound nice with the waves." I say quietly. Our blankets are all in a circle with our heads in the middle.
"I don't see why not. Boys?" Luke asks, and although I can't see any of them, I'm hoping they'll say yes.
"Let's do Youngblood." Michael chimes in. Cal and Ashton quickly agree before Ashton starts snapping to count them in. Luke begins first, and I shut my eyes to try to focus on just them.
Remember the words you told me, "love me till the day I die."
Surrender my everything cause you made me believe you're mine
Yeah you used to call me baby now you're calling me by name
It takes one to know one, yeah, you beat me at my own damn game
You're pushing and pushing I'm pulling away, pulling away from ya
I give and I give and I give and you take, give and you take
Suddenly all four of them are singing, harmonizing most beautifully. I feel Calums chest vibrate next to me as he sings. With just the sound of the waves and their voices, I can do nothing but appreciate their talent. It fills my heart with overwhelming happiness that I know these guys and even though I wasn't here when they started I feel so proud. They're more than talented. They're good people.
Youngblood
Say you want me, say you want me
Out of your life, and I'm just a dead man walking tonight
But you need it, yeah, you need it
All of the time
Yeah, ooh ooh ooh
Youngblood
Say you want me, say you want me
Back in your life, so I'm just a dead man crawling tonight
'Cause I need it, yeah, I need it
All of the time
Yeah, ooh ooh ooh
Instead of singing the rest they stop there, but I'm okay with it. "I could listen to that all night, honestly."
Calum lifts his head to look down at me, and I smile sheepishly. We're laying a little far apart, so he brings his arm that was under his head around to my waist so he could pull me closer. "We could've built a bonfire."
"Sure, if we wanted to light the whole beach on fire. I don't have faith that you guys could do it." I giggle at Calums idea, and he rolls his eyes.
"Weren't you just complimenting us?" Michael asks, and I raise my arm to flip him off, not knowing if he could see me or not.
"On your singing skills, that doesn't have anything to do with building a bonfire." I clear my throat and snuggle deeper into Calums side.
"We'd be a hell of a lot warmer with a bonfire," Ashton says.
"True but it was our idea to do this in the first place so we can't complain." Calum probably sensed that I was about to defend myself, but he did it for me. I wish they weren't leaving in just a few hours. I wish I could've had more time. I wish we could do this all the time.
Someone yawns loudly, but I can't tell who. "I second that." Calum laughs.
"Also, thank you to you guys for a surprise party."
"We love you, Cal," Ashton replies. Luke groans.
"Do we though?"
"I'm taking a nap," Michael says, and I hear movement to my side.
"Someone should set an alarm, my phone is dead," Luke says.
"Got it." Ashton and I volunteer at the same time. I let him do it because he most likely already has his phone out.
Calum settles into a more comfortable position, and my head is still resting against his arm as we drift off together. Sleeping next to him was something I never knew I missed so much.
When I wake up due to being uncomfortable, it feels like it's only been thirty minutes or so. The sky is getting lighter though, so I know it's been at least an hour, maybe closer to two. The second thing I notice is that Calum isn't laying next to me anymore, and his blanket is tucked under my head to use as a pillow. How heavy was I sleeping?
My muscles ache as I sit up, maybe sleeping on the beach wasn't a good idea. Luke, Ashton, and Michael are all asleep on their blankets, but Calum isn't anywhere in sight. Panic quickly sets in, but I try to calm myself by thinking maybe he wandered off to pee or something.
I push myself to my feet, leaving my shoes but wrapping the blanket tighter around me. We aren't far off the pier, so I go to look there. At first, it doesn't look like there's anyone besides a few homeless people sleeping on the benches. Then I spot him at the very end, sitting, so his feet dangle off the edge. A sigh escapes my lips, and I take a deep breath to try and prepare myself for anything. If only it worked that way.
When I get closer, he hears my footsteps and turns to look at me before he turns back to the ocean. As I sit down, he speaks, "I tried not to wake you up."
"You didn't. I needed to turn over and realized you weren't there."
Calum sighs and brings his hands up to rub his face, and at first, I think it's because he's tired, but then I realize that he was wiping away a few stray tears. My heart immediately feels like it's going to burst and I want to run away. Why do I always get the urge to run?
"What are you contemplating so hard up here?" I ask with a small laugh, trying to lighten the mood.
"Us." He doesn't waste any time replying, and I don't know if I would've rather him hesitate or not.
"Whether or not we should do the long distance thing or not?" My attention is on my hands as I pick at my fingernails.
"Yeah, I don't know if I think it's a good idea." Cal takes a deep breath, but I feel like I can't breathe. Why wouldn't he want to? We both said how miserable we were without each other, why wouldn't we take this opportunity to fix that? What was he doing the last few hours? Why was he holding me the way he was, or singing to me at the party?
"What? I don't understand. This is our chance to fix what happened in August." I lean forward to look at his face, but he won't look back at me.
"You didn't want to then, so what changed? It's not like we've talked the last six months, so really there's not anything between us that would make you think anything differently from when you did then."
"What changed? Every single day I thought about you. I wanted you back, and I wanted that day over again. It was a mistake to think we couldn't do it before. I told you this. What changed your mind? You were so for this then, why not now?" My voice is weak, and I don't think it'll ever regain its strength.
"It's just not a good idea. You have to listen to me." Calum says strong and steady, even raising his voice slightly. I'm a little taken aback, but I push through that tiny bit of anger to form a response.
"No, you have to listen to me, Calum. I told you I didn't want long distance because I didn't think I was that attached to you. I was stupid, and I thought that there was no way you'd made so much of an impression on me in just three months. I thought I'd be fine without you. It wasn't long before I realized I wasn't, I felt like I had no control over myself because I was so sad all of the time. All I've wanted for the last six months is you, but if you still think it's not a good idea then fine. I'll drop you guys off, and you'll never have to hear from me again." I use the rail to pull myself to my feet, ignoring that my voice cracked halfway through my speech and ignoring that I wasn't going to be able to stop the tears that were running down my face. Before I got too far away, I turned around to look at him. "You said at the airport that you don't love me anymore, so that's fine. But you did once, don't forget that."
With one last sniffle, I spin on my heels and head back to where we had been sleeping. It was going to be a long car ride back to their hotel. Calum sat there, frozen, not saying a word or trying to stop me from walking away from him.
The boys are up when I start getting close, but they quickly realize something is wrong. "Teagan? Where did Cal go?"
I'm about to speak when I hear my name, and it's none other than Calum. I turn around to face him, but he's still running to catch up with me.
"Don't say that shit to me. You know that I love you. My whole fucking heart is yours, and it feels like it always will be. I was so hurt. That pain is something I don't ever want to feel again, and I don't want even to take the chance. You could change your mind once you realize it's not going to be easy and then I'm going to be left alone again. I'm scared, T. If we do this, I can't lose you again." I'm surprised that his voice is just above a whisper, sounding so fragile that it may break if he speaks any louder. I can see his tears too, running in a steady stream just like mine. With the sun rising now, everything has a glow, and I can't help but think that he's still the most beautiful boy I've ever seen despite the sadness all over his face. His chest rises and falls a little faster than usual as he just ran down the pier.
"The only way you'll lose me is if you keep being stubborn and saying you're not going to try. I'm trying to show you that I'm here and I want to be with you, whatever that means." We lock eyes, and I don't know if I should step towards him or wait for him to do something.
"If you think I'm not scared, you're wrong. We could make it work, but I can't be the only one who's trying." The wind blows and sends chills through my spine, so I wrap my blanket around me a little tighter.
"I want it to work so bad, Teagan. I want to look forward to coming to see you when I get a break or the phone calls about your day. I want to be able to call you after a show and tell you how amazing it was but that it would've been better if you were there. I want to tell all the new people I meet across the country that I have this amazing girl waiting for me that I love with every ounce of me. I want you." Calum wipes under his eyes with the back of his hand. I close the gap between us, taking his hand away from his face and looking him straight in the eye.
"Then you have me. All of me, for as long as you want me." We both smile so big that my cheeks start to hurt, and our final tears begin to dry. Calum rests his hands on my cheeks to pull my face to his and connect our lips. It feels like everything that had been broken is fixed, just like that. Nothing can tear us apart.
"I hate to break this up. It's heartwarming, you give us all hope, but we're going to need to get going soon. It's almost seven." Ashton says, so I pull away from Calum.
"We shook the blankets out, and figured that someone sleeping on the pier might want them." Luke holds up his arms full of rolled up blankets.
"I'll go warm up the car while you guys do that." Calum presses a kiss on my forehead and then heads for the parking lot.
+++++
wow, so many emotions but HERE WE ARE they're together again, and now we get to see what happens with their relationship while Calum is away... I'm excited
This chapter is probably my favorite so far!! Tell me what yours has been :)
don't forget to comment and vote!!
reminder: next Tuesday I'll be on a spring break vacation so my next update will be Saturday the 16th and then I'll be back to Tuesdays on March 26th
ily
kristen