"Fifty five year female—"
His footsteps echoed in his ears as his eyes became dizzy, though gazing upon the paramedic that wheeled his mother through the emergency doors.
She was strapped to the bed, her arms slouching out a little bit, and Ola felt his heart beat rise by the second. Seven minutes late, could easily have been forgotten. Or being considered as trivial and maybe even insignificant. But it meant alot to a person that had supposedly had a heart attack—
—each second was how much more her brain could progressively get worse from the lack of oxygen and blood that flowed to it. They were seven minutes late, six minutes and fifty four seconds to be precise. And that's how long he got to hold his mother in his arms, praying severely that the seven minutes be trivial in this instance.
"Vitals are stable"
She was taken behind the curtains, in a ward and Obi was held back to the wall. Akin, that was still a little inebriated, just sat on the chairs, his elbows against his knees and his fingers intertwined in each other. By his facial expressions, you could tell he was worried, no matter how hard he tried to hide.
And some part of him was conscious of what had happened. Hopefully that same part, blamed himself for this. Though it might sound awful but it was true. He just sat there, he supposed to—
—bathing in guilt, if at all he had a conscience.
The nurse that held Ola back, had to leave him, rushing into the room where they tried to revive his mother. His back was against the wall, as the dimensions of the room, through his eyes, began to turn around. His eyes swirled and he held unto air.
He felt it was something tangible, something tangible enough to hold him back but soon he found himself on the floor. He noticed how hot everywhere had gotten and he plucked at his shirt buttons. Beads of sweat dripped down his chin like lemon juice, and his lungs began to close up.
It didn't take long for him to figure it was a panic attack. "Mum" He muttered, through his blurry gaze. And then, through his ears, he heard both the ringing sound from defibrillator and footsteps approaching him. Halting breathes escaped his lips as he felt someone around his arms.
His fingers found a quivering way to his pockets and his bottle of pills fell out. He'd learned the hardest way before not to go anywhere without it. And times like these, they were always helpful.
His eyes recognized Akin standing right above him, as he parted his lips for the tablet. He felt it dissolve on his tongue as he placed his head against the wall.
"Breathe" Akin urged, and though Ola hated how close he was to him, he figured he had no choice.
"You're okay and your mother will be too" He said.
-
"She will"
"Your mother suffered what we call a cardiopulmonary arrest or as you may know it as cardiac arrest. It's usually common with people her age because of underlying factors like aging and stress. Believe it or not, your body won't be the same as it was in your youth when you're fifty—"
Ola wanted to zone out of this conversation because he knew how much his mother hated talking about growing old. Perhaps it was why he never thought of it like she actually did, until today. He never realized that his parents were growing old, and he could lose them anytime now. God forbid, it wasn't a prayer. But it was a possibility. The possibility that'd just dawned on him reading the doctor's lips.
"In Mary's case however, we ran some tests and we realized how high her blood pressure was, it might have been what incited this" His eyes darted to the bed where she laid, she had to wake up. She wasn't supposed to leave him like this. He wanted to jump on her and fiddle her shoulders and just whisper life into her ears like it was a sleeping beauty fable.
"This could be as a result of stress, tension like overthinking and insomnia. And lack of exercise, as you grow old, the body needs it to keep moving. It's like lubricant to metal" Doctor Harry scoffed, an attempt to lighten the atmosphere. But some atmospheres don't need lightning, some need to be brutal. To be real, to finally acknowledge life—
—and how it can cruel at times.
"We'll start her on her medications which she'd strictly abide by when she leaves eventually. And her diets might need a slight change. I'd also recommend some exercise regimen for her. But aside that, like right now—" Harry looked to Mary.
"She's doing really well. She's a fighter, you know that?" He turned to Ola, whose eyes watered in that instant at the thought of his mother living on pills. It was like his grandma then when she fell ill with alzheimer's. It was normal at first, with just minor memory issues. She's a fighter, they all said.
But Ola of all people had to watch her slowly lose herself and in the process, he lost a part of himself too. It was astounding how someone so full of life, could be reduced to that. To the incapacity to even do the littlest things. He didn't recognize his ma, perhaps it was the sickness and the thousand pills she took that changed her, or a combination of both.
That's why when the doctor said his mother was to abide by some pills, his eyes were filled with tears because he remembered his grandma and how much his father was a mess when he lost her.
"Right?" Harry placed his palms on Ola's shoulders, drifting back into full consciousness.
"What?"
"Fighters need some help sometimes, right?" He raised one brow, as if he could tell what Ola was thinking. All he just gave as a reply was a nod. And he cleared his throat. "Take care of your mother—"
The papers slipped through Harry's palms as he walked out of the door. Silence dawned in the room with Akin, not even uttering a word. Perhaps he was still mesmerizing about loss and life, and how the two seemed to blend together just perfectly.
Or maybe he remembered nana, or just blamed himself for this. It was something they could share because Ola himself wasn’t proud of his last words to her. His right palm grazed the side of his cheeks as he walked closer to his mother. In a moment, he shared contact with Akin’s icy eyes and he just turned away, sniffling under his breath. He turned to Mary, stiff with the intravenous in her wrists.
Shallow, halted breathes escaped her breathes as the rhythmic beeps from the heart monitor soothed his ears. It meant hope, and that was all he had on the way here in the ambulance.
But as they tried to resuscitate his then unresponsive mother, he had to consciously remind himself what the sound of sirens mean. It meant life, and it meant hope. So he assured himself. After all, though he didn’t reply Harry, he knew in himself that Mary was indeed a fighter. And she’d spent her whole life taking care of everyone—
—now it was time to take care of her.
His fingers slipped between hers as he leaned forward to place a kiss on it. At the most, she’d be discharged by tomorrow, it meant he was spending the night here, and probably skip school tomorrow.
The one person that wouldn’t allow him do that was Mary, so— He finished that thought in his head and muffled a chuckle, then he pulled away and brushed against his father’s shoulders. It was like these ones take a step forward just to take two backwards.
But he didn’t even care, all he wanted to do was to just talk to Obi about how he had the craziest day.
-
Obi leaned his head backwards to rest on Mira’s lap, by this time, she was almost done with his corn rows and it was about five pm. She had to prepare for the show that night, and he, well he—
—he had to do whatever the fuck he did by five pm. On a normal day, that would be to talk to Abdul till time becomes insignificant and it’s like one am.
But Abdul hadn’t replied him, and staring at his screen each millisecond wasn’t going to make a response come any faster.
Was he angry?
Obi withheld the urge to type in that question, because whenever his overthinking set in, he wouldn’t know when his texts reach a gazillion. And then he’s eventually blocked. It’s happened more times that he can count, so this time, he was just going to keep calm and watch how it all played out. Calm, even if he was fretting under his breath.
But at least, an unreplied text was his most major inconvenience in that moment. Unlike Ola, who had just had a panic attack out of the fear of losing his mother. He quivered to dial his best friend, Obi.
“So have you told Ola?” Mira suddenly asked, digging the three tailed comb into his 4c textured hair and he budged at little before she began plaiting the last row. “About?” Obi asked and his eyes caught her glare from above.
“About Jazzlyn? Well i haven’t told him the full gist yet—“ He paused and Mira rolled her eyes. “You didn’t tell him shit” She icily replied at his lie.
“But that’s not what i’m talking about. You know what i’m talking about” A firm pull from his scalp allowed a gasp to escape his lips. “What?” He was genuinely curious this time and Mira just arrghed.
“Abdul?” She said in a questioning tone and Obi balanced his butt against the hard floor, taking a new position. “What? No” He shook his head.
“Why?” Came the obvious question from Mira.
“Because—“
“Because no. He doesn’t even know i, he doesn’t know me. Like” He tried to find the words that had failed him in that moment. “You haven’t told him still” Mira said, calmly and not in any way judgy.
If there was the slightest judgement, it came from himself. So much for no more secrets.
“I just don’t know how to put it, Mira. You know it’s not exactly some happy groundbreaking news” Obi replied and Mira picked harder at his scalp.
“Why can’t it be?” She asked, and he hummed.
“For starters, how about where we are. We’re not exactly in an LGBT friendly community, and it’s not the type of news you go wavering around at people” Obi sought for an excuse. “People?” Mira echoed. “Ola isn’t people. The difference is you’re not telling people, you’re telling Ola” She added.
“Who has been like your best friend since the very beginning of time” Obi scoffed at her words. “For the longest time, i envied the both of you” She said and while Obi turned around, she nodded. “You know growing up, i had people, three people but i didn’t have that one person that i so longed to tell my most minor inconvenience to at any moment”
“That one person, to roll tyres with and sneak out of the house with. That one person who’s been around my whole life. I didn’t meet DaSilva and David till i was like ten?” She asked herself, then she nodded.
“Yes, ten. And then i watched you grow and you always had Ola for as long as i knew you. Always told him everything and when it was time to trick me, he’d cook up this master plan but i was always smarter. Ten times” She smirked, and Obi chuckled.
“Sure” There was blatant sarcasm in his tone.
“I know that’s not the only issue. I know you’re scared that he might see you different when you come out to him. That things might change” She let go of his hair as if twisting the last braid.
“But what if it does?”
“But what if doesn’t?”
“We always make out the worst case scenarios in our head and we minus the better possibilities. The good, what if it turns out bad, what if it doesn’t work out, what if i fall” Mira rolled her eyes. “But what if you fly? I mean there’s also a possibility—“
“Erin Hansen?” Obi was quite the reader or perhaps it was a quote that Ola said once or twice. “Yes, Obi. What i’m saying is you’ll never know until you tell him, until you take the leap. And the only regrets we ever have are the risks we don’t take. Because you’ll never have the chance to see that possibility. That outcome” She kissed his head as he pulled away from her. She was done, and he turned to her. “When did you become such a poet?” He asked genuinely and she shrugged her shoulders.
“I’m a woman of many talents”
It was one of the fewest times that Mira referred to himself as one particular gender. And whenever she did, it was always feminine. Obi didn’t have the chance to ponder on that before his phone rang in his hands. His eyes lit up, thinking it was Abdul—
—“Speak of the devil” He whispered to Mira on seeing his name across the screen, it was Olamide.
-
Fiyin walked past the living room with the bucket in her arms, and her side eye unconsciously caught the television switch stations. It could only mean her father was awake though she couldn’t see him.
For a brief second, she saw the green ogre dash across the screen. It was this new movie everyone in class was raving about. This shrek thing, but then he didn’t last long on that channel before he changed to another, the annual independence documentary. And a live broadcast with President Olusegun Obasanjo. Her father wasn’t a news person, so the fact that the channel stayed on for a while showed that he actually payed attention.
Which could only mean he was less sober than usual. Of course, no matter how bad of an alcoholic he was, he was drunk 24/7. There were some times his words didn’t drag, some times he could still carry himself across the room without falling. There were some times, times like these, he actually watched the television. Fiyin cleared her throat as she walked right past the kitchen, she’d made eba.
“I dream of a Nigeria—“
She closed her door to the sound of the reporter’s voice. She had to drop the bucket before going to give him any food. Tossing it into the bathtub, she walked out and dashed the uniform which she had set aside earlier into the wardrobe. She couldn’t risk Tobi, her father, seeing the blood on them.
And then she moved to the computer on her mother’s desk and cleared out the history. She could not also risk him seeing her recent searches. The chances of him snooping were actually close to zero but it didn’t mean it could never happen.
And if ever he came across either of those things, it would raise a lot of questions, even more questions if he was sober. Or close to. Be it the uniforms, which she hated that she touched, or the worrisome things she’d searched on the internet.
Things like, how to deal with sexual assault and how to know if it was even rape.
She’d searched even worse things when she felt worse himself, like the easiest ways to kill yourself, and she’d seen some combination of pills to take.
She just shook the thoughts out of her head as she shut it down. And then, she walked towards the door and the moment she opened it, her ears fell on that shrill of the reporter, whining about hopes and dreams as if those were even real things. What’s the most that any of those could do for her right now?
She didn’t dare to hope.
It was one of the things Collins had taken from her that day, hope that things would get better, for her and for Nigeria. Two years ago, she had hope but it was like ever since then, things only got worse.
So why hope? If it’s only a fallacy in reality.
Hope’s nothing compared to fate.
She walked into the kitchen and dashed out the tray before placing her father’s food unto it. She hoped it hadn’t gotten cold in the cooler. But even though, he didn’t have a choice. It was either that or a pack of cigarettes for dinner. And she knew, he was hungry. It was a public holiday, so he didn’t go out.
Not to his recreational farm, or to get more booze.
He’d been on the couch all day, and it only made sense that he was sober now. She picked it up and walked towards him with a bowl of water which she placed across the glass table first. Their eyes met for a second and he heaved a deep sigh, knowing he hadn’t even asked for food, though he was starving.
She got his plate and handed it over to him. It was little, from the remaining garri of a few days ago. She made just the little portion for him, while she kept aside just a tangerine for her own dinner.
She wasn’t even hungry to be honest, she couldn’t remember the last time she had a conventional meal but as she was about to turn away, her father held unto her palms. She halted, turning to him. He looked harmless when he was sober, like a puppy drenched in rain. And his lips quivered the entire minute they stared at each other. “Dad?” She called.
“Thank you” He finally said. Hefting the tray up, he nodded. “For this” Fiyin’s brows inarched defenselessly. She couldn’t remember the last time Tobi uttered those words to her, if he even ever did.
“Come join me” He let go of her hands and she pushed a lump down her throat. “I’m good. I’m not hungry” It wasn’t a lie. “Thank you” She added.
And in that moment, she might have hated all the men in the world but surprisingly Tobi wasn’t one of them. She walked towards the front door this time as she felt tears cloud her eyes. She wasn’t sure what she was even crying at this time. But she did. Opening the door, she breathed in heavily.
The winds blew right in her face, as if relieving some of her wounds. Her heartbeat slowed, as she clenched her palms to feel a pulse. She was no longer numb, she’d noticed a few days ago.
But then she hated that she wasn’t. Because it meant that she had to feel, feel all those emotions she strived so hard to remain buried. And right now, though she couldn’t tell what emotion this was, it wasn’t just as bad. Maybe it was the last phase.
Or maybe it was just because of her father’s words.
-
His fingers went up hers as he took a seat on the hospital bed. She let out a groan, meaning some part of her was conscious and could hear what he was about to say—
“I’m sorry” Akin whispered to his wife. “I’m sorry that you had to be there to witness that. I’m sorry that some of this is my fault, Mary” He continued.
“But i’m not sorry for Ola. I’m not sorry for trying to correct him. Texas changed him, and it’s high time we finally acknowledge that. Our son might still be in there, and i’m going to try to bring him back” His grip around her palms tightened. “I’m not going to spare the rod and spoil the child. You of all people know that, and you saw him today—“
“I said it earlier and you saw it. If we don’t do something, this boy will be the death of you. The death of us” He continued as her shoulders tilted a bit and slowly, her eyes parted to see him. He could not tell what exactly she was trying to say, he just nodded. And he smiled, because she was alive.
“Mide”
“Olamide” The halls echoed his name as he lifted his head from his arms. “Obi” He called, even though he was yet to see him. The two neared each other from opposite sides of the corridor, till they came into sight. And Ola picked up his pace to him.
His lips morphed into a grin as Obi pulled him in for a lasting hug. And a sigh of relief escaped them.
“I’m so glad you’re here, Obi”
“How is she?” He pulled away from him. “How is Mary?” Obi asked, worry washing over his face and Ola nodded. “She’s okay. Cardiac arrest, they said”
“But she’s okay. And uh, i’m okay”
Obi noticed how shallow his breathes were, and he put his palm against his chest to see how fast his heart was beating. And it was really fast.
“You okay?” He asked. “I am, now” Ola replied.
“So, should we go home?” Obi asked and his eyes widened. “Home?” Ola echoed. “I’m not leaving without her. And that’s till tomorrow” He said.
“Come on”
“School?” Obi asked, as if dangling some fancy idea. And Ola shrugged his shoulders, carefree. “I’ll skip it. It’s Mary that always worried about school so—“ Obi let out a chuckle from his lips. “But we need to get you out of here. Get you in new clothes and just fresh air” Now that was a fancy idea, dangling.
“I’m fine, really” Ola said.
“No you’re not. I know. Your mum is, and you should cut yourself some slack. You know what?” Obi’s eyes lit with an idea. “How about we go to lagoon?” He asked and Ola scoffed. “Then we can go home to change your clothes, and we’ll come back here” Obi kept talking, advertising the idea.
But Ola wasn’t having it. “Now?” He asked.
“My mum, the public holiday” He made up excuses.
“Even makes it better. It wouldn’t be crowded. We’d be the only ones there. Like old times”
“Don’t we need to jump over that fence?” Ola asked and Obi smacked his arms lightly. “Must you take the fun out of everything. If anyone should complain about climbing, it should be me. All this height and still nothing?” He threw shades at him.
He was only a few inches taller than Obi.
“I’m not just sure about this” Ola mumbled. “You brought up this idea on my birthday plus you didn’t even give me a gift—“
“I have the gift, you just don’t ha—“
“I don’t want it. I want this as my gift. Please?” His lips pouted. “What is it?” Ola now asked, walking past him. “What is the real reason?” He continued.
And Obi cackled like he had no idea what he was talking about. “Come on, Obi”
“Making up for lost time? Trying to get you to take your mind off your mum? Missing us and how much we used to do as kids?” Obi said. “Isn’t that enough reason?” Ola squinted at him.
“And i have alot of things to tell you” Obi said and he heaved a deep breath. “We have to be back by eight because i’m crashing here” Ola finally agreed.
And with that, Obi grasped his palms into his and whisked across the hallway and towards the stairs. He let out a yell as they hurried across, trying not to bump into things in their way. “Slow down—“
“I have a time to meet” Obi yelled as they finally approached the hospital exit. “Hold up, your dad” He suddenly paused and looked back. “He might be looking for you?” Ola turned around to him.
“Fuck it”
“Fuck him” He muttered under his breath, remembering the things he’d said earlier. He was the one that headed forward this time, climbing atop Obi’s bike with the steering in his hands.
There was still a little seat behind him on which Obi sat on. And looking over his shoulders, he raised on eyebrow. Obi responded with a nod, and before you knew it, these two were riding down the horizons with Obi wedging closely to Ola.
He had his arms around his waist to hold him from falling to the side. And his breathes grazed the sides of his neck. But Ola didn’t care, he just had a smile across his face as they rode across the quiet streets. It was surreal how no one was out except them, no noisy markets or manic traffic.
No conductors yelling into the air, and not even the sound of the ice cream barrows. The tires scrunched up the leaves in their way as they rode towards the lagoon.
It was this place they used to come as kids.
Immediately after school, they’d rush over whatever they had to do, like assignments and chores. So that when evening dawned, they’d be out of their door, meeting at the station. And then they would race till they got here. It would be dark but there were streetlights all around.
And sometimes, they’d sneak out at night when the gates to the place would have been locked. It meant they had to climb two fences to get closer.
But it was always worth it.
The lagoon was a much beautiful place, than the rest of Abule-Egba. They’d like to think of it as a beach because it’s the closest thing they had to one. There was a bank on which people sat, and a stable where there were horses. There were stands for food and a large body of water that stretched far beyond the eyes. They used to live the sightseeing and the thrill that came with hiding from the one guard that supervised the place at night. It was like the school janitor, but more fun.
On Wednesdays and Fridays then, they got the sleepy guard that spent most of the night by the stable. Then, they got more than enough time to sit across the banks and chat until nightfall.
They feet would rinse in the inundating waves which flowed. And only seldom do they go into the water. Ola pictured how much they used to love coming here as kids, and the things they did.
It was such an experience growing up, and even better when you had someone to share it with.
The nostalgia took him by the storm as he brought the bike to a halt at the gates.
He stopped for a moment to stare at it.
“We’re here” Obi climbed down as Ola grazed the metal with his palms. Expectedly, it was locked because of the public holiday. “I know an easier way” Obi cheered. Of course, he did. And Ola followed him behind till they got to a much lower fence with a fence, the only catch was that it was near a transformer. Well, the risk was worth it.
“Come on” Obi said, raising his feet above the concrete and throwing himself over. Ola went after and with the help of his best friend, he landed on his feet. The sun was already setting in the distance as Obi took off his shoes.
“What are you waiting for?”
Ola stood still, letting his nostrils take in the soulful breeze. It was refreshing, and calm. Serene, like how the day was supposed to be all through. The sounds of the gushing waters filled their eyes as Obi threw himself forward.
He left his shoe behind, allowing the sounds to prickle between his toes. He looked around him, and then took off his shirt, leaving just his singlet.
He wouldn’t dare do that in front of anyone other than Ola. And he raised his hands above his head.
“Come here” He yelled, over the sound of the waters. This was further from the stable where the guards stayed, so they were safe. It took a brief moment for Ola to catch up to him. And when he did, Obi had his hands around his shoulders.
They looked towards the waters that the setting sun that was golden in the skies. The breeze wasn’t too much, but it wasn’t subtle either. It was just perfect, everything was in that moment that they reminisced over their childhood here.
Over growing up here. “Do you remember?” Obi asked, before he kneeled on the sands. He fell back, gesturing that Ola sat too. Which he did.
“Of course i do”
“I remember it all”
“You never really know how much has changed till you look way back. Then you see how you’ve come” Obi said, looking to his side. He raised his knees to his arm as Ola chuckled.
“Well, look who’s been reading literature” He teased and Obi punched him lightly in his arms.
There was silence for a while, and then Ola remembered what Fiyin had said one time. Truth was, she hadn’t left his mind all day, even with what had been going on. “Fiyin told me one time that change doesn’t necessarily have to be bad”
“You know the whole, you changed thing. I think it’s not changing that is bad. Like my father” He said as Obi looked to him. “Do people really change?” He asked softly. “I honestly don’t know”
“But you did” Ola whispered, raising his hand to graze his cheeks. He was right, he looked down at him and then up at his hair. “You grew it out” He admired his cornrows and Obi blushed. “Yeah”
“What was it, Obi. What was it you wanted to tell me?” He whispered, and a bird chirped above their heads, settling just beside them. It reminded Obi of the Enily Dickinson poem about hope, being just a thing with feathers. It was nuance in his ears though, as he tried to concentrate.
To get the words out of his lips.
“What i’m saying is you’ll never know until you tell him, until you take the leap. And the only regrets we ever have are the risks we don’t take.” He remembered Mira’s words as he turned to Olamide. “I need to—“
“I need to tell you something, Mide” He said.
“I’m trans.”
To be continued…you