*definition will be reject*
Oliver woke up to see his baby sister swinging her legs back and forth on the chair beside his bed. "Hey, Pip, what're you up to?" he asked tiredly, reaching over for his water.
Pippi was quiet, swinging her legs back and forth. Harper eventually walked in, looking exhausted and sad. She gave Oliver a tiny smile. "Sleep okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I did."
"Your dad called. We... didn't tell him."
"Mom, you don't... you don't think I did this because I don't love you, do you?" asked Oliver quietly. "Because Spencer thought that, and that's just not true."
Pippi was shivering, and Harper hugged her gently. "You'll... understand why that's hard for us to believe, Oliver," said his mother softly. "Don't you?"
"I love you guys," he said. "That's... why I wanted to do it. It was stupid logic, twisted logic, but logic nonetheless."
"Do you hate us?" whispered Pippi.
"No. I could never... never ever hate you."
Spencer walked in, before his eyes widened. "No, Spence, stay," said Oliver, as he made to back out. "I need your help for this."
Spencer narrowed his eyes, moving closer to the bed and bringing Pippi into his lap to comfort her. "What do you need my help for?"
"You're better at words than I am."
"Better Englishing, you say?" asked Spencer with a tiny chuckle, and Pippi giggle weakly.
"That doesn't make sense, Spencer," she said, and Spencer kissed the top of her head.
"I can't... explain why... I thought this would be the best scenario. But Spencer heard what I was talking about on that roof. Maybe he can help explain."
Harper was silent, staring at the floor. Spencer had inherited his mother's ability to read a room. Pippi was sad, because her brother had tried to leave her. Harper was conflicted, because she couldn't tell her husband all that was going on. Oliver felt guilty for putting them all through this.
But Spencer couldn't read himself. That was his weakness.
It didn't matter now, though. "When Oliver was on the roof, all he kept saying was that he wanted me to look after you two," said Spencer in a monotone voice. "He couldn't help but feel that if he was gone, things would be easier on you. One less person to look after. One less mouth to feed. I would be able to look after you two just fine. Everything would be better without him."
Harper let out a small sob, and Pippi was crying too. "But Oli, you're my big brother," she said tearfully. "You're the only big brother I'll ever have."
"You have-"
"Spence isn't my big brother. Spence is like my big brother, but no one could be my big brother except for you."
Oliver was silent. Harper whispered, "You should've thought about Dad, honey. How would we tell him that this happened?"
"He's never even home," said Oliver quietly. "He'd never even notice. I'm not the son you deserve. You deserve someone better."
Harper kept sobbing loudly, and Pippi just held onto Spencer, crying too. Spencer didn't know what to do or how to feel. Since Sally had disappeared, he hadn't even responded to his emotions or needs, not really. He'd eaten when given food, quenched his thirst if someone handed him a bottle of water, but rarely actively took care of himself anymore. He didn't know if he had the energy for that these days.
Eventually, Hunter came in with Red, and Red gently pried Pippi off Spencer. "Let's go get something to drink. They have milkshakes in the cafeteria."
Pippi nodded, still sobbing, and Red led her away gently. Hunter knelt in front of Harper. "Harper? Hey, breathe. Deep breaths. Look at me."
"Oli, we could never live without you," she sobbed. "You see how much I suffer waiting for your poor father to come home, how could you ever think that we'd be better off?"
Oliver just looked down, and Hunter hugged Harper. "I know it's hard," said Hunter gently. "I've been where he is, and I've been where you are. The world isn't fair, and sometimes it puts ideas into our heads that aren't true. But you'll be okay. You both will be."
"Why didn't you tell me something was wrong, Oli?" cried Harper.
"Because I knew this would happen, okay?!" snapped Oliver. "Damn it, all I wanted was for people to stop worrying about me and all that's happened is there's someone at my bedside every five minutes to make sure I'm not drowning myself in my glass of water! Do you think I want to die?! No!"
"Oli, calm down-" Spencer tried to say, and Oliver just laughed without humour.
"Oh, you're one to talk, Hayes-Lockhart! With your- your stupid selflessness and your tragic backstory- I know I'm not you, so f*ck off!"
"Language, Oliver!" snapped Harper through her tears.
"Oli, you know I would never-"
"You just prance around all happy-go-lucky because of your money and your nice big house and your big family, don't you! You think you have it so great but you can't just live with that, you have to be some traumatised hero! Are you bored because you don't get any f*cking attention?!"
"You asshole!" yelled Spencer. "Here I was thinking you actually cared about me, about any of us in this goddamn room, and you're just a selfish bastard who couldn't control his own f*cking problems, and so you push them onto all of us instead!"
"Spencer Lark Hayes-Lockhart, watch your tongue!"
"Is that so?!" yelled Oliver. "You- you think you're so great, don't you?! So noble, such a heartwrenching hero. You didn't save my life, you ruined the rest of mine and everyone elses', too!"
"I saved you because I thought you were worth it! I guess I was wrong, that's not my fault, not my damn fault that you're so manipulative!"
"How dare you?!"
"ENOUGH!" thundered Hunter, and both boys fell silent, panting. They were glaring at each other, and Spencer had never felt such pure, unadulterated rage pumping through his veins. He was trembling. "Spencer, out. Now. I'll deal with you later. Harper, you need water. Ryan is outside with Drew, go to her and tell her you need rest. Oliver, I want to speak to you."
"What if I don't want to speak with you?"
"Oliver, you treat your elders with respect," said Harper through her tears. "I... I can't... I can't do this anymore..." She stood up and left the room, still wiping her eyes aggressively, and Oliver glared at Spencer.
"The f*ck do you want? Piss off."
"I'm not leaving."
"Spencer, you're leaving and that's final." Hunter was firm but gentle.
"No."
"Nobody wants you here. I told you to piss off, you f*cking virgin."
Spencer went red and scoffed angrily. "Like- like you're one to talk anyway," he spat out, before leaving the hospital room, the soles of his shoes making much more noise than necessary for dramatic effect.
Hunter watched Oliver for a little while, and Oliver didn't look at him. "Do you wanna talk?" asked Hunter.
"Not to you," snapped Oliver.
"Yeah, I figure as much. So let's talk about something else, instead."
"Like what?"
"Like why you're suicidal, and why I was too."
Oliver paused. "You... what?"
"I want to talk about suicide. Is that okay with you?"
"I..." Oliver was taken aback. No one had been so free with the word. Suicide. It was such a harsh, unforgiving word, with such terrible connotation. Everyone had said things like 'take your own life' or 'do away with yourself' or 'writing yourself out of the script'. No one just straight-up said it. Suicide. What a dark, dark term.
"Well, where do you want to start? You or me?"
"Why are you doing this?"
"I already told you. I've been where you are. It's been a long road to get to where I am now."
"You... used to be suicidal? But you have everything."
Hunter chuckled slightly. "That wasn't always the case. I mean, look. I've always tried to be an optimist, it's the only way I know, but then I lost my first wife, Lilly."
"Lilliana Lawson, right? Red hair, blue eyes-"
"Grey," corrected Hunter. "Like stormclouds. Her eyes were grey."
Oliver observed Hunter quietly, and Hunter let out a small chuckle. "Surprised that having money and wealth isn't everything?"
"But... you were with money all the time, right?"
"No. I grew up... well, not poor, but never rich. My parents worked hard for what we had, but it was never much." He smiled slightly. "We're... similar, I guess. I worked hard for my money, for everything I have now. I had Lilly every step of the way, and she was everything to me."
"But then she died."
"Yes. Then she died." Hunter looked down. "This isn't known by the media, but Lilly didn't just die- she was suicidal. She had wanted to die right from the start, leave me and our first child behind. We were expecting twins, but one died with her. I kept the other, though there's a whole story behind that, too. I named her Elle. Elle, because the last thing Lilly asked for was that she be named El... something. I know now that she was trying to say 'Eleanor', but she died before she could ever complete that sentence. So I named her Elle. Elle Lilliana Hayes. My only ray of sunshine in a world that had gone dark."
"Did you... feel anything?"
"When I was with Elle? Yes. Any other time? No. Elle brought back something in me that I had lost through Lilly's fight with depression. But it was never enough. I was ruined, emotionally... until I met Ryan. Spencer's mother, and the love of my life."
Oliver smiled slightly. The way Hunter's eyes softened when he talked about her was sweet. "My beautiful Ryan. She was Elle's music teacher when she started school, and she crashed into me- literally- on parent's evening. I saw her and I can't even begin to express to you what I felt. I was shocked, but then I was... amazed. Her eyes were so beautiful. She was so beautiful.
"At the time, I was looking for a new wife anyway- the company wanted me to stop taking such long hiatuses to look after Elle, and I hadn't been on tour properly in years. They wanted someone who could stay home and look after Elle, and I refused to have a babysitter for her, so I was looking, and there I found her. My everything. She changed my life, but then... Ellie was diagnosed with cancer the first time."
"I'm sorry," said Oliver solemnly. "That's... horrible."
"I remember the night. It was late, and I was looking over the hospital bills. Even for me... they were a lot. And I looked up, saw painkillers across the countertop."
"You... nearly..."
"I nearly killed myself, yes. But Ryan saw me. She stopped me by talking me down." His eyes flickered up to meet Oliver's. "I have a feeling you know what I mean."
"That's... insane."
"I nearly lost my Ryan, too."
"I remember. That school shooting, right? The one that happened the year before I was born?"
"God, it still feels like just yesterday. But yes, Ryan was suicidal then, and I barely saved her then, either. But again, she pulled through, because she confided in me. Are you sensing the pattern here?"
Psalm 23:4, whispered a voice in his head, and Oliver looked down. "I just..."
"I know. You're trying to push everyone away. But I tried doing that, and it nearly killed me. Nearly killed us both." Hunter gave him a small smile. "How about you apologise to Spencer, and you talk to him about how you feel? How you really feel?"
Oliver's eyes widened. How he really felt?! But... he wasn't even sure what his sexuality was anymore, and-
"I mean in terms of how you've been feeling the past few weeks, which led up to this," said Hunter, reading Oliver's spur of emotions. "Nothing more."
Oliver shook his head minutely. "He... doesn't deserve someone like me. All I've ever done is hurt him."
"You never mean to hurt him. No good person ever means to hurt anyone in this world. And I have a feeling that you aren't a bad person, Oliver."
He stared at his crisp white bedsheets. He wasn't sure who he was anymore. What he was. What he was meant to be. Hunter stood up and ruffled his hair in a fatherly manner. "I'll stop taking up your time. But I hope you realise how much everyone cares about you. Relying on someone else to keep you afloat isn't always the answer. But it's better to have a life raft until you learn to swim than just trying to float on your own. Remember that."
Oliver nodded, and Hunter left the hospital room.
<><><><><><><><>
Ryan was quietly reading a book when she felt a weight beside her and a deep sigh. "Hey."
"Hi." She put her book down and smiled at her husband. Twenty-one years, they'd been together, through their highs and lows, and he was still as handsome as the day she'd met him. "What's up? You've been quiet today."
"Nothing, really. I spoke to Oliver after he and Spencer fought, and well... I think I helped him."
"Of course you did." Her smile faded slightly. "Hey, Spence and Red are in bed. What's wrong? You can talk to me."
Hunter bit his lip, beginning to tear up slightly. "Ry, have I ever told you how much I love you?"
"Yes, you have. Every single day, my darling." She wiped away a tear that he hadn't realised he had let fall. "What is it? What's wrong?"
He shook his head, kissing her forehead and holding her close. "I didn't realise 'til today. Not really. Didn't realise what you did for me. How much you really saved me, my dove. Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you've ever given me. Our family, this home, you... I couldn't ask for anything more. I love you so much, Ryan, I love you so much."
"Hey, you know you saved me too, right?"
"I just never appreciated you as much as I should have-"
"You always appreciated me exactly the right amount. I promise." She kissed him softly. "Breathe, Hunt. I love you. I love you so much."
He nodded, still hugging her close and crying slightly. "Thank you for saving my life that day. When I nearly took all those pills. Thank you for giving me the life I have now."
"Thank you for giving me the chance to save you, blue," breathed Ryan, brushing a strand of his hair away from his face. "I think you're tired, darling. We need some rest."
Hunter nodded, and she stood up, helping him up, and they went back to their room together. As Ryan fell asleep, Hunter pulled her up onto his chest and stroked her hair.
"I love you, Ry."
"I love you more, Hunt."
*a/n: fun times bringing back the hunter hayes element of this hunter hayes fanfic lmao
nethii <3*