*Thanks to Peac227 for the last chapter title, "through hell or high water". I sorta winged this chapter so it sorta sucks. Anyway. I was listening to my vibes playlist while writing so I attached a song from that.*
(3370 words)
May 6th
9:46 am
shirogone: what are you doing today?
kmskeith: i dont have any plans. why?
shirogone: i'm going to the police department today and was hoping you could come with me
kmskeith: i'll have to make sure lance has somewhere to go while i'm gone, but sure
shirogone: if he gets upset dont worry about it. i dont want to be the cause of him having another panic attack
kmskeith: it'll be okay, i'll make sure he's not left alone
kmskeith: pidge just said she can come over and hang out with him while me and you get this stuff sorted out. she's got a bunch of studying to do for exams but that's okay. lance still hasnt finished his latin prject so they can do school stuff together
shirogone: okay, thank you
Keith set his phone down on the kitchen table and continued to eat his breakfast, "You're sure you'll be okay today?"
Lance rolled his eyes, "That's the third time you've asked. Yes, I'll be okay. If Pidge is coming over then I'll be okay."
Keith reached over to hold his hand, "If it gets to be too much tell her, okay? She'll know what to do to help calm you down. If it doesn't get better, have her call me. I'll come straight home."
"Keith, seriously. I can handle it. You're acting as if you're leaving me all by myself. If Pidge is here then there's nothing to worry about," Lance leaned over to kiss him, "I can handle letting Shiro borrow you for a day."
Keith smiled, "Okay. And you better finish that damn project today. It's due tomorrow. I told Pidge to make sure you work on it."
Lance rolled his eyes, "I'm almost done with it, it shouldn't take me longer than an hour or two to finish it."
"An hour or two?" Keith chuckled, "That doesn't sound like you're almost done to me."
Lance shrugged, "Halfway done, then."
Keith stood up, kissed the top of Lance's head, then went to put the dishes in the sink.
They each got themselves ready for the day, Lance decided to do a full face of makeup even though he wasn't going anywhere. He just wanted to feel pretty. Once Keith was ready to go, he gave Lance a kiss goodbye and went on his way. Lance finished up his makeup then went back to the kitchen to do the dishes. Afterward, he sat down at the table to start his project. Pidge would be there any minute.
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"Dad, I need a ride to Lance's!" Pidge shouted from the bottom of the staircase.
Sam walked out of his office and looked down the stairs at his daughter, "Is he alright?"
Pidge nodded, "Yeah, Keith just has some stuff to do with Shiro today. You know we can't leave Lance alone for more than a half-hour without him going into a panic attack. I'm already running a bit late because I had to get all my school stuff together. Keith already left. The clock is ticking!"
Sam nodded, walking down the stairs, "Right, I'm hurrying," he had witnessed one of Lance's panic attacks before and knew how severe they were. He grabbed his keys and they were out the door.
They got in the car and headed towards Lance's apartment, "Keith told me to make sure Lance works on his Latin project today. It's due tomorrow and he's only halfway done. So I'm bringing some school stuff too so we can work on our homework together."
Sam smiled, "That's a good idea. Are you ready for your finals this week?"
Pidge groaned, "God, no. They're stressing me out, I just want to get it over with already. Lucky Lance has a project as his Latin final instead of an exam. Though, his other classes are giving exams."
Sam chuckled, "I'm sure you'll ace it, kiddo. You always do."
"Yeah, and I always stress out about it beforehand. I'm just carrying on the tradition." They both laughed a bit.
"So what subjects are you most worried abou-"
"Dad look out!!"
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Lance was still sitting at his kitchen table, now putting the final touches on his Latin project. He was finished.
Wait, he was finished? But Pidge still hadn't arrived.
He quickly checked his phone, an hour and a half had passed since Keith left and Pidge never showed up. Lance had been so focused on his project he didn't realize the time.
He felt the panic welling up inside of him. What if something happened to her?
He quickly tied calling her, it rang several times before going to voicemail.
He tried again, pacing in his kitchen as it rang. No answer.
He tried a third time. Third time's the charm, right? Nope. Still no answer.
He tried to call Hunk, straight to voicemail. He tried to call Allura, she answered. Thank god.
"Hey, Lance. I'm sort of busy. Hunk and I are-"
Lance didn't let her finish, "Pidge was supposed to be here over an hour ago and now she's not answering the phone and I don't know what to do!"
"Lance, calm down. Are you alone?"
"Yes! Pidge was supposed to be coming over but she didn't! I called her three times!"
Hunk said something to Allura in the background but Lance couldn't hear it.
"Alright, Lance." Allura said, "Hunk and I are coming over. Okay? We'll be there in a bit over 15 minutes."
Lance tried to calm his breathing, "O-Okay.."
"Do you need me to stay on the line until we get there?"
"No, just hurry!" Lance leaned against the wall, unable to stop the oncoming panic attack.
Once Allura hung up, he sunk to the floor and collapsed into a fit of sobs. He hadn't wanted them to hear, that's why he had her hang up. He just sat on the floor sobbing and sobbing, his whole body trembling.
He didn't even hear his phone go off, having received a text from Keith.
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Keith frowned, sitting in the police station while Shiro finished talking to one of the officers.
Shiro finally finished and walked back to Keith, instantly noticing his upset expression, "What's wrong?"
"I texted Lance to check-in, Pidge too. Neither of them answered." he picked at his fingernails, a nervous habit, "It's been about ten minutes."
Shiro frowned, "Head on home, I'm almost done here anyway."
"Are you sure?" Keith stood up.
Shiro nodded, "Yes, go. Lance might need you right now. Go home."
Keith nodded, giving Shiro a quick hug before leaving, getting on his motorcycle and driving home as fast as he could. When he got to the apartment complex he practically ran inside.
He got to his and Lance's apartment and quickly opened the door, it was already unlocked which made Keith worry even more. He saw Lance sat down on the couch, his makeup smeared down his cheeks from crying. He was still crying a bit. Allura had wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and was now holding his hand.
Keith rushed over, "What happened?!"
Lance jumped up to hug Keith tightly, starting to sob again. Keith held him as close as physically possible, running a hand through his hair.
Allura sighed, standing up, "Pidge never arrived. He didn't realize at first because he was so focused on his project, but when he finished and saw the time.. He panicked. He tried calling her three times before calling Hunk and I. We just got here a few minutes ago. We found Lance sobbing like this on the kitchen floor. Luckily you gave each of us an emergency key."
Keith nodded, still doing his best to calm Lance down, "Has anyone been able to get a hold of her?"
Allura shook her head, "We tried calling her the whole ride over here. We tried her parents too, no answer. When we got here, Hunk tried calling Matt. He answered. They're talking in the other room. But Matt is still away for college, I doubt he'll know what happened." they all knew Lance would still have a peaked state of anxiety until he knew she was safe, and they were all worried too.
Hunk came back into the room, "Just got off the phone with Matt, he was freaking about a bit. Apparently, he got a call from his mom a half-hour ago. She said Pidge and their dad were in a car accident on the way over here."
"My goodness," Allura gasped slightly, "Are they alright."
"Matt doesn't know, that's why he was freaking out. He's waiting on an update from his mom. All he knows is that they were both taken to the hospital." Hunk sat down, it was clear he was internally freaking out too and just barely managing to keep his composure.
Keith kissed the side of Lance's head, noticing he had stopped crying, "Why don't you go wash your face off baby, you cried so much your cheeks are black with your makeup."
Lance let go, nodding slightly, "O-Okay..." he left the room.
Hunk waited until he heard the bathroom door shut before talking, "This reminds me of when we couldn't get a hold of you and then we found out Mike drove you off the road..."
Keith sighed, "It's not like that, Hunk. They're all in prison. Anna is in for life, and Mike is in for 40 years. It can't be the same as what happened last time. But even I have to admit, it does feel familiar. Me and Lance have been getting strange messages. I keep telling him it's a prank, the last thing I need is him being worried over it. He's already getting more nightmares."
"What did the messages say?" Allura asked.
Keith sat down, "They were in Latin, Lance had to translate them. They were like business cards almost. The first one we each received a copy of at work when were paid. One side said 'keep the change', the other said a storm is coming. I forget the exact word Lance said."
"Whirlwind." Lance said, having just re-entered the room, he looked surprisingly calm, "The second message was taped to our door. The front said 'may hell befall you', the back said, 'we have arrived'."
Keith stood up so Lance could sit where he had been sitting, he sat on the arm of the couch, "I'm sure the cards and Pidge's accident are completely unrelated. We shouldn't worry about that."
Allura sighed, "Did you tell the police about the cards?"
Keith nodded, "I gave them to Detective Anderson while I was at the station with Shiro today."
"Why were you two at the station?" Hunk asked.
"Shiro is enrolling in the police academy. He got all the paperwork today." Keith shrugged, "It's not that big of a deal."
"What is a big deal is that Pidge is in the hospital and none of us know if she's okay!" Lance snapped at them.
Keith was used to Lance getting like this when his anxiety was heightened, he wrapped his arms around Lance and pulled him closer, "I know, Lancey, we just have to wait until someone updates us.
Lance leaned into Keith, sniffling a bit, "What if Hunk's right, what if it is like last time?"
"You heard that?" Keith sighed, "I already said why it can't be like last time. Those psychotic bitches are in prison. Zack got the shortest sentence and even he's not getting out for another decade. It can't be them. These messages are just a prank. Pidge's accident was just that, an accident. Nobody is after us." He knew it was normal for Lance to assume someone was after him, always thinking there might be someone following him and things like that. It always turned out just to be paranoia, Keith hoped this was the same.
Lance held on to Keith's arm, "But it is exactly like last time. We didn't hear from you for hours, then someone finally tells us you were in the hospital after a motor accident. It's exactly the same."
Allura put a hand on Lance's shoulder, "Those details do match up, but that doesn't mean this situation is the same."
Hunk sat up a bit straighter, "Matt just texted me. Someone had run a red light and t-boned straight into their car. They were hit on the driver's side, then their car spiraled and the passenger side hit another car. Sam is in the ICU in a medically induced coma, he has many injuries. Pidge has a lot of injuries too. Matt doesn't know the specifics yet."
Keith rubbed Lance's back, "See, it was just an accident. A horrible accident. But just an accident."
Lance nodded, "W-We should go to the hospital, we'll get better updates there. It's not like we have anything better to do."
Allura sighed, "He has a point. It's either sit here and worry or go there and worry, and there we can talk to the doctors. We'll probably be updated sooner than Matt is."
Hunk stood up, "I'll drive us."
"Alright," Keith said, standing up with Lance.
The four headed out to Hunk's car. The drive to the hospital was quiet.
Too Quiet.
Lance wasn't panicking anymore, he felt numb. He felt like he wasn't even there; like he was on another plane of existence. Everything around him seemed to be moving in slow motion, any sound seemed muffled. He barely felt when Keith kissed his cheek.
They arrived at the hospital and had to go straight to the waiting room. The doctors couldn't tell them anything about Pidge without Colleen's consent, and she was back with Pidge still. So they had to wait.
Lance felt the same as he felt in the car. Numb, not there. He heard his friends talking but the words didn't process. He didn't know if they were talking to him or each other. And he honestly didn't care. He felt empty. He felt like he was floating in a sea of nothingness.
Keith noticed the state Lance was in, having seen it before.
Hunk looked at Keith with a worried expression, "What's wrong with him?" he whispered.
Keith sighed and held Lance's hand, "He's dissociating, it's happened before. It's common for people with PTSD," Keith put his free hand on Lance's cheek, "Lancey, baby. Come back to me."
Lance blinked a couple of times before looking at Keith, "What?"
"You're dissociating again, why don't you go to the bathroom and splash some wet water on your face. That always helps you." Keith ran his hand through Lance's hair, "I can come with you if you want."
Lance shook his head, "N-No.. I got it." He stood up and walked to the bathroom.
Hunk watched him go before looking at Keith, "What was that?"
"Dissociating, he does that in high-stress situations. That or a panic attack," Keith sighed, "You know how you can zone out and totally not hear or really see anything because you're so lost in thought? That's sorta like what it's like but worse. It's his mind's way of protecting him in times of extreme stress, he disconnects from reality for a bit."
Allura frowned, "His expression was so blank, it was like he was sleeping with his eyes open."
Keith nodded, "The first time this happened I didn't know what it was and it really freaked me out. I came home a half hour late and found him like this on the couch. After he snapped out of it he still wasn't fully focused on his surroundings. I had to talk to his therapist about it and she explained what it was and ways to help him when it happens. All it is is his mind protecting his psyche from the stress. But if I'm able to calm him down, to ground him, it stops it from happening. I sat in on a few of his therapy appointments and we learned some grounding techniques."
Hunk nodded, "Splashing water on his face is a grounding technique?"
"Yeah, dissociation can be an out of body experience. It helps him gain awareness of his environment," Keith looked down and picked at his fingernails, "If I had just stayed home today there wouldn't be a high-stress situation for him to block out. I would've been with him, Pidge wouldn't have had to leave. She wouldn't have gotten hurt, he wouldn't have gone into a panic attack. God, I'm so fucking stupid. Why would I leave when I know he's been getting bad lately"
Allura put her hand on Keith's shoulder, "You weren't leaving him alone, you were leaving him with Pidge. It's not your fault she and Sam got in a car accident, it's the fault of the man who ran the red light and hit them. It's not your fault he had a panic attack, he has so many triggers it's impossible to protect him from them all."
Keith smiled at her, "I know... I just get so worried about him.. If something triggers him bad enough he might... God, I don't even like talking about it."
"We all get worried about him," Hunk said, "Every time he insists on going home before you get off work, I feel so stressed out until I know you're home with him. I get so scared that he'll go into a panic attack. And if he did it would've been my fault because I let him go alone. It scares the shit out of me every time."
Keith sighed, "I just get scared because I was reading more about this stuff online to learn more and I saw that some people who dissociate start cutting themselves to escape the numbness and ground themselves. I don't like leaving him alone when he's like this."
"He's never tried to hurt himself like that before, has he?" Allura asked.
"No," Keith said, shaking his head, "But he has tried to kill himself twice. I wouldn't put it past him to do something like that."
"I'm not that stupid," Lance mumbled, coming back from the bathroom.
Keith looked at him as he sat down, "I didn't want you to hear that.."
Hunk smiled and pat Lance's shoulder, "Are you feeling better?"
Lance shrugged, "Still a bit numb..."
Keith held Lance's hand, "Give it a few minutes, it'll wear off."
Then Colleen walked into the waiting room, her eyes were red from crying, "The doctor told me you kids came by.."
Allura stood, "When Matt told us what happened we couldn't just stay home."
Colleen smiled at them, "Katie is okay, she has a mild concussion and a broken arm. But she's going to be okay, she will be able to come home tonight. It's Sam they're worried about. He's in a coma, they saw brain swelling on the scans..."
Allura hugged her, "I'm sure he'll be okay. He's strong."
Colleen sniffled and hugged her back, "Thank you.." she pulled apart from Allura, "You kids should go back home. Katie will be home in a couple of hours, and she's only allowed two visitors at a time anyway."
Hunk frowned, "Can I see her real quick before we leave?" he was her boyfriend after all.
Collen smiled, "Sure, but let's keep it brief."
Hunk and Colleen went back to Pidge's room and Allura sat back down next to Lance.
Keith was still holding Lance's hand, "Do you want to see her before we leave?"
Lance shook his head, "I don't want her to see me like this, she'll blame herself. Yeah, I had a panic attack because she never showed up, but it's not her fault she was in a car accident."
Allura sighed, "Apparently it was a three-car collision. Sam's car swerved into a third car after being hit."
"All because some idiot ran a red light..." Lance frowned, "I hope that guy ends up in a coma too, he deserves it. He could've killed someone."
Keith sighed, "Let's not think so negatively. All it will do is upset you more. Let's just be happy that Pidge is okay."
"Right. Good thoughts." Lance mumbled.
The three waited until Hunk finished with Pidge before leaving. When Keith and Lance got home, Lance went straight to the bedroom to take a nap. Keith let him sleep, tidying up their apartment quietly. He had read a clean environment had positive effects on your mental state. He cleaned a lot. When he was done he checked their mail. And that's when he found another one of those damn cards. Latin phrases written on both sides.
"diligitis eum?"
"quid scis de amore?"
Keith didn't want to upset ance further, so this time he used his phone to translate it.
"you love him?"
"what do you know about love?"
Keith hid the card in his wallet. He wasn't going to let Lance see. If this was someone harassing them again, he refused to let Lance know about it. No. He'd handle it himself. Lance had been through enough.
No more. Not again.
*I'm setting this up so slowly, I apologize. Shit is gonna hit the fan here soon though. And yeah if you didn't know what disassociating is, now you do. When it comes to depicting that kind of stuff I try to stick to personal experience so it's accurate.
I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD but my psychiatrist thinks I might have it. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, so Lance's symptoms always mirror mine. Keeps things accurate that way. This ain't 13 Reasons Why. I'm educated on mental illness and depict it accurately here. Well, as accurate as 19-year-old with only personal experience and the internet can make it.*