I looked up at the angry eyes glaring down at me. The Morri were physical fighters, not verbal and I knew what I had to say had the potential to set him off.
"Ro didn't trust any of his contacts in the city, that's why they found me."
Ahren's jaw tightened for a moment and then, when he laughed it was filled with cruelty. "Did Eliro tell you what his gifts are?"
Caught off guard, I replayed every conversation but came up short. I knew what he could to that everyone could do, but Ahren was right, he'd never told me what unique gift he had.
"I'm so glad that I get to be the one to share this with you," he said in a voice so quiet I knew I was the only one who heard. "The Morri you love?" His voice was filled with such condescension that I felt nauseated. "He's gifted with pain. He can make you feel it and he can take it away. Did he ever take your pain away? When Juleen stabbed you and you were bleeding out, dying in front of his eyes did he take the pain away?"
"Ahren," another deep voice shouted, but I couldn't even place whose it was. My fingernails dug so deeply into my palms that they became wet with blood. I remembered the way Ro's fists clenched at his sides as Juleen stabbed me. But he hadn't taken away my pain. It had been shock that prevented me from feeling it at first, not Ro. But he had done something, something Ahren himself told me.
"Do you even love him?" Ahren continued. "Or did he just trick you into believing that you do so you would sacrifice yourself for him, do anything they asked of you?"
Every part of me was shaking, a mix of betrayal and disbelief and more anger than I'd ever felt. Everything I knew, or that I thought I knew anyway, I suddenly questioned. Had I truly allowed myself to be manipulated? I tried to think about everything that proved otherwise, but I couldn't help but to question it all then. It felt so real, so honest, but he was implying it was all fake. And I had seen how skilled not only Ro, but Tau as well, was at portraying whatever he wanted someone to believe. It would have been so easy for them.
"You're lying," I gritted out between clenched teeth.
"No," he roared. Someone called his name again, louder and more insistently. "How quickly did you come to trust a stranger and enemy? How quickly did you agree to risk everything for him? Everything you're feeling is false, everything you think he feels is a lie."
"You're wrong," I said, but my voice had lost some its conviction.
"Am I?" He let out a bitter laugh. "Why do you think they chose you?" He waited. I kept my jaw clenched tightly. "They needed someone with nothing to lose, who was desperate for affection."
"Shut your mouth."
"You were just naive enough to buy it all."
I did not think. I just reacted. In one smooth motion, I stepped back to put space between us and when I moved again, my right fist landed soundly against his cheek. Something in my hand made a loud pop and pain shot all the way up my arm. Ahren stumbled back, not having been prepared for the hit, but remained on his feet.
Hands closed around each of my upper arms either to keep me standing or to keep me from attacking Ahren again, but I shrugged them off, shoving away from whoever had grabbed me.
"Don't. Touch. Me."
I stepped back, my body trembling with anger and hurt.
"Lena, I just want to look at your hand."
Behind where Mekhai stood in front of me keeping a careful distance like I was some kind of cornered animal, Xander had a tight grip on Ahren's arm, probably keeping him from retaliating.
"My hand is fine," I said failing to keep a level voice. My hand wasn't fine, I think I dislocated one or two of my fingers, but that, I knew how to fix myself. Really, I was just doing my best not to break down in front of them all because Ahren's words hit as hard as he'd intended.
Still shaking, I turned away from them and started walking. Gritting my teeth and closing my eyes, I wrapped my left fingers around the index finger of my right hand and quickly pulled out until the finger popped back into the place. After doing the same to my middle finger, I cautiously tested my ability to move them and was relieved to find the majority of the pain was gone. I didn't know where I was going, but I needed to get away from them. My nose and throat burned with tears that I couldn't hold off any longer. I walked as far as I could go, until I reached the barrier and there I collapsed, facing away from everyone and I sobbed.
The arguing I'd heard as I walked away turned to silence as the only think I could hear was my own ragged breathing and sobs. Once I began, it was like everything I hadn't let myself think about came to the forefront of my mind. I questioned every moment I spent with Eliro. I tried to remind myself of what I knew, but I didn't know anything anymore. I didn't know if I was incredibly foolish or if Ahren had only tried to hurt me after I hurt him by questioning his loyalty. He was right about so much though. Ro told me that he had skills in interrogation, but I never questioned what that meant. I'd taken everything he had ever told me at face value.
I cried until I fell asleep, and as I slept, I was back in Juleen's chair.
He kept me there for what felt like an eternity, and Ro stood back, watching, wearing an impassive expression.
"Lena," a soft voice called my name. I woke abruptly, breathing heavy as I became aware of where I was and who was waking me. A ragged breath of relief left my lips as I registered Analiese's, and not Prena's, concerned eyes on me. "Are you alright?"
"Fine."
Analiese looked like she wanted to press, but she bit her tongue and held out a sandwich instead.
"I brought you some food, you should eat."
Everything was quiet and when I sat up and looked around I saw that most everyone was asleep, except for Analiese who'd brought me food and Keon who I supposed was keeping watch.
"Thanks," I said, my voice hoarse from crying as I reached out and took the sandwich. The first bite sat like a stone in my stomach, but I forced myself to eat more.
"Mekhai put a a barrier around you after you walked away, so you had privacy until you fell asleep."
"I should tell him thank you, I guess."
I took another bite of my sandwich. It tasted like cardboard in my mouth though.
"Lena..."
"I don't want to talk about it."
What was there I could even say?
"Okay," she said.
"I can't even confront him about it. I don't even know that it would matter if I could."
"If he'd told you what he could do, would you have ever trusted him?" she asked carefully. I didn't answer because I didn't have a good one to give her. Withholding that information... I didn't know if I could trust him again, or trust anything I felt toward him. But if he had told me right away, she was right, I would have never trusted him.
"I heard what Ahren told you."
"I think everyone did."
"No, not that," she said shaking her head. "What happened, what Ro did, when you were...were stabbed." She paused visibly disturbed by the the idea before continuing. "He ripped apart of piece of himself to be with you. Does that sound like a man who doesn't care about you?"
When I didn't answer she sighed and pulled something out of the pocket of her pants. They were mens pants that were far too bigs and held up with ties, we all wore matching pairs. They were easier to maneuver in.
"I brought you this. Keon said it's how they communicate, it's a secure."
She handed me a small, black, rectangular device that fit into the palm of my hand and a second, smaller piece that was oddly shaped. I had seen something similar before in the suite Tau and Ro shared and I knew what it was, but had never actually used one.
"This is like a holoscreen. You click that button and it'll pull up the screen, then you just find his image. You put that in your ear and then tap the image and it'll connect," she said and pointed to the screen where she pulled up the most recent conversation. "If you want to see each other, Keon said to hold this one," she pointed to another part of the screen, "until the screen turns into the person. Oh, and if he can't answer, you can send him a message so he knows you're safe."
"But if he's being monitored—"
"Then he won't answer."
My smile was forced as nerves filled my stomach. All I had wanted all day—all I had wanted since I walked away from him was to speak to him again, to let his arms wrap around me. Now I had the chance and the idea of speaking to him, of confronting him was terrifying. What could even come of a conversation with him now? I would be confirmed an idiot who fell for a smile and lies, or he meant everything he said and did and I wasn't a fool, but I was still alone. I was gullible or I was a weakness and I wasn't sure which I preferred.
"I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt, Lena. Ahren is an idiot."
I stared at the screen, thinking over what she said. After everything we'd been through, maybe he did deserve the benefit of the doubt. Acknowledging that he deserved it and being able to let it all go were two very different things though.
"I'm going to get some rest." She said and leaned across the grass for an awkward but genuine hug. "It was a pretty awesome punch you threw." My laugh came out as a choked sob and Analiese got up and walked back to where everyone else was.
I stared at the ear piece and the main part of the device that was still turned on for me to use. I wasn't sure I wanted to call him, I was so angry with him.
I put the piece into my ear.
Following the instructions Analiese had relayed, I pressed on the image of Ro that appeared before me on the small holoscreen and waited as a chiming sounded in my ear. It took several chimes, and with each my anxiety grew, until it abruptly stopped and Ro's voice entered my ear.
"What news have you for me?" He answered in his own language, his tone impatient—all business. But it was his voice, I had become too familiar with it to mistake it for anyone else's.
I panicked and without saying anything, I pressed my finger against the red button on the small screen to end the conversation. The sound died in ear and my racing heart began to slow.
Seconds passed as I worked up the nerve to contact him again, but before I could, the chiming played in my ear. I looked at the screen to see the incoming conversation. I thought about not answering, ignoring it, but regardless of everything and whatever lies there had been, I couldn't let him think something had gone wrong. Reaching my hand hand out, I accepted the conversation.
At a loss for words, I sat in silence.
"Keon?" Ro's voice asked into the silence, irritation and hidden behind that, worry hardening his voice. "Is everything well?"
Silence.
"Do we have a poor connection?"
I killed Faedra. I scarred Zashar Juleen. I survived days of torture at his hands. A conversation could not be any worse than that.
"No," I said, my voice dry, so I cleared my throat and repeated the word.
The change in his tone was instant, but I couldn't know if it was real or fabricated. "Meikev," he said on a sigh that was heavy with relief. "I missed your voice."
"I—" I missed him. I didn't even know if what I was feeling was true, but I missed hearing his voice too. "I don't think this was a good idea, Eliro. I'm sorry."
I reached out a hand to end the conversation, but stopped short when he spoke again.
"Can I see you?"
"I..."
"Please, Lena."
I started to give in, but found myself wondering if I actually wanted to give into him or if he was persuading me.
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Please don't disconnect, Meikev." He slipped back into his own language, something I'd noticed he did from time to time, particularly when he was upset or worried. It was endearing. "Tell me what's upsetting you."
"Tell me about your gifts," I said after a long moment of silence.
"My gifts?" he asked, taken aback by the question.
"Yes."
He may have wanted further information on what had prompted the question, but he wasn't going to get it. I heard shifting on his side of the line and then a moment later, the shutting of a door.
"I have two that are... not unique, but uncommon enough that it seems that way to—Lena, are you crying?"
I cursed the sniffle that gave me away and took a deep breath while Ro waited silently on the other end.
"Your gifts."
"Right," he said reluctantly. I wondered if the reluctance was because he wanted to know how I was or because he didn't want to share the information. "I can control pain, it's what makes me so good at interrogating."
"What else?"
He must have caught on because he sighed. "I also have the gift of persuasion."
The confirmation was painful; up until that moment a small part of me hoped Ahren had lied.
"How..." I trailed off, trying to gather my thoughts. "How does it work?"
"It's difficult to explain," he said.
"Have you used it on me?"
"Not once," his response was instant. When I didn't say anything else, he sighed. "Lena, I never would have taken such an important choice from you."
"Would I know if you had?"
"Can I see you?"
"Is that how you use it?"
He cursed. "No, I just want to see you, to make sure you're okay."
A sound chimed in my ear as an alert flashed on the screen before me letting me know he had requested a face to face. It chimed again and closing my eyes I leaned forward and tapped against the screen to accept. A bright light flashed from the small device that operated the communicator several times and then Eliro was before me. The image, because of its nature was slightly transparent, but clear all the same. Clear enough to see the dark circles under his eyes and the weariness behind the smile.
"You look exhausted."
"You look beautiful," he retorted. "I wasn't sure I would see you again."
I didn't know what to say, seeing him made me want to throw my arms around him and never let go. Instantly, I questioned whether or not I actually felt that way or if it was the result of some strange power he had over me. He must have seen something in my expression because his brow furrowed and his lips formed a thin line while he gathered his words. It was a true show of who he was raised to be that he was so careful with his words and I was reminded of the canyon between our statuses. I knew who I was and who he was. I had no right to challenge him and every reason not to trust him because of who he was.
"When we met, at the paestra, you did not want to give me your name. You lied to me," he said a faint smile on his lips as though he recalled the memory fondly. "And then you threatened to have me killed and I could have taken all of those choices from you. It would have been easier for me, less entertaining, certainly, but easier."
"You seemed more frustrated than entertained."
"I was feeling many things." Ro smiled. "I should have told you what I could do, but I have never forced you to do anything."
"And the things I'm feeling?"
"What kind of things?"
I blinked, taken aback by the question and stuttered my way through a non-answer.
"I wanted to hear you say it," he said before lapsing into his own language, growing more passionate as he spoke. "And I'm going to pretend that you aren't accusing me of making you love me. It doesn't work like that, Lena, and even if it did, I wouldn't do that to you. And it isn't exactly convenient for me either, loving someone I have to put in harms way."
"You love me." I didn't know if I was asking or just repeating because I hadn't heard it before.
"I love you," he said and paused for a moment to take a breath. "How are you?"
"I, uh..." I was having nightmares every time I closed my eyes. I was in constant pain. I didn't want to tell him just how poorly I was doing though, so instead I told him, "I punched Ahren hard enough that I cracked the skin on my knuckles."
He quiet for a long moment before asking, "Did he deserve it?"
"He deserved worse."
"Did he hurt you?"
"You told me that you didn't have anyone in Aurael you knew that you could trust. You told me that was why you sought me out."
"I did," he agreed. "And I meant it. He has proved himself or I would have never let him take you, but you never answered my question. How are you?"
"I am worried about you."
"Lena."
"I don't know."
"What you've been through...if I had known what happened," he paused, shaking his head. "When he dies, it will not be quick."
What he was capable of probably should have scared me, but it didn't. It made me feel protected, a feeling I couldn't recall experiencing before meeting Ro. We spoke for a while after that and he didn't push me to talk about the things I wasn't ready to talk about, though I could tell he wanted to. Instead he focused on what had happened in the days since we'd left.
Ro explained that he and Tau had truly not expected Juleen to have me tied to a chair when he invited them to his suite to discuss their departure. They had expected to be threatened with an arrest or jail time should they not leave Aurael immediately. They were threatened with all of that, after Juleen had nearly killed me.
The human resistance, under Tau's command, lead an attack that acted as a distraction and allowed my escape to go undetected for hours. Juleen had ordered their arrest almost immediately, but they were hidden. Their contacts in the resistance were keeping them safe. And with the bombings, Juleen had been, as far as they knew, sheltered in a bunker.
"It sounds like a war zone."
"It's worse than that," he admitted.
"I don't know what you mean."
"He's sentenced any human to death on sight."
"The servants in the paestra..."
"We're trying to get to them. The resistance is holding up, keeping Juleen distracted while we work to evacuate the city."
"He'll kill you if he finds you."
"I know."
"Your father?"
Ro's mouth formed into a frown. "Has remained neutral. Better than Tau's who has denounced his son."
Regardless of how their beliefs differed, I assumed that must have stung. But maybe, after witnessing his father kill someone he loved, Tau's expectations of his father weren't that high. They were alone with a bunch of ill-prepared humans—and Tau had been honest with just how much work they needed. The resistance relied on the skills of scientists. They fought with explosives, relying on the element of surprise and most of the time it worked for them. Really, blowing them apart was the easiest way to ensure a Morri would stay dead, but they were at a great disadvantage if the fight were ever in close quarters.
That is what Tau had been working with them on since about the same time he started training me. It wasn't at all comforting to recall conversation where he'd referred to me as his best student. Because I wasn't that good and if I was the best, I didn't like their odds.
"Why are your men with us?"
"You are the first I have heard from anyone. I left you not knowing if you were alive," he said, stressing each word. "When Ahren and the others never met us with us, I hoped it meant you were, but until your voice came through the connection I wasn't certain."
I recalled the relief in his voice when realized I had called him. The immediate request to see me, the reluctance to speak about anything else. It all made sense... if he loved me, as he said he did and if he thought I was dead.
"You haven't spoken with them at all?"
"It took some time to find a secure location. I couldn't know if Ahren and Mekhai were still in their positions under Juleen, if they were reaching out could have placed them in a dangerous position. We try to keep communication to a minimum."
"They don't know the state?"
"Likely, they do."
"Why are they with us and not you."
"That's their duty. They are assigned to get you to safety and then come back."
"That's ridiculous. We don't need escorts to run away. You are a leader and a warrior they can't afford to lose, and Tau said it himself, I was always going to be collateral damage."
"You held up your end of the bargain. I made you a promise. It's non-negotiable. We have other Morri with us, our soldiers. Do not spend your time worrying for me, Lena. What happened to all that anger? Minutes ago you were ready to hate me."
"You told me you love me."
"Was that all it took to win you over?" He chuckled, but it sounded forced. "I should have lead with that."
"And then I realized we might not get to speak again."
"Of course we will."
"Will we?" I asked barely audible. "You don't sound very confident and Tau has told me about the humans' abilities in hand to hand combat. You've stayed on the line with me for a long time despite whoever continues to knock at your door. Be honest with me."
"Are you sure you want that?" I wasn't. Maybe I could let him lie to me and tell me everything is going to be okay and he's going to see me in a few days. I couldn't quite speak the word, but I nodded. "We're safe enough for now, and still fighting. But we have no way out that doesn't lead us right to Juleen's guard. He's got men going door to door, gathering humans and taking them to the prisons where they're being held while they await public execution. It's a matter of time before they find us, but do not underestimate me, Meikev, I will never use them against you, but my gifts are useful and strong. I will do everything I can to get to you."
He sounded confident enough then that the worry wrapped tightly around my heart loosened just the smallest amount. He started to say goodbye when I stopped him.
"Wait," I said and Ro cut off his goodbye with a concerned expression. "Aerias? Is he safe?"
"He is. You'll see him soon enough."
I shook my head. "You said you were taking him to Seiraul."
"It was a last moment change of plans. Tau's idea." I heard a knocking sound again. Ro cursed under his breath and then opened the door and spoke to someone, his tone clipped. It was the first time he'd bothered to answer the knocking. When he spoke to me again, his words were rushed. "You get into danger, you let my men handle it and you run. Juleen knows by now that we've allied with the outcasts and he'll have sent out patrols for any signs of their posts. If anything looks off, you hang back. You have my soul. I hope this is not the last time I get to hear your voice."
Silence filled my ears as the image of him I'd just been staring at vanished.