How unfair, it's just our love
Found something real that's out of touch
But if you'd searched the whole wide world
Would you dare to let it go?
'Cause what about, what about angels?
They will come, they will go, make us special
Don't give me up
-Not about angels
-Birdy
•••••
I sighed and slowly turned around, taking time to take in the pair of sweats which hung low at his hips and the way his plump lips were turned down in a frown.
Well, this is it. This is the moment you've been waiting for.
I took a deep breath and sifted through the many options I had thought up. I decided to leave it up to him to decide what he wanted.
"What about it?" I asked, defensively crossing my arms over my chest.
Ryder's grey eyes widened, not expecting me to ask him about it.
"Well it happened..." he trailed off.
No shit
"Yes, I know," I stated.
There was an awkward silence filled with our slow breaths. Ryder stared awkwardly at the floor, trying extremely hard not to look at me.
"Now what?" Ryder mumbled.
Well here goes nothing.
"Ryder, what do you feel towards me?" I asked, staring directly at him.
Ryder looked up, startled that I was asking him about his emotions without giving him and idea of what mine were.
"Well..." he trailed off, still speechless.
I stared at him, waiting for an answer.
On the outside I looked perfectly calm and like I had my shit together, but on the inside I was going completely ballistic. I didn't know what his response was going to be, and quite frankly I was scared.
Did I like Ryder?
Maybe.
Did he like me?
Probably not.
There were many unresolved questions running through my mind, but the one that was sounding off like a police siren was, "why did he kiss me?"
You don't just go around kissing random people, you have to have some sort of reason for doing it. My heart had picked up its speed and I bit my lip to hold back my yell of frustration when Ryder had still not answered me.
"Riley," he began, taking a deep breath.
In that instant second, by the pitiful tone he had taken up, I knew where this was going. I could predict his next words and honestly, what did I expect?
"That kiss, it meant nothing to me. I just...I think we shouldn't complicate things and just continue being friends," he said, not making eye contact.
There it was.
After all I've been through, I didn't expect Ryder's first seven words to cause my heart to completely sink. I didn't know when he had gained so much control over my heart, or when I had allowed him to do so.
All I knew was the fact that whatever he had said in the beginning of his sentence had triggered unwanted emotions in me that I had wanted to keep buried forever. Those seven words were what I predicted, but the difference between expecting and happening was that the latter hurt more and tended to act as a gun shot to an artery.
Slowly letting you bleed out, until a lifeless corpse remained.
I believed the first part of his sentence because I wasn't expecting anything else, but the rest of it was all just...
Bull.
Instantly I knew Ryder was lying. Firstly, because when he spoke to our friends about what had happened at the party he avoided eye contact with everyone there. When he had explained the story to them, he had partly lied to keep my mental break down a secret. While doing this he avoided eye contact with everyone.
Basically, whenever he lied he avoided eye contact.
Secondly, our relationship wasn't complicated because it was just...confusing. Thirdly, earlier on today Ryder didn't want to leave me because he was concerned about me and didn't even want to leave me with Dylan making me think that his sudden decision to stay friends was made now.
Then again, I could be just overthinking everything.
I took a deep breath to steady my still beating heart (surprised it was still working) and closed my eyes to prevent the tears that were threatening to spill.
Stop being such a baby!
Woman up Riley!
Once I opened them, Ryder was staring at me with a guilty expression on his face. He opened and closed his mouth, looking like a fish out of water. He started to slowly extend his hand out towards me, as if to pull me into a hug but thought better of it and let it drop to his side.
Smart boy.
"Of course, I was thinking the same thing!" I exclaimed a bit too cheerfully, my voice betraying me and breaking at the end of my sentence.
Ryder looked at me with concern in his eyes, but I had already started to walk backwards making my way blindly to my room.
"Riley-"
"I'm fine! Don't worry about me, night," I said in a rushed voice.
I turned around and sprinted into my room, slamming my door behind me. I leaned my head against the cool wood, letting the tears which were held in for too long finally break free.
They ran down my face freely, staining my cheeks and dripping onto my carpeted floor. I fell to the floor, a pile of hormones and a complete mess.
I held my head in my hands and tried to hold in my sniffle, but I couldn't even do that.
Why do I do this to myself? I mean what did I think would happen? Did I think a girl like me would ever have a happily ever after? Red roses, scented candles and a knight in shining armour?
As if!
More like blood stained kissed and tainted smiles.
Ryder was never going to like me, yet despite knowing this my heart decided to betray me and still go after the thing it knew it couldn't have.
I was too much of a mess for anyone to handle. I just brought destruction and disaster. I deserved to be alone.
Another fresh set of tears.
I felt completely broken. Like a shard of glass from a shattered mirror, or maybe I was the empty frame.
I tried to wipe away my tears which were blurring my vision, but that resorted in another fresh set to start their journey down my cheeks.
All the feelings that were piling up since the day I had arrived in Grey's Town, were all coming out now and had chosen this day to unleash their full force on me.
My anger and sadness were washing out of me and turning me numb from the inside out. The little happiness I had gained in this little town, had amounted to nothing and in the end my grief would always win.
The tears stopped.
A hollow feeling replaced it.
I needed sleep.
I could feel my eyes closing.
Thank goodness I set my alarm this morning.
Ah shoot, I have school!
Brandon's at school...
I'm screwed.
••••••
Thank god it was Friday.
I had woken up feeling like I had a bowling ball balancing on my neck instead of my normal head. My eyes were red and puffy and I couldn't stop sniffling either making it sound like I was crying I just felt absolutely terrible.
Once Ryder had seen my obviously horrid appearance, dressed in a baggy black hoodie and blue skinny jeans with my usual worn out converse, he had offered to give me a ride to school.
Since I had no one else to take me, and wasn't going to walk when the clouds looked like any time they would give in to the heavy weight of rain they were holding, I agreed.
I glanced at my reflection just before I could leave the house, and what met my eyes didn't surprise me. I had deep bruise like bags underneath my eyes and the sweat which had formed on my blistering hot forehead had made the strands of hair which had escaped my bun stick to it.
So here I was, sitting in Ryder's car with my forehead pressed against the cold glass window, feeling a bit better. My messy bun was failing me, and half of it ended up out of the hair tie anyways.
It actually was a perfect example of me at the moment.
"It looks like it's going to rain doesn't it?" Ryder asked, trying to make conversation.
"Mhm," I mumbled, not really caring much about the weather or when the next rain was.
Ryder nodded distantly and made another attempt at trying to make conversation.
"So...what's the plans for the weekend?" Ryder asked.
Seriously? I look like a total mess and I feel like my whole world is crashing down, and you want to know about what I want to do for the weekend?
Maybe I'm going to get my menstrual cycle soon.
But obviously I didn't say that.
"Just stay inside and sleep," I let out a yawn and that's when Ryder had decided to give up on making conversation.
My cold tone was not because I was holding a grudge against him for what he had said yesterday-
Okay, maybe I was but sue me for being human!
The main reason was because I didn't feel too happy that I had to get up and go to school, especially since for most of the night I slept on my floor and had ended up getting up with sore limbs at two AM because some bird wouldn't stop screeching.
Once the car came to a halt, I sluggishly got out and thanked Ryder for dropping me off.
"It's no problem. Wait where are you rushing off to?" Ryder asked me, grabbing my hand to stop me from running away.
"I just have to go to my locker," I mumbled, shrugging off his hand and turning to make my way to North Grey High.
Ryder gave me a confused look.
"Alright...see you in class," he muttered.
Ryder said something else after that but because of his low voice, I didn't hear it and I wasn't even worried.
As I made my way up the school's steps a sudden wave of nausea washed over me, making me clutch my stomach and nearly tumble down the steps because of the weight of my bag.
I took three deep breaths in through my nose and exhaled through my mouth, wishing I had taken medication or at least brought some with me.
After the nausea eased up, I lifted my head feeling slightly dizzy but a bit better. I was contemplating going to the nurses office, or calling Dylan to pick me up and take me home but he probably wasn't even awake yet.
Dylan was opening slightly later today since he said he needed a bit of a rest after yesterday and didn't feel too well either.
Maybe there was a bug going round.
I made a quick stop to my locker and exchanged my books for my first few subjects, sifting through the contents of it hoping to find some sort of medication.
After coming up empty, I blew out a breath of frustration and slammed my locker door shut. I glared at the dull grey metal, as if my sudden anger would make a bottle of flu pills magically appear on it.
A chill went down my spine, making me shiver and wrap my arms around my hoodie, pulling it closer to my body.
Since I wasn't ready to go outside and have an awkward conversation with Ryder, I started a slow walk down the hallway.
I passed empty classrooms, and many more rows of lockers. Just as I was passing a janitor's closet, which I thought was forever locked since I never even saw the janitor around, it opened slightly and a hand shot out of the empty space.
The person grabbed a hold of my arm and yanked me into the dark room. I started thrashing about and opened my mouth to let out a scream, but it was muffled by the person's other hand which was currently over it.
Now in full blown panic mode, I tuned out my brain that was shouting instructions to me and acted upon impulse and bit down on the hand that was covering my mouth. I brought my right hand up, because my left was in a death grip, and started clawing at the person's arm that was death gripping mine.
It didn't make a difference, unless I managed to leave a mark on the person through their long sleeved woollen shirt.
"Dammit! What the hell?" a familiar voice whisper-yelled.
My breath got stuck in my throat once I realized who was with me in the closet, and that I indeed had the right to be completely petrified.
The person removed their hand from my mouth so that I could speak, but never loosened the death grip they had on my arm.
"Brandon?" I asked.
There were sounds of a person rubbing their hands over the wall and then a single bulb which hung from the ceiling lit up the room with a dim glow, casting strange shadows of the cleaning supplies across the white walls.
My suspicions were confirmed and there standing before me, was Brandon Taylor. He was dressed in a dark green woollen sweater with black jeans, his hair combed back neatly for the first time since I'd met him.
He raised a perfectly arched brow as if saying, 'surprise?'
"You got that right Sk-oh wait, it's Riley," he corrected, with a smirk at the end of his sentence.
"Look, quit your games for once and get it over and done with," I said tiredly.
Brandon looked at me with confusion clouding his black eyes.
"Get what over and done with?"
I rolled my eyes at him. I was grateful I had mastered a straight face because if I hadn't, I had a feeling Brandon would use the vulnerability I was feeling on the inside to his advantage.
"What you came here to do," I said.
Brandon's mood switched the instant my sentence was out my mouth and a smirk stretched across his lips.
"Oh, that's what you mean," he said lightly, as if we were discussing the weather and not my death, "but you see Riley, just like how you planned how you'd avoid me, I too have a plan."
I narrowed my eyes at him.
"If you're expecting me to ask you what your plan is you should think again," I said, deciding to play along with his twisted games and see where it goes.
Brandon grinned at me and took a step forward and wrapped his arms around my waist, plastering me to his hard body.
The scent of cigarettes and mint bubblegum invaded my senses, setting off a series of flashback memories in my mind.
I shook my head to clear off the sudden light headedness his scent gave me and the nausea that had come back.
I pushed at Brandon's chest, trying to create some distance between us but it only resulted in him tightening his hold.
"You see Riley, this is why I keep chasing you. You may have been a little naïve, but you always knew just what to say. This Riley through, she's so feisty. I could get used to it," he said.
I clenched my jaw and turned my head to the side so that my cheek was towards him, and fixed my gaze on a mop in the corner of the tight closet.
"I doubt you're here just so that you could admire how much I've changed. What do you want Brandon?" I asked through my teeth.
I looked back up at Brandon and found him frowning down at me.
"So boring," he clucked, "well, you guessed right. I'm here to initiate phase one of my plan."
I gave a hard push to his chest and that finally resulted in him taking a couple of steps backwards and his hold on me dropping. I spun around, ready to leave before he could say anything else but stopped in my tracks when I heard his next words.
"If you leave now, all your friends will be gone by tomorrow. Vanished into thin air, what a pity don't you say?" Brandon asked in a mocking tone.
A sick feeling settled in my stomach and I inhaled a deep breath to calm down the raging storm of emotions that were swirling in me, knowing very well that if I turned around I would probably punch the fucker in his jaw.
I closed my eyes and counted to three, before slowly turning around and facing him.
"You have five minutes."
I probably shouldn't be threatening Brandon since he was the one with the upper hand, but I was so completely done with the whole cat and mouse game.
Brandon was silent for a few seconds, a thoughtful expression on his face.
"I want you to cut off your group of friends. From now on in class you sit with my friends and I, during lunch it's the same thing. I don't ever want to see you around them. Also, call off your boyfriend and don't mention any of this to your guard dog-"
"I don't have a boyfriend or a guard dog," I said confused.
Brandon gave me an unamused look.
"I guess you're not totally not naïve. Who is the guy you were sitting next to yesterday?" Brandon asked.
I thought back and realized that me helping Ryder, must of made it look like we were dating since Brandon never knew Ryder was faking his limp.
"He is my friend and not my boyfriend."
"Even better! Well, stay away from him and none of this should be mentioned to your guard dog aka Dylan," he said firmly.
I probably shouldn't have asked what I asked next, but I did anyways.
"What would happen if I didn't want to do all the things you just said?" I asked cautiously.
Brandon answered my question with no emotion in his voice.
"You see Riley, before I could come here I had organised with my friend for a copy of your schedule and each one of your friend's schedules. In each of your friend's classes, I have placed one person who is prepared to kill them with just a simple signal from me. You defy me, you will watch each one of your friends slowly die."
I gasped and the dizzy feeling I felt from this morning had returned.
"You promise if I do all you ask me to do, you'll leave them out of this?" I asked, close to tears.
"Cross my heart."
Brandon slipped past me and before he could leave the room I had one more question to ask him.
"Why go through all of this when you can very easily kill me?" I whispered.
Brandon stopped and turned around so that I could see the sinister smile that was painted onto his face.
"Now that wouldn't be very fun would it?"
With those words being said, I rushed out of the room and down the hall nearly bumping into a group of giggling girls. I burst into the ladies room and threw open the nearest bathroom stall, leaning over the toilet bowl and emptying the contents of my stomach.
I was suddenly grateful I never ate supper and had only eaten a bowl of cereal this morning. Once I was positive nothing else would come out, I sat back and leaned my head against the wall.
I could feel a headache starting to form in the front of my forehead and removed my head from the wall, placing it in between my knees instead.
This helped me clear my head a little bit, but I still sat there for a few minutes.
I felt like crying, I really did. The only problem was, I probably cried all I needed to yesterday and so no tears fell from my closed eyes. Instead, dread settled deep inside of me as I realized I would have to start avoiding my friends or risk their lives by staying with them.
I opened my eyes and knew what I had to do.
•••••
I walked into biology with a grim expression and a pounding head. I made eye contact with Violet and instantly regretted it.
She gave me a huge smile and flipped her raven black hair out of her eyes. I couldn't help but look at the smiling blonde and brunette in front of her and felt an ache in my chest.
My eyes swept over every face in the class and finally landed on the last row at the right side of the class.
There sitting with an open seat next to him, was Brandon.
This is for their own good.
I walked past Violet, Kyle and Noah and took the open seat next to Brandon. Brandon grinned at me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him.
"You made the right choice," he whispered.
I pushed past the revolting feeling forming in the pit of my belly and shifted slightly away from him.
I made it throughout biology without looking at my friends once and when the bell rang, Brandon had made sure that he was with me at all times on the way to history.
I remembered asking Brandon a long time ago about history, and he had told me he hated it for the life of him.
I walked into history with Brandon practically attached to me by the hip. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at the both of us with opened mouths.
I couldn't help but look up at Cameron once we passed him to sit by Brandon's friends at the back of the class.
He looked between Brandon and I with furrowed eyebrows and opened his mouth to say something when we passed him but closed it again.
"World War II was a result of bottled up anger. Well, part of it was," Mrs Attekkins said, as she began drawing stick figures on the board at the front of the class.
I stared blankly down at the page in front of me, not really bothering about what she was saying. It wasn't because she was a bad teacher, it was because I had a lot to focus on and the past wasn't in that list.
Just as I was about to ask to go to the bathroom so that I wouldn't have to be near Brandon anymore, a pencil rolled to me and hit my chair.
"Now using the information I have given you, please answer the questions on the following pages and if you need any help ask me," Mrs Attekins instructed.
I picked it up and stared at the thin strip of paper wrapped around it. I took a quick look at Brandon, but he was busy texting on his phone and trying to not be seen by the teacher.
I unwrapped the strip of paper and stared at the crumpled words.
What is going on? -Cam
I bit my lip and wondered whether I should answer it.
Trust me when I say it's complicated. Just make sure Violet and the rest stay away from Brandon.
I rewrapped the paper around the pencil and rolled it to Cameron. I saw him pick it up and once he read it he gave me a small nod.
I nearly jumped out of my seat when the bell sounded and let out a breath of relief once I realized I would be able to escape at least for a few seconds.
A firm grip on my arm pulled me out of my happy thoughts.
"Remember the deal," Brandon reminded me.
I nodded and walked past him, Brandon kept close behind me and made sure I didn't try to make any contact with my friends or try and tell them what was going on.
"Brandon, you don't have to hover over me every second of the day," I grumbled once I had retrieved my maths and English books.
Brandon rolled his eyes at my tone and dragged me to the cafeteria.
On the outside, I looked like a normal girl hanging out with her friend. On the inside, I couldn't have felt more helpless. I knew me hanging around Brandon and ignoring the rest of my friends was going to hurt them more than anything I could have done, but at the same time I knew that until I could come up with a plan I couldn't risk their lives.
Brandon released my hand before we could enter the cafeteria, so that it didn't look like he was forcing me to follow him.
Brandon gestured for me to go first but I stayed firmly rooted to my spot on the floor.
"Just give me a few minutes, okay?" I asked.
Brandon narrowed his eyes at me but shifted forward so that he could go into the cafeteria. He knew his way so well around the school, I wondered how long he had been watching me for.
"Fine, you have two minutes. Try anything and this room will turn into a blood bath," he warned.
I stiffly nodded and allowed myself to relax when he was out the door. I knew Brandon had people watching me, so I pulled out my phone and spoke loud enough so that they could hear me.
"Hey Dylan, I need a favour."
I moved out of the way to let a boy I vaguely recognized from one of my classes pass.
"Sure kiddo," Dylan said.
"Do you think you could pick me up?" I asked hopefully.
There was no chance of Ryder offering me a ride after what was about to happen, and I sure as hell was not going to allow myself to be completely alone with Brandon, which I suspected might happen if he had to take me home.
"Yeah, no problem," Dylan replied, not suspecting the hint of eagerness in my voice.
I thanked him and ended the call, knowing very well Brandon was probably timing me.
I took a deep breath and entered the cafeteria, spotting a table crowded with boys my age and one particular face watching me with a smirk.
I glued my eyes to his table and made my towards it, not taking them off of it to glance in the direction my heart would tell me to go.
Once I reached Brandon's table, I lowered myself onto the open chair next to him. Instantly, the table was filled with silence and I could feel everyone's eyes in the cafeteria on me.
Fantastic.
"Guys, I'd like you to meet Riley. Riley, this is Kodak, Archer, Zach, Trevor and Caleb," Brandon said sarcastically.
Everyone at the table smiled sympathetically at me except for one person, Trevor. He always hated me for some reason and I never understood why, since he should have liked me the most being Brandon's right hand man. Of course I knew who they were, it wasn't the first time I was meeting Brandon's gang/friends.
They ruled over Wintersville, destroying any obstacle in their path and too heartless to have relationships despite all of them being extremely good looking, even Brandon. But that all came to an end when their leader surprisingly fell in 'love'.
At least that's what everyone thought. Even she did for a while, but that girl was lost forever and in her place was a cold emotionless robot.
She would never return.
Their leader turned to me with a cruel smile on his face, as he stared directly into my eyes.
"Welcome home princess," Brandon said, his cruel smile making his words seem mocking instead of loving.
I felt tears threaten to spill and turned away from him, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. He'd already seen it way too many times.
His friends clapped and cheered while everyone in the cafeteria just stared at them like they were crazy.
I risked looking at the table where I would be sitting if Brandon never ruined it all.
Violet shifted her chair backwards, her eyes on Brandon's table. She started to get up, but Cameron wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back down. I gave him a grateful look and shifted my gaze to the one person I knew I shouldn't look at but I couldn't help it.
Ryder stared at me with confusion but the sudden look that flashed through his eyes made me want to run to him and tell him it was all a lie.
Betrayal.
Ryder risked his injuries so that he could make sure I wasn't hurt or wasn't going to get hurt, yet here I was fraternizing with the enemy. I had betrayed Ryder and I had hurt him.
Can I tell you something?
It. Fucking. Killed. Me.
I turned away from his accusing eyes and stared at the laughing jerk next to me. I was so mad that I could throttle him.
I was livid.
"What's wrong princess?" Brandon asked, noticing my hard stare.
I ignored him and bit the inside of my cheek to hold back the flood of insults I wished I could say to him.
"It's no use staying mad at me. This is your new life, these are your new friends. Get used to it," he said coldly.
I realized with a sinking feeling that he was right. I could never go back to my old friends, unless I wanted them to end up dead.
That day was the first day I had ever made a wish. People wish for a lot of things, but I had never wished for anything as strongly as I had wished for Brandon's fate.
I wished Brandon would find someone, someone who made him happy. I wished he'd watch her fall, completely shatter in front of him and there'd be nothing he could possibly do about it.
I hoped that it killed him as much as this was killing me.
But at that time I didn't realize how powerful our minds could be, how powerful they truly are.
And that certain stories have very unsuspecting endings.
•••••
Birdy has such a beautiful voice : )
What's your opinion on happy endings in general? : )
Thank you for reading my chapter! : )
-Grayx