Angst (-ish).
Fluff (-ish).
**********
Julian heaved a silent sigh, subtly shaking his head in disbelief as he took in the appearance of his best friend in front of him before sipping his coffee.
"You look like a total shit, man," he said flatly, looking back at Sean who had dark circles under his eyes, cheeks a little sunken, and hair sticking out in different directions.
He didn't seem to care about his appearance when Julian had practically dragged him out of bed that morning, urging him to finally come out of the house.
"Did you just bring me here to give me a fucking earful? If that's so, I'm leaving –" Sean shot up to stand but Julian was quick to pull his best friend back into his seat.
They were in an empty diner that early morning, Julian not taking it anymore that his best friend was wasting the days away inside his house.
"I just merely stated my observation," Julian said through gritted teeth, annoyed at his behaviour. "And guess what? I'm your best friend. Perhaps the only person who cares about you right now. Now, I want you to sit your stubborn ass still in that chair and fucking listen to me," he spat, breathing heavily.
He glanced his way onto the personnel behind the bar, who had her mouth agape. The middle-aged lady took the hint, and quickly wiped the bar again. Julian took a heated breath and gazed into Sean's cold eyes.
"I'm not gonna be gentle with you despite everyone telling me to take it easy on you. Because, Sean, what the fuck?" he deadpanned. "You practically ruined your life within the last months. First, you gambled your hard-earned money from the business that you just put up, fucking cheated on your fiancé, and now that she called off the engagement, you're drowning yourself in alcohol every night! Your house is basically a dumpsite -!"
"I know that, asshole!" Sean gritted, banging an angry fist on the table that the cup of coffee jumped on its place, spilling some. He was breathing heavily now, and Julian could see frustrated tears filling his eyes.
"I just want to give you a little reminder. Because all this time, you only walked away from your problems or added more. You never faced nor fixed them. We tried to help you, man, but because of your fucking pride you keep on pushing us away!"
"You don't understand," Sean said, his voice hard and trembling.
"It's because I really don't," Julian said, frowning.
Sean ran a hand over his face in frustration. "Whatever. Fuck you, man. If you're so fed up with me, then why don't you just leave? Just like everybody else?" he said, sliding from his seat to stand up. "After all, I'm fucking useless, right?"
"Don't put words in my mouth!" he spat, his voice rising. They have become unaware of the lady behind the bar shooting them dirty looks, nor the person who just entered the diner. "I never said that."
Sean shook his head, spreading his arms. "You don't fucking need to!"
He took a step back as he gave Julian a hard stare when a body collided into his.
"Can you watch where you're fucking going?!" Sean snapped, in time to see a girl holding on to the table for support to her balance.
The said girl regained her footing and stood back up, slowly turning to face him, but with a smile on her face.
And his breath got caught up in his throat as he faced her. What first captured him was her smile, then her eyes – those clear chocolate ones that sparkled with some green when hit by the sunlight that streamed onto the diner's window.
But her gaze was not meeting his. It was fixated in a fixed point right in front of her, unblinking at the moment.
"Will definitely do next time. Sorry about that," her smooth, cool voice penetrated his senses, her pearly whites almost blinding him.
"Kaycee!" the lady behind the counter was now behind the girl, holding her by the shoulders. "Are you okay? Where's your probing cane?" she asked, then glaring at Sean before leading the girl into one of the tables away from them.
The girl giggled as she held on to the older's hand. "It snapped on my way here. It's a matter of time, really. Feeling my way to the door was a breeze," she said proudly before chuckling.
"Where's Kino?"
"Kylie's bringing her to the vet," she said, her eyes still focused right in front of her.
Then Sean's heart plunged deep into his stomach in realization.
She's fucking blind.
His throat dried as he stared after her, totally side-blinded by her smile while guilt flooded his stomach.
"You're such a jerk," Julian said, arms crossed, from where he was seated.
Sean could only just glare at him before storming out of the diner.
*****
The intervention came one morning in the form of an incessant knocking on his door.
Sean was about to declare war as he wrenched it open, only to be surprised at the presence of his older sister on his threshold. His jaw clenched, heaving a deep breath as he felt the back of his eyes burn as he stared back to his sister's wet eyes.
"Sean..." Serris breathed, engulfing her brother in a hug, but he just stood still, rigid as a board.
"What are you doing here?" he said, his tone harsh.
"Julian contacted me. He was so worried about you, Sean. I am worried," she said as she parted from him, holding him at arms' length.
But he could only laugh sarcastically. "You? Worried? Give me a fucking break," he rolled his eyes as he turned away from her but Serris followed him inside, eyes widening at the state of his house. Then she turned to him again.
"How many times have we talked about this? I have to stay with the family, Sean! How else can I help you if they disown me, too?"
"I was fine by myself, thanks," he responded dryly as he sat on his couch. "The black sheep is surviving. I don't need your help."
"'Was'," she pointed out. "You were fine. Until you gambled all your money and practically ruined your life –"
She almost staggered back as Sean went on his feet, towering over her. "Dad fucking ruined my life way before this shit happened!" he spat, proving a point. His lip trembled as he sucked in a breath. "Y-Yes. I made a mistake. It was all that is –a gamble. I became greedy because I didn't want to starve again. I don't want to go back to those years. And y-yes, I was a fucking idiot that I lost my girlfriend, and you have no fucking idea how I'm carrying the guilt and pain every day..."
His eyes melted into tears as his sister started crying silently, too. "Don't you understand, Serris? I just want to fucking die. Just let me be," he said in a whisper, turning away as he leaned on the table, head down low as he took deep, calming breaths.
Serris hesitantly hugged her brother from the back as she cried with him. If she had the power, then she could make it better. At that moment, she could only be there for him.
"I-I'm sorry, Sean," she cried. "I'm sorry I wasn't a better sister. And I'm sorry if I can't just let you be. I don't want to, okay?" she said, and she stood beside him, turning his face to meet her eyes. "I'll help you. Julian and I will help you. But please," she breathed. "Help yourself, too."
*****
He tried, and by some miracle as Julian worded, he did eventually stop curing his misery with drinking. Not only because his best friend was with him most of the day to watch him, but Serris took hold of his cards to prevent him from spending his remaining money uselessly.
"I'm not a fucking child!" he had reasoned, but his sister was having none of it.
"With the way you're acting, you practically are," she deadpanned. "Just a month, li'l bro. I'll buy all the things that you need, and pay what you needed to pay. I'm leaving enough for you to eat, and if you choose to drink and starve, fine, I'm not giving this back and if I have to drag you home then I will. Dad be damned."
He realized he needed to clean up his act. He would do anything –as long as he won't go home and face his father. He won't be welcomed anyway, so why would he face the humiliation of him turning him away again?
*****
He took deep measured breaths as he cooled down, calves and lungs burning after a good one hour of jogging across town. He just started working out again just a couple of days prior and realized how his body was in bad shape after all the inactivity and alcohol-binging. He almost dragged his body as he crossed the street towards the local diner, determined to quench his parched throat.
His hand was on the knob when he stopped short, his eyes landing on a girl seated at one of the outside tables. He could feel his breath catch as he took her in, his thirst and exhaustion suddenly gone. This was the girl he bumped into weeks ago.
"Can you watch where you're fucking going?!"
He remembered snapping at her, and he pressed his eyes shut in exasperation, in embarrassment. Of course, Lew. She can't fucking watch. You're a prick, he chastised himself.
After a few moments of hesitation, he warily approached her table, mind rapidly formulating the right words to say.
Her smile captivated him, just like the very first time he landed his eyes on her. Then her clear brown eyes, her rosy cheeks, her curls flying with the wind. She is just so beautiful, especially how the setting sun bathed her skin, making her smile even brighter.
She is...ethereal.
Then he almost jumped when a loud bark cut his thoughts, just registering the large black dog by her feet, now on alert as he approached.
"Hey, Kino man. Calm down, maybe it's a friend?" she said, her smooth, cool voice sending tingles on his skin.
She stooped to scratch her dog's ears, smiling, but her head is turned to where he was standing. She probably sensed his presence, too.
"Are you a friend?" she suddenly asked, catching him off-guard.
Sean scratched the back of his neck. "Uhm. Not really. No," he said awkwardly.
"Oh," the girl said, still smiling. That must be her resting face.
"You really shouldn't do that next time. People lies and would take advantage of you," he said, genuinely concerned.
She giggled. Fuck, even that was like music to his ears. "I believe you didn't lie when you told me you're not a friend. Are you going to take advantage of me then?" she asked good-naturedly.
How straightforward. "Uh...no."
"See? I always give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Turns out I was right," she grinned.
"Even if you're...?" he trailed away. He was being careful now; he didn't want to mess up again.
"Blind?" the girl filled in. "I just lost my sight, not my heart. I still believe in people," her smile now was soft, thoughtful.
Sean dragged a breath, taking in what she just said. He looked at her now, to her now calm dog, to the open Braille book on the table.
He cleared his throat. "Can I sit down?" he asked.
"Sure!" she said, adjusting her things on the table to give him space, dragging her book, her folded cane, phone and her drink with graceful fingers.
She didn't initiate a conversation after that, and neither did he. He knew he should say something; after all, he invited himself in. He probably looked like a creep staring at her, observing how the light in her eyes and smile shifting in mere seconds. Then he realized how her fingers were swiftly running over the Braille book she was reading and noticed what it was all about.
"Hey, I know that book. I didn't know they released it in Braille," he said.
The girl's smile grew wide. "Yes, they did! This is my favourite book of all time. Do you love it, too?" she asked, her tone so excited, just so...happy.
"Uh. I don't remember most of it. I was a kid when I read it," he admitted sheepishly.
"Aww, that's okay. Trust me, when you read it now when you're an adult, it makes a lot more sense. The Little Prince is timeless," she said. "I learned that whatever life threw at you, the purity of friendship, faith, hope and love that you had and learned as a child are never lost. It's just there inside of you. You just have to let it out and use it in your life," she said.
Sean realized his mouth was slightly agape as he listened to her. Over the few minutes he had been with her, he was completely captivated. Not only she is beautiful, she also has a beautiful heart and mind as well.
He jumped the second time around with the shrill tone coming from the phone on the table. The girl made a gesture on the screen and it stopped, and she soon was carefully putting her things inside her bag. She stood up, slinging her bag on her shoulder and pulling on her dog's leash.
"Well, it was nice talking to you...uh..."
"Sean," he supplied, slightly panicking at the sudden cut of their interaction. "I –I was the one who bumped into you inside the diner weeks ago? Who told you to...uhm," he paused, embarrassed. "I just came to say I'm sorry. I was a real jerk."
He watched as her whole face lit up with dawning recognition. "Oh, I remember! I was definitely not watching because I didn't have my cane," she giggled; but he flinched as he realized that she remembered what he told her. "Don't worry about it. You didn't know it then, Sean."
And he had to curse himself internally why his heart reacted to the mere mention of her name of off her voice. He cleared his throat.
"Thanks, uh..."
"Kaycee," she smiled.
"KC," he breathed. Even her name suits her beautiful face. "KC stands for...?"
The girl giggled. Music. "Nothing. Kaycee is spelled out," she said. "Goodbye for now, Sean."
"Wait!" he said suddenly. Oh shit. He took a deep breath. "Can I at least take you home? Just to make it up with you," he said.
He didn't know why his heart was thundering, considering he'd had a lot of girlfriends before. He should be smooth, not a nervous mess, damn it.
"I'm good. Besides, you need to go home," she said, making him grow confused. And as if sensing his confusion, she giggled. "You need to take a shower. You kinda stink, Sean," her cute nose scrunched, a playful smile on her lips.
Heat rushed to his face as he was reminded how he was still drenched in sweat, and yes, possibly having an awful odor radiating off him.
"I –I went for a jog!" he called as the girl started to walk away, her dog in front of her.
Kaycee continued to giggle. "I know. I was just messing with you!" she said, head to the side, and waving a hand in the air. Then she was gone.
Sean watched her go, not realizing that probably after many months, he had a smile on his lips.
*****
"Uh, hey Tessandra," he greeted the lady manning the bar sheepishly the next afternoon.
The said lady turned to him with a raised brow, suspicious. Of course he knew she hadn't forgotten the scene he made with Julian weeks ago.
"How may I help you?" she asked in a civil tone, but her hands were on her hips, as if intimidating him.
"I just had to ask...does –does Kaycee usually come here every day?" he asked, his voice almost quiet.
Now, Tessandra had both of her eyebrows raised, then narrowed her eyes at him. "Why are you asking?" she asked curiously.
Sean frantically formulated a lie inside his mind, but knew it was futile because he didn't really want to lie. For once.
Tessandra caught up easily, shaking her head. "Oh no, mister. After seeing you that morning, I'm not sure if I want you around Kaycee," she said, crossing her arms.
"Oh come on, Tessie," Sean said exasperatedly. "That was just a bad day. I apologized to her and she forgave me. I really just want to make friends."
Tessie narrowed her eyes again. "Your desperation doesn't scream like wanting to be just friends," she said. Sean lost the words to say, and so she sighed. "Look, Sean. One thing I learned from her is looking for the good in people. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, giving them second chances."
Fuck. She's amazing, he automatically thought.
"Well, she is," Tessandra answered, and he realized he said his thoughts aloud. "Be careful, please, Sean? She's been through so much."
He frowned at this bit of information, and was about to ask further when the door to the diner opened and came in Kaycee with the usual bright smile on her face, her probing cane in front of her.
Sean stared for a while as he took in her appearance, her curls pinned back while some flowed onto her shoulders, her white dress swaying with the slight wind from the outside. He could feel his throat dry.
"Good afternoon, Tessie. Can I get the usual, please?" she asked sweetly, the crease on her cheeks deepened as she smiled.
"Kaycee, you looked so pretty today!" Tessandra glowed as she gave the still star-struck young man a furtive glance.
The younger giggled. "Oh, thank you. Kylie decided to dress me up for today because she bought this dress for me. I said she didn't have to, I won't see myself in it anyway," she said, rolling her eyes but smiling nevertheless.
"Well, I'm telling you, you look exquisite, darling," she said, clasping her hands together. "Sean here thinks so, too," she added, not able to stop herself despite her warning because of the way he was staring at her, still speechless.
Now Sean look at the older in panic at the same time Kaycee moved her head towards his direction in wonder.
"Y-Yes. Y-You look beautiful, Kaycee," he said awkwardly, feeling the need to say something after his long silence. And why the fuck am I still stuttering? Get a grip, Lew.
Another beautiful smile grew on her lips, showing her pearly whites, the rose on her cheeks prominent. "Hi, Sean! And thank you," she giggled.
"H-Hi."
Kaycee turned to Tessandra. "I'll be on my usual table outside, okay? Thank you."
"Sure, darling. Will bring you your usual right away," she winked.
"Kaycee, wait," Sean called before the girl turned away. "Can I –can I join you?" he asked, after summoning all the little courage he had.
"Of course," she said, still with the small smile on her lips.
"Thanks," he breathed, and he didn't miss the look that Tessandra gave him, probably reminding him of what she had just said, along with a shrug of her shoulders.
*****
That was the start of his new routine. Every afternoon, he would go to the diner earlier than the girl, ordering his and her usual, and they would spend an hour or so talking about random topics. She never failed to amaze him with her thoughts about anything –whether it would be super random, or wisdom she would share out of nowhere. He had never met a 24-year-old with wisdom of a woman who's lived to 50 years.
There were times he didn't understand her – didn't understand how she could see the light through the darkness despite not being able to see the literal light herself.
Sometimes, they would just be silent, just reading together. He took hold of his old Little Prince copy from back at home through Serris, who was more than confused at his request. He avoided all her questions at all costs, saying that he'd have to answer her next time or he'd tell her to mind her own business.
Then when the time her alarm rings, indicating it was time to her to go home, he would always offer to walk her home. And she had always refused, saying he didn't need to, and that she'd have to go somewhere. He was tempted to follow her, but he wanted to respect her wishes and learned over the few days that they were together that the girl had sharper senses, something that people with visual impairment had acquired.
That changed a couple of days after. When he asked her if he could accompany her home again, she surprised him by saying yes.
They were silent for the first few minutes, with Kino leading the way. Many people greeted the girl, and she responded sweetly along with her beautiful smile, and that's when he again proved that she has this strong pull that draws anyone to her light.
They had stopped at an empty park three blocks away from the diner, and Kaycee effortlessly found her way to sit on a bench before a stone ledge overlooking the city below. Sean sat beside her, and there was this odd feeling of relief and peace as he faced the view.
The setting sun was burning in a distance, painting the skies with orange, pink and lavender hues, bathing everything with deep gold where the light touches.
He looked at Kaycee and felt his chest tighten. Her smiling eyes melted into gold, too, the lashes around her pools looked like fire. She was just utterly beautiful.
This is one of the times, as bad as it sounds, that he was thankful that she couldn't see. He could just stare at her all the time without her knowing.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she asked.
Sean never took his eyes away from her. "Yeah," he breathed, eyes gentle as he swept his gaze all over her face.
The girl giggled, pulling him from his thoughts. "I'm serious, Sean."
"I am serious," he said, gaze glued on her. "Beautiful."
"I can feel your eyes burning holes on my face," she said, her tone playful.
Screw her sharp senses, he thought, not the least bit embarrassed that she caught him.
"No, Sean, look!" she encouraged him, still laughing.
He turned to look at the view again, now more admiring it.
"Can you see the part where there are shadows in some parts of the city?" she asked, and he nodded absently, brows furrowing in concentration. "It doesn't mean that it's dark or dim in those parts that light is absent. There's a shadow in the first place because there's light."
It took him a minute before he registered what she just said. He turned to look at her again, silently observing the littlest detail on her face, finding something in there. And that's when he realized, even in the weeks that they had spent together, that he wasn't looking properly. It was right there, glaring at him, and he didn't piece it together.
"Why...why do you speak as if you see it?" he had to ask, the dread stirring deep in his guts.
Kaycee was silent for a moment, before a smile made its way into her lips.
"It's because I used to see it."
He took a silent, sharp intake of breath.
She was 16 when she lost her sight. She had sneaked out in the middle of the night to attend a friend's party, and it was the night she first got wasted. Wasted enough to pass out, and her best friend had to call her parents for her whereabouts. They had picked her up, and on the way home, a trailer truck driver lost control of the wheel and slammed into them, sending their car flipping out of the road.
She survived, while her parents didn't.
She went into coma, and learned that she lost her sight due to severe trauma in the back of her brain. Her siblings were devastated with the loss. She was devastated. She had blamed herself for everything, saying she had killed her own parents, and she deserved her consequences.
Her brother took legal guardianship over her and her sister, and by the time she was of legal age, she told her brother to not stop pursuing his plans and dreams just because of her. She knew Devon had harbored deep hurt towards her, but kept it hidden for her sake. And when he did have his own family, she told Kylie to do the same. To not worry of her too much and that she could get by on her own. She worked hard in occupational therapy and psychotherapy through the years to let her siblings see that she could be independent. Besides, it was their family home; she knew the house like the back of her hand.
But the truth is, she just didn't want to be the reason again to ruin their life.
Tears were streaming down his face by the time she finished recounting her story. He shed the tears for her that she stubbornly held in with a sad smile on her face, his heart breaking as if he felt every pain she went through.
"Oh god. I'm so sorry you had to hear my sappy story," she said, sniffing, as she forced out a laugh.
Sean still couldn't speak.
Kaycee sighed. "I don't tell everyone that, Sean. Nobody wants to hear that. Nobody wants to hear how awful I was," her voice had gone quiet with the wind.
"Kaycee –"
The girl shook her head. "It doesn't matter, it was all in the past. I believe in second chances, remember? But honestly? I don't know what this second life is for yet. While it's too late for me to have my parents back, the only thing I can do is to not waste this chance to live again, to save my siblings from me, to see the world through different lenses."
They fell silent, and soon Kaycee was standing up, making Sean stand as well.
"Thanks for listening, Sean," she said. "You can...feel free to unfriend me after hearing all that," she chuckled, but it sounded fake, uneasy.
"Kaycee," he started, facing her. He stared deep right into her eyes, and oh how he wished she could look back at him at that moment. To see how he was trying to make her think otherwise.
That she wasn't and isn't awful. That she couldn't possibly think she is capable of ruining her siblings lives. That even if she doesn't know what her second life is for, he knew.
"You can't drive me away. That can't drive me away," he said, bravely taking her hand and squeezing them. "Honestly, I am a fuck up, it can't be even compared. You're just..." beautifully broken. "Hurt. And probably still hurting. Maybe I can learn a few tips of seeing the world through your lens," he said, a small smile on his lips.
A weak chuckle broke from her lips. "Oh no. I'm not the best person on the job," she said.
"Trust me. You are," he whispered.
The girl's eyes watered, but her tears still refused to fall.
"Can I walk you home, Kaycee?" he asked, now feeling a little bit braver.
A shaky breath escaped the girl's lips before a faint smile appeared on her lips. And then, she smiled, nodding.
*****
He jumped in place, almost burning himself, as the front door banged open, and he was about to get a knife to see who it was when Julian rounded through the kitchen door.
"What the fuck, man?" he snapped, heaving a deep calming breath before he turned to his oven.
Julian crossed his arms as he leaned on the kitchen counter, eyes menacing.
"Tell me, Sean," he started. "Have you been drinking again?"
"What?" Sean said distractedly, slipping the oven mitts into his hands and stooping down to see through the window.
"Have you been drinking again?" he repeated.
Sean turned to him, a frown marring his forehead. "Do I look like I'm drunk to you?"
"Uh, no. What are you doing?" his best friend now asked, distracted by the delicious smell coming from the oven.
"Crème brulee."
"Can I have some?"
"They're not for you," he glared at him. "What are you doing here?" he asked, raising a brow.
Julian shook his head, reminded of why he was there in the first place. "Where are you going every afternoon? Sometimes you come home so late. I swear to god, Sean. If you've been drinking again, I'm –"
"Jesus, Jules. I'm not, okay? Get off my freaking back, mom," he rolled his eyes.
Julian took a deep breath. "So where were you going, then?" he asked stubbornly.
"Do I have to report everything to you?"
His best friend just stared right at him. He sighed, getting a towel and wiping his hands slowly as he contemplated on what to say.
"There's just...this girl," he started.
Julian raised a brow, surprised. He watched his best friend stare into a distance for a second with a thoughtful smile on his lips. "Huh. Who is this girl who has you whipped like that?"
Sean frowned. "I'm not whipped."
"Oh yeah? Did you see what your face looks like just now?"
"I'm not, okay? It's just that...she's special," he said, his voice silent, longing.
"What's her name?"
"Kaycee," he said, his voice now stable.
"And KC stands for? Kissable Chick?" Julian laughed at his own joke, making Sean frown. "I can't believe you moved on that easily, bro," he said, now shrugging as he turned to get himself water.
"No, it's spelled out," Sean rolled his eyes. "And no. I'm just making friends. She's special, okay? She's really amazing –"
"Making friends, my ass," Julian muttered before he sipped to drink.
Sean sighed, shaking his head in defeat. "Actually, she's the...she's the blind girl I bumped into that one morning in the diner."
Julian literally spit out and choked on his water. He coughed for a while before turning into Sean. "That Kaycee?"
"Yes, that Kaycee. Why?" he asked, genuinely curious.
"Fuck. Be careful with her, man," his best friend said seriously.
Now that he knew of her story, he kind of understood why everyone is telling him that. "How did you know about her?"
"I don't. Chloe became close friends with her, so she knew of her story. While I don't, Chloe said that despite her bright and optimistic persona, beneath was a scared little girl," Julian said. "Chloe's pretty protective of her."
Sean knew that, but there was this building strong conviction in his chest. "I won't hurt her."
"Sean. You hurt your ex-fiancée," he said bluntly. "I know you've already regretted that, but I'm just saying that –"
"You don't believe I'll change?" Sean said, bitterness flaring up in his chest.
"I didn't say that!" Julian said defensively.
"No, you didn't have to," Sean shook his head, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
"I'm just saying that you have to be careful," his best friend pressed on. "She's broken. You're broken. How can you be sure that you're not just using her to cover your hurt? To move on?"
Sean paused, a sinking feeling setting in his stomach as he looked down.
"You can't do that to her, Sean. She barely let anyone in in her life. And if she lets you in, please don't take advantage of it."
He tapped his shoulder before walking off the kitchen and making himself comfortable in the couch, leaving Sean lost deep in thought.
*****
"Come to think of it, Kaycee, we've known each other for a while. But I don't know a lot about you," Sean said, sipping on boba as they sat on their usual bench one sunset.
Kaycee giggled. "Yes you do," she smiled, shrugging.
"I don't even know your favourite color. What was it?" he asked.
"It's royal blue. How about yours?" she asked, sipping on her drink, too.
His gaze on her stayed a little longer, fixated on her smile. "Rainbows," he whispered.
Kaycee scrunched her nose. "Eh? You're no fun."
Sean laughed. "Seriously, it is," he said. They went on for a few random questions until he thought of the serious ones.
"If you –if you didn't get into that accident, what are you supposed to be doing right now?" he asked.
Kaycee was silent for a while, probably thinking. "I actually don't know. I wanted to do a lot of things. I wanted to be a painter, maybe a writer, or a dancer," she said, shrugging.
"No wonder..."
"No wonder what?" Kaycee asked curiously.
"You have a beautiful mind. Think of how it can be translated through those forms of art," he said, staring right at her.
She, herself, is a masterpiece.
"Thank you," she replied bashfully. "Say, Sean?"
"Hmm?"
"Come to think of it. You never really talk about yourself. What do you do for a living?" she asked.
Sean drew out a trembling breath. There was a reason why he never told her. He was scared it will drive her away.
"I own a dance studio and I...dance professionally," he said. For the first time in his life, he didn't feel proud saying that.
Kaycee's eyes twinkled as her whole face lit up. "You must be really, really good then, Sean!" she said excitedly, hands clasped together.
Sean shook his head, aware she wouldn't even see it. "It doesn't matter. I don't dance anymore," he said quietly.
Confusion grew in her expressions. "Why not?"
A ragged breath warred inside his chest, noticing the building anxiety inside of him. He really didn't want to talk about it.
"I have no reason to anymore. I fucked up my life," he turned when he felt her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly with a sad smile on her lips, eyes right in front of her.
"You say that as if your life can't be turned around," she said, her voice soft.
"It's hard," his voice was firm.
"It is, but not impossible," she said, now with an encouraging smile on her face.
And these are the times when he just couldn't bear her positivity. These times, he had to stay silent, afraid of scaring her, or pushing her away, but the emotions buried deep within his chest roared back to life, angry that he couldn't see it the way she does.
"You don't understand, Kaycee. I was disowned by my father for following my dreams. I starved and struggled. And when I stood back up, I became greedy with money and attention. I fucked up my business and I had cheated on my fiancée!" he hissed, not realizing he was breathing hard, tears burning his eyes as he confessed everything in one breath.
He couldn't bear to look at her now, afraid of what he might see in her face. He buried his face into his hands, trying to calm himself down. Why does she bring all the emotions out of him all at once?
He could feel her gentle, careful hands running over the skin of his neck, then up to his face. She gently held his face up, her small thumbs caressing beneath his eyes and cheeks, wiping the tears that fell. His breath was caught up in his throat as he took in her face near before it got knocked off his chest as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, embracing him, consoling him with her hands rubbing his back gently.
"You're human, Sean. We make mistakes," she said, her gentle voice right in his ear, her chin resting on his shoulder.
"A horrible human," he insisted.
"Did you forget I am a horrible human, too?" Kaycee said, voice light.
"You're amazing, Kayc," Sean said before he could stop himself, he now wrapped her inside his arms, hand on her hair.
Kaycee shook her head. "Took me years to pull myself together," she said, and she pulled back. "It's not too late for everything, Sean," there was a smile on her lips. Her fingers were on his cheeks, curiously wandering. "I wish I can see you, Sean," she confessed. "How do you look?" she asked, tone playful, making him snort, sniffing.
"I'm Chinese-Japanese. That should give you an idea," he said, eyes running all over her face, now with a faint smile on his lips.
He's a roller coaster of emotions when it comes to Kaycee Rice.
Kaycee scrunched her nose cutely again. "That's too vague," she said, then her fingers lightly ran over his eyes, nose, and his cheeks. "Oh. You have dimples. Cute," she giggled.
He could feel the heat running from his neck right into his face. And when her fingers touched his lips, he could feel the electricity run down his spine as he noticed the blush that rose on her cheeks.
His heart thundered as he drew his face near, with her oblivious of what was going to happen. But before he could touch her lips with hers, he jerked when the alarm on Kaycee's phone went off. She casually broke away from him, unaware, and gestured to turn her alarm off.
"Well, time for me to go home. Thank you, Sean," she said, standing up as she unfolded her cane.
Sean, barely recovering, panted as he stood up, running his fingers through his hair out of nervous habit. "Can I please bring you home again, Kayc?"
Kaycee hesitated for a while before nodding, and she lead the way to the sidewalk.
She talked for a while, but his mind was elsewhere, and not helping himself, he took her hand and tangled her fingers with his. She stopped talking abruptly, and remained silent throughout the walk. Sean still couldn't bring himself to talk either; he let her battle with her thoughts for now, as he, too, was still trying to figure out this looming emotion inside his chest.
They stopped right in front of her door, and he didn't hesitate enveloping her inside his arms, drawing her head into his chest. She relaxed instantly into his chest, still silent, as she clutched onto his shirt.
"Thank you for everything, Kaycee. You have no idea how much you have been a big help," he whispered into her hair. "And I'm sorry for my little outburst a while ago."
The girl now had completely relaxed into his touch. "Don't worry about it, Sean. I'm not really sure I how helped but know that I'm just here."
The moment was broken when the front door opened, breaking them apart. Sean froze, growing awkward at the presence of who probably is Kaycee's sister.
"Hey, Kylie," Kaycee said, smiling. "This is Sean, a friend of mine," she said casually and walked through the door to stand beside her sister.
Sean could only raise his hand to greet, not really meeting the older woman's eyes who was staring him down.
"Thank you for walking me home, Sean. Be safe on your way home, okay?" Kaycee said, and she turned, but stopped. "And oh, I might not be on the diner for the next couple of days," she smiled, before she turned and went inside the house.
"Oh, o-okay. Good night," he softly called, and nodded at Kylie before turning.
"Hey, Sean, wait," she called, facing him.
"Please," Sean started, cutting her off when she was about to open her mouth. "Please don't tell me to be careful with her," he said exasperatedly.
He already felt like shit with all the things he had done, and with people always telling him to be careful with her made him feel like the shit he thinks he is.
Kylie smiled. "Well, I wasn't to. I really don't know you but, I'm glad she met someone like you, Sean. She never let anyone that close, you know? If I have to tell you anything – if she does push you away, don't do it. My sister has a bad habit of doing that especially to the people she loves," she gave him a knowing look, making his heart beat erratically. "But who knows, maybe she'll let you in," she smiled.
"Noted," he said, relief evident in his voice. "Thank you, Kylie." He nodded at her, rubbing his hands and turned away.
"And Sean?" Kylie called. "I'll let you in a secret. It's her birthday a day from now," she winked and disappeared into the house.
And now, a smile grew on his face.
*****
"Aww, Kylie you didn't have to do all this. Rob and the kids are waiting for you. I'm happy with my birthday dinner inside, you know?" Kaycee said, her voice emotional as her older sister led her outside their garden after she was told that she had a surprise for her.
"Hush now, baby sis. It's not every day you turn 25. Besides, I'm not staying," she said, grinning, and turned to the other person present.
"Wow, how kind of you to leave me with the mess here. Thanks very much," she chuckled. "And you really didn't have to dress me up and put make up on me. It's as if I have to look good for someone," she rolled her eyes as Kylie led her into the middle of their garden.
Kylie coughed under her breath.
And that's when Kaycee registered the soft music playing in the background and the smell of some of her favourite things –flowers and pastry.
"Aww, Kylie. You're so sweet," she said, eyes tearing up, hands on her sister's face.
"Don't thank me," she said. "Happy birthday, baby sis," and she kissed her cheek before walking off, nodding at the only other person in the vicinity.
"Huh –what?" Kaycee turned to the sound of her sister leaving through the back door.
Now Sean Lew took a very deep breath, calming himself, as he approached the girl with a bouquet of her favourite flowers.
"Happy birthday, Kaycee."
The girl stood frozen at the sound of his voice, and slowly turned towards him with surprise on her face.
"Sean?"
"Yes, it's me," he smiled.
He wished she could see him at that moment, see what's in front of her –around her.
"Is that...roses?" she asked, eyes lighting up, head turning everywhere to smell.
"Yeah. Aalsmeer Gold. Your favourite," he said, taking her hands and putting the bouquet in between.
She brought up the flowers to her nose, closing her eyes as she breathed it in, with a beautiful smile on her face. And when she opened her gorgeous big eyes up to him, he was captivated once again.
"Sean, this is beautiful. Thank you," she said.
But she was even more beautiful than those flowers.
Her hair fell on her shoulders and back in soft waves, eyes brighter with her curled lashes, mesmerizing with her rosy cheeks and lips, porcelain skin shining under the moonlight and candlelight in her halter red dress.
Before he could say anything, her excited voice cut through his thoughts. "Oh, do I smell cake? And steak? And wine?"
Sean laughed at her enthusiasm. "Yes, you're right. Are you hungry?"
Kaycee has this big smile plastered on her face. "I love hearing you laugh, Sean," she admitted, and he could feel the heat on his face again. "And yes, my stomach is already calling in protest," she giggled.
They ate their dinner, with Sean putting food on her plate, occasionally feeding her himself which the girl playfully protested but relented, anyway. Sometimes, he would wipe the side of her lips, and she would look down, embarrassed. And Sean's smile had never let his face the whole evening.
"Can I have this dance?" Sean asked, his tone now light as he lend out a hand.
Kaycee giggled as she tentatively let out her hand and Sean took it, pulling her out of her seat. They both chuckled as he led her towards the middle of the garden, and twirling her, making her laugh out loud, before pulling her towards him gently. He looped his left arm around her waist, pressing her body against his, holding her right hand and squeezing it.
The swayed to the music silently, with Kaycee unaware of the man's stare on hers. His heart full just by looking at her, and if he was still confused a couple of days ago, he wasn't now anymore.
"Can you describe to me what's around me, Sean?" she asked, her voice sweet, closing her eyes.
Sean smiled. "Do you remember how your garden looked like, Kayc?" he asked.
She nodded.
"We're in the middle of it. Small lights light up the bushes, and in a couple of feet apart, are vases of roses," he said.
"No wonder it smells heavenly," she said, eyes still closed, smiling.
"Hm," he hummed. "To your left is our table, covered in white sheet, a candle in the middle of it," he paused. "Then imagine, around you are little candles. It really gives off a romantic ambiance."
Kaycee laughed nervously, then she breathed in contentment. "Thank you, Sean. Really. You didn't have to do all this, considering I can't really see it," she said genuinely.
"Anything for you, Kaycee. I want to make you happy on your day," he said. "But I'm not yet done."
The girl laughed. "Okay..."
"In front of you, is me –"
"Obviously," she rolled her eyes playfully.
"Obviously," he echoed, laughing. "I'm wearing a white dress shirt, my sleeves are all-rolled up towards my elbows. They say guys look good with it. I can say I have sexy forearms," he said rather smugly.
Kaycee let out a hearty laugh. "Sure, Sean. I'll take your word for it," she said sarcastically.
"Hey. I really have sexy forearms," he chastised her playfully, laughing with her. Soon, his laughter died down. "And in front of me, is you. The beautiful you," he whispered.
Now, he could see her swallow nervously, a small smile on her lips, eyes cast down and cheeks red.
And courage surged in his chest.
"Kayc," he called, his voice gentle, as he tipped her chin up with his fingers. He smiled as her lips parted in wonder, and his eyes watered. "I've been roaming in the dark for a while now, and I couldn't be more grateful to destiny for bumping into you that one morning in the diner. That served as my light at the end of the tunnel.
"For someone who has been robbed of seeing, you see beauty far more than anyone I know. You always try to see beauty, to see light amidst the darkness. Amidst the darkness in me. I was honestly envious, Kayc. How can you possibly do that? I've been trying to find some light in my life for a while now. And now, I can finally say I found mine," he breathed, connecting his forehead with hers.
He watched how her pupils shake, tears lining her clear orbs. He felt her suck in a breath, trying to control her own emotions. He brought her hand he was holding towards his lips, kissing her fingers with so much emotion, then her palm, before looking right into her.
"I'm falling in love with you, Kaycee," he whispered, his breath shaking.
"S-Sean, I..." her voice was trembling.
"Kaycee, please don't," he said. "Please don't push me away. You can't push me away."
Tears dropped on her cheeks. "I-I can't have you f-falling for me," she whispered, miserable.
"Too late, Kaycee. I already am."
"I –I will b-be a burden. I-I can't do that to y-you," she reasoned.
"You're my light. You're the reason I decided to keep going," he said, cupping her face while his thumb brushed away her tears. His heart swelled. How can she look so beautiful even when crying?
"I'm going to kiss you now, Kayc," he said, his breath fanning her face.
She placed a hand on his chest, stopping him, eyes still shining. "I –" she let out a breath. "I-I don't know how," she said, her voice quiet.
He let out a small laugh, tears slipping into his face. "No one has kissed you before?"
Kaycee shook her head.
"You don't know how happy it makes me that I'll be the first one to do this," he whispered against her lips, and without hesitation, he captured her waiting lips onto his.
She kissed him back. She clutched onto the front of his shirt as he held her jaw, moving their lips gently onto each other, kiss intensifying as they both realizing how into deep they are. He dived into her mouth, never feeling something like this for someone, not even his ex-fiancée. He now knew why everything had to turn out that way. Yes, he had his own sins, and he now felt undeserving for meeting the woman right in front of him. But he couldn't have it any other way.
She held onto him tighter, now finally letting someone in. She knew he was something special the moment he asked him if he could join her that one afternoon, and knowing him more made her realize that there was a beautiful, broken soul beneath. She was broken as well, and she didn't want to break him further. What she didn't know, he had already broken through her walls right into her heart.
They breathed onto each other's lips as they departed from each other, foreheads resting against the other, eyes closed as they linger into the feeling.
"Does this mean...?" Sean asked.
Kaycee nodded. "I'm falling for you, too, Sean," she breathed.
And he cried with tears of joy as he welcomed the light in his life.
**********
Author's Note
I don't know why I'm having a hard time writing these days. I felt like I lost my touch. Anyway, here's a little attempt. This was supposed to be longer, but I decided to cut it, so there might be a possibility of part two.
Also, I'm sorry I had to delete Redamancy since it was a little confusing because of he context. I'm not sure if I'm gonna repost it again.
Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you enjoy the holidays with your fam :)