"Souls tend to go back to who feels like home".
~N. R. Heart
Alex
Two days after Aurora's birthday was Hunter and mine's fifth-month anniversary. Sadly, due to the fact that we had been skipping school rather often, we couldn't skip today.
"So, my place?" Hunter asked me during a break, while we were planning our evening.
"Yeah?" I replied not sure about it myself. Normally, we planned on doing something more interesting on our anniversaries, but not this time. "Sure, around five in the afternoon?"
I heard him hum in my mind agreeing and my attention snapped back to my friends. Or rather Don, who had been telling me something.
"... so are you in?" Don was asking me.
"Yeah, totally," I answered, having no clue what he was talking about.
"Great, then we'll meet at my place around ten this Friday. We thought about doing something small, so not many people will be there," he went on to say.
This Friday? Right, this Friday was his and Beth's one-year anniversary! They had been thinking about throwing a small party for it. Had they finally agreed to do this?
"Something small like...?" I dragged out, watching as he was searching for Beth in the crowd.
"It will be us, you, Vicky, Matt and a couple more friends. Not over twenty people," Don said as we reached our friends.
"Great, I'll be there," I assured him.
Even though Hunter and I had agreed on nothing special, I felt the need to do something for him. Having him cry in my arms the other day had taken its toll on me, despite the fact that I didn't show it. So, I was currently going through our buffet in the hallway. I was sure we had them somewhere here.
"Mom!" I called out to her, who was cooking in the kitchen, "Mom, do you remember where we put our chalk?"
"Chalk? It must be somewhere here in the kitchen," she replied, over the sound of water boiling. Rising up, I went to the kitchen to find her. With her foot, she tapped the last drawer near the oven. "In here".
"What are you cooking?" I asked her opening up the drawer and going through all the things, trying to find the chalk.
"Roasted duck with pasta," she replied as she threw the pasta in the water. "What do you need the chalk for?"
"Oh, nothing important... Don is planning this get-together Friday night and he wanted it," I said dismissively.
"So, you're not free Friday night? It's the christening of Savannah's daughter," she replied.
"Yeah, I won't make it," I said.
"Well, we will be out of town with Chris for it. But we'll return Saturday afternoon, so we can go to church Sunday morning," she said and turned to look at me. Having found the colorful chalk, I went and climbed onto the kitchen counter next to her. "Will you come with us to church?" she asked while pushing back a strand of hair that was falling on my eyes.
"Yeah, about that..." I began, scratching the back of my head, "if I tell you something, can you promise you won't get angry with me?" I asked, searching for her gaze. She shed me a sweet smile, urging me to go on.
"I promise I won't get angry," she said and placed a hand on my cheek.
"I have kind of, eh... lost my faith". Her smile began to fade and she let out a deep breath.
"I think part of me knew," she muttered, her hand still on my face. "I just didn't want to believe it".
"You're not angry," I said, but my tone made it sound more like a question. She shook her head, her straight hair moving along.
"Your beliefs are yours and only yours. I cannot force you to believe in something you don't. Yes, I'm sad that you've strayed for the right path, but it's your job to find it again," she told me. "Now get off my kitchen counter," she added with a frown and swatted me with the clean wooden spoon she was holding. Laughing I jumped down and started walking towards my room, only to stop a few feet away from her.
"How did you know?" I asked and turned to look at her.
"A mother always knows some things. Just like I know that your soulmate bond has been formed," she answered without looking away from the pot, but with a smile ghosting over his lips.
"You know...?" I muttered, frozen in place. My heart was pounding faster than ever before and nothing else besides the boiling water was to be heard. She turned to glance at me.
"Yes, but you don't have to tell me about her. Not yet, at least. I get that you kids may need some time to adjust to it," she replied and went back to her cooking.
"Could you... could you not tell Dad about this conversation?"
"You really think I will tell your father that you're not religious anymore?" she scoffed. "I'm not in the mood for a fight with him, so don't worry about it".
"Thanks, Mom," I told her and walked back to my room.
"Yo, Hunt?"
"Yeah?" he said back as I closed the door to my room.
"My parents and Chris will be out of town from Friday to Saturday..." I replied and started tuning my guitar.
"Oh? What do you have in mind?" he asked innocently, even though both of us were thinking the same thing.
"How about you come here and I can show you how to tune my guitar?" I replied, smirking at my own words even though he couldn't see it.
"Sure. I can tune whatever you want me to tune," he answered, and I could almost hear his crooked smile. I rolled my eyes and started scratching the strings. "See you in a few hours," he called to me.
Those few hours came faster than I figured. After a quiet dinner with my parents, I took my guitar, hiding the chalk in its case, and headed out to Hunter's place. I was welcomed by a very energetic Aurora, while Hunter was dragging his feet from behind her. He didn't sound so exhausted before.
"What happened to you?" I asked him.
"She drank coffee for my mug before I could stop her," he said, rubbing his forehead. I couldn't help but laugh.
"How much did she drink?"
"Like half of it!"
"But your coffee is so bitter. Did she like it?"
"No, but she drank it anyway," he said, shaking his head and closing the door behind him as I sat on his bed. "Good thing is that she will tire herself and Philip out, so no footsteps in the night," he muttered and sat down next to me, leaning in to give me a kiss.
"What an amazing brother you are," I noted with a small smile and gave him another quick kiss. "I told my mother that I'm not Christian," I muttered, pressing my forehead against his.
"How did she take it?"
"Better than I thought... I don't know, maybe she won't freak that much after she finds out about you too".
"Maybe..." he muttered and ran his hand through my hair.
"But my father will be the actual problem".
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," he said, opening his eyes to look at me.
"You know, I've thought about it. How I will tell them..."
"Tell me about it".
"Making a joke wouldn't be smart, even though that's the first thing I thought of doing. And I don't want to drop it while we are having dinner or breakfast. So, I'll probably tell them while they're watching television like you did. And I won't say something like 'I have something important to tell you' because that sounds dangerous. I was thinking about throwing it out there. Like, say that I also like guys and my soulmate is a guy".
I had actually thought a lot about it. I had spent many hours in bed thinking about all the different scenarios. What I would say. How I would say it. How they would react. That last part scared me in every scenario.
"Do you... that is, would you like it if I were there with you? Maybe he won't overreact with another person in the room".
"No, he will react the same way even if we were in the most public place of all. If you want to, you can be there. But it won't do any help with him," I replied, pulling back and falling with my back on the mattress.
"Will it help you?"
"I don't know," I muttered and closed my eyes.
"Are you afraid he may get violent?" His question made me look at him with a frown.
"He hates violence; prefers to solve things with words," I told him and tugged at his shirt so he would fall next to me.
"That doesn't answer my question. Are you afraid?" he persisted as he lay down next to me. He pushed away a few stray strands of hair away that fell in my eyes and went on to caress my face.
I didn't trust my voice, but I gave him the smallest of nods. Smiling sadly at me he came closer and moved his nose against mine. My eyes fluttered closed, taking in the feeling of him being so close to me. Don had once told me how amazing it felt to be close to Bethany and I hadn't understood. But now... now I got it.
"My father wouldn't mind tagging along, you know. He'd love to help".
"Yeah, I know... but as you said, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it," I said and kissed him. "I never got it," I went on, changing the subject.
"Hm?" he questioned, his eyes still closed from our kiss.
"I never got why Matt is so pissed at you. I have met his parents, they're both loving and way nicer than mine. But Matt has always been like that. I remember when we were younger and we played video games..."
"As if you don't play video games with him now," he cut me off, wiggling his eyebrows and giving me a smile.
"When we were younger and we played video games, he would always yell things like gay and fag, like an insult. I remember his mother and father scolding him for it. But he still used them. He still commented about the slightest thing being gay".
My eyes were focused on the T-shirt Hunter was wearing. It was black with a V-neck and I could detect a few smudges of oil paint right next to the neckline. Either he had been drawing or they wouldn't get out no matter how much he washed it. It also had a print on it, the phrase "Love wins", with each letter in the colors of the original pride flag.
"Maybe he's so far into his own closet he's reached Narnia," Hunter muttered, snapping my attention up to his face.
"Isn't that like a total cliché?" I asked, my hand teasing his skin right under his shirt. He raised his one eyebrow.
"Said the broody musician with the non-supportive parents," he scoffed.
"I'm serious. Do you know any guy that is gay but is also Matt's level of homophobic?"
"I did meet this guy once who was somewhat homophobic, even though he was gay. But he didn't reach Matt's level of homophobia," he agreed. "If his parents scolded him for using those words in that manner, why did he end up like this?"
"I know that he spent a lot of summers with his grandparents. Maybe they rubbed off on him. Not everyone is like your grandparents..." I noted.
"Hm, talking about my grandparents; Elaine asked me about you. She wants to knit you a pride sweater and asked me about your measurements," he said, his voice way too serious for what he was saying.
"Excuse me?" I said, laughing. "A pride sweater?"
"Yeah, she made one for me too. It's a black sweater with the pride flag on it. She gave me mine last June".
"So last June your grandma gave you a pride sweater as a gift, while mine asked me to help her write a protest sign. Ugh, I hate my family," I muttered and looked up at his ceiling.
"Okay, no. Today is our five-month anniversary, so no brooding," he said, moving his hands before my eyes.
"Right, I actually have a thing for you," I exclaimed and sat up.
"I know you got a thing for me, that's why we're dating," he punned, making me roll my eyes. Without replying, I opened my guitar case and pulled out the box with colorful chalk. "You got me chalk? I know we agreed on not getting a gift for these small anniversaries, but if you put the effort at least..." I shut him up with a kiss and we both fell back.
"You said that you've never worked with chalk before," I explained, pulling back.
"Okay, come on. Take your guitar with you," he told me, smiling more and more with each second that passed, and pushed me off.
Following his lead, we ended up on his front door. With my guitar in my lap, I sat down by the two steps that lead up to the dark, wooden door, while Hunter lay down by the lawn.
"Play something," he said and let all the pieces of chalk fall on the grass next to him.
Moving my fingers over the strings I starting singing Ed Sheeran's "I'm a Mess", as I watched Hunter draw me. He was as detailed as the chalk would let him be, which seemed to annoy him. Though, not once did he whine about me moving around, so he didn't really seem to care about accuracy.
"Last time I posed for you, you kept on noting even my smallest twitch," I told him, once the song ended and I set my guitar aside.
"Last time I cared around the details. Now I don't have that luxury," he replied and I sat down next to him on the soft grass.
On almost every one of our casual evening in his room, he filled at least a page with portraits of me. At this point, he must have had around fifty drawings of me.
"It's really good though," I noted, checking out first his drawing and then him. His black shirt had been dusted by all the chalk, just like his hands. He tried to scratch his nose on his shoulder but immediately began sneezing due to all the dust. "Fuck," he cursed between sneezes. "Loved the gift, but I'm never gonna work with chalk ever again".
"I thought you didn't mind getting a little dirty," I said and leaned in for a kiss. He kissed me back and pushed me until my back hit the grass.
"That's beautiful Hunter, great job," his father called out as he passed by, while we were still kissing on the grass.
"Thanks, Dad," Hunter said and hid his face on the crook of my neck.
"At least he didn't comment on us," I muttered to his ear.
"Doesn't make me feel better," he hummed and I place a kiss on the top of his head.
"Come Friday, I'll make you feel better," I told him and sat up with him in my arms. "I should get going," I added, seeing how the sun was beginning to set.
"Okay, see you tomorrow at school, Alex," he replied and kissed me on the cheek.
"See you tomorrow," I called as I put my guitar in its case and got in my car.