I left.
But only because I knew that I needed too. Being around Jayon was dangerous and I felt like I couldn't control myself when I was around him. Thoughts spiraled into my mind, forcing me to hold back tears. I was about to give him my virginity. Something so sacred, I was about to give up, knowing the history I shared with him.
He would have taken it, but nothing between us would have changed. We would still be the same old Dj and Jayon, loving each other from a distance or not loving each-other at all. The only difference would be that I would have felt stupid giving him something I knew would not have kept him around. No matter what Jayon said there would always be a space between us. Mentally and emotionally. It might have seemed stupid for me to keep falling into his arms when I knew something bad would come out of it eventually, but I couldn't help myself. I craved him all the time even when I tried to make myself hate him.
The door had already been unlocked by the time I got to it. Deon had looked at me concerned, following after me when I made it out of the house.
"Dj!" He called. "Dj! Where are you going?"
"Home," I said quickly.
"What happened between you and-"
"Dj, stop!" Deon is cut off by Jayon, who appeared to have been chasing me. I was surprised he followed me out of his room, because I didn't expect him too. He didn't follow me the last couple of times.
"Deon go back inside," I tell him, trying to find the key to Amber's car door.
"Dj no, Jayon what happ-"
"GO BACK INSIDE DEON!" I screamed. I was sure the kids inside could have heard the way I yelled at him. He didn't need to see me and Jayon arguing, he didn't need to see us fighting. I didn't need to hear his input on our relationship. He was 14 years old and he needed to stay 14.
He looked at me angrily, turning around to go back inside of the house. I would pick them both up later. It wasn't even midnight yet and I'm sure Adrian was looking for him.
"You just gone leave me like that? Again?" Jayon's voice broke, but it was deep. I wasn't trying to hurt him again. It was the last thing I wanted to do. Especially after the speech his mother had just given me.
"I need you to go back inside of your house, and supervise your sister's party Jayon. We can't talk about this right now,"
"Fuck that," he spit, making his way closer to me. His eyes were red and his lips were parted. He looked done, but not done enough. I knew he assumed for me to give our relationship another chance, but my mind just wasn't there right now. Not completely. I needed distance from him. The type of distance that required for me to not see him at all.
"Why are you making this hard? Just let me go," I told him, looking into his eyes.
"I told you that's exactly what I wasn't doing. You're fucking hard headed and crazy. You were just about to give me your virginity 10 minutes ago, and now here you go with this dramatic shit. I don't get it, I thought we were gonna be good Dj,"
"I thought I was going to do that too, but things change Jayon! I was being stupid because I love you, and loving someone puts you in fucked up situations and loving you has given me a fucked up mindset."
"Wow," he nodded. "I've been in fucked up situations with you way before we even started this...whole thing. Your saying everything is my fault? Your saying it's all on me?"
"No I'm not saying that,"
"It sounds like it. But I see how you think, I really do. The shit you have put me through has been unnecessary but the love I have for you is necessary. When will you realize that it doesn't matter what either of us do? We're always gonna have a spot in each-others hearts,"
"I'll realize that one day," I said, yanking open Amber's door. "I'm going home," I said, sitting down in the driver's seat quickly.
"You can't even fucking drive!" Jayon yells as I shut the door in his face. He slams his fist against the window as I put the key in the car engine, looking behind me to make sure I had no cars there.
I ignored whatever he was saying through the window and started to pull away, watching him as he tried to follow the car. Sure, I was the crazy one but I would have never been crazy enough to chase after anyone's car.
But just like that, I was gone. I looked through the rear view mirror, where I seen Jayon standing in the middle of the street looking hopeless.
***
I pulled into the driveway of my house, thanking God that no police officers were around to catch me driving dirty. I pulled the key out of the ignition and opened Amber's car door, shutting it when I fully emerged.
I walked to my door, jiggling the door handle to make sure it was unlocked. Fortunately it was and I was able to walk in quietly, noticing Amber on the couch sleeping peacefully.
She was sweating though, and she had a bucket next to her. I made my way to her quickly, kicking the door shut.
"She's not doing too good," my mother's voice startled me. She was standing in the kitchen, sipping on her coffee from a mug. "She's getting sick Deej, I wanted to take her to the doctor but she insisted that I didn't. It's not my place but then it is. I know how much you care about her, and as a mother I would have wanted Betha to do the same thing for you if you were in this type of situation,"
I wiped my eye, shaking my head. This day was just horrible. First I had to deal with the shit with Jayon, and now my best friend was sick. What else could go wrong?
"What's wrong baby?" My mother asks, putting her mug down.
"I'm just going through a lot right now mom. I never would have thought my summer would be so stressful,"
"It's not suppose to be. You're a child," she said.
"Yeah, I know,"
"What happened today?" She questions, making her way towards me.
"I drove today. Without a license," I grinned.
"Thats all?" She asked, grinning with me.
"And, I seen Jayon," I told her. "We...had a conversation. I met his mother too, and his sister, but his mother...she talked to me,"
"And what did she say?"
"Basically that she didn't like the fact that I ended things with Jayon. I wished I could have explained it all to her but I was so lost for words. It just threw me off,"
"She has no business telling you that. She doesn't know what happened in y'all relationship. I don't even know, and I'm your mother,"
"Yes mom, but she's Jayon's mom, just like how your my mom. If he would have ended things with me you would have acted the same way with him," I told her, beginning to play in Ambers sweaty curls.
"Well, I guess," she said. "But still, you guys are young. You will either find a way back to each other or go down separate paths. There is no way to get between that,"
"Thanks mom," I smiled.
Amber groaned a bit, but she didn't wake up. "We need to take her to the hospital," I told my mom.
"Alright. I'll call her mother," she says, standing to her feet. "Try to wake her up,"
***
*Jayon's POV*
It was now 10:30 pm. Teenagers were still dancing around our living room while some were in the bathroom. I didn't even wanna know what they were doing in there.
After all of the dramatic episodes that had happened today it finally hit me that I didn't realize my grandmother never showed up. I wondered if Jasmine noticed, or even my nosey ass mom. I seemed to be the only one concerned, even when Dj had just ripped my heart out for the millionth time, I was still concerned that my grandmother never came. That's how I knew I was definitely a Grandma's Boy.
My mother had been in the kitchen, pulling home made cupcakes out of the oven. There were young niggas in there, sitting on our counters waiting for her to say they could have one. I shook my head, because she never let me sit on the counters when I was their ages.
"Mom," I called to her over the music.
"Yes!" She yelled.
"Where's grandma? Why didn't she ever show up?"
"Oh, shit I don't know Jayon. Call her. I've been busy I hadn't even noticed," she said, opening the fridge to pull out whipped cream and other weird toppings.
"But you noticed when I wasn't down here," I mumbled. She had been the main reason why Dj stormed out my room. I knew what my mother had said to her made her feel some type of way, regardless if it was true or not Dj didn't wanna hear it.
I pulled my phone from my pocket, unlocking it to reveal lots of notifications. I barely texted people back, I barely texted at all. Most of the messages I ignored were from Amira, and she was needy as fuck.
I dialed my grandmothers number, holding one ear to hear her better when she answered.
She didn't though.
"What the fuck?" I said, pulling the phone from my ear. She never let her phone go straight to voicemail. Something wasn't right.
"I'm going over there," I told my mom. She didn't hear me though.
I picked up my moms car keys from the counter, pushing passed the kids that were in front of our door. I threw on the nearest white cap, looking to make sure nobody was paying attention to my absence.
It wasn't soon till I ended up in her car, starting it to make my way to her house. I couldn't believe I had let a whole day go by without knowing why she didn't come. I was with her earlier though, so it wasn't that serious.
She seemed fine when I gave her the sunflower seeds she had wanted before I went back to my house. Her coughing had stopped and her skin didn't look as pale this morning. Still though, she hadn't looked like her normal self in weeks.