The next thing Sasha knew, the light was streaming into her bedroom. She had gotten so caught up in reading, that she had failed to notice the night pass on angel's wings. The sun was coming up over the east though her apartment faced the west, it was morning. She checked the clock that stood on her bedside table, and it was just after 6 am. Groaning and looking around the bed, she was stiff from reading in almost the same position all night. There were used tissues everywhere and an empty Kleenex box on the floor. There was just no way she could go to work that morning; between the lack of sleep and the emotional roller coaster, this was a sick day if ever one was needed.
She reached over and grabbed her cell phone, which was at the foot of the bed and turned off her alarm which was automatically set to a specific time every morning and then pulled up the HR department from her office that was in her contact list and pressed call. She had more then enough days collected where she could take a day or two off if she wanted. As she waited to be connected with the proper person who she could talk to, Sasha decided that she would take the rest of the week off and maybe come back on Friday. It was after all only Tuesday, and she needed time to herself to think.
Upon reaching the woman in charge, she told her that she wasn't feeling that great and would be out the rest of the week and may come in on Friday if she felt better. Sasha also asked that Kathy is informed as well. She knew she had to still tell Kathy her decision regarding the Chernobyl piece but this was too much, and Sasha needed to figure out how she felt first. Even nearly 30 years later, everything was still very raw for her; especially remembering Vasya. But he was only the beginning. After getting off the phone, she put it aside and rolled over in her bed with the diary in her hands, clutched to her heart, and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
At 11 am, she was finally awoken by the incessant ringing of her cell phone. She groped for it with her hand as her eyes were still closed. Finally, grabbing it and throwing it to the side she was laying on, she rubbed her eyes and yawned as she squinted and looked at who was calling. It was evident that she wasn't going to pick up in time nor did she try. But once she was able to see clearly, the phone had a long list of missed calls. Most were from her mother, but some were from work too. Kathy's office and cell phone were among those numbers. The one that was most prevalent was her mother, from home, work, and cell phone.
Sasha just never slept in unless she was exhausted. So her mother was a big ball of worry considering how their conversation went the night before. Ekaterina knew there was something that her daughter was keeping from her, but she also knew Sasha was a grown woman and when she felt comfortable to speak about it, she would. That is the first person Sasha called, and Ekaterina answered on the first ring.
"Sashenka, finally; what is going on? Are you alright? I've been calling all morning." Ekaterina explained worriedly.
"Good morning, mama. I just overslept. I didn't realize how tired I was from the trip. I have decided to take the rest of the week off from work, and maybe if I feel up to it, I'll go in on Friday." Sasha yawned as she explained; she still didn't want to tell her mother anything.
"Is this tiredness new? Maybe you need a higher dose in your armour?"
Ah, yes the armour. How could Sasha forget? Another little gift Chernobyl left to her personally that she didn't find out until she was a teenager. She had to be on that medication for the rest of her life. Speaking of which, she reached over to her bedside table, and grabbed the bottle with the medicine, took two pills out of it and with a swig of water from the water bottle on the bedside table, downed the armour pills as she was technically not supposed to take later than 9 am every day. Today, was an exception.
"Thanks for reminding me to take them today, mama. I forgot since I overslept. And to answer your question, no I don't need a higher dose. I just think I overdid it a bit this trip. So going to rest up."
"Do you have enough food in your refrigerator for the next few days? You just got back, and I know you haven't cooked anything." Ekaterina said sternly.
"You're right, mama. I haven't cooked anything, but I have enough leftovers for today and cereal. I will go grocery shopping tomorrow, I promise."
"Feh. Leftovers; no wonder you are weak; that's not food, it's junk! Come over for dinner tonight or tomorrow night, then."
"I don't know, mama," Sasha said hesitantly, and it surprised Ekaterina.
"What is there not to know? The boys and your papa and I would love to see you." Ekaterina said kindly, again unsure how to reach her daughter. There was some sort of sadness in Sasha's voice that her mother couldn't explain. All she wanted to do was reach out through the phone and grab Sasha and hold her. Ekaterina's instincts were powerful, and she always trusted them; something was off here. But she had to wait until Sasha was ready to tell her.
"Alright, mama. I will come tomorrow night, maybe even a little earlier so I can do some light shopping in Brooklyn." Sasha finally acquiesced.
"Wonderful! You tell me tomorrow morning when you want to come in, and I will leave earlier from work so we can spend the day together. It's been too long since I have had you all to myself, my darling daughter." Ekaterina was happy about Sasha agreeing.
"I'll call or text you tomorrow morning when I know how things will figure themselves out a bit better."
"It's a deal. I'll call you this evening to see how you're doing. Please get up and eat something and get some fresh air, the day is quite lovely today."
"I'll try for some fresh air today, mama I promise." Sasha smiled at her end.
They hung up after expressing love to each other and agreeing to finalize their plans the following morning. Sasha knew she had to get up and get something to eat. So she did just that after a trip to the bathroom and brushing her teeth. She made herself a cup of noodle soup and checked over the rest of her voicemails which included Kathy reminding her that she had her couple of days before she needed to inform her about her decision to write the piece and wishing her a speedy recovery. Sasha just nodded but didn't call her editor back.
After eating and opening all of the windows in her apartment, she made her bed and decided that she would walk down to the South Street Seaport with the diary and read on a bench there by the water. A part of her didn't want to take the journal out of the apartment at all, but she really wanted to read the rest of her entries and not be couped up all day. Fresh air, especially by the East River, would maybe give her greater insight into what to do.
She took a bigger bag with her instead of her little purse, and carefully placed the diary inside along with a bottle of water, her keys, wallet, and phone. The bag already had stuff in there as it was one of her go to small travel bags and was even a school bag for her during her days in Columbia. It was very inconspicuous. She wore simple sweats and looked like a fresh and young college student even at 35.
The walk to her destination was less than 5 minutes, and she found a bench right by the water where no one would bother her. Getting her bottle of water out and the diary, she looked around her and sighed deeply as she opened the book to where she had left off....
10 November 1986
Dearest Katya:
I came home from school today using a different route than usual because that one was closed off and no one was allowed to go that way. When mama came home, I asked her what was going on and when she brushed me off, I demanded to know, and so she sat down on the couch and told me:
"They are demolishing the hospital, Sashenka. They had three liquidators or I guess you can call them reservist soldiers who worked in Chernobyl that died there, and the radiation had gotten into the floors and walls, and they couldn't fix it, so they decided to destroy the hospital and rebuild it in a different part of town." I was stunned.
"But what happened to those liquidators, mama, I mean after they died?" I still hadn't told mama about Vasya.
"That I don't know, darling. They probably buried them in a cemetery somewhere out of the way because their bodies will be radioactive for a long time. So you can't walk there to come home anymore, it's not safe. Papa or I will come to get you from school."I nodded.
After that, she went off into the kitchen and started making dinner. I went into my room knowing full well that by destroying the hospital, they were also destroying every trace of Vasya and two others that died there because of that place. Chernobyl. What a bad name! I shall never forget it. It brings harm to anyone who goes there. It should be destroyed just like the hospital!
Love, Sasha.
25 December 1986
Dearest Katya:
I'm a big sister! Mama gave birth to two twin boys! It has been nearly a month, so I have been busy being mama's helper with the two precious little ones. Mama and papa named them Mark and Georgeiy. They are too cute for words. Unfortunately, Mama sat down and told me that the doctors had to take her to a special room to give birth. She explained that both boys were born with some sort of problems because of the radiation; they were called Chernobylites by our neighbors and pointed at.
I don't care what others say about them. They are my brothers, and I love them very much! You should see them, Katya, they're both bald and like to stare. It snowed today, and we brought them outside for the first time to see the snow and a snowflake landed on Mark's nose, and he sneezed! I was laughing so hard. They are not even a month old, and they're so adorable. Well, I will write again soon, I have to go help mama change them and hold them; I adore them to pieces!
Love, Sasha.
26 April 1987
Dearest Katya:
I know it's been forever since I've written, but I have been busy with school and taking care of my brothers. I felt though today on the year anniversary of the Chernobyl catastrophe to write in you again. People have been mourning and crying, especially our next door neighbor who lost her husband last year. She has been wearing black all week. I wore a black sweater to school today, and though my mama asked me why I would wear that tragic color, I didn't tell her, but I wore it for Vasya. I haven't told her about him, and I suppose I never will. He was my special friend, and I will always carry him in my heart. And of course, you met him through my words.
Besides, mama has a lot of more important things to deal with. The doctors finally were able to figure out what is wrong with Georgeiy; he has something called cerebral palsy, and they want to take him away from us and put him into a special home for the ill. It's like a crazy home, and we don't want that. I heard mama crying about it to papa. I don't know what they are going to do, but Mark isn't well either though no one can tell what's wrong with him yet. The doctors are 100% sure that both of them are Chernobylite children and that their defects were caused by radiation exposure.
It's so scary, Katya. I don't want to be separated from my brothers, I love them too much. I know mama and papa will come up with some solution that will help us all. I just close my eyes each night and wish for a better tomorrow.
Love, Sasha.
22 September 1988
Dearest Katya:
I know it's been over a year and so much has happened but I feel that you are my Chernobyl diary and that is why I only write in you when something happens that is related to that disaster. I write in my yellow diary for all the everyday boring stuff, her name is Vera. I am 8 years old. The reason I am writing to you now is that we are leaving. We are leaving the USSR and Gomel. Papa, mama, the boys, and I are going to be joining uncle Vlad and aunt Nadya in America. We would have stayed but the USSR has a lot of problems now, and no one is certain of our future plus the doctors want to hire special courts to take my brothers away to a special place for children with their problems, and we don't want to give them up. Not too many people know we are leaving, but you are a safe place for me. So remember that sometime early next year, you'll be coming with me on a huge trip and on an airplane. I have never been on one. I hear they are exciting.
We are going to go to America and get my brothers the right doctors who won't want to take them away from us. Wish us luck, Katya! I promise that someday, I'll come back and write in you again!
Love, Sasha.
March 2, 1995
Hi Katya:
I am writing in English here for the first time because it is easier and I need practice. I am 14 years old now. Been living here in Brooklyn, NY for 6 years now. I think you are bilingual anyways so you can understand me. I haven't read anything past the last entry in here because I can't bring myself to remember that time, just too painful. You understand though. I am in high school and yesterday I went to the doctor and got a diagnosis that brought all of this back.
I had been feeling tired and sluggish and didn't know why. I have never had super energy, but this was different. So I went to my family doctor, and he ordered this big blood panel. Well, the results came back yesterday, and he diagnosed me with something called hypothyroidism or Hashimoto's. It basically means that Chernobyl left me a parting gift after all. It means that my thyroid which is located in my neck is sluggish and not making enough hormones to work with my body, so I have to be on something called armour for the rest of my life.
I cried when he told mama, papa, and I. The doctor is very friendly and is also Russian from Leningrad or St. Petersburg; that city changes its name so often, I can't keep track. Anyways, mama told me that at least its treatable though not curable. So I start on the new medication tomorrow morning. Forever just seems such a long time to take medication or to be on something. But then I look at my brothers George who has cerebral palsy and Mark who was finally diagnosed with autism here in America, and they are struggling even worse then I am though they are living with us and no one took them away like they were going to do in the USSR/Belarus. I guess perhaps all of us are Chernobylites in the end. Who knew one disaster could reach so far?
I have started to research the disaster more closely but my parents think, I should wait until I am a little older. I want to be a writer or journalist when I grow up. I guess we'll see how that goes, right? Maybe, I will even write about it professionally one day, if I can stomach bringing up the memories. Either way, there's always a twist, and I got mine today. What's next, huh?
Love, Sasha.