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Scarlet
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Months passed like days after we came home from New Beijing. Wolf and I had to figure out life with a baby for real, in our own home, and it wasn't easy, Michelle was not a fan of sleeping in a different room than us. But after about a month she got used to it and went back to being a baby that loved to sleep. After that was when I hated sleeping in a different room from her, I'd wake up with terrible dreams about what happened on Luna and end up sleeping on the floor of her room, Wolf helped me with and we got a video Monitor that showed us her room and every time I woke up, I just look at that and see she was fine.
Life started to go back to a new normal. As spring came, Wolf spent more time in the garden, and the barn, I didn't love it but I knew this was what life was gonna be like during the farming seasons. Most days, Michelle and I would go out, sit under and tree and watch him work, Michelle either took a nap there or played with her toys. On days she napped, I tried to help Wolf but he didn't like leaving her alone.
I woke up to the feeling of Wolf kissing my forehead then he laid down next to me. I laid still for a second, letting the feeling of the sun pouring into our room and him lying next to me sink, it was always perfect. Every morning felt like a dream, too good to be true. Then I heard a little voice saying something close to "daddy".
I opened my eyes to see Michelle sitting on Wolf's stomach as he was lying next to me. "Goodmorning baby girl," I said and smiled at her.
She didn't look at me, she was too busy smiling at Wolf and saying "Daddy".
"Good morning," Wolf said and smiled at me.
I leaned over and kissed Wolf then laid my head next to his, looking up at Michelle. "He's mine, you can't have him," I told her.
She threw herself forward and kissed Wolf's chin. She knew that she had her daddy wrapped around her finger.
"Fine, you can have him," I said as I sat up. "I'm going to go take a shower," I said and kissed the top of her head.
Wolf laughed and sat up next to me, moving Michelle to his legs. "You know I'm yours." He said and kissed me again.
Michelle looked up to see her parents kiss and screamed, "Daddy."
"Someone seems a little jealous." Wolf and picked her up, holding her in between him and me.
"He was mine first sweetie," I said to her.
She always was a Daddy's girl, and I couldn't blame her.
"I'm going to go take a shower," I said again to Wolf.
"Okay, I'll start breakfast." He said.
I got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom. I closed to door and thought about the day I found out I was pregnant with Michelle, it was around a year ago. It had been a crazy year. With that thought, I got into the shower and realized my period was a couple of days, which wasn't normal. I ignored it and finished showering then went downstairs to eat.
"What's for breakfast," I asked as I walked into the kitchen.
Michelle was sitting in her highchair next to the table with a baby book on the tray. She was babbling as she read it then looked up when I walked in. She smiled at her me and then turned back to her book.
"Pancakes," Wolf said, holding up the spatula and smiling.
I walked over to her and looked down at the book. "Where did you find this?" I asked as I kissed my daughter's head.
"Downstairs, it was a box with some other baby and toddler toys," Wolf said.
"It used to be mine," I said. "When I first moved here, I'd sit in the garden and read it over and over again then non-stop talk about it. Somedays I'd run around the garden playing it."
"You would pretend you were a princess?" He asked, walked over to me and put his free hand around my waist.
"She wasn't a princess, she was a girl that fell in love with a prince," I replied.
"Did she marry the prince?" He asked.
"It doesn't tell."
"If she loved him, she most likely married him. Which makes her a princess." He said smiling.
"But I didn't pretend I was a princess," I told him.
"You're much more than a princess." He told me and kissed me.
Later that day, I took a Pregnancy test. This time I didn't hide it from Wolf, I screamed his name in terror, we were going to have another baby.
A couple weeks later, we found out we were having twin girls.
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Cress
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"Thorne," I said to him laying a hand on my belly.
"What?" He said turning away from the bag of baby clothes he had just bought.
"You really need to stop buying baby clothes, she has enough to last her the first year and many more," I said smiling at him.
"You need to stop letting me shop alone." He said with a grin.
"It's not my fault that I'm on bed rest for the next 2 months," I said. The doctors feared that I was going to go into early labor so they are making me stay home till I'm closer to my due date.
"Okay, but look at this little outfit." He said and held up a small onsie that said "daddy's co-pilot."
"That is very cute, but it doesn't mean she needs more clothes," I said in response.
"Yes, she does." He said and went back to looking through his bag.
I had a response but my mind went blank when I felt a sharp pain in my lower back.
I must've made a noise or something because Thorne jumped up and ran to my side. "What's wrong." He said softly and grabbed my hand.
"I don't know, it's a weird pain," I told him, not knowing how to explain what I felt.
"We need to go to the hospital, now." He said.
I nodded.
I could see the fear in his eyes as we left our apartment. He hid it well, in buying clothes and everything, but I knew he was scared. I was too. I felt like fear was taking over my whole body. Everything in me was screaming that it was too early and I couldn't have her yet, she needed more time.
Thorne did all the talking and I just sat there half listening to what the doctors were saying. He was better under stress. I heard the doctors say they were going to go talk to each other and decide what the best option was then they left.
Thorne turned to me and I saw the raw fear in his face, no mask, just fear. And that broke me on a new level.
"Hey." He said and sat next to me on the bed.
I leaned on my head on his shoulder and let the tears fall.
He wrapped his arms around me and held me as I cried. I could feel him crying too. He didn't try and reassure me, he just held me.
"I'm scared," I whispered into him.
"Me too." He said and rubbed my back. "Me too."
The door of the room opened and I expected to see a doctor but it was a nurse. "The retired Queen of Luna is here."
Cinder.
"She can come in," I said.
The nurse walked out and Cinder came running in. She hugged us for a second then sat down on the other side of my bed.
"I know you're scared, probably terrified and I am too. But this little girl is just like her mama, strong and a fighter, she'll put up one heck of a fight. And you have to trust her, and trust yourself, Cress. You've both made it this far, what's a little farther?" She said with a slight smile. "Yeah I know I have no right to talk about birth and pregnancy but I know you and you can do this." She said and got up off the bed. "I love you both, but I left my son with a nurse and even a retired queen can't get away with that for that long."
"Thank you, Cinder," I said and smiled as he opened the door.
"I would say good luck, but you don't need it." She said and left.
I don't know how, but she helped. I was still scared but not as much. The doctors decided that an emergency C-section was the best option for me and I went with that.
I don't remember much of it, just holding Thorne's hand and waiting to hear a cry. It felt like forever, then suddenly a small little scream filled the room, and I felt my heart flutter. We were told that is she cried right away, it meant that there was a better chance that she was okay. All I could do was squeeze Thorne's hand a little harder and smiled at him, he smiled back at me.
After that, I went back to my room alone. Thorne had left to stay with the baby, which I told him to do. I think I fell asleep but I'm not sure.
Thorne came back with a couple nurses and rolling crib that had a cover over the top, it was for babies who couldn't breathe or something else on their own. I knew I should've been scared but Thorne looked happy and I took that as a good thing.
"So far, she hasn't had an issue breathing, which is a very good sign. She is on oxygen, just in case. She seems to be in perfect health, her lungs seem to be healthy, you heard that scream. She should be out of the NICU in a week or maybe sooner." One of the nurses told me and smiled. "You've got a fighter on your hands, strongest little baby I've ever seen."
I looked up as Thorne, who was standing next to my bed, I smiled at him. Our little girl was going to be alright.
"I will leave you to meet your daughter. If anything happens, hit the button but all her monitors have alarms." the nurse said and left.
I looked over in the crib and saw a small, perfect little baby. My baby.
"She's perfect," I whispered.
"She just needs a name," Thorne said and sat down next to me.
"Catharine," I said looking at her.
"It's perfect."
-
Cinder
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"Kai!" I screamed at the top of my lungs from our bed.
"What?' He said and ran out of that bathroom.
"I'm going into labor," I said trying to hide the pain.
He face turned white.
"Like now?" He asked
"Yes like now," I told him.
"Are you sure?" He said.
"I love you, and I know this is the first time I've had a baby, but I know that I'm going into labor," I said kinda harshly.
"I know, it's just, wow." He said and held out his hand to me.
I let him help me up off the bed.
"I'm scared to Babe," I said
"We've raised a baby before, what's the difference?" He said with a fake smile.
"We have a 5-year-old, we haven't raised a baby fully yet," I told him.
"We've kept him alive this long." He replied.
"You have a point, what's one more?" I said, smiling back at him.
One was a lot more. Garan loved being a big brother, he was obsessed with his new little brother but after a few months, He was tired of the new baby and the attention that the baby got and he didn't. He missed being the only child. But after a couple more months, he got a new playmate and was okay with him.
"Mommy," Garan said as he walked from the playroom into Kai's office.
"Yes honey," I said, turning away from Kai's desk.
"Can we go outside?" He asked me.
Before answering I looked over at Kai.
"Yes, I need a break from work," Kai said and got up from the desk.
"Yay," Garan yelled and ran back into the playroom.
"Want to get him dressed and I'll go wake up Adrian?" I asked Kai.
"Sounds good," Kai replied and kissed my cheek. "I'll meet you at the garden door."
I walked to Adrain's room. He was laying in his crib babbling to himself. Not napping like I thought, He hates naps.
"Hi baby," I said and picked him up.
He smiled and said something close to "Mommy"
I grabbed his coat and headed for the garden. We spent most of the day in the garden, Adrain sitting on my lap watching his brother and father play and explore. I watched and smiled, I knew Kai had a lot of work that needed his attention but he never said he needed to go back inside. And that was why I loved him so much, he put the boys and me first.
-
Winter
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Giggles filled our small living room as Jacin spun Ruby around the room and then stood her on his toes and taught her how to dance. She loved dancing with him, she loved anything that made her feel like a princess. She and Catharine would play princesses forever if we let them. I couldn't believe she was going to be 6 in a couple months, it seems like yesterday that I found out about her. Life has passed too quickly.
"Mommy!" She yelled and ran over to me.
"What?' I said softly as I pulled my thoughts back to now.
"Dance with Daddy." She said with a bright smile.
"Sure," I said and stood up from the couch.
Ruby's favorite song was playing, It was slow and pretty. She called it her princess song.
I walked over to Jacin and put my hand into his and the other on his arm.
He put his hand and pulled me closer to him. "I love you." He whispered in my ear.
I laid my head on his shoulder as we swayed back and forth. It made me think of all the nights that felt endless when Ruby was a couple months old and she wouldn't fall asleep unless we rocked her like this, sometimes it took hours for her to fall asleep, so Jacin and I would stand like this till she fell asleep.
"I love you too," I whispered back.
He kissed my forehead softly. "Ruby told me that she wants a little sister." He said softly.
I smiled. We never planned on having a baby, now our baby wants a sibling. "Really?" I said. "And how do you feel about that?"
"I don't know, our family seems perfect as it is. But she's so grown up already, and I miss the days of her being a baby." He replied.
"Me too. She grew up so fast." I said.
I could hear her sitting on the couch with her princess and guard dolls behind us.
"So, wanna have another baby?" He said with a grin.
"I guess so," I said.
It wasn't as simple as that. On Ruby's 6th birthday, we found out we were having a baby. Ruby was beyond excited to have a little brother or sister. Jacin and I were really excited too, we talked about having much less stress there would be at the beginning of this pregnancy.
In the 7th month of my pregnancy, I miscarried. Randomly, we lost our second daughter. I never thought I could feel a pain like that, losing a child I hadn't even met yet. It hit Ruby the hardest, she was too young to fully understand why she wasn't going to have a sister, or why there wasn't a baby in my stomach that she could talk to anymore.
For a while I struggled to do the simplest stuff, like dishes, making dinner and etc. I talked to Scarlet a lot during that time, she miscarried a few weeks before I did. But she wasn't in the place I was in, she wasn't missing life. I couldn't figure out how, she was about to have her baby, in labor, and something happened and the baby's heartbeat dropped too fast and the doctors couldn't do anything, yet she was still loving the season of life she was in and she didn't seem to be affected as much.
"How?" I asked her once.
"How what?" She said.
"How did you move on?" I asked.
She knew what I was talking about.
"I saw how much life I was missing; my other girls needed their mother. But I felt like this baby, needed me too, needed me not to forget about her. And moving on isn't forgetting. Wolf told me that our daughter loved her older sisters and knew they needed me, and would want me to be with them, not hiding. It still gets to me, that the little baby I carried for so long, didn't join the world with us. But I just watch the other girls and know that there is more beyond the pain, light after the storm," she said. "You'll see the rainbow after the rain, just wait. The pain will end. I don't know when, but it will. Your healing will be different than mine, but you will heal."
I cried when she told me that. And then I started to see how much Ruby and Jacin needed me and I saw the rainbow, It was getting easier. No, I didn't forget about our baby, I still loved her, but I kept moving, she was in my everyday thoughts but I wasn't living in the pain of it anymore.
A little over 2 years later, We found out we were having another baby.
(This chapter getting done before today is the biggest miracle of this year. Someday I'll learn to not procrastinate.
2 parts left.)