8:52pm
Trigger warning: indications of suicide
Anyone a fan of Queen? I found a bunch of their music on YouTube but it's in 8D audio and holy shit it's something else
Au
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After knocking on the door, Logan held his arms behind his back, gazing at the white wood before him. It didn't take long before the door had opened, and an old friend of his was standing there, a soft smile grazing his features. He looked a mess - hair overgrown and askew on his head, deep bag under his eyes that look like someone punched him, his cheeks were hollow, and his skin a deathly pale. But to Logan, all he could see was his childhood friend - someone that helped him much like he helped him in return.
He could still remember those amber eyes that burned with passion, and his perfectly sculpted face that allowed him to woo all the girls and boys in school. Deep down, Logan knew he had changed, but he didn't want to believe it, he didn't want to see the man before him for who he truly was - he couldn't let the image he had saved of Roman be corrupted by this hollow shell of a man before him.
Logan looked up to Roman; he was a determined and fiery boy who would always get things his way, no matter what. On stage, he couldn't be more in his element - he moved around on the platform like he owned it, his voice projected across the entire hall, full of emotion. They were best friends, for so many years, yet things happen, life gets in the way, and they slowly split apart. Logan knew of his troubles and torment, especially at home, but Roman never complained, never made it public, he always said he could get through it on his own, he didn't need any sympathy, or help - he didn't want to be a burden.
Obviously, he was wrong, but Logan couldn't go back in time and change that.
"Roman" Logan breathed, "It is wonderful to see you again"
"Logan" Roman replied, eyes twinkling, "I couldn't have put it better myself - come in?" Logan agreed to his offer and stepped into the cold house Roman owned. It was quiet and dark. Logan always remembered the many conversations the two shared about the future; Roman promised he would find the perfect one, make a family, and everyday, no matter what, his house would be warm - not always temperature wise, but it would be full of love, with an orange hue spreading through the rooms and hallways.
But it wasn't like that. Not at all. Logan couldn't feel any love, it didn't feel like a home, it felt like a prison cell, walls bare, tables empty, barely any furniture decorated the rooms. It was an average sized house, but it felt massive. Massively empty. And that made it harder for Logan to stay.
They walked through the hallway into the kitchen. The curtains were drawn across the window, the sink had a stack of dirty plates and cutlery, and Logan wouldn't be surprised if most of the cupboards and fridge were empty. "Would you care for a drink?" Roman offered, but after searching around for a bit, he visibly winced, for he had nothing but water. "It is quite alright" Logan murmured, and the room fell to silence. Logan couldn't ever recall a moment he spent with Roman where it was awkward - both always had something to say, and when there was silence, it was comfortable, comforting, something they needed at the time.
"Let's move to the lounge" Roman eventually managed, but his voice made it sound like something was clogging up his throat. Logan nodded and trailed after Roman once more, sitting on the arm chair while Roman made himself comfortable on the couch. "So, how are you?" Roman started conversation, his smile painfully fake, so much so Logan felt tears prick his eyes. Blinking a few times, Logan smiled his way.
"I am quite adequate. After I left university I found a beautiful house that over looked the ocean. Only down the street from me was a man I could not seem to get enough of; you were right, I am gay" this made the two chuckle lightly, but it was strained. "After awhile, another friend of mine - Virgil - quite literally forced us to go on a date, and we have been happy ever since" Logan stopped staring at the ground to meet Roman's gaze. He looked happy for him, and that was all Logan could ask for when he was younger - Roman's pride. It still felt good, even to this day. Logan didn't think Roman would ever realise how strongly Logan feels towards him, how much he praises the man, but he guessed it was too late to say now.
"That is exceptional, Logan. I always knew you would do great in life" Roman complimented, clasping his hands together softly. Logan nodded, swallowing thickly. "How are you?"
The question hung in the air for awhile, Roman's eyes trained on the coffee table for quite some time. "Oh, you know me" he finally responded, smiling but his eyes held something different - "I'm okay"
Logan nodded, clenching his hands tightly. He would not cry. Not in front of Roman. "I am glad"
Again. Another drawn out silence. Both wanted to say something, anything, but it felt like they had nothing left, there was nothing they could say.
"I think you know why I invited you over" Roman caught his attention, their gaze meeting again. "I do" Logan replied quietly. "That will make this easier, then" Roman stood up and Logan followed without question. Gently, Roman pulled him into a hug, both men were the same height, so they rested their chins on the others shoulders and just held each other, because they both knew that was what Roman needed.
"Will you try and stop me?" Roman whispered.
"No" Logan replied, just as quietly. "You know I never would - not for you, not for anyone. It is a choice I do not get a say in" Roman chuckled, leaning back, tears glistening his eyes. "Oh, Logan" he whispered, gently cupping his jaw with both hands, "how I have missed you"
Logan smiled back, his arms loosely waiting around his waist. "As have I"
Roman sighed out and the two ventured through the house into the hallway. "What's his name, then?" Roman smirked, wrapping on a jacket and opening the front door, letting Logan leave first like the gentleman he has always been.
"Patton. He is...perfect"
"Young love" Roman mused, nudging him with his shoulder gently. Logan hummed, "quite".
Once they reached the end of the path, they turned to face each other when they were before Logan's car. "Logan, will you do me one last thing?"
"Of course - anything"
Roman managed to keep back his tears, Logan noticed. He had never seen the man cry. He couldn't bare to imagine the pain that's buried deep inside of him, a permanent scar that would never leave.
"Don't mention me to anyone" He requested, "don't recall of our adventures, our late nights, our times we spent together, our memories..." he drifted, "Please" he added, reaching forward and grabbing a hold of his hands tightly. "Because I fear it is the only thing I have left..."
Logan nodded, like he said, anything for his best friend. "Thank you" Roman whispered, and once again, the two were in a hug.
"I love you, Logan. Do great things for me, promise?" Roman smiled, their hands squeezed together. "I promise, for you, Roman" Roman's smiled wavered, and the two didn't share any more words. Logan turned with him as he passed, arm outstretched so he could hold onto Roman's hand for those few seconds longer, then, their grip loosened, their finger tips brushed, and he was disappearing down the road.
Gone forever.
—
9:22pm