Josh was laying in his bed, a smile on his face. It was eight at night and the two had just finished cleaning up dinner and Reagan said she had to call her mom so Josh left to go to their room.
He was currently looking at engagement rings on a private tab on his phone.
They didn't have a lot of money— hell, he had to sell art so they could have enough money for gas and groceries —but his parents had told him that when he was ready to get married, they'd buy his ring for him if they had to. His dad had been a lot more accepting when Josh started dating a girl so his mom has proposed the idea for when he wanted to well, propose.
He had found one he really liked that was a little under $2,000 and was looking at it, inspecting the design. It was simple with a small circle diamond. It wasn't too expensive, it was cute, and it was a token of their love.
Josh was saving the tab and going back to look at the others on the website when he heard a sniffle. He looked up and saw Reagan standing in the doorway, crying.
"Babe?" Josh's heart sank. "What's wrong?"
Her lip quivered and Josh instantly left the private tab, exiting Safari, and locking his phone. He set it down and got off the bed, walking towards her. He wrapped his arms around her tightly as she leaned into his chest and cried.
"Rea, I can't help if I don't know what's wrong," he told her softly, rubbing her back. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"
She pulled back and looked at him with glossy eyes, tear tracks on her red and blotchy face. Josh's thumb involuntarily lifted to her face to wipe them away. "My period's over a week late."
Josh's eyes widened. "Oh."
"Yeah," she nodded, the tears continuing. "I don't know what to do."
His eyes floated down to her stomach and he felt sick. He couldn't have a kid. Not yet at least. He wasn't ready. Obviously it's Reagan's choice but he didn't feel prepared to raise a child. He could barely take care of himself.
"Have you taken a test?" Josh swallowed the anxious lump in his throat.
"No. I wanted to wait and do it with you."
"O-okay," he nodded. "Do you have one?"
"No."
Josh was about to suggest they go get it together but he saw how bad her hands were shaking and how scared she looked. His heart hurt for her. He wanted to take that all away.
"I'll go get one," he walked out of their room, instantly hurrying over to grab his jacket and slip his Vans on.
"Josh?" Reagan called, he turned around and saw she was crying even harder.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?" Josh asked gently.
"Because..." she took a shaky breath, making Josh automatically think the worst.
"Did you—"
"No!" She instantly replied. "God, no. I would never cheat on you. I should have prefaced," she wiped her face. "I just... I know you're already dealing with a lot and I'm not helping. I'm sorry."
"Hey," Josh grabbed her hand. "It's not your fault," he offered a small smile, resting his other hand on her stomach no matter how terrified he was and how much he wanted to throw up. "We're family. We stick together. No matter what."
"Okay," Reagan nodded, pressing her lips to Josh's. "I love you."
"I love you too. I'll be back as soon as I can."
---
"We used a condom."
"Those are only 85% effective," Reagan whispered.
The two were sitting on the bathroom floor, waiting the five minutes it took for the test to tell them just how screwed they were. It's only been a minute but to Josh it felt like years had passed.
"You're on birth control."
"99% effective. And they regulate my period. My period is not being regular right now."
Josh leaned his head against the wall, feeling his heart to pick up speed. He forced himself to take a deep breath. He couldn't make this about himself by having a panic attack. Reagan was already worried.
"A kid wouldn't be so bad? Would it?" Reagan asked suddenly in a quiet voice, making Josh look at her.
Yes. "No," Josh forced a smile on his face.
"Can you imagine a little Josh or Reagan? One of you is enough," she joked prompting Josh to laugh nervously.
"Yeah..." he trailed off.
The two remained quiet for the rest of the time. As soon as the timer on Josh's phone went off, Reagan jumped up and grabbed the test off the counter.
Josh watched her face go from nervous to disappointed and his heart dropped into his stomach. "Is it p—"
"Negative."
Josh felt like the world was lifted off his shoulders. "Oh thank god," he rested his head in his hands. "I can't be a dad. Ever."
"What?" Reagan asked, sounding broken.
Josh looked up and saw a betrayed look on his girlfriend's face. "What do you mean what?"
"You don't wanna have kids?"
"Not deliberately. If you had been pregnant I would have loved you and the baby with my whole heart but I don't intend on having kids."
"Josh," Reagan sighed shakily and he saw a tear run down her cheek. He felt horrible for what he just said. He should have just kept his mouth shut. "I wanna be a mom. I love kids. You know this. I was secretly hoping I was pregnant. I thought you wanted the same thing."
"Why'd you think that?"
"Because in the five years we've been together you never once told me otherwise!" She stressed. "We've talked about marriage, our future, having children and you never said you didn't want kids. Ever. What else am I supposed to think, Josh? You're amazing with Frank's kids!" Reagan raised her voice.
"That doesn't mean I want my own!" Josh began raising his as well. "I can't handle being a dad, Reagan! Look at me! I'm a fucking disaster! What makes you think I can look after someone?"
"You don't ever want to have kids?" Her voice lowered, cracking as she spoke.
Josh didn't want to say what he knew he had to, but he did anyway. He couldn't get stuck in a life he didn't want. "No. I don't."
Reagan didn't reply at first. Suddenly she sniffled and Josh looked up to see her crying. "I guess we didn't discuss this well enough."
"Rea..." Josh sighed. "I'm sorry. I just don't want kids."
"I do. So much," she sobbed out. "And I know you don't. And I know this won't work if you don't an I do."
Josh felt his heart shatter. "No."
"Josh, we can't stay together if we can't agree on this. Having kids is really important to me. I'm a fucking pediatric nurse for God's sake."
"Give it some time then," Josh stood up and shakily walked over to her. "I'll come around."
"No you won't," she let out a gut wrenching sob. "I'm not gonna force you into doing something like that."
"Do you not love me?" Josh felt tears fill his own eyes. "Is that why you're breaking up with me?"
"No, Josh," Reagan shook her head. "I love you. So much. That's why I'm breaking up with you. I don't want this to be an issue between us and for either of us to grow animosity towards each other."
"So we're done?" Josh let out a sob this time.
"Don't you think it's for the best?"
Josh froze for a moment, realizing she was right. She always was. This was something so life changing that they just couldn't see eye to eye on. He loved her with all his heart but he wanted to her to be able to move on and get with a guy she deserved.
"Yeah," Josh whispered.
The two were silent, the tension so thick Josh felt like he was going to drown.
"What do we do now?" Reagan asked with a shaky voice.
"I don't know."
"I mean this is your house," she told him. "I'm not kicking you out."
"No, Rea—"
"Freddie and I will be out in a few days. I just have to pack. I can stay with my parents until I can find my own place."
"Rea—"
"I can't do this. I'm leaving. I need to go clear my head. It's not your fault. I just need some time to myself," she told him, walking out of the bathroom. Josh involuntarily followed her out.
"Okay," he nodded. "I lov—" he stopped himself. "Be careful."
"I will," a tear slid down her face. "I'll be back later. Bye, Josh."
"Bye, Reagan."