waking up with a feeling of guilt, what a nice way to start the day.
jaemin woke up— no, he actually had no sleep. after storming to his room, he never went out. he knew he did something wrong, but he can't pinpoint to where he was wrong. that's what he's been finding out the whole night.
his eyes were heavy but he can't bring for them to close. as much as he didn't want to go out of his room, he didn't want to die of hunger. his stomach was growling, craving for food ever since last night.
❝please tell me the two are still cuddling and are not yet out.❞ jaemin prayed, he didn't want to see renjun. it will only make him more guilty than ever.
❝renjun~❞ jeno nuzzled his nose on the short male's neck, smelling a vanilla scent.
the older hummed as a reply and removed jeno's arms that are wrapped tightly around his waist. he then left him standing there as he placed the hot pot down the table. ❝call jaemin.❞
jeno tilted his head to the side, ❝what's wrong?❞
❝there's nothing wrong.❞ lie, renjun hated it that this was wrong. he loved receiving jeno's attention and affection. he had not yet tried having a boyfriend and has always been wondering how it feels having one. jeno right here is making him feel butterflies inside his stomach, he's not complaining though, but it's totally wrong.
jeno is engaged to jaemin, renjun reminded himself.
❝you are distancing yourself.❞ jeno pouted as he approached the older and was about to back hug him again but was stopped by the older himself.
❝jeno, you are engaged.❞
jeno didn't need a full explanation, that sentence already said everything. it is clear that renjun is moving himself away from jeno because jeno is already committed to someone. ❝but we are friends.❞
renjun scoffed at that, ❝friends don't kiss, jeno. they don't show affection like how you are giving me one.❞
❝but—❞
❝you love jaemin.❞ renjun isn't mad, he wasn't angry either, he couldn't bring himself to get mad at jeno. the older then smiled, ❝i know you just need some attention, and i'm here to help you.❞
jeno doesn't know what renjun is planning but he sure isn't liking it.
❝i'm going to make jaemin love you back, i reassure you that.❞
jaemin? what if jeno doesn't want jaemin's attention anymore? jeno's going to admit it, he had grown some romantic feelings towards this short male but thanks to this chinese reminding him that he's committed to someone that doesn't even like attention, he is now hesitating in letting that feelings grow.
❝now call him.❞ renjun patted the other's shoulder and, again, left him standing there to wash the dishes.
jeno sighed, it was too early to think about it. or he is probably just over thinking. maybe renjun is just isn't the mood and tomorrow's going to be a new day and everything is going to be back to normal.
jeno walked out of the kitchen to do what renjun ordered him to do but was stopped by someone standing by the living room. just the person renjun told jeno to call.
❝breakfast is ready.❞ what's weird is that he's starting to grow feelings towards renjun and with jaemin it's still the same. he expected for his heart to just no react when it sees jaemin because he is all about renjun now but no. it is still beating fast just like right now.
jaemin may look dead in other people's eyes but to jeno, the sight was somehow hot. jaemin's hair sticking everywhere, his eyes were threatening to close, and having a disrespectful shirt that raised up high when he stretched his arms that showed a glimpse of his stomach.
the feelings are still there, but he is also growing the same feelings towards renjun. is that even possible?
jaemin frowned, seeing jeno is now making him feel bad. what more if he's going to see renjun? it is so unfair of him to destroy their relationship. jeno didn't even try to destroy his and his ex girlfriend's relationship and yet here jaemin is, destroying jeno and renjun's relationship.
and he was right, he's really going to feel a hundred times more guiltier if he sees renjun.
the older is just sitting there with a sad smile on his face. jaemin know's that renjun is forcing himself to smile. jeno got ahead of jaemin and sat next to renjun, leaving the pink haired to just sit across renjun.
❝since we have nothing to do today, how about we watch a movie?❞ jeno said, breaking the silence between them.
jaemin's eyes travelled down to jeno's hand that was on top of renjun's. the older saw jaemin looking down at his hand and with that, he placed his hand down and left jeno hanging. jeno furrowed his brows, looking at renjun and then looking at jaemin.
it was a horror movie but no one screamed nor flinched. they all watched the movie with having a lot of things in mind. jaemin would glance once in a while at the two that are cuddling under that thick blanket that's covering them. what jaemin didn't know is that jeno is so confused at the older that's sharing a sofa with him. he couldn't hold him, he couldn't touch him. renjun just laid down there with jeno beside him not having to hold him. because whenever he does, renjun would just push him away.
jaemin sighing and standing up caught everyone's attention, ❝i'm tired.❞ the pink haired then left them alone, at least they can hold each other now.
wrong. everytime jeno would touch renjun or show affection to the short male, the older would feel guilty. it felt wrong having someone, about to be committed to another person, giving him the affection he's been wanting. it felt wrong yet it feels so right because it's jeno.
renjun then snapped out from his thoughts when he felt the weight beside him lessen and that's when he noticed that jeno is sitting up. ❝i'm just going to drink water.❞
not looking at him, renjun nodded. his eyes are on the flat screen but his mind is on another place.
jeno then got off the sofa and turned to look back if renjun is looking at him and was disappointed when the older looked like he didn't care. but with renjun not looking at him, he decided to go up and catch up to jaemin instead of going to the kitchen and drink water.
the pink haired was walking slowly that jeno caught up to him. jeno frowned as he approached the boy from behind.
❝jaemin.❞
the moment the pink haired looked back, he was pushed against the wall. everything happened so fast that jaemin could only blink instead of groaning at the pain from his back. jeno trapped jaemin with both of his arms at the side for the boy not to escape.
❝what did you do?❞ he blamed jaemin for renjun's action, he doesn't even know if it's jaemin's fault why renjun is like that.
❝nothing.❞ he obviously did something. why would renjun distance himself if he did nothing? everything started yesterday as soon as jeno arrived home. the house was quiet and as he reached his room, renjun was starting to avoid his touches and affection.
jaemin was mad at himself and at jeno. mad at himself for saying those words to renjun without even thinking that this could happen and mad at jeno for always siding with renjun.
he didn't want to admit it but he too wanted to give the older affection and wanted to hug and do all those stuff jeno is doing to him but he just doesn't now how and he was too busy thinking about his feelings towards jeno to even think about admitting it. this is what's bothering him. he knows he is jealous and he will not hesitate to admit that, but the question is to whom is he jealous, at jeno who's giving affection or at renjun who's receiving the affection?
❝third step is finding someone new..❞
jeno furrowed his brows, ❝what?❞
jaemin then raised his head and stared at jeno in the eye ❝what if i find two and not only one?❞
⚊ t b c ⚊