but I crumble completely when you cry
it seems like once again, you've had to greet me with goodbye
***
'' We're taking the puppy with us? Oh, this should be fun. ''
'' What are you talking about? Baekhyun always comes with you-... Wait. Oh. Oh. You are talking about a different 'puppy'. ''
'' I knew it, Chanyeol! You and Baekhyun totally do some kinky things when you are alone in this garage! '' Seulgi hit her palm with her fist and pointed at the blushing mechanic. Her lips stretched in to a triumphant smile and her eyes glimmered under the bright lights of the large garage. Her hands were covered by fingerless red leather gloves and the laces on her black boots were tied in bows. She was ready to hit the road and ride her motorcycle, but we were stuck waiting for the last member of our group.
Chanyeol rolled his eyes and quickly defended himself: '' You say that only because you are the type of person that greets their friends with 'hey, bitch'. ''
The sun was beginning to set above Seoul and I could almost feel the tension in the air. The garage of the club building was strangely empty, if you didn't count the team that was chosen to head out to Incheon. Seulgi was bouncing around in excitement and almost asking the universe to have a close encounter with cops or for something else 'fun' to happen. I didn't share the same opinion, but I liked seeing her smile. I was beginning to get a better understanding of the girl that liked to mess around and play with people. She was definitely only toying with me when we first met, poking in to places that she should leave untouched and trying to get a reaction out of me, but lately she changed. Hwasa told me that it was because she officially accepted me in their gang. It felt nice to hear it, but at the same time it brought up a new wave of guilt, that swirled around my heart and reminded me of what I was doing.
Next to Seulgi, there were also Yixing, who was looking as dashing as ever in his fur coat, decorated with two rifle guns, the young recruit Felix and another biker called Kai. Together with Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, there were seven of us that had the task to go to Incheon and empty the place where Hyungwon got his guns. I had yet to hear anything more than those unclear instructions. I tried to ask Seulgi to tell me more about the job and she said that the only thing that I had to worry about, was getting the guns before the cops would. The rest, wasn't important.
'' I have a very important question! '' I seriously announced and raised my hand. '' It's Felix, right? Felix is the one that you meant when you used the word 'puppy', right? ''
'' Are you trying to play the age card? '' Felix asked and his eyes widened in disbelief. '' Why don't you ask that question again once Baekhyun gets here? You'll get your answer when he'll tell you to sit and stop barking. ''
'' B-But- '' I began, only to get interrupted by a familiar serious voice.
'' Enough chit-chat! '' Baekhyun loudly ordered and walked inside the garage, followed by a grim faced Kyungsoo. The two of them went to a last minute meeting with the boss Junmyeon and I couldn't help it but to wonder what happened. '' We wasted enough time already! ''
'' B-But- '' I spoke up once again, but Baekhyun quickly stopped me when he shot a sharp glare in my direction.
Felix stuck his tongue out in my direction and grinned in triumph. He quickly got serious when Baekhyun glared at him too, while Seulgi leaned against her bike and happily said: '' You aren't even going to try to apologise? You and Kyungsoo are the only reason why we wasted so much time. You two better have a good enough reason why you made us wait for so long! ''
Yixing leaned closer to me and whispered: '' See? That's how you stand up for yourself. Instead of keeping quiet and wagging your tail when your master orders you to do so. ''
I was staring straight ahead and nodding at the sound of Yixing's words, until I caught Baekhyun watching us with a frown. Seulgi was still waiting for him to answer to her question, but it was like he completely forgot about it. He kept staring at the biker that was leaning closer to my ear and touching my shoulder with his, until Yixing noticed it, winked at him and purposely rested his arm on top of my head. That was when Baekhyun narrowed his eyes, walked closer and pushed it off. Then he leaned with his own arm against my head and mumbled: '' Get your own arm rest, Yixing. This one is mine. ''
I crossed my arms on my chest and looked up towards me. '' Are you trying to piss me off? ''
'' A little bit, '' he admitted and I saw him smirk at me before he looked at the others again. '' There's a reason why Kyungsoo and I kept all of you waiting. The gang is having some money problems-... Seulgi, don't you dare try to say that it's time to find a new gang. It's not like that. The last drug runs that we did for Kim Haejin did add up like they were supposed to and we've been having some other problems too. Someone is stealing from the Aces and... Seulgi, once again, I know that you like your money, but this is going to have to wait until we come back from Incheon. ''
Seulgi rolled her eyes and mumbled: '' Well, at least you told us the truth about the situation, unlike how you lie about your feelings towards- ''
'' Another word and I will take the missing money from your own bank account, '' Baekhyun lowly threatened before she count finish her sentence.
A teasing smile returned on her lips, she winked at Baekhyun and happily skipped towards her motorcycle. The others shook their heads with disapproval and I also shot a strange look at him. He frowned at the sight of that and glared back at me. '' What are you looking at me like that for? Just get on your motorcycle and try to keep up with the rest of us. ''
'' Try to keep up? I'll take that as a challenge! '' I replied with a grin and rushed towards my bike. He rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of a smile on his face when he watched me sit on my motorcycle. He made his way towards his too and soon we all sped out of the club building. One after another, we made our way down the road and in the direction of the sunset.
Kyungsoo was the only one that was riding his motorcycle like a civilised person, while the rest of us was speeding way over the limit. Seulgi was even pulling tricks in the middle of the road, while Felix and Kai were trying to see who was faster. Yixing was making funny faces at some kid that was watching him from the back of a car and then there were Baekhyun and I.
I purposely sped after him and tried my best to catch up with him. He was fast, but I was determined to show him hell. The engines of our motorcycles roared when we raced down the street. He turned his head when I caught up with him and the two of us were riding side by side and gazing in to each other's eyes. I couldn't bring myself to look away until he suddenly winked, smirked and sped forward. He was only playing with me and he purposely let me believe that I could be as fast as his, when in reality his bike was much stronger than mine. I cursed when he surpassed me and I heard the faint sound of his laughter.
Baekhyun's laughter was an extreme rarity and it always managed to make my heart dance.
The ride to Incheon was calm. It took us a little less than two hours to reach the place where the guns were hidden. Baekhyun didn't want to waste any more time, so him and the others were quick to start loading the weapons in the bags that we brought with us. Soon, they were attached to the seats of our motorcycles and we were speeding back to Seoul once again. It seemed like it would be an easy mission. Almost too easy.
I quickly realised that was the reason why a strange nervous sensation wouldn't leave my stomach. Things never went so smoothly. With my bad luck, something was bound to go wrong. If something looked too good to be true, it was probably because it was.
We were about halfway back to Seoul when I saw cop car lights. The blue colour flashed in my side mirrors and I felt a chill down my spine. Baekhyun was riding his motorcycle a little ahead of me, while Felix and Yixing were a little behind us. Seulgi, Kai and Kyungsoo were nowhere to be seen and at first I didn't know what to do. No one mentioned police cars or what we would do if one of them would try to stop us. Then I saw Baekhyun raise his hand, do a little wave in my direction and pull over. I followed his lead and stopped my motorcycle on the side of the road.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
This was bad.
I was sitting on my motorcycle, holding on to the handlebars and staring straight ahead. My eyes were wide, my heart was racing in my chest and I was suddenly painfully aware of the guns stacked in the bag that was attached to my seat. Baekhyun had two more of them, hanging on each side of his motorcycle. We didn't have any type of papers for them and I was well aware of what would happen if the cops would find them.
Wait, I don't have a license either.
The cops stopped a little behind me and the lights illuminated my frame. I suddenly felt like a deer caught in headlights, then I suddenly felt something strong hit my head. It took me a moment to realise that it was Baekhyun, who hit his helmet against mine and smashed our foreheads together. He notice that I was beginning to panic. I didn't know how he did it, but somehow he could always tell when I needed him. '' Don't panic. You're not going to jail yet. I'm here. Follow my lead. ''
Baekhyun made it sound like he had some incredible plan and I believed him. That was until one of the two cops stepped out of the car, asked us for our licenses and registrations and I realised what he had in mind. He pretended to look through his pockets before he purposely dropped a wad of cash right at the detective's feet. The guy stared at the biker with an incredulous expression on his face. '' Are you trying to brag me? ''
I scrunched up my nose and seriously mumbled at Baekhyun: '' You're right. I'm not going back to jail. We both are. ''
Baekhyun nervously smiled and pulled out his gun. '' Time for plan B. ''
The cop's eyes grew wide with shock at the sight of the weapon, he stumbled back and raised his arms in defence. I turned my head towards their car and that was when the second officer stepped out of it. He raised his gun above the car door and my breath got caught in my throat when I recognised Bambam, one of the members from Jackson's special team.
I was standing there and staring at him with a stunned expression on my face until I heard Baekhyun fire the first shot. '' No! Baekhyun! No! Don't shoot! ''
Bambam was about to press the trigger on his own gun, but the sound of my voice made him realise that it was me. He hesitated, clearly feeling conflicted about what to do. The instructions were clear, him or me weren't supposed to do anything that could possibly ruin my undercover mission, but if he would shoot, then there was no doubt that I would die. There was barely any distance between us and Baekhyun and I had nowhere to hide.
The biker looked at me with a confused frown and his gaze wandered between Bambam and I. It seemed like for a moment time stood still, then we heard the sound of Yixing and Felix's motorcycles. The young new recruit wasn't carrying any weapons of his own, but the other guy was a different story.
Yixing was steering his motorcycle with one hand and holding one of his rifles in the other. He turned the handlebar, to make the bike accelerate, before he passed the cop car and started firing. Holes littered the side of the vehicle and Bambam and the other cop barely managed to jump out of the way. I was still too stunned to even move and Baekhyun had to personally grab me and push me against the ground when the car suddenly exploded and burst in to flames.
'' What the fuck, Rei? Why did you stop me?! '' Baekhyun screamed in my face. He was laying on top of me and staring down towards me. His eyes were sharp like knives and demanding an answer. I had no idea what to do or what to say, then the sound of gunshots made him curse and turn his head. '' We'll continue this conversation later. For now just take the bag of guns from your car and start running. I'll cover you. ''
'' No, I can't just- ''
'' Riri, now. ''
I could detect from his tone of voice that he was running out of patience, so I stayed quiet and did like I was told. I lifted the heavy bag that was attached to the sit of my motorcycle and took off. Yixing and Felix were already somewhere far ahead of us, so instead I headed towards the other side of the road. The traffic got stopped by the explosion of the cop car and I dashed between the maze of vehicles.
People were trying to get away from there as soon as possible and that quickly created chaos. Drivers accidentally hit each other when they wanted to make a turn and others were blocking the road. Everyone was screaming in anger or fear and it created a perfect diversion for me to escape.
What was going on behind me? I didn't dare to turn around and check. Every gunshot made me wonder if somebody got hit, but I didn't know what to hope, because I knew that it was one life for the cost of the other. It was either Baekhyun down or Bambam. One had to win and one had to lose. That was how things were. They stood on different sides and there was no point in deluding myself.
I didn't dare ask what happened when I heard the sound of Baekhyun's motorcycle behind me. I found it interesting how I learned to recognise things like that. The engine of his bike, his annoyed sighs and even the distinct sound of his footsteps. It all came with knowing him for a while and spending almost the entirety of every day with him.
Baekhyun's motorcycle stopped by my side and I hopped on the back of it without hesitation. He instantly sped forward again and dashed between the cars that were stopped on that side of the road. He was going in the opposite direction before he made a sharp turn and went back to the right side. He was clutching the handlebars so tight that his knuckles were turning white and it took me a few moments to notice the blood that completely soaked the fabric of his shirt.
He got shot.
My eyes grew wide in panic. '' What happened?! You're bleeding! ''
'' You told me not to shoot that bastard and while I was purposely aiming all around him, he fired without hesitation, '' Baekhyun seriously murmured in response and continued accelerating. He was still clutching the handlebars of the motorcycle and clearly trying to keep himself together. I had no idea where exactly he got shot and how bad the wound was, but his shirt kept getting redder and redder in blood and I could tell that he was trying to keep himself from fainting.
'' We need to stop somewhere! '' I yelled and tightened my grip on his waist.
'' If you... insist. '' I barely managed to grab the handlebars of the motorcycle and keep the vehicle from loosing control. Baekhyun was able to keep himself conscious, but he had to lean back against me and rest his head on my shoulder. I felt his cheek touch my neck and his voice was only a quiet murmur: '' I told you that I'll keep us safe. And accelerate a little bit, will you? ''
'' Well excuse me for not wanting to speed down the road while I have you almost fainting in my arms, '' I hissed back in annoyance. '' Which does not give you an excuse to actually faint, by the way... But you... How bad is it really? You are going to be okay, right? ''
The corner of his mouth twitched and curved in to a faint smirk. '' Look at you, worrying about me. You shouldn't. It's easier to live in this world when you worry about as few people as you possibly can. ''
Is it really?
I frowned and stubbornly mumbled: '' I can't not worry. ''
'' Silly Riri, '' was all he said and let out a pained sigh. '' Silly Riri, ready to risk her heart for people that don't deserve it... I'll be fine. Stop worrying. It's annoying. Now leave the main road here and follow my directions through the city. I know a place where we can stay until tomorrow. It's better if we don't go outside for the rest of the night. Those cops will probably call for backup and they'll be patrolling the streets all around Seoul and looking for suspicious bikers. ''
'' Shut up, you are the annoying one. Another word and I'm leaving you by the road, so that you can take the bus to wherever we're going. You made me abandon my motorcycle anyway, '' I muttered, narrowed my eyes and tightened my grip on the handlebars of his motorcycle. I was struggling to see over his shoulder, hold his weight while he was leaning against me and move at a moderate speed.
'' That's how I like you to be. Fired up and ready to go against me. Frightened eyes and a worried voice are not a good look on you, '' Baekhyun tiredly murmured and let out a quiet laugh. '' Now try to follow my directions and ride it like you stole it. ''
I cringed and glanced in his direction. '' This is not the time to be blurting out suggestive things like that! ''
It was a short motorcycle ride to a hookah lounge, owned by Baekhyun's old friend Kim Minseok. The guy instantly accepted us in his bar and practically kicked out the rest of the guests. Then he locked the door and I was sent to the bathroom in the apartment upstairs, while Baekhyun and Minseok occupied one of the now empty tables. I was more than happy to take a shower and change my bloodied shirt for a new one. My fingers were trembling when I washed the red off my skin and watched it disappear in the drain of the white bathroom sink. There was something extremely discomforting about the fact that it was his blood that just disappeared in the sewer. Not anyone else's, but his.
I always knew that it was my freedom for the cost of his and I was an idiot for getting my emotions involved.
The air in the closed hookah lounge was still misty when I made my way downstairs again. My hair was damp from the shower that I just took and I could feel myself getting a headache from all the sweet scents that were radiating from all directions. Apples, cinnamon, tropical fruits, mint and many other hookah flavours left an intoxicatingly strong smell in the air and I wondered if the owner Minseok was still able to notice it after all the time that he worked here.
'' That cop got you pretty good. What is this? I leave Seoul and you suddenly turn soft? '' I stopped when I heard the sound of the owner's voice. Him and Baekhyun occupied one of the tables in the far corners of the bar. Minseok closed the place when we arrived, but criminals still couldn't ignore the persistent instinct that told them to always hide and keep their voice low.
Or check their surroundings to make sure that nobody was listening to them. '' Soft? Don't make me laugh. I am not going soft. It's all because of that one over there. The one that is trying to hide behind one of your plants. ''
I flinched, before I peered out of my hiding spot and touched one of the leaves of the plant that was placed by my side. '' How do your plants even survive with so much smoke in the air? Minseok, you should think about leaving this place and becoming a gardener. You clearly have a special talent. ''
I noticed only then the opened first aid kit on the bar table and the bloody shirt that Baekhyun abandoned on the ground. He was leaning back against the sofa that he was sitting on and Minseok was leaning over his arm and trying to pull out the bullet that got lodged under his skin. Baekhyun's chest was covered with sweat, he was clenching his teeth together and trying to hide any signs of pain. His face got even more serious when I reluctantly stepped closer and he shoved his friend away. '' You can go. I'll finish the job here myself. I need to talk to Riri in private anyway. ''
'' You're right, you aren't turning soft. You are still the same cold asshole as you used to be, '' Minseok replied with a grin and patted his shoulder. '' I'll go upstairs and make you two something to eat. ''
The hookah bar owner made his way up the stairs that lead to the second floor, where his apartment was. I felt awkward standing there in front of Baekhyun's table, but he wasn't saying anything. Instead he lowered his head and started bandaging his arm. He was clearly in pain and struggling, but he was too proud to ask for help. I was forcing myself to stand still at first, then my hands moved on their own and tried to take the bandages from him.
He was feeling lightheaded because of how much blood he lost, but he still reacted in an instant. His fingers gripped my wrist before I could touch him and he slowly raised his gaze. I was leaning forward towards him and our faces were dangerously close. His eyes narrowed and my lips stubbornly tightened before I tried to pull my hand from his grip. '' You clearly need help- ''
'' Stop. '' I froze at the sound of his surprisingly harsh voice. '' Whatever it is that you are trying to do... Stop it. I would never let anyone touch me when I'm this weak. ''
I frowned and mumbled: '' What about Minseok? ''
'' People like him are different. I never meant for him to see me at my worst, but he did and I had no choice but to trust him, '' Baekhyun quietly explained and tightened his grip on my wrist.
I continued staring in his dark eyes, frowning and inching closer. '' But I see you too. ''
He narrowed his gaze. '' You do, but I can't see you. No matter how hard I try. That's why I'm the weak one. I hate being the weak one and I don't understand what is going on. Riri, what the fuck was that? Do you know that cop? The one that you didn't want me to shoot? ''
I lowered my head, before I realised that it made me look like I was staring at his exposed chest instead of looking in his eyes. My cheeks slightly reddened in embarrassment and I adverted my gaze to the side before I quietly lied: '' I know that cop from prison. He's... an old friend. He was nice to me. ''
My breath got caught in my throat with surprise when Baekhyun suddenly pulled me closer. I landed in his lap and I barely managed to stop myself from falling forward with my face against his chest, by putting my hands on his legs. Then he took a hold of my chin, tilted my head up towards him and seriously asked: '' Riri, are you lying to me? ''
My cheeks were red and I could only hope that he couldn't hear the way my heart was racing in my chest. '' No. ''
Liar.
He stared intently in my eyes until I nervously murmured: '' Are you going to let me go or do you want to have a staring contest...? ''
The corner of his lips twitched in a smile, he let go of my wrist and ran through his dark hair with his hand instead. I stayed on his lap, with my hands on his thighs and watching him glance back at me, smirk and explain: '' I was trying to figure out if your heart is racing because you are lying or because you are sitting in my lap. ''
The blush on my cheeks got even darker, I bit my lower lip and narrowed my eyes in a glare. '' You're an asshole, but you know that, right? ''
His smirk grew even wider, he leaned closer and tauntingly raised his eyebrows. '' I am, but you like me anyway. ''
He didn't want to let me help him bandage his wound, but I couldn't blame him. He decided to believe my story about how I knew Bambam from prison, but a part of him was still suspicious. If I would be in his place, I would probably never buy it, but him and I were different. He didn't like letting people get close to him and he made sure to keep his heart shut away from the rest of the world, but he still believed that everyone deserved a honest chance to prove themselves.
Minseok cooked us some ramen for dinner and it was about three in the morning when he brought out one of his best hookah pipes and sparked it up. I let him and Baekhyun catch up and talk about old times, while I stepped outside the bar to make a phone call. The cold night air didn't do much at clearing my thoughts, but it was still better than breathing in the smoke that was hanging in the lounge. I leaned against a street lamp and pulled my phone from my pocket. I lowered myself in a squatting position when I turned it on and watched the numerous messages that I started getting from detective Jackson.
Call me as soon as you see this.
Rei.
What the fuck are you doing, Rei?
It took me a while to gather enough courage to actually call the detective. My path seemed clear at first and I knew exactly what I had to do to earn my freedom, but now things changed. '' De-Detective Wang? Jackson? ''
He was about to speak up at the same time as I did, but he fell in to silence when he heard the sound of my voice. He stayed quiet for a few moments, then he let out a deep sigh and quietly asked: '' Bambam told me what happened. You and the other bikers came to Incheon to get the guns, right? Did you tell them that we were looking for them? Are you really secretly selling our information to the gang? ''
'' I don't know what I'm doing anymore. ''
Jackson held his breath with surprise. '' What? ''
I nervously swallowed and murmured: '' I can't sell my freedom for the cost of someone else's. ''
The detective stayed silent, until someone suddenly ripped the phone from his ear and asked: '' You're fucking with the enemy, aren't you, Rei? ''
My features twisted in to a frown and I started shaking my head, even if Jinyoung couldn't see me. '' No. ''
'' Then what is it? ''
I want to fuck with the enemy?
I shook my head once again to get those wild thoughts out of my mind and ran through my dark hair with my hand. '' Stupid Rei. ''
'' Well, that's true, but you owe us a solid explanation, '' Jinyoung mumbled in response and I bit my lower lip in frustration.
I was staring straight ahead, watching the quiet and dark street and trying to think of what to say, when I heard something happening on the other side of the line. There was a lot of chaos in the back of the phone call and at first I guessed that it was just the regular commotion that was always happening at the police station. Then I heard someone say something that made my blood run cold. '' Nice job! We got her! We got the GPS location! ''
Jackson ripped the phone back from Jinyoung and tried to say something, but I already hung up and raced back inside the hookah bar. Baekhyun and Minseok stopped talking and turned their heads with surprise at the sight of the horrified expression on my face. We were back on the road in moments, racing to a different safe space where we could hide. That was how we ended up in a motel on the outskirts of Seoul.
Baekhyun told me that it was occupied mostly just by criminals and I couldn't help it but to cringe at the amount of random blood stains, old police tape and even an old outline of a dead body, that we passed on the way to our room. My heart was still thumping in my chest and I was carrying the bags full of guns that we brought back from Incheon. Baekhyun was strangely quiet until we reached our room and the door closed behind us. I was trying to ignore his behaviour at first, but then, I couldn't escape it anymore.
He was watching me with a serious expression on his face and suddenly he started walking towards me. I was backing away, until I hit the wall and he put his hands against it. One on each side of my head, completely trapping me. His eyes were demanding and there was no sight of the vulnerability or any other emotion that I saw earlier, when he was bandaging his arm in Minseok's hookah bar.
'' Riri. This is your last chance to tell me the truth. ''
I nervously smiled and purposely tried to make the situation a little more lighthearted: '' Isn't it my only chance? ''
He narrowed his eyes and now he couldn't hide the hurt from his voice anymore: '' You should've told me the truth the moment that we locked eyes for the first time, but you didn't. You should be grateful that I'm even giving you a chance at all, so don't test me. ''
I stared in his dark eyes and slowly clenched my fingers in to fists. Then I lowered my gaze and I noticed him hold his breath with surprise. A part of him was still hoping that perhaps I really wasn't a liar, even if there was something suspicious about the way I insisted that we had to leave Minseok's bar. But the way I couldn't keep looking in his eyes was enough to tell him that I really was hiding something from him.
'' I... I'm a bad person, Baekhyun. ''
You should've killed me on the day we first met, when I stole your motorcycle and you asked me to think of a reason for you to spare my life.
You should've pulled out your gun and fired a bullet directly in my heart.