Originally posted on my Tumblr : http://ellana-ravenwood.tumblr.com/post/172588297008/the-break-up-part-14-bruce-wayne-x-reader
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Every time Richard Grayson came to visit his parents, siblings or "grandfather" (he came to call Alfred "gramps", just to annoy him), nostalgia pinched his heart.
Whenever he climbed those steps to the main entrance, opened the big doors to come in the foyer, walked down corridors, rooms etc etc...memories of his childhood and teen years in the manor surged him, and filled him with a kind of sadness that wasn't too terrible to endure.
A kind of sadness he always greeted as an old friend.
Nostalgia.
Heart tightening, and a stupid fond smile plastered on his face.
Every time.
You'd think after four years, it wouldn't happen anymore, right ? But no.
Dick Grayson was a sentimental, and even though he moved out of his home years ago, and found a nice apartment in Blüdhaven, built his own home...It always made him feel weird to come back to the Manor.
Even more since he married his teenage sweetheart, Barbara Gordon, and got his first child (the most wonderful little girl in the universe ! Position she shared with his little sister Cass' of course, who was so cute when she was still a kid ! Damian, aka "most protective uncle ever", agreed).
Because now, with his job as a police officer and his nightly activities in Blüdhaven...He rarely had time to come "home".
Well, that wasn't really true.
He still came over at least four times a week and, on most week-ends, his family would come to his apartment to have lunch. And he often caught up with one of his siblings, or parents, or Alfred but...it wasn't the same anymore.
He still didn't see you as often as he used to. As often as he wanted to.
It was actually a tough change for him, to not be able to get out of his room and find one of you somewhere in his house.
He actually thought about asking his dad to buy an entire building, and then you guys could all live on one floor and you'd be all together always and...he quickly realized it was unreasonable and ridiculous.
It was just so strange that he couldn't see any of you whenever he wanted. He was a "responsible" adult now (who bought legos for his daughter just so he could play with them too).
He grew up...and his siblings too. Hell, Damian was going to be seventeen !!
He had to accept that things were changing. Evolving.
It was awful.
...Though he found reassurance in the fact that some things actually never changed.
Like how much his parents were in love.
Dick had let himself in the manor and was looking for any members of his family, roaming the gigantic house.
He found Alfred asleep on his father's office chair, a duster in one hand (the poor butler wasn't getting any younger, and got tired easily nowadays).
Dick put a blanket over him and left the office silently, continuing his search.
He found you and Bruce in the main living room, asleep as well, on the couch, in each others' arms.
You weren't getting any younger either...and though his mom, you, was quite younger than Bruce, it seemed like you were the one who was getting tired the fastest lately...
You weren't even fifty yet ! But in the past few months, you always seemed so exhausted and such...Dick made a mental note to remind you to rest more, and to stop taking care of them so much like that, it would kill you one day !
There was a note on the living room table. Dick recognized his youngest brother's handwriting (elegant and classy). The note stated :
"Parents,
We went to Jason's place to see his new motorcycle and to kick his ass butt ass (sorry Mom, for trying to watch my profanities :p (this stupid smiley was added by Tim Drake)) at Tekken,
Love you (Cassandra forced me to write that),
Damian, Cass and Tim."
Dick smiled at the thought of his younger siblings playing Tekken.
That game always ended in "bloodshed" and fights, at the Wayne household (competitive kids)...until you would come along and win every game and settle their quarrel easily.
You were the best at Tekken, period.
Well, there was the sempiternel fight about who was the second best but you know...
Yes, his siblings' antics always made Dick smile uncontrollably.
Another thing that always made him smile : you and Bruce, forever in love.
And as he was looking fondly over you two, at your embraced form on the couch, he couldn't help but smile like an idiot and think : "relationship goal, right there".
It was everything he aspired to have with Barbara. Your perfect relationship.
Haha.
Perfect ? Well, not always.
You were both too stubborn for your own good, and had quite a temper. A strong personality too, which meant that sometimes, fights happened.
Small ones about petty things, and big one over important matters...but it always ended up the same, wether it was about something small or big : with you two apologizing profusely, regardless of who was wrong, and then...going to...do...gross things in your bedroom (or whatever place somewhat private was available to you).
Dick shivered.
He was almost thirty and did some...uncatholic things with Barbara too but he could never not be be grossed out by his parents doing...ew.
Whatever, the important thing there, wasn't that, but it was that no matter what, you'd always pull through. You always had each other's back. You always made up, and your "perfect" relationship would only grow stronger each time.
You guys were made for each others, and it wasn't a silly fight that would separate you two (Hell, every healthy couple fought from time to time).
Though...it almost did once.
Here's a memory Dick didn't particularly cherish.
That time he almost never had a second (amazing and perfect) mom.
That time you two almost made a decision that would have make the both of you forever miserable and bitter.
That time you almost ruined your life (Dick loved to be over-dramatic...though in this instance, he genuinely believed you almost ruined each others life).
************
Nearly twenty years earlier :
-Oh my God Bruce, get over yourself !
-I'm the one that's suppose to get over myself ?! Please (Y/N), grow up !
This was terrible.
Dick had to do all the efforts in the World not to cry.
He had been living with you and Bruce Wayne for the past six months now (you moved in with Bruce after about a year of relationship...Eight months hidden from paparazzis and danger, four months officially together. It was Bruce's idea. He loved you, you were almost always at the Manor anyway, you had an entire chest of drawers full of your stuffs...you might as well live with him !).
And though the pain of losing his parents was still vivid, his little eight years old heart felt he had another chance at life. Felt like he could still be happy.
Sometimes, he felt awful that, only six months after his parents' death, he was already feeling better...but he couldn't help it.
You, Bruce and Alfred made him feel like he was home instantly, as soon as he set foot in Wayne Manor.
Especially you, if he was honest. Bruce was busy, and Alfred's English phlegm didn't go through Dick yet, just like Dick's need for hugs and reassurance wasn't clear enough for the butler yet. But you...
You were but (almost) twenty two years old and yet took full responsibility (well, almost too, Bruce was there too) of that lost (and adorable) kid.
Though you were barely an adult yourself, you didn't hesitate one second about what you'd do when Bruce said he was taking Dick as his ward.
You just took care of him as if he was yours, without questions.
When he had nightmares, shivering in his bed, you were there before he opened his eyes and screamed. And you always convinced Bruce easily to let him sleep in your bed, between the two of you, when he was still too scared to fall back asleep.
You always asked him if he was alright, you listened to him, and to put it in a simpler way : you just loved him. You made sure he knew you loved him. Made sure he knew he still had a family.
In fact, you and Bruce were making him feel so at home that he almost called you "mom" and "dad" a few times.
...He wanted to call you like that.
But he was to afraid that it would mean betraying his own parents, betraying their memory ! Oh man, it was a lot to take for an eight year old boy, life wasn't suppose to be that difficult at that age !
...It seemed though, like part of his dilemma would be no more soon, as he keeps listening to you and Bruce arguing in the living room, hiding on top of the stairs:
-I guess this is what I get for dating a goddamn child !
Bruce says angrily, and your face says it all. It looses all colors, and it seems to Dick as if you were deeply wounded by Bruce's words...but too stubborn to actually show it, as you say :
-Oh. Child. Of course. It didn't seem to bother you last night uh ?
-Completely unrelated to the subject.
-Oh really ?
-Yes really, and you know it (Y/N). You're being unresonable. You know you're wrong, and lack arguments, hence you start to talk about things that has nothing to do with the subject.
-Like you just did by stating that you're dating a "goddamn child" ?
Dick couldn't really understand everything you were saying (he was so curious about what you did last night though...a pillow fight maybe ? if the situation wasn't so desperate, and made him feel so miserable, then he would have been vexed that you didn't invite him to said pillow fight !), but his heart tightened at your every words.
He couldn't stand seeing you two fight.
He wasn't used to see you two fight...In six months with you guys, he only saw you argue about very petty things a few times, and immediately apologize.
But this time ? It seemed serious.
It was about Bruce's night activities (Dick knew now that he was the Batman), and how he put himself in useless danger sometimes. How he needed to be more careful.
It was about Bruce not wanting you to meddle with this part of his life at all, even if he knew you were right.
It was about Bruce still being somewhat reluctant about letting you fully in his life.
It was about Bruce being an insensitive prick.
It was about you being too stubborn to let it go.
It was about you wanting to meddle with his night activities, because you cared about what happened to him, but also because you were vexed he was treating you like a weak child, trying to shield you from all of it.
It was about you not being experienced enough with his "dark side" yet to realize when to stay silent, or to know how exactly to tell him things.
There was a way to talk to Bruce. And you didn't master it quite yet...it would take you a few more years for that really. Your boyfriend (soon to be husband) was a damn complicated man.
-Don't tell me what to do (Y/N). I was upfront with you. You know this...is...my life work, and it comes first.
You stay in front of him for a few moments, in silence, taking his words in.
Bruce looks at you back, his face unreadable.
He knows perfectly well this is not the truth, that you and Dick are more important than anything else now...but he's too stubborn to admit it, he's still too used to his old lonely ways (even though he had you by his side for more than a year now...it had just been six months since you were here 24/7).
And he's not sure he wants to let it go...Wouldn't that mean betraying his parents ?
Finally, you say those awful words, that makes Dick want to cry even more :
-Fine, I think we're done here then.
-Fine.
-Fine.
You glare at Bruce, and he gives you one of his infuriating arrogant look in return. It does indeed, infuriate you.
When you said : "I think we're done here", you didn't mean "done" forever. You meant that there was nothing more to say. That this fight was over, and would stay unresolved. You meant...but it doesn't matter what you meant, because he misunderstands and, struggling to hide how truly heartbroken he is, he says coldly :
-You know where the door is.
It's a tone he never used with you before. It lacks love, awe, fondness, joy...it's empty (just like he's feeling now), and it hurts you more than anything else.
And from there...Things escalate quickly.
You both say things you do not actually mean. You both enter "self-defense" mode and starts to be genuinely awful to each others.
You both go too far.
Neither of you actually say the word "break-up", but as you storm off the manor without even saying "bye" to Alfred or Dick, what is happening is pretty clear.
Sat on the floor in the corridors upstairs, Dick hears you leave in a fury, saying profanities he would never dare to say out loud.
He hears Bruce yell : "And don't come back !".
And all he can do, is stay there, "hidden", crying softly. When Alfred finds him, a few hours later, for the first time since he came in the Manor, he takes him in his arms, and they stay like that for a bit.
Bruce sees them, as he climbs the stairs...but he ignores them. Silently, he goes and locks himself in his bedroom, trying to erase from his head the face of that poor little boy who's crying in his butler's arms.
For the second time in his life, Dick Grayson's family is "dead".
************
Dick doesn't see you for almost an entire week.
The day after your departure, one of your friend came to get your stuffs.
Bruce wasn't there...since you left he buried himself in his work, both by day and by night.
Bruce Wayne never attended that many meetings at Wayne Inc, and Batman never arrested that many criminals in the streets in such a short time span.
The poor man was exhausted, both physically and mentally...Dick understood. When he first arrived at Wayne Manor, right after his parents' death, he never forgot the look his adopted father gave you, when he said : "I know things are difficult for you right now...but I promise it will get better. I know my words might sound hollow for you but...one day, you'll see. One day, you'll realize that the World is still spinning, and that you're still able to love and be loved. I hope I will help, just like others have helped me", emphasizing the fact that Bruce knew most of his happiness came from you being by his side.
But he was too stubborn to admit it, and therefor, worked even more.
Maybe he was trying to stay distracted, to keep going so he would never have time to actually think about what happened ?
Maybe.
Dick doesn't hear anything about you for an entire week, when you finally call. It seems you knew Bruce wasn't there, as you called on the Manor's landline.
Alfred answers of course, and you two talk for a few minutes. It sounds to Dick as if the butler went through different feelings while talking to you, from despair to anger, finishing on a beaten note.
He comes to him, and gives him the phone, saying a flat and emotionless :
-It is Miss (Y/L/N).
Excitedly, Dick takes the machine in his small hand and says, voice full of hope :
-(Y/N) ?
It's such a relief, to hear you say :
-Hey buddy, how's it going ?
-Ok. When are you coming back ?
There's an awkward silence, and he can feel by your tone that you're choosing your words very carefully :
-I...I'm not sure I'm coming back kiddo.
HAHA ! "Not sure". You didn't outright say : "I'm not coming back". You just said.."not sure". This was something, right ? You continue :
-Listen buddy, what about I take you to the fair tomorrow ? And we can talk. Would you like that ?
-Yes ! Yes I would love that !
On the other side of the line, you can't help but smile. Damn you missed that kid. But your smile soon turn sad and you say :
-I have to go right now, but we'll talk more tomorrow ok ? Can you give the phone back to Alfred please ?
-Yes. See you tomorrow right ?
-Right.
-Promise ?
-Promise.
-Good. You can't break a promise. Bye bye, I love you.
The words come out of his mouth faster than he can think and...he's a bit embarrassed, but not too much. After all, it's true. He loves you.
Your voice breaks a bit as you answer :
-Love you too buddy, love you too. See you tomorrow.
He gives the phone back to Alfred, and act as if he's going back to his business, though he clearly tries to listen in on what the butler says.
Alfred though, knows better, and walks further away, and Dick end up only understanding a few cryptic words : "...ask him yourself..." "...miserable..." "...back..." "...his everything...".
Soon enough though, being just a child, he forgets about it, and focus all heartedly on the perspective of seeing you again tomorrow. And at the fair at that ! He couldn't wait.
He missed you so much, during that week of silence...
************
You end the call with Alfred and your heart is filled with nothing but sadness and pain.
You want to call Bruce, to beg him to take you back, to apologize, to...whatever really. You just want to hear his voice.
But you don't. Because you're too stubborn. Because he doesn't call you either.
And man, why did you have to feel so bad about not talking to Dick in a week ? You weren't his mom after all !!
Just thinking those words make your heart bleed. It makes you realize that things are truly over, and that you'll...never...be...his mom. For the hundredth time that week, you go to bed early and weep all night...
************
Bruce is greeted by a very excited Dick who jumps in his arms and goes on and on about what he'll do the next day. Automatically, Bruce catches him and lifts him up in the air, holding him against his chest.
It takes the Batman a few minutes to finally understand why, for the first time in a week, his boy seems so lively.
It's you.
Of course, it's you.
It's the prospect of seeing you again.
For a split second, Bruce's heart beats faster, and it almost feels as if he's going to be the one seeing you tomorrow.
But the dark reality slaps him in the face fast enough. He won't see you. Not ever. Not after all the things he dared to tell you...
And oh he regrets every single words, oh he wishes he was brave enough to call you and beg for your forgiveness...He would do anything to get you back, he would do anything you wanted. He would even stop being Batman, if that's what it took and...But it wouldn't happen.
He was too cowardly, too proud and stubborn, to actually call you and apologize. To actually give himself another shot at "being happy".
It couldn't happen anymore. He had his chance, and he blew it. It was destiny bringing him back down on Earth. You'd be better off without him. That was sure. It's as if life was telling him : "you've been a selfish bastard, you knew your relationship with her wouldn't actually go anywhere, and you played with her...this is your punishment. Karma's a bitch".
And as Dick was going on and on about all the things he'd do with you at the fair, it dawned on him that...vacations were over.
You left, forever.
He had to...
-DO YOU THINK THERE'S ROLLERCOASTERS AT THE FAIR ?! DO YOU THINK I'M TALL ENOUGH TO RIDE THEM !!?? DO YOU THINK (Y/N) WILL BUY ME COTTON CANDY ?!
Just talking about you made him want to end it all. That's how much he loved and missed you. He've had enough of this life of pain and misery. When you came in, you eclipsed (almost) the darkness...if he didn't make a promise to his parents, that he would spend his life avenging them, he's not sure he would still be alive.
He listens, keeping silent, to Dick's ramblings about you, and about what you guys are going to do. Alfred fills him in on what you said on the phone, how you asked to see Dick and take him out for the day.
Bruce doesn't say anything. He couldn't bear the fact that the boy would be able to see and touch you, while he himself would never be allowed to do that ever again. But what could he do ? Stop Dick from ever seeing you again ?
You'd never allow that, loving that kid too much. And besides...it wasn't this poor little eight year's old fault, your relationship didn't last.
Why should he be punished for something he had no control over ? Bruce shook his head and chased away his selfish thoughts.
Of course he'd let Dick see you.
But...Was it really fair to do so, knowing you wouldn't be there for him as much as you used to ? Was it fair to let him have hope of you ever coming back when Bruce knew it would never happen ? He didn't want the boy to be hurt...
Maybe he shouldn't let him see you.
No. This was ridiculous. You...
-Do you think I'll be able to convince her to come back, eh, Bruce ?
Lost in his thoughts, it seemed as if the Batman lost track of the conversation, and didn't hear a big chunk of Dick's ramblings. He couldn't remember how the kid came to talk about you coming back...Oh this wasn't good.
He gives a desperate look to Alfred, but the butler isn't looking back. In fact, he's turned away from his "master", in an obvious "You got yourself in this mess, handle things yourself" way, and slowly leaves the room.
Bruce turns to Dick's painfully hopeful face, and say :
-I...I don't think she...wants to...wouldn't want to...
He stumbles on his words, and it seems to encourage the little boy. Yes. This was his time. He had a week to rehearse his speech, but didn't dare to say anything...but now ? Now it was the time :
-Bruce, we don't know that ! You didn't even call her. You guys didn't speak calmed down yet. You know when people are angry, they say stupid things. Which is what happened. There's still a chance, and if you want her to come bac...
-No.
Bruce understood where the boy wanted to go. And he had to rip any hope from him, now. Otherwise, it would become dangerous.
Bruce understood that Dick was about to try and convince him to make a move, to try and get you back. He guessed easily that the kid was about to tell him that he'll talk to you tomorrow, to plead his case. That he'd help in any way shape or form.
Bruce knew that Dick was about to go on a rant about how they should try again, about how there was still...hope.
But Bruce knew better. He was convinced he would never get you back, he knew he went too far, pushed you away one too many time...He knew you thought his Batman activities were more important to him than you or worst, than Dick, and he knew you couldn't forgive him (at the time, it seems he didn't fully understand you yet...but you two were still in the "early stage" of the relationship of course).
And he had to destroy all hope. He had to be blunt, though dishonest.
-...No ?
Dick said in a small voice, not understanding. Closing his eyes, Bruce got on his knees and put his hands on the boy's shoulders. After a deep sigh, he said :
-I...don't want (Y/N) back. And I meant what I told her.
-No Bruce, you love her.
Dick's innocent look, and the way his voice sounded so sure of his statement...almost make Bruce cracks. The man almost breaks down and tells all of his feelings to his kid but...he's just a kid. A tiny eight years old. He couldn't burden that boy with his pain like that...And so he shakes his head and says :
-No Dickie. No. I...Loved her. But those feelings are...gone...now. We're...we're not together anymore. We broke up. That's how life is. Sometimes...you...just have to move on from good things and...or...good things turn into bad...I don't want her back. And she doesn't want to come back. You heard her, we're done. It's over.
Every single stumbling words that came out of his mouth was a struggle. But he thought that his cold tone was pretty convincing. He thought that Dick and his young age would buy his lies easily (clearly underestimating him). He gets back on his feet and ruffle his boy's hair, taking the direction of the Batcave (he needed to think about something else than you right now).
Dick looks at him leave, tears welled up in his eyes...and more determined than ever.
************
Of course, his failure today could have had convinced him to abandon all hope.
But...no, never. He knew he was right.
That morning, you came to pick Dick up. You thought you saw Bruce looking at your car from behind his bedroom's curtains but...It was probably all in your head. Wishful thinking. You wanting him to miss you...but for what ?
You wouldn't get back together.
The vision of that little eight year old boy excitedly going down the Manor's stairs, a backpack in his hand, and rushing in your car lifted your heart.
For the first time in a week, you didn't feel too terrible. Hell, you even caught yourself smiling widely at Dick !
You feel a bit bad for not going out to say "hi" to Alfred...No, that was an understatement. You grew so close from the man, while you were dating Bruce...it physically hurt your soul to not go out to hug him and catch up...but what if Bruce was there ?
You couldn't risk it. And so you just kinda nod at the butler from your car, and drive away, not noticing his pained expression.
The morning flies by so fast, you don't even realize it's already noon, only Dick's belly grumbling gives you a hint.
And it's there, while you eat lunch, that he attacks.
He talks about Bruce, observing your reaction. But just like your boy...ex-boyfriend, you cut his sentences short.
There is no "(Y/N) and Bruce" anymore, you're not getting back together.
Dick can tell you even less words than he told Bruce...And yet.
Yet it doesn't discouraged him.
It should have had. But it doesn't.
A few months ago, Dick started his training with Bruce. One day, he too would be a night vigilante ! And one of his first lesson was this : "Always observe the situation, always know your ennemies".
He would have never thought but today...his ennemies were the people he loved most in the World.
You and Bruce.
He triggered emotions in you by talking about getting back together, and he was now convinced that you both loved each other but were too dumb (later he'd know that "dumb" wasn't the right word..."stubborn" was...well, stubbornness was dumb) to apologize and fix things yourselves !
Or maybe too scared ? Not brave enough ? No. Impossible. Not you two. It wasn't that. You were really just...too dumb.
By telling you guys he would try to get you back together, he made sure that you were still in love. And obviously, you were.
You both thought you were way better liers than you really were.
Dick could see through you two. When you said "we're not going back together, I don't want too, and he/she wouldn't either anyway", all he could hear was the "anyway" signifying that there was still a kind of wish to be back together, that you were just afraid it was a one-way thing...
Yes. Months of training actually taught him a lot.
Dick was slowly becoming a detective. And theory had no secrets for him...The "know your enemies part" was over. Now came the part he...didn't know so well.
The action.
He was still too inexperienced in that. He wasn't sure how to act...after all, he was just an eight year old boy.
And he couldn't ask Bruce for help, as he would usually when he was in a delicate situation, because Bruce was part of the problem...
It took Dick a few days to come up with a solution.
What did Bruce always said ?
-If you're in deep and big trouble, and I'm not here to help...Call this number. Ask for Superman and tell him everything. He will help. He will fix things.
This definitely counted as "deep and big trouble". And Bruce couldn't help. And he needed someone to help him fix things...
Dick waited for Bruce to leave for his nightly activities, and for Alfred to look away (Dick wasn't sure yet if Alfred would agree with him and his plan and...he couldn't risk the butler to stop him. Of course, he would never do such a thing, because he wanted as much as Dick for you two to get back together, and he actually "looked away" on purpose but...well, he couldn't blame the kid for being unsure, after all, Alfred didn't talk much about what he thought of the situation, things being too hurtful for him to...).
He dialed the "red number" Bruce gave him.
A voice he didn't recognize fused from the computer :
-Member N°2. Batman. You've reached the League headquarters, how can I be of service ?
With an hesitant and small voice, Dick says :
-Hum...Can I...talk to...Superman ?
-Member n°2. Batman. You asked to talk to Superman. Getting you through...now.
There were a few agonizing minutes where Dick thought Superman wouldn't pick up but...Finally, his face appeared on the computer. He seemed a bit panicky, and when he noticed Dick in front of him, seemed to get even more panicked :
-Dick ? What is happening ? Are you ok ? Is Batman ok ? What is the danger ?!
Dick took a big breath to give himself courage and said, more determined than ever :
-No, I am not ok. And Batman definitely isn't either. And the danger...it's his dumb self being too dumb to realize he's taking a dumb decision !
To be continue...