Annddd I've got another update for y'all. We left off in the present with Violet turning away from the bookshop after seeing Emery and the blonde (that we all know is Eliza) talking after Violet had read the letter from Emery.
I think this chapter is kind of short, but there is more Emery and Violet interaction, so at least there's that!
Enjoy!
Chapter Twelve: Present
I end up at the beach after leaving the bookshop. I don't know where else to go to lighten the weight that sits on my chest. Emery is happy. She is happy with the life she has now and I have no right to take that from her. Those three years we were apart changed a lot for the both of us. I have an idea of what she went through, and I hate myself more for what I did to her. If I had known that was going to happen, I would have stayed. I would have fought. I should have. Every time I think about the fact that I ran away, a queasy feeling settles in my stomach. I want to call it selfish. But what else was I supposed to do? Risk my family for the girl I loved? I suppose I could have. But either way it was selfish, right? Either I risk my family's safety or I risk Emery's. Neither are good options; neither would have ended well.
I look out at the water in front of me. The sun is slowly sinking into the horizon and the waves lap gently at the beach. My mind wanders back to the time Emery found me here. She was fiery; she cared about me long before I was willing to care for her. I wanted to let her in then, just like I do now. And, once again, the only thing stopping that is me.
The waves rise and fall into each other again and again. They pull back and fall forward folding into themselves. I see myself running toward Emery those three years ago, begging her to let me explain as much as I can. I see her mom belittling her. I see her falling into my arms sobbing. I see myself running away from her again. Pull back. Crash forward. Again. And again. And again.
I stand up and brush the sand off my pants before climbing back up to the empty night streets. Slowly, I make my way back to campus hoping that by the time I get there I can crash peacefully into my bed.
***
When I get back to my dorm, I'm exhausted. It's late and I'm over this day. All I want is to go to sleep. Emery's letter still swirls through my head in disjointed chunks, weighing me down with every step closer to my room. I knew when I left her that it wasn't going to be easy for her. I knew it wasn't the best decision, but it was the only option I had seen at the time. What I didn't expect was what she turned into while I was gone. The thought of her drunk and sleeping with random woman all the time hurt in a way that I'm not sure how to process. And not even to mention whatever happened to Charlie after I left. I don't know what happened there, or what happened to her best friends that used to be around all the time. I thought she would have the support she needed when I had to leave. But instead it seems like Emery was left alone and I can't help but feel like I am to blame.
She looks happy now, I think as I climb the stairs up to my room. She smiles and laughs like nothing in this world is weighing her down. And maybe that's because of the nameless blonde she's always with. Or maybe that's because she's happy with herself and her life without the need of a significant other...I don't know. Do I even have a right to know anymore?
Okay, I know I don't have a right to know. I lost that right the moment I said those awful things to her. I lost that right when I drove off into the night without telling her. I lost her. Fuck. I was such a fucking fool. To run and hide like I always fucking do instead of fight for her.
But how can I even think that when I know my dad would have tried to kill her too. In retrospect I know that. At the time, I had no idea, it was just an assumption. Now, after everything that happened in my family in the past couple years, I know that's exactly what would have happened. He would have stopped at nothing to get to us, and if that meant going through Emery...he wouldn't have even hesitated.
I round the corner toward my room and I stop in my tracks. On the floor outside the door to my room is Emery. She's leaning her back against the wall, knees bent, head down, and her phone in her hand. I don't think she hears me approaching until she speaks.
"Your roommate has been at it for hours." She doesn't look up. I take a seat next to her.
"That doesn't shock me," I say. "What're you doing here?" She's silent for a minute. I watch as she scrolls mindlessly through something on her phone, barely taking a second to read anything she comes across.
"I don't have your number."
"Okay?"
"I didn't know where else to find you, and I couldn't text you to ask you, or like, even tell you I wanted to talk about things," She says, rushing the words out. "So, I, uh, ended up here hoping you'd be here. But, I heard your roommate having sex and knew you wouldn't be there. So, yeah."
"How long have you been here?"
"A few hours. I was gonna wait outside, but then I worried you'd go in a different way, or maybe you weren't gonna come back at all..." I stand up abruptly and her eyes follow me. "What are you—" I stretch my hand out to her.
"Come on, I wanna show you something." Emery looks hesitantly at my out stretched hand. All the times that I stood before her in this same position flash through my head. I smile sadly and start to pull my hand back. But she stops me, grasping tightly to my hand to hoist herself up. She ends up standing close to me and I feel my breath leave my lungs. I see golden flecks hidden in her dark brown eyes and slight freckles scattered across her face that I don't remember being there before. Her face had begun to fade from my mind over the last few years and I feel like I am relearning her all over again. I guess I am. She stands near me for a second too long and I have to find a way to remember how to breathe. "Um, follow me, okay?" Emery nods and we walk back toward the stairs I came from earlier.
At the top of the stairs is a heavy metal door, a warning written in red says an alarm will go off. "Uh, Violet?" Emery points at the warning.
"Don't worry, it doesn't work," I laugh and push through the door onto the roof of the dorm. I walk across the flat roof, past various vents, over to the ledge. I lead her over to the chairs I had brought up her a while ago that sit near the edge and overlooks part of the campus. "Take a seat, I'll be right back."
"What—where are you going?" I don't answer and disappear behind a series of HVAC equipment. I keep a bucket up on the roof with blankets, books, and reading lights to help stay warm and pass the time. Emery eyes me curiously when I appear back at the chairs carrying a large bucket. She shifts in her seat too get a better look as I kneel in front of her to open the bucket. "So, you come up here often?" I laugh and pull a blanket out for each of us.
We both settle into the chairs. "Yeah, I come up here when Heather locks me out of our room to have sex. It's a nice place to pass time, you know? No one bothers me, it's quiet, and I can just...I don't know...be, I guess." I shrug looking up at the night sky.
"It's really beautiful up here," Emery murmurs beside me. I nod, keeping my eyes trained on the sky.
"I like the silence," I say watching the blinking lights of an airplane move among the stars. "I can think clearly up here. It's my happy place."
"You didn't have to bring me up here," She says. "I don't want—"
"It's only fair, right? You shared yours with me, and, I mean, I know it's a little late, but I want to share this one with you," I shrug finally turning to look at her. We share a small smile before falling silent again. There's a lot I should say, a lot of explaining I need to do, but I can't get the words to come out. I can't imagine that anything I say will be enough to make up for the damage I caused. "So, why did you want to talk to me?"
"I think you know why," Emery says. I can feel her eyes on me, but I don't dare to look. I'm too scared to look.
"You left a letter for me the other night," I speak up to the stars. "I read it. By the way. A few times..."
"And..." She says still staring at me. Her words from the letter flow through my mind in an endless stream of pain I know that she felt. It was beyond palpable in the letter. Every ounce of hurt she poured into those words fills me to the brim and I finally look at her, tears in my eyes.
"And I'm sorry." Tears fall down my cheeks and I wipe them away with my knuckles. "I know no apology I ever give you will be enough to make up for what you went through, but I'm so sorry. And I will never stop being sorry."
"You're right," Emery says coolly. "No amount of apologizing you do will ever erase the pain you put me through. You have no idea what I went through when you left, Violet. Don't you dare say you're sorry when you haven't a fucking clue what happened."
"I only know what you put in that letter, but I know I have no right to ask you what happened, so I haven't," I say wiping stray tears from my cheeks. "You were hurt, and I did that, and I'll take the blame for it. I just...I want to explain my side to you, Em. It could make zero difference to you, but I want to tell you why I had to leave." She tears her eyes away from mine and looks toward the sky. She's silent, her jaw clenched in a hard line, and I just watch and wait.
"I don't—I can't do this, Violet." She says standing quickly and tossing the blanket off her lap.
"Emery, please, don't go," I reach for her. She flinches back shaking her head, tears sliding down her face.
"I can't do this right now. I—You left me, Vi. You left me and suddenly everything was crumbling around me. I can't sit here and pretend that it doesn't hurt. I thought I could do this...but I'm not ready. Please, let me go." She doesn't wait for an answer. She turns disappears behind me. I want to beg her to listen, to hear me out, to explain that I wanted so badly to stay. I want to tell her that I love her and never once stopped thinking about her. But I don't. I just sit there mutely as she leaves. The only sound that affirms her disappearance is the slam of the metal door. And I am alone.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Violet getting taste of her own medicine.
Both do the close up and run thing to protect themselves for obvious reasons, but Violet gets to see how it feels to be on the receiving end of it.
I hope you enjoyed!
I promise, this story does have a happy ending. Happier than Book 2. So, hopefully y'all will be pleaseddddddd.
Let me know what you think! I'll update again tomorrow!