A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! What better way to spend it than with some Christmas themed angst, am I right? ^w^ Not to worry though, it'll definitely have a happy ending. I do not own Mystic Messenger, any of its characters, or the picture. Enjoy!
Pressing your hand flat against the smooth, cold glass of the window, you sighed, somewhat relishing in the slightly unpleasant feeling that radiated up your arm from the contact. Your tired mind spun with lazy, nonsensical thoughts.
If you kept your hand pressed against the window long enough, would it freeze to the glass?
Outside, flurries of snow drifted from the sky, resembling cotton balls. Cotton balls falling from the sky? That would be interesting.
Something soft brushed your leg and you reached down mindlessly to pet Elizabeth the 3rd. Weren't animals supposed to help relieve stress? If so, then Elizabeth wasn't doing her job right.
You heard her meow and finally tore your attention away from the window, meeting bright blue eyes gazing up at you with something that looked like concern. Or maybe you were just imagining it, like how you must've imagined Jumin promising you he would be home for Christmas.
For the year the two of you had been married, it felt like Jumin was only ever gone on business trips when something important was happening or when a particularly special holiday was going on. You had accepted it at first, reminding yourself that he was the Executive Director of a major international company and what that position entailed in terms of work, but you still found yourself unable to stifle the aching loneliness growing in your heart.
Of course, Jumin spent every free moment he had with you, but that presented yet another issue. Even when he was with you, it felt like he was only there in body, his mind and spirit still doing paperwork in his office.
Sighing, you shuffled over to the couch, flopping down on its luxurious cushions. Staring at the shadowy ceiling, you tried to will away the heaviness in your heart. Before he had left for his latest business trip, Jumin had assured you that he would be back before Christmas, that he would be there to spend the holidays with you.
Apparently that plan had fallen through yet again.
Jumin said he would be back on the 20th. It was now the 24th and there was still no sign of him returning. It was Christmas Eve, one of the happiest days of the year...and you were spending it alone. Sure, any of the other members of the RFA would probably be more than happy to take you in for the evening, but you didn't want to intrude on their own festivities.
Yoosung was with his family...
Zen was at a party celebrating the opening of a new musical...
Jaehee was busy with the holiday fervor at her cafe...
Seven and Saeran were rekindling their bond with the aid of Christmas spirit...
And V was...well, who knew where V was. The point was that all of them were busy with other things and by no means were you going to be a burden to them with your misery. Besides, none of them were who you really wanted to spend Christmas with...none of them were Jumin.
"I promise I'll be home in time for Christmas."
Bits of his last phone call ran through your mind like a broken record, making you bury your face in one of the sofa cushions. The last time you had talked to him was on the 19th, and the conversation had ended in tears, your broken, choked voice reminding him that he had promised you he would be there. Closing your eyes, you allowed the memory to play, desperately trying to analyze what went wrong and what you could've done differently.
"What time are you going to be back tomorrow?" you asked, a smile on your face as you held the phone between your ear and shoulder and poured yourself a mug of peppermint tea.
Jumin went silent on the other side of the phone and you froze, eyes wide as a foreboding dread filled the pit of your stomach. No...there was no way he would do this to you again...right?
"I'm really sorry about this, (y/n)..."
No.
"If it was my choice I would be there with you right now..."
Stop.
"I promise I'll make this up to you..."
Why not just keep the first promise, and not have to make anything up?
"But I won't be coming home tomorrow."
Your knees shook and you set the teapot down before you dropped it. Leaning against the countertop for support, you did your best to blink away the tears stinging the backs of your eyes, all of your effort given to steadying your voice as you asked, "The day after then?"
No response.
"The day after that?" you couldn't keep the tremble out of your voice as you asked again and his response pulled a heartbroken whimper from your throat.
"I don't know when I'll be back, but-"
"Not again, Jumin...please, not again," you pleaded in a whisper, not trusting your voice to hold steady if you spoke any louder. His sigh reached you through the phone and you pictured him running his hands through his dark, disheveled hair.
"I know I've missed a lot of time with you this past year, but-"
"I don't care about that, Jumin! It's in the past! I want you here now!"
"(Y/n)," his voice was firm, unyielding despite your evident tears and the exhaustion edging his voice. "Business here is taking longer than I thought it would, but I'll be back by Christmas Day at the latest..."
He kept talking, but you couldn't here it, your ears filled with the sound of rushing blood and the pounding of your own heart.
"(Y/n)? (Y/n), are you still there?"
"Yeah...I'm still here." Still alone, always alone.
"Look, I'm-" You heard the faint sound of a door open on the other side of the phone followed by the muffled sound of voices. A moment later, Jumin returned his attention to you, tone irritated and desperate."Something's come up and I have to go, but I will be there, (y/n). Please...just wait for me a little while longer and then I'm all yours."
Sure, you're all mine until the next business trip, you had thought but didn't say out loud, instead settling for a weak, tired "Okay." Slumping to the kitchen floor, you allowed your tears to run free, small sobs escaping your lips.
"I love you, (y/n). More than anything."
Oh, how you wished you could have complete faith in those words.
"I love you too, Jumin. Come back to me soon." And with that you hung up, curling into a ball and allowing your cries freedom to fill the quiet of the giant apartment, unrestrained.
When you told him you loved him, you meant it with all your heart and you always would, but loving Jumin was starting to hurt and your budding doubt over the sincerity of his feelings was taking its toll.
Now, as you lay sprawled on the sofa, Elizabeth curled against your side and purring louder than you had ever heard before, questions consumed your battered heart. Was it really too much to ask that your husband be with you during your favorite holiday? Or were you just being too selfish? You wanted to be as supportive of Jumin as possible, you really did, but why did it make you feel so...unloved? Was it normal to feel this way?
Each negative thought felt like a knife to your heart, bringing fresh tears to your tightly shut eyes and making your raw throat burn. Why? Why did it have to be like this?
At that moment your phone rang and your eyes shot open, plunging you back into reality. Sitting up, you stared at the vibrating device for a moment, contemplating whether to answer it or not. You didn't really want to talk to anyone right now, but...what if it was important?
Picking it up, you looked at the caller ID, blinking a few times as your eyes adjusted to the bright light of the screen. You stared at it for a second, surprised to see that it wasn't Jumin who was calling you, but V. What could he be calling for?
"H-Hello?"
"Merry Christmas, (y/n). How are you doing?" the bluenette's calm, soothing voice asked, his tone carrying a concerned edge.
"Honestly," you sighed. "I've been better, but how are you?"
"Fine..." he trailed off and you could tell what was coming. There was no way V, Jumin's best friend, wouldn't know what had happened between the two of you. "Jumin called me a few days ago." And there it was. "He seemed really upset...and he was drunk."
"V, it's okay. You don't need to-"
"He was crying, (y/n)."
That made you pause, mouth opening and closing a few times. Jumin never cried. One of the biggest problems he had was that he tended to internalize everything, something the two of you had been working on, so to hear that he'd been crying was...astonishing, to say the least.
"He was crying?" you repeated, trying to process what that meant.
"You and I know Jumin better than anyone, (y/n). I know how much of a workaholic he is and I was afraid that would cause problems when he married you."
You snorted. "Looks like you were right."
"But I don't think either of you made a mistake in getting married," V continued, ignoring your bitterness. "In fact, I'm positive you're the greatest thing to ever happen to Jumin."
Running a hand through the white fur of the cat still lying next to you, you tried to focus on something other than the way your heart throbbed in your chest. "If only he felt that way too-"
"He does, (y/n)."
"How do you know that?" The words came out more intense than you had meant them to, but V didn't miss a beat.
"Because he told me so, (y/n)." Your breath stuck in your chest, the pace of your heart ever-increasing. "He told me how unhappy he is to have been away from you lately, (y/n), and how much he loves you."
Your bottom lip trembled. "Why couldn't he tell me himself, V?" Looking up at the ceiling, you tried to keep the tears blurring your vision at bay, tried not to get your hopes up. You hadn't heard such words of adoration from Jumin in a long time. "Doesn't he know how much it hurts me?"
"He's clumsy, (y/n). You and I both know that. Of course he realizes he's unintentionally hurting you, but he doesn't know what to do about it. He finally has someone he loves more than anything and he doesn't know what to do."
And it was at that second that you realized Jumin felt just like you- helpless, useless, unloved.
What you wouldn't give to have him back in your arms at that instant, ready to forgive and embrace everything that was him. He didn't have to be home for Christmas. You loved him. You would wait for him forever.
"(Y/n)? Are you-"
"Thank you, V. I think I understand now."
"..." The line went silent for a few seconds, and you could tell that the blue-haired man was picking apart your words, trying to discern whether you really did. "Okay," he finally said. "I'll trust you on this one. Take care of him for me, okay?"
You blinked. "Okay, but V-"
He hung up, cutting you off before you could point out that you had no idea when Jumin would be back. Setting your phone on the coffee table, you curled back up on the couch, thinking. For the first time in weeks you heart felt light, strong in your love of Jumin. You didn't know how much time passed before your eyes fluttered shut and you drifted off to sleep, the soft, golden lights of the Christmas tree playing against your eyelids.
You woke up several hours later and noticed two things that were different from when you first fell asleep.
First, you weren't on the couch anymore, soft sheets rustling against your skin.
Second, you were being embraced by a warm, comfortable weight.
In your sleepy daze, you snuggled closer, burying your face in something solid. A familiar scent filled your nose and your eyes flew open, shooting up into a sitting position and disturbing your sleeping husband as you displaced the arm that had been holding you close.
"J-Jumin!?"
He groaned in response, making you yelp as he pulled you back against him.
"How are you here? When did you get home? I thought you said you didn't know when-"
Jumin flipped you under him, silencing you with lips pressed passionately against yours. When he pulled away a minute later, he left you breathless. His gray eyes seemed to sparkle as he gazed down at you, brushing stray hairs away from your face.
"I said I'd be home for Christmas, didn't I?"
"Yes, but..." you trailed off, averting your eyes with a blush. Jumin nuzzled into your neck lovingly, breathing you in. "I don't blame you for not believing me. I haven't really done anything to make me very credible lately, but (y/n)?"
Your eyes flicked back to his and your heart swelled at the pure and utter love you saw there. "I couldn't stand to be without you any longer." Cupping your cheek in his large hand, he pleaded, "Please, forgive me for leaving you alone again, (y/n). I'm sorry I made you wait so long."
You smiled naturally for the first time in weeks, tears not of sadness but happiness flowing down your face as you looped your arms around his neck and drew him in for another, longer kiss. "I forgive you, Jumin. I'd have waited as long as it took for you to come back to me."
Wetness dripped onto your face and your eyes widened as your aloof husband, the great Jumin Han, trust-fund kid, and CEO-in-line, cried. Reaching up, you brushed his tears away with your thumbs, kissing him again and again and again.
In that instant, neither of you needed to say anything, enough conveyed through eyes and touch alone. You knew he absolutely loved you, and he knew you absolutely loved him in return.
When he had calmed down, you asked the question that had been weighing on your mind since you realized he was back, the answer to which you were almost afraid of. "When do you have to leave again?"
"Not for a month, and I'm taking you with me from now on." Your jaw dropped, at a loss for words. "(Y/n)?"
"Thank God!" Hugging him close with a new fervency, you buried your face in the side of his neck, enjoying the feel of your husband finally in your arms again. Jumin returned the embrace just as tightly, an affectionate chuckle making his broad chest vibrate.
"I can't leave you behind anymore, (y/n)."
"And I can't be without you anymore, Jumin!"
You and he had already kissed so many times in the space of a few minutes, but yet again you found his mouth pressed to yours, both he and you smiling through the contact. You were pretty sure you would never get tired of kissing this beautiful man.
"Merry Christmas, (y/n)," he murmured against your lips, hands trailing down your sides to coax your legs around his waist. "I love you."
"Merry Christmas, Jumin." Trailing your lips along his jaw and up to his ear, you felt a shiver go down his spine as you whispered, "I love you, too."
The rest of that Christmas Day was spent in intimate reunion, you and he gifting each other kisses and touches as your hearts mended. All was right with the world so long as you had him and he had you.
A/N: *inhales* IT'S DONE.