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"Not usually the kind to show my heart to the world. I'm pretty good at keepin' it together I hold my composure, for worse or for better. So I apologize if you don't like what you see. But sometimes my emotions get the best of me and fallin' apart is as human as it gets"
~ Cry Pretty (Cry Pretty)
OLIVIA
More guests arrived as the time went on and I almost forgot about Delilah's accusing words. I hated the fact that she put them in my head, making me like I was wrong to have faith in the man I'd chosen.
My headache got worse by the hour, making hosting that much more difficult. I tried to follow Hunter's cue since this was my first time hosting a huge party, but he was too smooth and good at it. So, instead of trying to be the life of the party, I resorted to talking to the people there in groups of three or so while offering them more food and drinks.
The conversations flowed so easily, I'd forget about Delilah and Hunter just for a moment. I'd be laughing too much or so intrigued in a story someone was telling to think back to wondering if Delilah was being honest.
I caught Hunter watching me while I was playing Jenga with a group of people with a smile on his face. I automatically smiled back at him, but then an image of him and Delilah flashed in my head and I looked away in disgust.
I won the game but felt like I was drowning. As the hours passed, the more and more I needed a drink. I couldn't look at Hunter anymore, as hard as it was. I avoided him at all costs and even when I knew he was looking at me, waiting for me to look up, I still avoided his eyes. When the crowd cheered his name as he beat some guy at chugging a beer, I didn't look.
I knew the moment he looked into my eyes, he would know something was wrong and I didn't want to ruin this for him.
I was even avoiding Peter and Curtis and all of Hunter's close friends because Delilah was attached at the hip and I felt queasy every time I saw her.
After the drinking game was over, I went into the house to search his kitchen for scotch or whiskey or something stronger than beer. In the bottom counter, I found a nice bottle of bourbon and breathed out in relief. I poured myself a nice glass and added an ice cube.
"Hey, there you are. I haven't been able to get you alone all day," his voice was deep, rougher as he spoke due to him shouting all day during the games and with his friends. I don't why, but they got excited about whatever they like to talk about.
I froze.
He came closer to where I stood and faced me, forcing me to finally look at him. I almost groaned at how good he looked, all sweaty and his hair messed up. His shirt hugged all his muscles and that smile of his was going to kill me one day.
I closed my eyes, breathing slower to calm down.
"Is something wrong?" He finally asked, coming closer to where I stood.
I shook my head.
"Then why won't you look at me?"
I took in a deep breath and opened my eyes, looking up to catch his watching me with worry.
At that, his eyes widened. "There's something definitely wrong. What happened?"
I shook my head again. "Nothing," I gulped, "I'm just tired is all."
His eyebrows furrowed. "You're lying to me. I know something happened."
"You're mistaking tiredness for something else, Davis."
He didn't crack a smile but continued to watch me with concern.
"I recommend faith, strength, and hope. You should fight for a relationship, even if it looks like you won't make it. War isn't over just because a battle was lost. You keep on fighting for each other until you no longer can. You don't think about what if we break up, because what if you communicated right? What if you were honest with each other? What if you survived the troubles and landed on your feet together? Isn't that so much better?"
Fuck, but he was right. What if I told him right now and he had a good explanation? What if we worked through whatever this is and made it out okay? What if I put faith in us? And what if we made it?
That would be so much better.
I swallowed hard and faced the hurt in his eyes he was trying to hide. Screw me for putting that look there. I pushed my fingers through my hair and put the glass down untouched. "You're right. I'm sorry for trying to hide from you.
"Delilah said you and she hooked up back when she was still with Peter and you never told him."
He blinked. "And you believed her."
Now it was me who moved to him. "No! I wanted to, so badly. I wanted to use this as an excuse to scold myself for choosing you over Amber. But I didn't. You said to me, so many months ago, that if we tried, if we communicated right, we may just land on our feet, together. And that's what I want. You may have slept with her then, but I believe you told Peter. If I'm wrong," I took in a deep breath, "then I'm wrong."
I was panting, waiting for him to say something, anything, as I went over and over my words in my head.
He kept studying me and slowly, the hurt dissipating from his face. "I did tell Peter. I called him right after she left that morning."
That stung. "She spent the night?"
Scratching the back of his neck, he nodded. "Yeah. It's one of my biggest regrets."
"I thought you didn't have many regrets."
"I hurt Peter," he shook his head, the absolute remorse in his voice breaking my resolve, "I will never forgive myself for slipping up like that."
I closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around his neck. "You don't give yourself any credit for handling things the way you did, Hunter. You slipped up once."
"And it destroyed him. He didn't wanna be anywhere near me for nearly half a year. Sometimes, I don't think he's ever fully forgiven me for it," he whispered, his arms refusing to wrap around me.
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't pull away from me. You do it whenever you think you've done something unforgivable. I hate it so much. And you're doing it right now."
"No, I'm not."
"Hunter, you're barely touching me right now. I fear if I let go, you'd find an excuse to run away to the crowd," I said softly.
He looked down at his hands, finding them fisted at his sides. His body was as far from me as my arms would allow. At that, he closed his eyes. "Fuck, I'm sorry."
"You've done nothing worth an apology."
He went to shake his head and but I spoke up. "Peter loves you. The way he looks at you, you're his brother, period. He took your girlfriend and you let him so that he can be happy, no matter how much that hurt. I'm sure he understood and forgave you for what happened with Delilah."
"No. He asked me first. I didn't. I saw her at Target and we hung out all day and all I could think was, she belonged with me. I didn't regret anything until I woke up the next day. What does that say about me?"
"That when you love, you love hard. And you're fair. You put their happiness before yours. It says you're a good person, a good lover, and one of the best people I've ever met. That's what that says about you."
He stared at me, his eyes wide and vulnerable. "Really?"
I nodded and pecked his lips. "I believe it. And hopefully one day, you will too. I'll be here to remind you then."
That brought out his smile. "You think he's really forgiven me?"
I caressed his neck with my thumb tenderly. "I do. But you should talk to him. Be open and honest. Maybe he feels the same way about taking Delilah from you in the first place."
He recoiled. "I forgave him for that so long ago."
"And he forgave you, too, remember? Yet you still feel this way. Perhaps he does, too."
"Should I go talk to him?"
I almost sputtered. "Right now?"
He nodded. "I have all of this energy and motivation to do it, I don't want that to go away."
"Then go. I'll handle the crowd as best as I can. I might recruit Curtis," I chuckled.
He laughed and my heart picked up. "I appreciate you, you know?"
My grin spread so wide, it almost hurt. "I know."
He gave me a quick kiss before pulling away. "I'll come to find you as soon as I can."
My eyes glazed over with the need for him to stay, to kiss him for a bit longer, to hold on to him. But he needed to go, and I understood that. "I'll be waiting."
He chortled.
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I heard how corny that sounds. Go away."
He walked away shaking his head and laughing at me.
I stood there and watched him, feeling light as a feather. Then I turned and dumped out my glass of bourbon.
***
HUNTER
I walked to Peter with a heavy heart, my laughter with Olivia long gone. We never talked about feelings or about what had gone down between all of us. Olivia was right, it was taking a toll on me and I could no longer afford it.
I found him alone, getting some water away from everyone.
"Pete."
He turned to me. "Hey, man."
The air thickened up fast, drowning almost all my motivation away.
"I'm sorry about Delilah. I didn't think," he added when I was too silent.
"She told Olivia about our slip up."
His eyes widened immediately, the regret there clear.
"And she told her I never told you about what happened between her and me that night."
"Shit, man, I'm so sorry," he covered his face with his hands, "how'd Olivia handle that?"
A small smile broke through my face. "Like a champ. She was honest with me about what Delilah had told her. She assumed I'd told you and didn't believe her."
Removing his hands, he gave me a proud look. "That sounds healthy."
I nodded. "We're working on it."
"I'm happy for you, you know? She seems great," he commented, taking small steps closer to where I stood.
My smile turned into a full-blown grin. "She is."
"I'm sorry about Delilah again, Hunter. I know I keep bringing her back, I just can't stop myself and I don't know how to escape her," he shrugged, sounding exasperated and on the edge of defeat.
I took in his thinned body and almost mourned for the friendship we could've had without Delilah in the midst of us. "I just don't get why you won't call me or any one of us when you start needing her. She's the reason you did what you did back then, Pete. I know we always talk around it as if it never happened, but it did and it's been wrecking our friendship ever since. You need to let her go."
A choked sob left him. "I can't call you when I need her."
My eyebrows furrowed. "Why not?"
"Because she's the only one who can fill the void of my baby girl," he choked on another sob, a tear following close behind this time. My heart dropped; I didn't know about the gender. I didn't even know he knew. "I couldn't protect her, Hunter and all those therapists can't understand that I failed her. They say it's not my fault, but it so is. Delilah was my girlfriend. I saw her every fucking minute. We had most of our classes together that semester and somehow I didn't know she wasn't pregnant anymore. How did I not notice she wasn't getting bigger. Even if she said she just had the body type that doesn't show, I should've been suspicious. I should've known, I should've felt my baby dying and I failed. I failed at being a father before my girl was even born," his cries worsened and his words got jumbled together as he tried to speak through his tears, "My little girl died and I felt nothing. I had one job and I failed. I failed, Hunter."
A lump lodged in my throat as I watched him break down. He was broken and I had no idea. I walked to close the gap between us and brought him into a tight hug. I patted his back, letting him know I was there, offering however much support he needed. "I didn't know you felt this way."
He gripped the back of my shirt tightly and cried into my shoulder in such a painful way that I almost felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Tears flooded my eyes at the sound of his cries for his daughter and I blinked to try and force them to retreat.
I let him cry until some of the heavy painful weight lifted off his shoulders and his tears slowed to a stop. He took a step back from our hug and wiped his eyes before looking back at me. "I shouldn't have done that."
I recoiled, wiping the few tears that had escaped my eyes. "What, no! I'm glad you did. You're my brother. I don't care if we're not related. My shoulder is yours to cry on if you need it. I want you to talk to me about this. I want to help you get through it. I want you to find a healthy relationship with the girl of your dreams. I want so much for you. But I can't help you if you won't talk to me. I thought everything with you and the abortion was good. I never thought you felt this way."
He sniffed, walking to where he'd set his water down to take a large gulp. "I didn't want to burden you, or any of the guys. I've put you guys through enough of my bullshit already."
I was shaking my head before he finished talking. "No, you haven't. Besides, maybe we need to talk to help us, too, not just you."
His red and puffy eyes studied me. "Is there something you want to talk to me about?"
I rubbed my eyes. "Olivia thinks I should talk to you...and the guys about some things," I took in a deep breath before saying, "and I agree with her...a lot."
"I never considered how much you might still be hurting," he shook his head, "I'm a horrible friend."
"No, you're not."
"Yeah, I am. I basically took your girlfriend, got her pregnant, and then cried on your shoulder and took your help over and over again when she screwed me over. Then I started bringing her around every few months in front of you like there's no history there. And I never once asked how you're doing. Don't tell me that's not fucked up, Hunter," he argued angrily, "you deserve better. Olivia's right."
"Pet-'"
He shook his head again. "I'm willing to do whatever to help you or any of the guys. We've lost our way for too long. I want us to be as close as we used to be."
I sighed. "How do we do that?"
"Group therapy?"
I chuckled. "You wanna try therapy again?"
"Hey, I never said it didn't work. It just never helped me get over my guilt. It still helped me get over everything else, for the most part."
I stayed quiet, considering him and our past. "You knew about the elevator, didn't you?" I blurted out, suddenly so overwhelmed with the need to have him confirm it. "You wanted it to fail."
He stared at me with widened eyes, the humor from seconds ago shortlived. The longer we stared at each other, the more I got a glimpse of the boy I became best friends with, the boy I called my brother. His lips tightened before he gave me a small nod.
I exhaled loudly, tears falling freely. "We can try group therapy," I said through a tight throat. I wiped the tears away, feeling a sense of relief I've never felt before and a lightness I'd dreamed of for so long.
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- what are your thoughts on this chapter?
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