"Cause I wish that I could break the fall and save it all, but I've been holding it too close. Wish I knew what you're thinking. Words don't come that easy. We might be broken by design. I can't help how I'm feeling. Scared of my own reasons, I don't wanna waste your time"
~ Say (Ready)
OLIVIA
After lunch, which was the best I've ever had, oddly enough, Hunter and I walked around for hours talking about nothing and everything. His childhood memories, the countless relationships I've ruined, our high school mistakes and so on.
We parted just after the sun went down and I drove home, constantly fighting the urge I had to turn the car around and go back to where I left him. Nonetheless, I refrained well enough to make it home and lock myself inside.
He called to make sure I got home safely, which led to hours of laughter and jokes and serious talk before we both fell asleep well into the night without ending the call.
I woke up the next morning with excitement, thinking he would call me. I was excited to talk to him, to see him.
But he never called.
Perhaps he got pulled into work again, was my rational thought.
But he never called that night, nor the next day nor the following day.
Eventually, it became clear he was never going to call.
I spent a week waiting for him. I didn't step foot in a bar, didn't even look at other guys. I didn't even know I was avoiding my notorious hobby until now. And that made my blood boil. I just didn't know who I was angrier at, Hunter for hanging me out to dry or me for blindly following him wherever he led me.
Turns out I was angrier at myself because I'm supposed to know better. Isn't that the whole point of playing all those cheaters to come clean? I know they're all the same. Why didn't I walk away from the beginning?
A frustrated groan escaped me as I pulled my hair into a mid ponytail. I was getting ready for work, but my concentration was shot. When I couldn't muster the necessary patience to calm my crazy baby hairs, I let out another groan and let them be. I, instead, walked to my desk and put all the documents I'd finished last night into my briefcase.
Before I could walk out of my bedroom, I caught an actual glimpse of myself in the mirror and froze. I looked like shit, there was no better way to put it. Why, because a man didn't call me? Have I become that stupid? Walking closer to the mirror, I undid my poorly done ponytail and reworked it into a tight low bun, taking the time to sleek my hair, crazy baby hairs and all. I forced myself to put on red lipstick and a bit of mascara.
As I was about to change my outfit, because it was such a sad mess, my phone rang. My eyebrows furrowed as I walked to my nightstand.
Hunter's name flashed across the screen and my breath hitched in my throat. I shouldn't answer, especially after this week. Right?
"Hello?" My voice was mellow. I hated it.
"Liv, hey," his voice was velvety and it calmed my nerves. "It's been a while."
That fired me up. "Hmm, too long, don't you think?"
He stopped for a second. "It's only been a week."
"You don't think a week is too long?"
"Olivia, we're not dating," he tried to clarify, "plus, if you thought I was taking too long to call, why didn't you call me yourself? You have my number."
That was a good point and I should have shut up afterward. But, let's be honest, it's me we're talking about here. I never shut up. "Did something happen?"
"If you didn't care enough to call and ask if I'm alright, what makes you think I trust you enough to tell you about my personal problems?" He was becoming colder, like the Hunter that day I approached him after our misfire of a meeting.
"That's a bit harsh, Hunter," I tried to retort. I wanted to be playful, and I wanted my bite to hurt, but my bite wasn't much of a bite, really. I didn't like it when he becomes cold, especially not towards me. Even if I'm the one who pushes him to it.
"Was I wrong in what I said?" He asked, unapologetic.
"No."
"Olivia?"
"Yeah?"
"What's going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, what happened to feisty? You're being too agreeable."
"That's a bad thing?"
"No, it's not," he sighed, "but you're mad because I didn't call, Olivia. Since when do you care whether a man calls or not?"
Since you, apparently.
"I just wanted to know that you're okay, that's all," I said softly.
He was quiet for another moment. "Meet me tonight?"
I stood taller. "What?"
"Meet me at my place tonight, I want to take you somewhere," he said, his tone softening the more he spoke.
"Is this another one of your ploys to prove me wrong?"
He let out a soft laugh. "Yes, it started out that way, but I also want to see you."
I scolded myself for almost swooning before my heart could attempt to skip a beat.
When I was quiet for too long, he spoke again, "Olivia, you in?"
I shook my head, clearing my head. "Hmm? Yeah, I'll be at your place after work. I get off at four. Does that work?"
"It works perfectly and Olivia?"
"Yeah?"
"Next time, put my number to good use instead of driving yourself crazy."
***
From work, I drove straight to Hunter's house. I was embarrassed, to say the least. I spent the whole day overthinking my stupid accusations. He was right. I should have called if I cared enough to expect him.
I parked my car in his driveway and sat with the engine off, scolding myself for what was happening to me.
"Olivia?" Hinter yelled out, drawing me out of my thoughts.
I almost jumped but thankfully refrained. Grabbing my purse, I got out of the car and headed toward him. "Yes, it is I, your greatest enemy, Davis."
He let out a laugh. "Davis?"
I stopped right before him. "Davis. I like it, don't you?"
"I do," he said. He stopped aside then, "come on in."
"You're just gonna let your greatest enemy into your home this easily?" I stepped past him and into his home. "I thought you were smarter than that?"
He grinned and locked the door behind him. "And what do you plan on doing with me, greatest enemy?"
I shrugged. "I don't know."
"So you step into the house of your enemy without a plan?" He jeered playfully.
I let out a small laugh. "Do you really think I'd let you know of my plan?"
He grinned. "Touché."
"Thanks," I smiled. "So what are we doing tonight."
That seemed to cheer him up even more. "Ah, almost forgot. Were making two hundred and fifty PB and J sandwiches."
My eyebrows raised. "Uh, as much as I love PB and Js, I don't think I can eat that much."
He shook his head at me. "They're not for you or me."
My lips puckered in confusion.
"We're making them for the homeless," he answered.
I gave a slow nod. "That sounds great and all, but what does this have to do with you proving me wrong?"
He came closer, more serious than before. "I don't want to just prove you wrong, Olivia. That's too simple and all it does it make me feel good about myself. I want you to see it, to believe for yourself. Me spitting out facts at you accomplishes nothing good."
I gulped. "You're fascinating, you know that?"
He gave me a questioning look.
"If I were you, I would just spit the facts out. Screw it if it doesn't do anything good. I feel good in the end and that would be okay with me," I let out a soft breath and caught his eyes. "But not you."
He caught my stare and didn't look away. I felt trapped under his gaze and breathing became more difficult by the second. I felt like everything I feared, everything i wanted hidden was written in my eyes and he was reading them all. It was terrifying. I wanted to look away, to change the subject. But I couldn't. I. Couldn't. Look. Away.
A large breath of relief left me when he finally broke our eye contact. I backed up a bit, trying to get some support from the wall.
"What do you say about one of us spreading the peanut butter and the other doing the jelly?" He said, his voice lower and breathier.
I nodded. "I'll do the jelly. What kind did you get?"
He started walking to his kitchen and I followed closely behind. "Grape, of course."
"Good, I was worried I'd have to disown you if you'd gotten strawberry or something."
He chuckled. "That serious, huh?"
"Of course, silly."
***
We made the sandwiches as quickly as possible. Hunter had tons of bottled water in his car, so we quickly packed up the car with the food and got on the road.
Hunter drove for about ten minutes before pulling over on the side of the road. It took me a few seconds to figure out we were downtown.
As we grabbed the food from the back, I looked to Hunter. "Where are the homeless people?"
He took a shuddering breath in. "Trying to get warm. Its gonna get colder tonight."
Holding a couple of sandwiches in his hand, he directed me to get the water. I got as much as I could and followed him as he walked toward the main road.
As soon as we got to the intersection, my eyes found them. And what I saw was not what I expected.
Most of them smiled when they caught view of us. I thought it was because we were holding food and water and they correctly assumed it was for them.
But then they rushed to Hunters side when he got close. They called out his name, asking him where he's been and how he is. Hunter soon enough started joking around and making them laugh.
"Yeah, this is Olivia. Be nice, Curtis," Hunter warned mid-laugh, catching my drifted attention.
I looked up to see him motioning for me to come closer. I almost jumped when I realized I'd dazed off and walked to Hunter's side.
"Hi," I smiled.
Curtis look me up and down, measuring me up. "She your girlfriend?"
"No, she's a friend," Hunter quickly answered.
Another man walked up to us. "You've never brought anyone here before, son."
My eyes flew to Hunter. "You come here a lot?"
But it was Curtis who answered me. "He's been coming here for more than a decade. And you're the first person he's brought along."
The other man jumped in then. "Which is why it's hard to believe she's only a friend, Hunter."
My heart broke in that moment. Because I recognized the joy in their voice. Hunter meant a lot to them. They had a bond, a special love they all shared. And they think I'm someone special to him, because he's introducing me to them. They think he loves me. But they're so far from the truth and that saddened me.
"Well, that's all she is, so stop prodding."
Curtis gave him a smile. "Alright, if you say so."
Hunter breathed easier at that. "Thanks. Here, Olivia helped me make these."
Curtis accepted a sandwich and a water from me. "Which means they'll taste better."
I expected Hunter to joke and disagree. I stead he said, "they do."
I stared at him in shock for a moment, but he started handing out sandwiches to the other guys and I had to follow. They all smiled and thanked me when I gave them water. Hunter, on the other hand, had conversations with all of them. Some lasted five minutes, simple catching up. Others lasted half an hour or longer. They were deep conversations full of emotions I didn't understand. I didn't eavesdrop on any of them, because I owed him more respect than that. But I wanted to know, so badly.
These men and the few ladies out here loved him. I could see it in their eyes. Some of them asked questions about his well being with too much concern for me to ignore. And it left me feeling uneasy.
We headed back to the car to get the last of the sandwiches one last time and once we'd given those out, I waited for Hunter to finish his conversations so we could leave.
"How is he doing?" Curtis asked, scaring the living daylights out of me.
"Oh, Curtis," I breathed out, trying to calm myself. "He's...fine."
He didn't believe me. It was clear in his aged eyes. They seemed to wise.
"Is he really? We don't see him much, only once a month when he comes to feed us, but he's like family. I don't think he's taking what happened as seriously as he should. He needs to talk to someone, you know? One of those therapist doctors. He just won't listen." The frustration and deep worry in his tone was a punch in the gut. He seemed so concerned and I wanted to know why.
But that was something Hunter should tell me himself, if he ever chooses to. So I gave Curtis the best fake smile I could muster at the moment. "I'll try to talk to him, I promise."
He looked like he was about to tear up when he glanced at Hunter before turning back to me. "Please do. He has to listen."
"You said he's been coming here for decades, why?"
He let out a small chuckle. "Because he's ridiculous. He used to come here twice a week with...you know who during high school and college, even after everything. But when he started work and got bigger and bigger, he didn't have as much time. So it became once a month. And he chastises himself for it, which is insane if you ask me. Hundreds of people walk past us and don't even offer the water they're holding. They look away, pretending we're not there.
"But he does more then he has to, more than what his schedule allows and thinks he's not doing enough. He's insane, I tell you. He puts too much before his wellbeing and it scares me where that'll lead him. Especially since those who've been the closest haven't cared enough."
"He works too much?" Was all I could say.
He nodded, almost as if he was angry with Hunter. "And sometimes for free. I'm sure he's well off enough that it won't hurt him financially, but what about him, you know? He needs to rest, to stop trying to take care of everything and everyone. I fear what'll happen if he doesn't."
I opened my lips to ask what I dreaded to know, but Hunter intervened before I could say anything.
"All done?" Curtis asked him.
Hunter nodded, looking between Curtis and I with curiousity. "Yeah. Ready to go?" He asked me.
"Yeah, sure." I looked at Curtis and gave him a sweeter smile than before, trying to reassure him. "It was nice meeting you, Curtis."
"You, too, darling. Take care. And thanks for the food."
He gave me a hug, a tight one, almost as if he was pleading with me to take care of Hunter. When we pulled away, I squeezed his shoulders. "It was all Hunter. I only helped."
He nodded and turned to Hunter. "And you, get some sleep, will ya? You're scaring children with those circles under your eyes."
"Thanks, Curtis. I'll always look to you to boost my self esteem," he chuckled, bringing him into a hug. "I've been thinking, by the way, I have some clothes that I don't even wear, do you think they'll want them, including you?"
Curtis looked at me knowingly before turning to Hunter. "Sure, son."
"Okay, I'll come as soon as I can get them dry cleaned."
Curtis sighed. "You should go, before it gets too dark."
Hunter nodded. "It was nice to see you. I'll try to come sooner next time." Disappointment ran through his voice and it almost crushed me.
Curtis shook his head. "Stop it. It was nice seeing you, but use your time to relax too. That's an order."
Hunter smiled, if I can even call it that, as he turned to me. "Ready to go?"
I nodded, feeling heavy with emotion and questions.
Hunter and Curtis shared one last hug before we headed for the car.
As soon as he started driving, I couldn't bite my tongue any longer. "Can I stay at your place tonight?"
The breaking in my voice must have alarmed him because he glanced at me in worry. "Are you alright?"
"No."
"What? What happened? Are you hurt?" He kept looking between me and the road, almost as if he was contemplating on pulling over.
I slumped against his car seat and closed my eyes. "Take me to your place, Hunter, please. I'll tell you everything then."
I couldn't say more because I felt terrible. He was a good man. A great one, actually. He made me feel like the world was shaking under my feet, but that wasn't a bad thing. I liked the feeling. And all I've done is be rude to him. I've insulted him in more ways than I can count.
My beliefs had faltered under his strength and I don't know if I even cared anymore. Deep inside, I wanted to fight for them, to keep seeing the world the same way. And the fight in my head was a civil war I didn't know how to handle.
But I could fight for him. There was no civil war in my head about that. I wanted him to be okay, whatever the cost. And it scared me beyond reason that I might fail, that I might lose before I'd even had the chance to actually fight for his happiness.
Because in the chance I have to sacrifice even a bit of my happiness or comfort for the sake of his, I feared I'd chose myself.
~~~
(please don't forget to comment and vote. thank you so much for all the support)