I don't know. Sincerely, I don't know. I think my circuits are malfunctioning or something. My spark "hurts" a few times when I'm near him and I can't say those simple words.
And before you say that robots can't relate, keep in mind that I know a doctor who has become Conjux Endura for some time. And Conjux Endura is, as humans says, boyfriends or even married. And Conjux Amica means best friends.
Me and High Tide are Conjux Amica. Cody told me once that we always need to vent to someone close, but that someone needs to know what's going on. I don't even know who I'm talking to but I feel that you're one of Cody's friends or something. So I suggest you guys settle down because I will tell you about the whole situation and I won't repeat it.
It all started a few months ago. I was driving through the ocean waters, obviously close to the island, on my speedboat mode along with Frankie, Cody, Doc Greene and Graham. If my memory doesn't fail me, we were after an old source of oil for the mayor.
I will never understand this, since it was years since no one wore it, and I sincerely saw no need. But it's as they say: Machines can't comment on human "business". Since I can't comment on this subject, I must say that the ocean is a quiet place ... At least it doesn't burn. Well, I thought it doesn't.
"Whirlpool ahead!", Cody shouted and soon I was being pulled by the whirlpool. I tried to escape, but my efforts were useless at the time. We sent a signal from S.O.S but it was probably useless that far. Apparently, it was the end.
However, a very large white robot with blue and red rose from the sea near the whirlpool. I looked at the insignia on its chest. An Autobot. But I had never seen one that big. Anyway, whoever was commanding there, saved us and took us all to the beach - it didn't let me go at myself for some reason.
From the ship, below the hull and near us, a submarine came out and the same one turned into a great blue mech with an anchor's insignia on his left shoulder. The way he got up, all the sea water was trickling down his body until he was completely dry. And that's where I met the captain.
We had our disagreements at first. But now we're practically friends. Not as close as I wanted to but we're friends. But in that time together, I learned little by little with him. He's practically my- I mean, the water rescue instructor on the team... And part of it, too.
I have felt very strange. Seemingly nervous and a little anxious. I went to Cody for help, and he agreed. I gradually said everything I felt near the bigger bot, and also what I was feeling in that moment.
"This is nothing to worry about", he chuckled, "It happens when we're in love with someone, and you're sure to be in love."
"In love? And what do I have to do to end this feeling?", I asked a little nervous, but I tried to disguise it in a tone of voice. Apparently, to no avail.
"It's easy", Cody said smiling, "you have to get at it by taking a deep breath and saying all this what you feel or a simple 'I love you'. I have no doubt he feels the same way."
A simple "I love you," he said. That echoed through my processor some, no, several times. How am I supposed to do that? What if he doesn't really like me? What if I pay the biggest shame? If he says he loves me, what am I going to do about it?
Doubts and more doubts. Controversies and more controversies. All this mixed up in my processor and confusing me... I feel stuck in an internal whirlpool with no chance of escape. I didn't know what to say or even do...
Since that day every time he stood next to me, I always wanted to say something, but I never can. Something keeps me from going on but I don't know what. It seems that something is stronger than I am.
Today we did a double water rescue. The mayor's yacht was eventually punctured by something and began to sink. I took care of the mayor and his wife taking them ashore while High Tide took the yacht to the shore. The mayor thanked the rescue and went to look after himself in his mansion.
I ended up realizing a thing. I'm alone with captain. Just me and him, without anyone around to visualize or provoke. He was seated on a rock taking some of the seaweed trapped in his pipes letting out low grunts. It's the opportunity for me to at least talk to him alone and maybe say that...
"It's now or never", I thought to myself looking at the older mech. I took a deep breath as Cody had told me and slowly approached him trying not to look nervous. High Tide stares at me with his green optics making a face of distrust when raising his optic ridge and it made me more nervous. I let out a sigh, relaxed my shoulders, lowered my helm slightly for a few seconds, and lifted it again, saying: "If you're not too busy... Could we talk for a bit?"
He keeps in place and nods slightly removing another seaweed. "You know... It's been a while since we stopped being 'rivals' to become Conjux Amica..."
"Yeah I know that." He didn't seem very interested in what I was saying, both in expression and tone of voice. "And what does that have to do?"
"Optimus told me a while ago that we would still have much to learn from each other... And I admit, I did't expect it to be so much."
"Talkin' about the day of the oil pump incident?", I nodded with my helm. "Then it must be 'cause of him that ya decided to board again."
"He said it was my choice..." I lowered my helm avoiding optics contact. "And I decided to go back."
"And why did ya come back?", He asked removing another seaweed, "Did ya know 'bout the incident?"
"That was after I decided... But no. That wasn't it." I raised my helm, returning optics contact. "A leader would never leave the team under any circumstances. And also... Optimus was right. I both needed to learn from you as you learned from me."
"Yeah... You're right, sailor." High Tide smiled seemingly kindly and it made me smile a little shy back. "I would never have been able to stop that fire and the oil leak without your help."
"I say the same..." I started to feel nervous again. I had to tell him practically everything... "Can I... Tell you something?"
"Permission granted."
"You know... Since we've gotten closer, many have been talking about us... "I raised my servo to the back of my neck. "They always say that we 'get along' together... And some still ask me about our old 'rivalry'. I just say it's over."
I paused for a moment to think about what I would say next. I also noticed that High Tide was looking at me in silence, I don't know if he seemed to be interested or not, but just to pay attention would give me more security so I can continue.
"And look... You're a cool bot, I mean, you always been. You have great stories, you're a good mentor despite being a little 'grumpy' like me... Maybe even a great leader. And with all this I wanted to say that I..."
I couldn't finish it. I couldn't say "I love you". I felt a bad feeling, something like a needle in my spark. Maybe it's my spark telling me to say it or something... But something was still holding me back. I can't tell if it is fear or anxiety... or mistrust in myself.
"... Nevermind." I turned quickly backward, bowing my helm. I wasted the chance that I had to talk to him alone because of something I feel. Maybe he doesn't want to see me for a while.
I went to take the step to get out of there, but I felt something trap me in the arm and I stopped walking immediately. I was motionless for a while. Something warm gripped my arm gently without squeezing it and covered the entire length of my forearm, which was being held back.
I raised my helm looking back. It was High Tide who was holding my forearm. It doesn't take much effort to hold on me for someone of his size. He smiled gently making my spark beats quickly and pulled me lightly into a hug.
I was unreaction feeling him wrapping his arms behind me. I'm not a 'hugger' bot, but... I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my optics relaxing my helm against his left shoulder. I've never felt as comfortable as now because of a simple hug. Simple... But comfortable.
We remain at it for such a time. I don't know for sure how long, but it was enough for me to realize on what was happening. I pulled back a little of him loosening his neck then lowered my helm again, hiding my faceplate with the help of the brim of my hat. I was silent as I thought about why he'd done it.
"Heatwave", he gently placed his digit under my chin and forced it slightly upwards raising my faceplate, "ya know I'll always be available to talk on my ship. Maybe you'll feel more comfortable there."
His smile made my spark beats fast again. High Tide got up and walked to his ship near the lighthouse. I put my servo on my chest and felt the spark pulsate at a slower pace as I watched him walk away... No chest pain. I feel more relieved. I didn't say "I love you" directly... But I think he already knows that.