Finally, after waiting for several hours in the waiting room, we were finally allowed to see him. Thankfully after all the check-ups and x-rays, the doctor informed us that since the bullet went right through his arm, there weren't any severe injuries.
'You guys can go see him...I'll wait here...maybe he doesn't want to see me' I told Saba and Karim Sir who stopped walking when they saw me not following them inside the room. After all the harsh words I said to Hamza, I wasn't too sure if he wanted to see me.
'As you wish Ayat, but I know for a fact he'll want to see you' She nodded in my direction before heading inside to go see Hamza along with Karim Sir. Minutes later, both walked out of the room and Karim Sir signaled me to go in.
'How is he?' I asked him before going in.
'Stable, still a bit heavy headed because of all the medications but he's awake' He responded.
'We'll be in the cafeteria...do you want anything?' Saba asked me.
'No... I'll see you guys later' I replied to her and watched them leave before entering the room to see Hamza. I opened the sliding door and slipped behind the curtains. At first, he looked like he was still sleeping, maybe he drifted off to sleep. But then slowly he opened his eyes and looked at me from under heavy lids.
'Ayat' His voice cracked when he said my name.
'You scared me to death' I pulled the chair over to the side of his bed and sat down.
'Sorry' He slightly smiled but I could see that he was in a lot of pain. There was a cast on his right arm and shoulder.
'Is it hurting a lot?' I asked him.
'I've seen better days' He tried to move to the side but grimaced at even the slightest movement.
'That was such a stupid question, I am sorry' I said to him, feeling embraced.
'Don't be sorry, I'll be okay' His voice was barely above a whisper. I reached out to take his hand as we looked at each other for a moment, not saying anything. Then we both opened our mouths to say something at the same time.
'Go ahead' He said with a hint of laughter.
'No...you' I shook my head.
'I was just going to say that I am glad you're here' He smiled at me and I squeezed his hand in response.
'Your turn' He asked me. I tried to stop myself from crying in front of him but failed.
'How did this happen?' I wiped away my tears quickly and asked him the question. He went quiet for a long time before answering my question.
'I couldn't really sleep after you guys left...I was just thinking about everything' He pulled his hand from mine slowly to readjust himself. Once he settled properly, he continued talking.
'So yeah I decided to go for a run...on my way back to the resort some guys stopped me and asked me for my wallet and they took away my stuff and this happened' I winced when he told me what happened. His face emphasized his increasing discomfort, so I decided that it was time for me to leave so he could rest.
'You need to rest' I began.
'I wish you didn't have to see me like this' He stared at me for a moment and my heart crushed.
'Please don't say that I am just glad you're okay. I'll be here when you wake...now close your eyes and try to sleep' I waited for him and it only took a brief minute until his eyelids grew heavy again and he fell asleep. I walked out of the room and went to go see Karim Sir and Saba in the cafeteria.
'Where is Karim Sir?' I asked Saba when I saw her sitting by herself in the cafeteria.
'He is trying to get a supply teacher to fill in for Hamza to cover the sessions until he recovers' She told me.
'Did he inform his parents?' I asked her.
'No...Hamza said not to' She leaned back in the plastic chair and took a sip of her coffee.
'You seem really tired, you should go back to the hotel to get some rest' I looked at her just as Karim Sir walked over to our table.
'I think both of you need to rest, why don't you guys go back to the hotel for some time? I'll be here with Hamza...I'll call you if anything' He said to us.
'I am not tired...you guys go ahead' I said right away.
'Ayat...'Saba started.
'Seriously I am not tired...I am fine here...'I tried to explain to her, but Karim Sir cut me off.
'I am taking both of you to the hotel and I am going to come back here...no more discussions' He ordered, and we listened. Saba fell asleep as soon as we got into our hotel room and I ended up laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling wide awake only thinking about Hamza and hoping for the time go by faster so I could see him again.
When we returned to the hospital, Hamza was still asleep but there was a nurse by his bedside looking at his reports. On the side table, there were some cotton balls and bandages covered in blood and ointments.
'Ayat, I think we should wait outside' Saba's voice came from behind and I jumped. The nurse turned around and gave me a weird look.
'I am sorry' I excused myself and stepped out of the room and took a seat in a plastic chair outside in the hallway.
'That was...'Saba pointed out.
'I know' I nodded and we both went quiet.
'He is awake' The nurse came out of the room and looked over to me.
'Go' Saba whispered to me and I went inside the room and sat near him. His eyes were closed and he was breathing slowly. I was so grateful that he was doing better. His absence is my life feared me more than I ever cared to admit.
'I am so sorry for saying all those awful things to you Hamza...I am sorry I hurt you' I closed my eyes and rested my head on the side of the bed.
'It's okay' I heard seconds later and I suddenly looked up and saw him looking at me, smiling.
'You were awake?' I couldn't find my voice.
'Hmm,' He nodded. The way he looked at me made me feel weak as if he was ready to face with whatever came in our way.
'How are you?' He asked me softly, breaking the lingering silence between us.
'I...I don't know' I cleared my throat and answered him with complete honesty. His smile turned into something more serious when he broke our eye contact and looked away.
'What time is it?' He glanced around the room, still a bit disoriented.
'Just a little past eight thirty' I answered him and just then the same nurse from earlier walked in with a tray of food and more medication.
'I'll take that' I grabbed the tray from her hands and settled back on the chair and placed the tray on my lap.
'May I?' I asked him and he nodded.
'You will be discharged tomorrow...take the medicine...the doctor will be coming shortly' The nurse told us and left the room.
'You guys don't have to stay here you know, I won't feel bad...the nurses and the doctor check up on me quite frequently' He said to me when I started feeding him.
'But I will feel bad' I told him, keeping my eyes on the tray.
'Come here' He patted on the empty space next to him on the bed. I sat down in front of him and he reached his arm out for me to take. He held my hand and I continued to feed him in silence.
'You look...' He began.
'Don't say tired' I joked, and the corner of his mouth turned up.
'You look nervous' He observed me.
'That's because I am...I am still trying to process everything. When I heard about what happened...I thought I lost you and that's when I...' I held my breath to confess my feelings to him. I was still scared of everything yet I was willing to bet on my future. My heart had always been patient but right now it was going crazy wild.
'I...what' He leaned forward and I gulped.
'That's when I realized that I...' My eyes met his.
'Okay Mr.Khalid...ready for your consultation?...oh I am sorry' The doctor said when he glanced up from the clipboard and looked at us, particularly me.
'It won't take long' The doctor stared at me as if he was feeling bad about walking in on us. Instead of letting go of my hand, Hamza squeezed my hand tighter.
'No...no it's fine...take your time. I have to go anyways...see you later Mr.Hamza...I am Hamza...Hamza...take care' I pulled my hand from his grip and quickly exited the room. My hand still felt tingly from his touch and my heart kept racing faster no matter how hard I tried to calm it down. I always thought I didn't have a romantic bone in my body but ever I guess I was wrong, or maybe it was all because of Hamza, whatever it was, I just knew I was becoming fond of this maddening feeling. I also knew that from this point onwards nothing will be certain, everything will change.
Hamza and I needed to talk but before that, I had to talk to Zaid. I couldn't move forward while keeping him in the dark, he needed to know that I was no longer the person he agreed to marry. He needed to know if he marries me, I won't be able to love him. I won't be able to make him happy nor myself. I won't be able to commit to him wholeheartedly. I always had a weird feeling in my gut that something wasn't right in my relationship with Zaid but a relationship which others viewed as suitable made me feel like it was and I started seeing my incomplete relationship through other people's perspective. Up until Hamza showed up in my life and made me question everything all over again. I wasn't leaving Zaid to choose Hamza, I was leaving him to choose myself. I was no longer interested being in a relationship which seemed significant to others but left me feeling extremely lonely for all this time. I deserved better than that.
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Hi, there fam <3
I want to start off by thanking you so much for your constant support. You guys are awesome! :)
If you enjoyed this chapter then please vote and leave a comment.
Q: Do you agree with Ayat's decision? I think situations where we have to make a choice between what's right and what feels right are the most life-changing moments.
See you'll next week xx