Beloved

10.

'Call me if you need anything okay? I'll come to pick you up from school' I told Haya as we walked to her school.

'I am fine, don't worry it's not like I am going school for the first time' Haya looked at me. After staying home for days, she finally agreed to go back to school. I could see she was suffering a lot, I often found her staring at the ceiling late at night so deep into her thoughts that she didn't even notice that I was watching her. Seeing her in that state made my nights sleepless ones too.

'I love you' I kissed her forehead and she slightly smiled at me before walking to one of her friends who was waiting for her near the school's entrance.

Instead of going back home, I decided to go to college to talk to Mr.Hamza. I wanted to inform him of my decision to drop out of the program. I went to Mr.Hamza's office and knocked on the door. Seconds later the door opened and instead I saw Karim Sir.

'Ayat? You're back? Come on in' He looked happy to see me.

'Yes, Haya started going to school again so I had some time to drop by' I told him as we seated.

'I am glad, you are almost done with the program...I think it's good that you are starting...' He started.

'Actually, I am here to tell Mr.Hamza that I won't be coming back...I want to drop out of the program' I told him straightforwardly. I wasn't strong enough to manage school, home and look after Haya altogether.

'What are you saying? You can't just drop out of the program, not when you are so close to finishing it' He said.

'I know...Karim Sir I really thought this through believe me. Haya needs me, I want to be at home for her, I don't want her to come to an empty house after school or wait for me to come home. She is feeling very lonely' I told him. Haya was my only family and I was hers.

'I don't know what to tell you, you are a smart girl Ayat, I don't think it's fair for you to sacrifice your future like that' He looked at me.

'Do you where I can find Mr.Hamza?' I asked him.

'He is actually not here today, I am covering his session. You are welcome to join today's session' He offered.

'I have to go and take care of a few things, I won't be able to attend sorry' I got up to leave.

'Ayat, I think you should rethink your decision...I think you can manage to look after your home while still being at home...talk to Hamza about it, maybe he'll think of something' He advised me.

'Okay,' I nodded and walked out of the office. I felt like I had reached a roadblock and had nowhere to go. I couldn't turn back or move forward. I had no more tears left to shed. I felt so hollow, complete loss of hope.

I spent most of the morning running errands and filling out paperwork to change contact information to places where Papa used to be our home's primary person of contact. Since the funeral, so many of our relatives and friends came by, they offered their condolences, they offered help, and they left. At the end of the day, they still felt like strangers. When days ended, and people left, our house turned back to being quiet. As if both Haya and I forgot how to talk.

'How was school?' I picked up Haya from school and decided to take her out on lunch. We ordered our favorite chicken sandwiches and fries. I was happy to see her in a better mood after such a long time.

'Good, better than I expected. My friends were very nice...they wrote notes for me while I was away, and my teachers gave me extra time to work on the assignments that I missed' She told me.

'That's good...I'll help you with it' I said to her.

'Are you always going to pick and drop me to school from now on?' Haya asked me suddenly.