Calum
Elena is seriously starting to worry me. I mean, I’ve always been worried about her. But I thought she was getting better. Now, I feel like she’s worse than ever.
I’ve been thinking about her nonstop. I don’t even notice what I’m doing anymore. I hate having to go to school when she’s stuck at my house, unable to come out because of her injuries and for fear that her mother will find her. But life has to go on. Lately, I feel like that’s all I’ve been saying. Life has to go on. Sometimes I feel like I need help as well.
And that’s what hurts the most about Elena. She’s so confused, in such a dark place. She doesn’t understand the difference between life and death anymore. She either sits there, incoherent, or she sleeps, or she’s calm, talking and laughing, or she’s crying her eyes out. I can see how much pain she’s in, and it hurts me as well. I don’t want her to be in this halfway, barely existing trance. I thought she was getting better because she’s not cutting anymore, but there’s so much more than that. I’m so stupid for thinking that making her stop cutting, and bringing her with me would fix everything. I think I finally understand now that the problem wasn’t that Elena needed to get away from her demons, but that her demons need to get away from her.
I checked my phone and saw that I had a new voicemail. I looked at who it was, and immediately stepped outside to call them back. I sat on our porch swing, looking around to make sure that no one would hear me. I nervously pressed the call back button, and held my breath while I waited for an answer.
“Hello?” they answered.
“It’s me”.
“You need to bring her home. You really think that she’s safer with you?” they asked.
“She is safe with me!” I replied angrily.
“No, she’s not. That whole damn town isn’t good for her. It’s full of too many bad memories. I’m moving my family to another place, one that’s better and happier. This isn’t even right. You’re tearing my family further apart!” they accused. I took a deep breath, wanting to be calm when I answer.
“Mr. Jacobs, with all do respect, you don’t know everything that’s been going on here. Elena is in so much pain, and part of it is because of your wife! She’s the one tearing things apart,” I said.
“Elena is my daughter, I know what’s best for her. I know the things her mother has done. I’m not proud of anything I’ve put the both of them through. Really, this is all my fault. Her mother was doing fine until I left again. But I’m back, and it’s my job to fix everything. I know you meant well, but what was Elena going to do with you? She can’t stay there forever. Were you going to convince her to call child services and have the government deal with it? We all know how that works out. I don’t have a lot of time here. Elena’s mother is starting to wonder where Elena really is, I can’t keep distracting her with my presence and telling her that Elena is at a friend’s house. We both know Elena would come to me in a heartbeat, no matter where she is, or where I am. I’m not asking you, I’m telling you, bring my daughter home so we can leave and she will never have to suffer again.”
He abruptly hung up, and I was left in a distraught trance. As much as I want to bring Elena home to her dad because it’s the right thing to do, I can’t help but feel like nothing will change. I can’t just let Elena walk back to her mother just because her father is suddenly home and claims he can fix everything. What can he really do? He was given a leave of absence because his health is slowly declining from some disease he acquired out in the middle of nowhere. How can I let Elena go back just to hear more sad news? It would just damage her even more.
But he promised he would keep her safe. I’ve never met the man, but if he’s as good as Elena speaks of him, he must know best. But I don’t think I can ever get this awful feeling out of me until I know for sure that Elena’s mother won’t cause her harm ever again. I just can’t stand it, not having Elena around. I can’t stand the thought of her being in another town, not being with me every day. I won’t know how she’s doing, or what’s happening to her. I won’t have her soft cheeks to kiss to make her blush, or her long arms to wrap around me when she’s feeling sad. I won’t have her long, beautiful hair to play with when everything seems calm for a second, when we’re both just sitting there, together. I won’t have the comfort of her beautiful brown eyes, looking into mine with perhaps more emotion than she’s ever had before.
Suddenly, it didn’t matter anymore. I had to tell Elena the truth, and find a way to get her to stay with me. I may be selfish, and stupid, but I think that I really freaking love her.
“Elena?” I knocked on the door.
“Come in,” she called.
I opened the door to find her packing her bags, slowly moving around the room, attempting to cope with her injuries.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“What does it look like? I’m going away,” she said angrily.
“But...why? Where?” I asked, feeling very confused and a little betrayed.
“We both know I’m just not good here. I need to go somewhere else, somewhere I can think clearly,” she said.
“Elena, you won’t be able to think clearly no matter where you are!” I replied.
“Then why should I stay with you if it’s like that?” she asked, glaring at me.
“Because I need you!” I shouted. Why doesn’t she get it? Why can’t she understand?
“That’s bull. You’re better off without me. No matter what you tell my dad,” she said. She was now facing me full on, forgetting all about packing her things. She was glaring at me, but at the same time, it’s like her eyes were empty.
“What do you mean?” I asked nervously.
“I overheard your conversation when I was in the kitchen. Someone forgot to close a window,” she explained, putting her hands on her hips.
“I’m...I’m sorry-”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked. The weird thing was that she didn’t even sound angry. She just sounded tired.
“I wanted to, I was going to...but he was going to take you away from me!” I exclaimed.
“Why are you so needy all of the sudden? I’m supposed to be the broken, crying, needy one, not you!” she argued.
“Maybe because I love you Elena!” I shouted.
Everything went silent. It’s like my words were a deafening gunshot, creating panicked silence and ringing in everyone’s ears. But I meant it. I wasn’t going to take it back. Elena and I looked at each other for a few seconds, and then we quickly closed the gap between us. As I pressed my lips to hers, I had a rush of almost every emotion that I could think of. Love for her, sadness because she wants to leave, hatred for me not helping her enough, anger for her father and mother, comfort because she was in my arms, and longing, because I wanted this moment to last forever, I wanted to kiss her over and over again. It’s not fair!
She pulled away suddenly and my heart shattered because I knew what she would say next.
“We can’t, I can’t,” she said, shaking her head and putting her fingers to her temples.
“You always say that!” I argued.
“Well it’s true!” she cried.
“You know what?” I asked, getting angry.
“What?” she retaliated.
“I don’t think your ‘I need to get better excuse’ is even valid anymore. No, I think that you’re just too scared of your own feelings to know what’s good for you!” I screamed.
“Maybe because every time I feel I get hurt!” she screamed back. We were in each other’s faces, screaming practically at the top of our lungs. No one was home to stop us. I wanted to just let it all out.
“No every time you feel you hurt yourself for doing it! Elena, I love you so much that I feel like my world will collapse if you leave!” I said.
“How is that love?! You say that I’m scared of my feelings, but you feel too much Calum! You feel so much that it makes you naive!” she screamed.
“Naive? From what?”
“From everything! You think that just because you love me, that I can be fixed. You think that everyone can be saved. Well they just can’t!” she cried. I could see how much this is hurting her. We’ve never fought like this, but with everything between us lately, maybe it’s a good thing.
“I still think you can be saved,” I argued.
“Nothing works!” she cried. She started going crazy, unpacking her bags and throwing everything around the room. I didn’t even care that she was messing up our guest room. I stood there, in a trance, wondering about how I should act, what I should do. She was sobbing uncontrollably, it hurt so bad to see her like this. Suddenly, I remembered what worked every time she was having a breakdown. I quickly went to Elena and put my arms around her, but she thrashed around and suddenly, we were both on the floor, broken apart. I was facing away from Elena, and when I turned around to look, she was on her knees, looking at her hand. I noticed her fingers suddenly had blood on them. My eyes trailed up and down until I saw that her head was bleeding slightly.
“Elena are you okay?” I asked calmly. She sat there silently, looking at her hand. I patiently waited for her to answer. She was in a trance, just staring blankly. And then she looked up, and a sort of devilish smile appeared across her lips. Her eyes glowed in a menacing way as she spoke quietly.
“Hit me,” she said.
“What?” I asked incredulously.
“Hit me. I want to feel it again,” she said.
“Feel what?”
“Pain”.
“Elena, stop talking like that. Here, let me help you,” I said, reaching over to help her up, but as soon as I touched her, she freaked, crawling away from me and into the corner of the room.
“Go away!” she yelled.
“What? No, Elena-”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” she screamed as she threw the nearest object, one of her books, at me. It came flying across the room and nearly hit me. I still didn’t leave, too shocked and confused to move.
“WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, I WANT TO BE ALONE! LEAVE!” she screamed again, and this time I felt as if I had no choice. I went to my room down the hallway, sitting on my bed and rocking back and forth.
There is something seriously wrong with Elena, something bigger than I ever thought of. She’s spiraled out of control and I don’t know if I can ever bring her back. This is too much for me to handle. I didn’t even recognize her. I was used to the beautiful girl in the back of the class who stayed quiet, but had a lot to say. The girl who was, who is, in so much pain, but wouldn’t let anyone see it. The girl who slowly opened up to me, trusted me, maybe even loved me. I don’t even know her anymore.
I shouldn’t be so selfish. I need to do what’s best for her, get her help, get her better. I need to tell her father everything that’s going on. He will take her away, but I don’t even care anymore. I love Elena. I really do. She may not believe me, but that’s okay. All I need to know is that she’ll be safe. If she’s safe, and happy, then I can be happy, knowing she is. I wish things were different, but I guess this is how it’s meant to be. All I have to do is tell her I love her, and that I want her to live a long, happy life. I want her to live a life that’s so different from the one she lives now. So I went to the guestroom, thinking she was in there. She wasn’t. I thought maybe she had left already. But I caught a glimpse of something in the bathroom. And that’s when I broke down. That’s when I saw Elena’s body in the shower, limp, and semi-covered in blood.
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anything look familiar?? yeah that's right DUNDUDUN
here's another update cause i feel like the last chapter wasn't good at all.
happy reading xx