"Please tell me you're not going to break up with me?!" with a teary eye and shaking voice she asked again.
"W-what?! No!"
"Why would I!"
"Oh, thank god!" as if her all her strength leave out her body she collapse on my bed covering her face with her hand her ears seem to be flushed.
"W-what give you that conclusion?"
"S-shut up! I was worried you look so serious leave me alone." She embarrassingly said still covering her face.
"Well, I do think you should go and teach on that island."
She immediately sat back up after hearing that her smile falls away, replaced instead by an odd expression.
"Oh, er...thank you."
"B-but Mina..."
She looks away awkwardly whispering.
"That means that we would end up having a long distance relationship right?"
"Yes..."
Tears fill her eyes.
But she immediately wipes them away.
"At least you're not breaking up with me ehehehe." She said while faking a smile as tears streamed down her face.
Her voice shakes as she speaks.
"If we have to go through the pain and separation involved with a long distance relationship then maybe we should..."
"Have sex before I go..."
I almost fell out of bed when I heard that but hurriedly sit right back up at her side.
She looks surprised as I move in close and take hold of her slim shoulders.
"Are you taking me here and now?"
"W-what? No~!"
"N-no?"
"Yes! I mean no, no I mean not now look Miyoko, listen."
(Jesus Christ I'm going to regret this chance I'm about to slip off)
"W-we don't need to rush, us being in an LDR has no bearing on our relationship, right?"
"But if I go away to live on an island then we can't be together..."
"Yes that might be true but, no matter how far away you are, I will always love you!"
"Mina..."
"You see, Miyoko..."
I gather up my conviction and start to express how I truly feel.
We sit side by side on my bed, and I try to find the right words to say.
"Miyoko i..."
"Y-yes?"
"I have never wavered in wanting for you to realize your dream."
"And I still want that."
"And that's why I told you to go."
"But I failed to see how you were really feeling about it."
"How I was feeling?"
I pause barely, then continue.
"Well...up on the hill...I saw you crying."
"You were there?!"
"Yes..."
She stares straight at me.
"And I can remember exactly what you said, even now."
That she doesn't want to be apart and just want to stay at my side.
"Miyoko..."
"I don't want to be apart from you either!"
"And I should have told you that..."
"I hurt you because I couldn't find the words to say at that time."
"I really, really am sorry Miyoko."
Then...
Tears well in the creases of her eyes.
She bites her lower lip, trying to hold back the tears, but...
"M-Miyoko..."
She buried her face into my chest and wails her heart out.
It is as if everything she has been holding out is being released all at once. And the tears fall just as they had done up there on that hill...
Seeing her cry like that makes me feel the need to apologize once again.
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you."
"It's not that..." she said with a stuttering voice
"I...I just wanted to...!"
"I wanted to live up to your expectations of me..!"
"Huh?!"
The tears continue to flow, and she begins to tell me what is in her heart.
"You see..."
"If I was to try and realize my dreams, I didn't know what I should do..."
"If we had to be apart..."
"But when you told me to go to the island, it was then I realized."
Her moist eyes focus on mine.
"You only said that because you thought it was for the best, didn't you?"
"Well, yeah..."
"And then I realized it has always been like that."
"That you care about my dream just as much as I do."
"And that made me happy."
"And that's why I thought I had to stay tough!"
"That I must deal with the sadness and make my dream a reality."
"And that way I would be able to live up to your expectations of me..."
(She was thinking that all this time...)
"B-but..."
Her shaking hands squeeze mine as if seeking reassurance.
"But I really do love you..."
"And that is one thing I never want to give up...!"
"Miyoko..."
"That's why I want to have sex with you..."
"I want to stay here, Mina..."
"I want to be with you!"
"I don't want to be a part!"
She shouts, just as she had up on the hill.
I can't hold back any longer sweeping her up into my arms.
"Mina..."
"Miyoko...You did say once before..."
"That the things you took for granted would change..."
"But you never take anything for granted you cherish everything, you held it with high regards you're considerate if anything."
"That's why you're serious on becoming a teacher conflicted when you had a chance this is really important to you and I understand that."
"Change is a part of growing, don't be afraid of it."
I tell her once more, as gently as I can.
"I really do love you, Miyoko that did change before you're a dear friend to me one of the important people in my life."
"But now, you are my life my love will forever change and evolve for you."
"Mina..."
"And even if you do go far away I'll never forget. My feelings will never change but my love will, and that I promise you."
"And that is why I want you to go to that island to pursue your dream and become a teacher."
"If you can achieve happiness by making your dream come true...then I can be happy too."
Even more, tears spill down her cheeks as she buried her face into my chest.
"Mina..."
She's still shaking, and I stroke her back tenderly.
"No matter how far away you are..."
"I will love you."
"Always will."
I feel that I need to alleviate some of her anxiety somehow.
And so I tell her again and again.
"Yeah...I know you will."
She smiles a little, and nods.
In spite of her shaking, there is a new sign of determination in her eyes. And those eyes are fixed straight at me.
"I'm going to that island to be a teacher!"
"Yeah."
"Because even if I do go far away I will never forget about you either!"
"As if I'm the one who's going to be leaving." I joked.
She catches her breath, then whispers softly.
"Mina..." she drew me in as she wraps her arms around my neck
"Hm?"
"Thank you and I love you."
"I love you too, Miyoko.
My heart pounds as I am still not used to hearing those words.
I bring my face closer to hers. Our lips gently touch.
Our hearts seem to beat as one, ringing loudly in my ears. And I see with even more clarity just how precious she is to me.
"Mina...Once more..."
I pledge to never lose sight of my own heart ever again.
And so...