Diesel couldn't help thinking about all the things wrong with his life whenever he was with Benji. To him, the Pup might as well have been the definition of perfection. He would never hurt anybody and the one person he ever intentionally caused harm to was merely for self defence purposes. He didn't belong in a place like this and he was scared he might spoil that innocence.
Diesel dealt drugs. He used people as currency. He hurt them. He had a tragic past and messed up memories. Nothing about his life was normal. Though nothing about Benji's life was normal either. But the difference was that Diesel had a choice - he chose this. Benji didn't, and at the end of the day, they were both in exactly the same position. It wasn't fair.
"Thank you for doing this." Benji said gratefully as he gathered a pile of paper and dust with his broom, wiping his forehead from the hard work.
"No problem." Elias promised. Sweeping was harder than it looked, his shoulders were aching and his back hurt from leaning down. They hadn't even cleared half the library yet. "Can we take a break soon?"
Benji chuckled and continued sweeping. Every bone in his body ached from the hard labour, but he didn't stop. "Go ahead."
"I said we." Elias rolled his eyes.
"I should carry on. I'm hoping to finish clearing this place up by the end of the week."
Elias rested his broom against a bookcase and marched over to where Benji was working. He snatched the broom out of his hand and dropped it to the floor. "You've been working nonstop for hours. Take a break."
Benji sighed and decided to comply with the request. They sat on the dirty floor, breathing heavily and enjoying the temporary rest their bodies were receiving. "Elias?"
"Hm?"
"Do you still...y'know...do you still do all that stuff with the guards and...and the drugs?"
Elias was taken aback by the abrupt question. He bowed his head and let out a long reluctant sigh - this was what he was dreading. Questions he couldn't answer. Reminders that he didn't deserve to be with Benjamin Cooper. He wasn't good enough. "It's complicated-"
"But it's not." Benji whispered. "Please, Elias."
"It's the only way to get the drugs into-"
"Then stop doing drugs."
Elias froze, his brows furrowing in confusion. "What? You think I do drugs?"
Benji watched him closely, "Well, yeah..."
Elias let out a deep breath and fiddled with his sleeve absentmindedly. "I don't do drugs, Pup."
"What? What are you talking about? You deal them to people-"
"I smoke weed. That's it. I'm a dealer, not a junkie."
"So...so, you've never done coke or heroin or anything like that?" Benji frowned in bewilderment.
"I did coke once when I was fourteen. I've done acid a couple of times - ket, too. But I'm not a junkie. I'm not addicted to anything."
Benji relaxed a little, the tension in his shoulders ceasing as a small smile graced his features. The knowledge that Diesel didn't take drugs on a regular basis made him happy. It was just weed. He could live with that. Everyone's done weed before; it was no big deal. "You should still stop." He murmured. "Stop using those boys, I mean."
"People rely on me as a supplier. Imagine if the entire school's drug supply was cut off all at once; there would be anarchy."
"Eli, it's not your responsibility to satisfy their addictions."
"So, you want me to stop giving drugs to other people but still give them to you?"
Benji faltered, his face draining of all colour. "That's different." He said quietly. "I'm in pain."
Elias sighed, tucking a stray golden curl behind Benji's ear. "I'm sorry." He said simply. "I'm sorry I can't give you the pills, I'm just doing what I think is right. And I'm sorry I'm dealing drugs but I can't stop doing that either."
"At least tell me the boys you use are giving consent?"
"Of course." He nodded. "And I know that's hard to believe considering how...y'know...with you." He stammered awkwardly. "But you were the only person to ever fight back. No one's reacted like that before - they're all willing because they know they get the biggest cut of the batch."
"If they said no, would you still make them do it?"
"No." Elias replied plainly.
Benji nodded. He would keep working on his cause, he would keep trying to convince Elias to stop. But as long as the boys gave consent and Elias didn't do drugs himself, Benji could live with that - for now. "I should keep cleaning."
"Stay for a little longer." Elias pleaded.
"What's up, fuckers?" A new voice fabricated by the door and the two boys pulled away quickly, careful not to appear too intimate.
Quinn was stood at the door, gaping in awe as his eyes scanned the library. Kit was stood behind him, wearing a weary expression and looking reluctant to be there. It couldn't be more clear that Quinn had dragged his boyfriend up here. "What're you doing here?" Diesel asked, standing to his full height.
"We were bored and I heard some crazy kid decided to reopen the library." Quinn scoffed, his eyes landing on Benji. "You want some help? Or would you lovebirds rather be left alone?"
"Starr!" Diesel scolded, his face hot with anger.
Quinn glanced over his shoulder at Kit and realisation dawned on his face, "Oh, don't worry about Kit. I already told him."
"You what?" Diesel's fists clenched at his sides in irritation.
"Oh, c'mon, Diesel. You're my friend and I tell you everything. But Kit's my boyfriend and I tell him everything too. Relax, it's chill. He's not gonna say anything."
"Better not." Diesel spat. "You really wanna help? Get some brooms from the storage cupboard at the bottom of the stairs and start sweeping."
The two left together, Kit burying his hands in his pockets to continue sulking. "Please, Kit?" Quinn sighed. "You said you'd make an effort."
"He hates me." Kit replied glumly as Quinn pushed the storage cupboard door open, the light flickering on.
"He's my best friend - I don't wanna have to always choose who to hang out with. I want you guys to at least be able to share the same room without ripping each other's throats out! Can you do that?" Quinn begged, grabbing two brooms and shoving one into Kit's hand. "For me, baby?"
Kit didn't want to look directly at Quinn, so kept his eyes trained on his shoes. He knew the second he looked into those wide doe eyes, he would follow any command he got given. Quinn was his only weakness - he could never say no to him, however hard he tried. Unfortunately, his plan was foiled when his boyfriend gently placed two fingers below his chin and tilted his head up, forcing him to look at him. And just like always, he melted into the palm of his hand.
"Okay, fine! I'll socialise with him, but you owe me." He finally caved. Quinn grinned and pecked him on the lips before turning around to head back to the library. "On one condition." Kit grabbed the back of his jumper and forced him to spin around again. "You have to talk to Benji. If I'm gonna get on with your roommate, you have to get on with mine."
Quinn rose his brows in surprise before smiling, "No problem at all." He said smugly. "Ready?"
The couple eventually returned to the library to find Diesel and Benji working on opposite sides of the room, separated by several bookcases. It was as if they were trying to prove a point that they weren't in a serious relationship - not yet. Quinn nudged Kit and he glared at him stubbornly before reluctantly striding towards Diesel while Quinn wandered over to Benji.
"How're the ribs?" Quinn questioned and began sweeping nearby.
Benji blushed, "Yeah, uh...good. Thanks."
"Still need those drugs?" He teased.
"No, I'll be okay." He dismissed. "How's it going with Kit?"
Quinn shrugged. "You know what it's like. He's a pain in the arse - in more ways than one - but I still love the guy."
Benji laughed and continued the conversation with Quinn fairly smoothly. However, on the other side of the library, Diesel and Kit were struggling. "So...uh, what's up?" Kit spoke first.
"I know he told you to talk to me." Diesel sighed. "And Quinn's my best mate, so I'll cooperate. I'd do anything for that kid, you know that right?"
"I get it. You'd beat the shit out of me if I fucked him over." He shrugged, and though he would never admit it out loud, he was glad Quinn had a friend who cared about him so much, "Well, that's not gonna happen. Because I'd do anything for him, too."
"Good. Maybe we have something in common after all." Diesel said flatly.
"You know the same applies for Benji though." Kit added. "You better not hurt him."
Diesel rolled his eyes. "Of course not."
Kit nodded in understanding and the pair swept in silence for a few moments. "You realise this is stupid though, right?"
"I know. But Benji won't listen to anyone. He's adamant on reopening this place. He thinks everyone should have access to books."
"'Course he does." Kit laughed. "You gonna help him with it?"
"I can't exactly let him do something so stupid on his own."
"I can help too, y'know? If you need to. And Quinn as well."
Diesel glanced up at him and a smile flickered across his features. "Thanks."
Maybe they would never be best friends, but at least they were trying. They were trying for the boys they cared about. All they wanted was to make them happy, and if that involved befriending someone they had sworn to hate, then so be it.