JACK
"Mom I have something that I wanna talk to you about..." Zach says taking his mom's hands gently, as if to soften the blow that's to soon come. "Look, I have to tell you a secret, a secret that I've kept hidden for a long time..." he continues looking up at me, as he does I can see all the nerves coming back to the surface. I take a deep breathe as if to help him learn how to breathe, being that he's in a state of shock and realization that this is happening. I mouth the words in my head as if he can read my mind: "Just breathe baby, you got this...in and out". In a way it's like it's a personal reminder for me too. After a few breathes I can see he could tell what I was thinking as he blushed a bit at the thoughts in his mind.
"You're so special to me..." "Zachary what is going on?" She sounds almost angry... "Mom please just listen, for me?" as he says this I can see her anger fade away into empathy and compassion as she tries to understand the situation. "Zach, did get a fan pregnant?" She says, attempting to think of possibilities as to what he has to tell her that's so important. "It's not that Mom! I promise...ok?" he says rubbing circles in her hands as to center her emotions once again. "It's just that I've watched my whole life, and you've always been so strong." Gazing into her eyes, trying to fight away what might be tears trying to escape. "Done exactly what you've believed, and not cared about what anyone else thought of you." He continues rubbng her hands in order to keep her calm.
"Tell me about you're life, I know mine honey..." she says trying to avoid the subject she believes is coming inevitably. "Mom...I love boys the way that I'm supposed to feel about girls..." He says, finally letting it escape as a tear trickles down his cheek, eye's stained red, as if he's thought about the outcome and the damage this could cause in his head. Calculating it. But truth? Emotions can't be calculated because they are genuine and what make us...well, us. "It's-It's just something that's always been inside of me, and I really wanna share it with you because I love you so much, I want you to know me mom. Who I really am..." I say with the utmost love and care for her.
As I finish my sentence, she looks at me dead in the eyes, not saying anything, but she didn't have to I could see that look of anger, disappointment and hatred. Not the angry kind, but the confused kind, she looked angry and confused of why her only son was like this. It hurt, it really did. "When I'm with Jack..." I pause for a moment looking up at him, wanting to cry at the thought of how amazingly supportive he's been through everything I love him to death for it. "I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love." I continue wanting to break down right then and there.
"I've to push this feeling away, and keep it locked inside, but everyday just feels like a war mom!" Almost screaming at her, angry at her for not accepting my trials and the things I've gone through that she doesn't know plus this. If only she knew, maybe then she'd love and accept me. If I'm being honest, I'm more angry at myself for: keeping it bottled up, for not letting it go, for taking it all out on other people especially him.
"I walk around so mad at the world, when I'm really mad at myself. I don't wanna fight anymore, I'm just too tired..." I say letting a tear fall down my face as he comes and wipes it off my cheek. I look up at him as he's by my side letting him see the pain and hurt behind my eyes that I know he can see regardless. I take a deep breath and speak my mind, "I have to just be me..." looking into her eyes with sincerity, hoping she'll have even a fragment of empathy.
"Say something please..." I say as my voice starts to break and crumble at thought and eventual disowning I know is coming my way. Another tear, another piece of my heart shattered, broken. "Everyone has secrets Zachary, they're called secrets for s reason." She says running my hands on hers as if to regain some of that lost part of her child and attempts to reconnect. As this happens I wanna scream because of the fact that she thinks she can still get her son back. Her Zach. When in reality, she lost him the second she disapproved of him. The second she tried to rationalize her point of view.
"I want you to leave this house, I don't ever wanna see you again." This time having all of us being taken aback as she pulls the nail in the coffin with the chance of ever getting her son back. I sit there with a look of shock and disbelief. That type of disbelief where you question if you've made the right choice and hope that things will come around. That there will be a light at the end of the very distant tunnel.
"Mom..." I by now, am full of heartbreak and sorrow to make things worse it's caused by my own mom! "Go! Now!" "I'm the same person I was a minute ago!" I say snapping as my voice breaks and another tear of shame, disgust, falls. "You have made your choice, now I have made mine." She says sternly, not at all regretting her choice as I could see that hate in her eyes, the disgust. Not at me, but at herself for doing this.
"But why?" I say confused of my she would disown her life, her love, or her former love I should say.
"It's selfish of you to make me uncomfortable, the sin isn't in the thing. It's in the scandal when people talk about it out loud!" She says with anger laced on her voice, but also with a hint of rationalization, trying to convince only herself that this is why she thinks this way.
The dam finally breaks as the tears start to flow, my voice having the possibility to shatter into a million pieces any second. "So you're saying this would been better if I had kept this a secret?!" I say clearly visibly and emotionally angry at her choice. All she did was get up and walk out, her face said it all, and so did her actions. She clearly has hated the person I'd become and wanted no part of my life.
Sobbing as those last thoughts and realizations begin to become to real to bare I start breaking down. Crumbling slowly, Jack side hugs me making all of the past few minutes of what seemed like endless self torture emotionally disappear in a matter of seconds. Crying for what seems like hours, we walk out to my car as Jack begins to head home.
TIMESKIP
"Oh baby, I'm so so sorry to make you do this...if I would've known..." he says rubbing my back in circles calming me. "Baby, it's fine if anything it opened my eyes up to the world." I say cuddling him and kissing his lips as we arrive at the house. "Y'know Zach, I'm really proud of you for doing that it takes guts. Guts I don't have." I say walking to his side as he steps out of the car.
"Baby, I was scared way more than you were." I say as we walk into the house. "Babe, that's not possible ok?" He says. "Fine, but only because I love you more than anything can express." "Let's get inside Jacky, I'm freezing." He says as his breathe hitches and he starts to shiver. I draped my jacket over his shoulder as I hugged him to keep warm.
We walk in the door, to the boys sitting on the couch apparently awaiting our arrival back from the 'war zone'. "So? How'd it go?" Corbyn asks turning his head towards the door as the rest of the boys do the same. I just shake my head no, that's all they needed to know before they all came over to hug both me and Zach. "I'm so sorry guys..." Corbyn says after he pulls away from the hug.
We just stood like that wrapped up in each other's energy and love for a while as we didn't really need to say anything. We all just kind of felt each other's pain. "Hey guys, can we all just hang out tonight? I kinda need it right now." I say as I pull away from the huddle. "Sure bud, Christina?" "Um of course! Everything's better with her not gonna lie." He goes of and calls Christina as I text her.
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J- hey baby!
C- hi jack🙄😂
J- so, big ask...
C- shoot, what's up you know I'd do anything for my OTP♥️😉
J- when we're ready to have a kid would you be ok with donating the egg?😬
C- of course! Y, did you think wouldn't?
J- no! It's just that it's a lot to ask of one person especially a close person who's kinda like my sister...
C- aww thanks Jack you're like my brothers you and all the other guys! See ya in a few🥰
J- ♥️😘🥰👑
C- ♥️😘🥰🦄
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After a few minutes I see her pull in the driveway. She walks in as we all are on the couch chilling, I hear the door open as I jump up. I kiss her cheek. I pull her in for a hug, "Babe, I'm gonna talk to him later today about the surrogate, thank you so much C." "Of course Jack, can I be there?" She said as I pulled giving her an 'Are you serious? Of course!' look.
We walk over to the couch and sit down, as I snuggle into my love. "Hey guys how 'bout we watch Love, Simon?" I sat awaiting a response as the room erupts with a lot of yeses. "Alright lemme put it in!" I say as I hear Zach leave the room to go get a sweatshirt being that he was only wearing a tee-shirt. I get up from putting the movie in as my angel walks in with my sweatshirt on. My favorite maroon sweatshirt on my boyfriend's body, I loved the sight.
I go back to the couch to get swaddled in my baby's warm, safe hugs. "You look...wow..." I say as look backwards and up at his eyes admiring his beautiful body making me have a loss for words. "You know I love that you wore my clothes," I say huskily as I feel my jeans start to get tighter.
Zach notices this and pulls me in closer to mess with my emotions as I let out a soft moan wanting him to stop before he pushes me over the edge.
As the scene where he struggles to find out who he is comes on, I hear Zach silently crying. We all immediately huddle around him to make him feel protected knowing that he needs it after today. We all hug him, as he leans into it and starts to melt into the moment.
We all sit like this until the Ferris Wheel scene comes on, the kiss. As soon as the kiss happens we lock lips. In sync, I move my hands through his hair as I kiss away the tears. "Baby, I love you, so so much. You are my universe, I don't care what anyone else says. You are my Superman." I say as I gaze into his eyes as we make each other laugh. Suddenly I let a tear slip, a happy tear.
Next thing I know, everyone is left in tears, picking up Zach's pain. Feeling his pain, is weird, it makes me happy and sad at the same time, a whirlwind of those emotions. I'm happy that we can finally be ourselves, be free. I could always sense that Zach was almost trapped in his own body. His own prisoner. That, strangely, was the first thing I picked up on when I met him.
I just give him a hug knowing that he needs love. "Baby, you wanna go to bed? You look really tried and worn out." He just shakes his head like a little kid. The simple action just made my heart swell. I pick him up bridal style and carry him into our room and put him on our bed.
"Jacky, I love you, cuddle me?" He says giving me puppy eyes. "Of course, you look really cute right now." I say as I climb into bed with him, swaddling his figure in my arms. "You know, I'm so proud of you for what you did. I'm not strong or confident like you..." I say speaking my mind. "Jack...when will you learn that you are strong, confident, sexy and beautiful." "Strong?" "Yeah and sexy" "Sexy?" I say as I take off my shirt. "Let me show you how hot you are."
"Hot?" He says as he starts to lean closer. His hands move to my butt. "Oh baby. My eyes are up here." I say huskily. I boop his nose, "Go to bed sweetheart." "Bu-but. I want my Jack!" He says getting a little angry, like a toddler.
"I know Zach I'm hot and your hormones are raging but I want it to be special. Stop being a teenager and listen to me. Go. To. Bed." "Ok...daddy..." "Zachary Dean Herron! Babe!" I say a little offended, but in all reality I found it hot. "Now go to bed, for real. Daddy." We both were blushing like crazy, yet both embarrassed and turned on.
"I love you baby. But for real let's make it special. I want it to mean something." "I agree totally. You just have to stop being such turn on!" He says making both of us last. "I know, I know I'm that hot." I say in a valley girl voice. "Ok Jack. That...was gay. Gayer than me."
I start laughing as I pull him closer in my grasp. "I'm not letting you go or gonna let anything happen to you. As long as I live, Zach Herron, I will protect you." "Thanks baby." He says as he pecks me on the lips as he falls asleep within the next few minutes, probably from being so clam and relaxed. It feels good to know I have that effect on him. It brings warmth into my heart as I hear soft adorable snores coming from him.
I fall asleep soon after that, tired emotionally from today.
A/n I wrote the other half (I had to do this in 2 parts it's that sad) at 12 am on a Saturday as one does y'know bc no sleep am I right? Also PLEASE lmk if you guys actually listen to the songs I put at the top if it's not a Songfic I put them there FOR A REASON lol