~ Outfit ~
{Song}
Everybody Dies In Their Nightmares - XXXTENTACION
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3rd
Ivy wasn't okay.
Through out most of her life she wasn't okay.
For her deep down, it had always been numbing, alone, and depressing.
Had she thought about going to a therapist? Yes.
But with what money?
Her mom sends her money, but it would not enough for therapy appointments.
Ivy knew something was wrong with her, but her stubbornness got in the way.
That shit is about to change...
♚ ♚
Ivy
Lucas and I were walking into Cory's class. I noticed the words MENTAL ILLNESS on the board.
For a second I couldn't breath and my heart stopped by the topic of today.
"Hey, are you ok?" Lucas asked me, with a hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah... I was just thinking."
The bell rang and everyone went to their seats, with Cory coming in.
He started teaching pointing at the bold words, "What is this?"
Farkle raises his hand up fast, which Cory let him speak, "Mental illness is basically any various disorders that is characterized by impairment of someone's thoughts, emotions, or social functionings."
"Very good, Farkle. Can anyone name a person from history with any mental illness?"
Some people raised their hand, with Maya being chosen to speak.
"Vincent Van Gogh. He had depression, bipolar disorder, and even had schizophrenia."
Cory picked Lucas after Maya spoke.
"Julius Caesar. He suffered from epilepsy."
"What are you doing, Cory?" I asked her teacher annoyingly.
"Well, our school is having a week to bringing the awareness of mental health. I'm pretty sure history has a part in that role."
The bell rang, but Cory held back the class with an announcement, "Before lunch, the whole school grade will be watching a presentation about mental heath."
The class left. The gang and I walked to our next period.
"Why would we learn about mental illness? We're just kids, nothing like that could happen to us, right?" Riley said, innocently.
"I don't know, Riley. There are kids in history that dealt with this-" Farkle had replied but I interrupted.
"Can we just go to class or something?"
The gang looked at me funny, Lucas though had more of a unsure look.
"Ri, just ask whoever is presenting and that will be your answer." I add.
I know I shouldn't be acting like this. Mental illness should be noticed and taken seriously, but I just can't deal with the whole topic.
Everyone agreed with my advice and we all walk to there class.
♚ ♚
3rd
4th period ended.
This meant the whole school was making there way to the gym. Ivy on the other hand had plans.
4 period was math, which meant that she didn't have the class with her friends, so Ivy decided to ditch the presentation.
Quickly, she ran to the girl's bathroom, the farthest one, away from the gym.
As she walked about to walk in, a voice came into view, "Hey!"
Ivy scrunched her face in knowing she had be caught, and the clicking of heels surely proved her theory.
"Ms. Lane? Turn around."
So the girl obeyed and faced the teacher that hated her the most...
"Mrs. Green!" Ivy greets the woman.
Green has glared her dark eyes at the blunette. The teen girl knew she was in trouble.
♚ ♚
Mrs. Green forced Ivy into the gym, where the whole 8th grade class was there.
Ivy just sat in the very back, sinking into her seat, somewhat listening to the man presenting.
Then late 30 year old man spoke, "Times had changed when it was my time to yours. Kids think it's cool to have depression."
Lucas, on the other hand of Ivy, was listening. He wondered where his girlfriend left, but he knew she was probably in the gym.
To Ivy, when the man talked it was all bullshit to her. She just hated being there, hated the fact kids were talking away, hated that the man wasn't even suffering with any mental disorder, only a counselor.
What did he know about this type of things when he doesn't even experienced them himself.
Ivy just couldn't take it anymore. She didn't care that she would get detention or get in even more trouble.
Lane walked out of the gym.
Lucas's head turned around to just hear the doors slam. He looked around the room and saw no Ivy. That's when it clicked that she was the one that left.
♚ ♚
Ivy
Between what happened yesterday and now wasn't surprising.
I got detention for a week from walking out of the stupid presentation. What a shocker.
The worse part was that I had to write a letter to the guy saying I was "sorry".
Lucas wasn't that pleased with my stunt. He was mad but I just made up a damn excuse saying, "It's Shark week, Friar!". He believed it.
Now, the gang and I are in Cory's class talking about whatever they were talking about. I was too "in my own world" to be listening, until someone called my name.
"Ms. Lane."
I look up from my desk to see the school counselor at the door, "Can you come into my office, please?"
I look at everyone and everyone looks at me, slowly I got up from my desk and go to her. She took me to the front office and we walked into her room.
We both sit in silence, till I broke the ice.
"Am I in trouble for yesterday?"
"No, no. We, the school, are worried for you Ms. Lane."
I was confused on how the school could be worried for me, "I don't get it. Am I gonna be held back a grade?"
"It's really more on personal issues. We noticed some bumps on your family life."
I then start to become anxious, "Well, you the papers. You know what happened with my dad and sister."
"Your mom?"
I paused, "She's fine. A workaholic but fine."
"Ivy... you know about your mom. For the stunt she pulled last year in career day, connecting the dots was easy."
"Listen, you don't know what is happening. You my mom had been her-"
"Ivy, you can stop lying. The whole school board knows already."
I scoff in disbelief. What the hell did they do?
"As this possibly being signs of neglect from our mom. We, the school board, called Child Services."
At that moment, my heart stopped including my lungs.
"This CAN'T be happening"
♚ ♚
3rd
"What?!" The gang shouted in sync.
"The school called Child Services on me." Ivy broke the news.
"What's gonna happen?" Maya asked genuinely.
"Well, the counselor said that I have a week to find a guardian, and at the end of the week if I don't find someone, Services will come and..."
"They'll take you." Farkle finished my sentence.
"That won't happen, Vee." Lucas puts his hand on mine in comfort.
"Bullshit, I'm screwed!"
"What about Feeny?" Riley asked.
"I'll be going to Philadelphia. I don't wanna screw him over, he'll be my last resort."
The ganged looked sad and scared for the blunette. Lucas was the most worried out of all of them.
"I don't wanna leave guys."
"You are screwed"
"Well, your mom can finally come around. She'll take care of this." Riley says filled with hope.
Ivy chuckled in disbelief. Riley had always been the believer in people.
"That won't happen, Cupcake."
"You are such a failure if your own mother doesn't even want you"
The whole group felt stuck in this situation, until Riley stood up.
"I have a plan." She said with a big grin, with that she left with Maya, only to leave Farkle, Ivy, and Lucas.
"Look Vee, everything is gonna be okay. Nothing bad is gonna bad to you." Farkle comforts.
"Then why do I feel like my lungs are gonna explode and why I feel s-so dizzy."
"You are ALONE"
Ivy started to hyperventilate, she felt the room spin out of control.
"Babe, look at me. You are ok. You will get through this." Lucas came and hugged the panicked girl.
Ivy pulled away and stood up. She pushed the loss hairs on her face and felt the need to puke.
"No wonder people see you as a joke"
"I don't- I don't feel good."
She stumbled her way to the nearest bathroom, with her best friends right on her tail. They stood outside when she walked into the girl's restroom.
Ivy lifted up the toilet seat and threw up from lack of food.
All she felt was helpless, fearful, and anxious.
This was Ivy's first big anxiety attack.
♚ ♚
Ivy
I was sitting in Topanga's. Lucas was on his way to meet me so I could try to get my mind off of everything.
"Hey Ivy," Topanga came to me, "Is everything okay?"
I shook my head 'no'. I was tired and stressed about everything.
Panga sat next to me, "Are you worried about Child Services?"
I didn't give her an answer. I just leaned my head on her shoulder as she soothes me.
"Look," Topanga sounded hesitant, "Cory and I heard about everything and we may help."
I stood my head up in confusion, "What can you do?"
"Well, we were thinking if you... would like to live with us?"
My eyes widened, "Y-You would be my foster family?"
Topanga shook her head 'yes' with a motherly smile.
I bit my lip and hugged her. I felt the tears come but didn't fall.
This felt right.
"Thanks Panga."
"Oh well there's no need for that, now you can call me mom."
I chuckled and Topanga smiled brightly.
"An actual mom" I thought positively.
♚ ♚
3rd
After two stressful weeks, Ivy was on back on track.
The court trail felt long, but the process was worth it. Cory and Topanga Matthews signed the papers of becoming Ivy's foster family.
Riley and Auggie were excited. They loved her to death and now she gets to be there sister.
Ivy had the guest bedroom in the apartment. The blunette decorated it with everything from her old home. Delilah was a little problem. You have to pay monthly for pets, so Ivy said she would work at Topanga's to pay off the pet fine to keep Delilah, which was perfectly fine for the Matthews.
Therapy was a different story.
"Ivy has depression, Mr and Mrs. Matthews. With mild anxiety and PTSD." Ivy's new therapist, Doctor Stephens, announced.
It wasn't a shock to Ivy. She knew this was wrong with her. She just didn't to admit it.
The Lane girl wanted to have a fresh start. She wanted a better life for her, of course that mentality would be gone in a few weeks, but that was her deep desire.
"Well, look who decided to show up."
Missy.
"Melissa just leave me alone. What does my pain give you? Pleasure?"
Missy walked up to the blunette with something behind her back, "Oh little boy blue here wants some answers~"
Missy's gang laughted, Ivy didn't understand why till she felt her long hair been pulled.
"I want to make your life a living hell."
Missy pulled way was behind her back - scissors.
The mean girl pulled the blue hair that was already in her hand and cut practically half her hair short.
Ivy pulled away and fell to the floor. Missy came up to her with her stupid smirk.
"I told you... You should've dumped Lucas."
Missy dropped the scissors and left with her group, leaving a numb Lane.
All Ivy wanted was a good life. A life with no Melissa and bullying. A life that Riley didn't have to like Lucas. She knew that she would have to face it or cower.
Ivy looked at the mirror and felt the salty tears come to her waterline. Of course, Ivy didn't cry. Instead, she grabbed her small bag from her backpack filled with her hair ties and hairbrush.
She tied her hair into two pigtails .
Ivy boldly cut her hair as even as possible. When she was done the blunette wasn't satisfied, so she cut her hair more.
Finally finished, her hair was a bit above her shoulders. She couldn't help but like it a bit more than her long hair.
Lucas was siting in Cory's class looking at the door. He knew Ivy was here, and was waiting for her.
He was accepting the new changes, her not being his neighbor anymore, having a bit of their time to hang out lessen, but he knew it was for the best.
Lucas visits Ivy, the Matthews and Friars weren't far from each other. He even helped her with redoing her new bedroom.
Soon he heard the door open. There stood Ivy with a new haircut. She smirked at everyone, who had there surprised expressions. Lucas though smiled at the blunette in adoration.
♚ ♚
Lucas
"Guys, I wanna go this right." Ivy said to the gang, who was in her new room.
"We are all ears, Berry." Riley chirped.
Ivy looked hesitant and extremely anxious, "I... I have Depression and mild cases of Anxiety and PTSD."
"What?" Was all I thought.
We were all shocked by her news.
How did I not see that?
How did I not know about this?
"Look I-I know it's a lot an-"
"Why are you saying sorry?" Maya asked.
"Huh?" The short haired girl replies confused.
"Ivy, it's ok. We understand this." Farkle spoke.
She smiled genuinely to us.
I stood up and hugged her tightly, soon it turned to be a group hug.
I care for her so much. I knew this would be thought for her to tackle, but I knew she could pull through and she knows that I'll be there for her no matter what.
Ivy has gone through so much. Her mom, Child Services, her Dad and sister, Missy and Billy, and even just our rare relationship troubles.
Sometimes I just want one day were this amazing beautiful girl can just take a breath.
♚ ♚
Ivy
It was a late weekend night, everyone was asleep except me.
I got up and when to my closet. There a pulled out a tiny black bag. I put my flask, razor, headphones, my phone, and lighter in it. I crawled out of the window and climbed up the roof.
It was a pretty sight. The New York lights surely was a hallucination to the pollution in the air from running cars and factories.
I sat down and grabbed my flask. It as full so I took a drink. The dream life I wanted with no Missy or any problems this year... it was a bunch of bullshit. I knew the old Ivy was stick around, it's was only a matter of time.
Maybe this year would be good, filled with pointless fun adventure, or this year would turn out bad.
I know damn well though, I had some demons and they surely are more powerful than I thought.
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