It's Friday, June 8, 2018. My household's internet provider is undergoing maintenance and has temporarily paused our use of the internet until further notice, so this entry will likely be posted at a later date.
I've been using this time to my advantage in being more proactive. In doing so, I've thoroughly decluttered, cleansed, and organized my room to fulfill the aching urge in me to find structure in my surroundings—and this afternoon, I'd finally approached the abysmal trench underneath my bed. I'd riffled through many of my belongings to determine what was valuable or sentimental, and discarded all items I have a lack of a use for or emotional attachment to.
In the collection of items, I'd found photos and mementos of times past. I rediscovered an array of drawings, paintings, and little gifts Ronnie made for me during middle school, along with notes I passed between her and Devin respectively. In conjunction with this assortment, I hit the jackpot: the necklace gifted to me by Ben, rubber bracelets left for Liv by Jeff, a hand-copied text conversation between Ben and I, sketches and notes for my proxy design, and an undisclosed letter for my followers.
In addition to all of the previous mentioned, I also uncovered a couple of creased notebook pages detailing a dream I can only assume Devin had. The pages aren't signed, but given how Devin loved Ticci Toby—and seeing as hearts are drawn around his name at first mention of him in the pages—it's safe to assume they were written by her.
Besides on Quotev and Wattpad, I intend to archive backups of the image files attached here, as I will dispose of most of the objects after successfully posting this update. Paper items will be discarded, whereas other items such as the necklace and bracelets will be kept. They were technically given to me from my friends, afterall.
Ben's necklace was both a curse and a blessing to me throughout my experiences. There were many desperate, lonely nights I cried after not being able to speak to Ben, and I frequently sought comfort from the necklace during that time. I'd sometimes even slept with it on.
On other—more rare—occasions, I'd felt frustrated and wanted to break open the necklace, namely due to the purple stone at its heart. Given its iridescence, a shift in lighting reflects a bright streak in the center of the stone comparable to a tiger's eye crystal—which is fair to assume it may just be a violet variation. Its pupil-like appearance made me suspect something may be hidden at its base, like a concealed camera.
After fighting to reconcile with my fragile state, I didn't so much as even want to look at the necklace anymore. I used to keep it in the back of my jewelry box, but it ultimately migrated to the depths of a dresser drawer in my room before I evidently resorted to keeping it in a Ziploc bag under my bed—the only conceivable location I wouldn't peruse on a daily basis.
These rubber bracelets were given to me on the fourth of July, 2015. If my memory serves me well, bracelets with this braid pattern are called "rainbow loom" bracelets—in this case, secured with s-clips.
Liv said she found a variety of them inside of her room after she finished taking a shower. Past this, they didn't particularly have much significance or mention in conversation.
This image shows a depiction of what I believed to be an ideal physical appearance I could achieve had I become a proxy.
I secured another image to this one with a paperclip, where I'd drawn various weapons that could be accessible and practical as a proxy. To supplement said image, I described in elaborate detail how each weapon could be used on a separate sheet of paper.
The list states the following (if you are easily disturbed by graphic depictions in writing, I'd advise you to skip this section):
Box cutter - used to cut through flesh. Probably works best for cutting vertically on someone's wrists, or slitting someone's throat, or even cutting open someone's chest. (main weapon)
Shovel - used for caving in the victim's head, making it an instantaneous death. (secondary weapon)
Glass shards - has about the same usage as the box cutter, but ideal for slitting throats.
Hammer & nails - used as means of slow torture, slowly puncturing nails into the victim's flesh
Stapler & staples - same usage as the hammer and nails: a slow torture method.
Screwdriver - can be useful for a number of reasons. One way is to stab and/or gouge out the victim's eyeballs. Another way is to force the victim to try to swallow the weapon."
I also added a list of necessary items to pack:
"1. Clothes (some t-shirts, a few pairs of jeans, shorts, a pair of track pants, socks, and a few bras).
2. A few jewelry items (Ben's necklace, my BFF necklace, all of my earrings—there's very few, my bracelets, and my main rings).
3. My two (maybe more by that time) hoodies.
4. My tablet and charger
5. My box cutter
6. A pair of tennis shoes
7. Hairbrush
8. Lip balm
9. Container for water
10. The video games!!!"
Suffice to say, I had an incorrect notion the Creepypastas would be lenient with what I'd be permitted to pack.
This item is self-explanatory. It's a handwritten word-for-word copy of a Ben conversation dated back to January 17, 2014. If you've read my journal at the time, the conversation may seem familiar, but to those who haven't read my journal at the time, be prepared to witness awkward social skills. This conversation takes place after Devin claimed to have had a dream in which Ticci Toby chased her inside of her house, but she scared him off with her hatchet. For reference, both D and Computer Nerd are nicknames for Devin, while mine was Dimwit. The chat log reads as follows:
Ben: I like theory of a dead man.
(2 minutes later) Ben: Dimwit. It's Ben. And I like theory of a dead man. Especially bad girlfriend by them.
Me: Ok... *searches it up*
Ben: Good. So how have you been?
Me: Ok, one, I remember hearing this song... Nice... Hehe. And yeah, I've been ok... I expected you to say something today, believe it or not...
Ben: so I saw. By the way, what happened to your friend wasn't a dream. But don't tell her that. Something like that could make her lose it.
Me: I kind of figured it wasn't a dream... Weird things kind of similar to that has happened to me before, in case you didn't see what I said after you told me... I guess I've had my fair share of weird things as well, then...
Ben: Of course I think she knows. Tht bruise is bothering her. Its funny.
Me: You have a weird idea of entertainment, you know... Then again, I'm one to talk
Ben: She actually cried bout it
Me: Damn... *is too tempted* that girl needs Jesus...
Ben: It seems jeff found more than jesus. He found ronnie. And shame on you for doubting her.
Me: So... How are you, Benzilla?
Ben: Wishing you 2 would've kept hugging the kindle.
Me: You probably heard what I've said the other day about if you touched Ronnie, right? Hehe
Ben: No
Me: Touch Ronnie and I'll beat your ass till it's red and shiny like a balloon... Wait, that sounds like some kinky shit. O.O
Ben: Ummm. Computer nerd is in a corner laughing.
Me: Oh Jesus, what's she thinking of now? O.o
Ben: I can tell you the candy she was eating was home made.
Me: Oh lord... I swear, if you're gonna do bad shit to me next (or get your friends to do it), I will make sure you regret it.
Ben: Hey I didn't put it there nor did anyone shove it down her throat
Me: I'm pretty sure you might have had someone do it though...
Ben: My haunting you two has nothing with those two. She could've died when she was turning corners in school after toby if I hadn't told you they were here. Ive saved you two on several accounts
Me: List some.
Ben: When I told you where all the cps in the area were, when I told computer nerd that they were at her house. If it weren't for her hatchet on standby she would've been hurt already. Telling you jeff was here. Don't sound so ungrateful.
Me: Sorry. I didn't think of it that way... I'm called Dimwit for a reason, after all.
Ben: I said that because I thought it was funny.
Me: So I saw from the messages you sent D... By the way, completely off topic, but do you happen to have a human form? You know, a form that I can actually see... Not just an invisible presence that I know is there
Ben: Its takes a lot of energy which I normally use on the people im going to kill
Me: I see... You know, I would like to see your human form... Just so I know that you're the real deal. However, as I've said before, I don't plan on dying...
Ben: Speaking of which someone is taking too long to kill themselves so I have to take care of it. I'll be back tomorrow.
The pages were left unsigned and are only somewhat indicative of Devin being the one who wrote them. On a side note, given how many details she fabricated during this time, was this too another lie, or had she actually dreamed up the scenario? This is all she wrote:
"So we were in math doing something boring when we heard screams outside. Everyone but us freaked out. They all go in a corner while we walked to the window. Blood splatted on the window which made everyone but us scream. Mrs. Evans was trying to get everyone to calm down. But a hand reached out of the computer and pushed her. You and I laughed, but then shut up because the pixels were turning solid and a body was coming out. It was Ben. You squealed and he stared at you. I awe. *eyebrow wiggle.* I dragged you out as he proceeded to kill everyone. Brutally. We smiled and looked to the end of the hall. We stared. Jeff, Slendy, Toby, E.J., L.J., Sally, and Offenderman were slaughtering everyone. I saw Toby going after Ronnie so I yelled at him, and threw my platform that I don't have. He let her go, and walked to me, with Jeff close behind. We were standing in a river of blood.
'What? You gonna stop us?' he asked getting in my face. He snapped his fingers and Ben put you in a head lock.
'Back off Greenie!' I snapped at him. He just smirked and pulled you closer. o.O
'No no. I'm good.' you said. I rolled my eyes and turned back around. Jeff and Toby were in my face. I rolled my eyes.
'What...Do you want?' I asked taking a step back. But I tripped over Lauren H's body and fell on my ass. You laughed and Ben did too. You guys just stared at each other.
'We want you 2.' Jeff growled, holding his knife to my chin.
'I don't want to go anywhere. How about a deal?' you negotiated. They all looked at each other and nodded.
'Okay. A game of chase. You 2 will go into a room, while we lock all but 2 exits. You have 2 minutes to find those exits. When the bell rings, we will come after you. If we catch you before you get to the unlocked exits, you come with us. And if you do make it, we'll let you go. If you cooperate when we catch you, we'll take your Ronnie friend. Deal?' Ben explained. I looked to you, and you nodded.
'One thing, only, oh we'll say six, computers will be turned on.' I glared. Ben groaned and agreed. So they pushed us into a room. Slendy knocked on the door and let us out. We ran to the closest exit, attempting not to slip on the blood. We ended up in the highschool when the bell rang. In about a minute they had cornered us so I, being me, ran.
'Na na na na na! You can't catch me!' I yelled sliding on the blood towards the cafeteria. Toby was running after me. I ran into the kitchen and threw the mini pancakes at him. Since he killed the lunch ladies, there was blood. He slid right into me, falling on top of me. He smiled through his mouth thing. I smiled back.
'Got you.' He laughed. Then of course, as we were getting up, you and Ben walked in.
'Get some!' Ben yelled at Toby, then put his arm around you. Then I woke up."
This note was addressed to my followers and readers at the time, a collective I fondly named my Little Peacocks—and later, Peaflock. The information within the letter is now considered outdated and irrelevant, but I feel it was a kind gesture for my followers who still cared at the time, which is the only reason why I considered revealing it now. If you're one of those followers who'd stuck around—despite how you may cringe at it now—know this was made with sincerity for its time.
"Dear Little Peacocks,
If you're reading this note, odds are that I have now become a proxy and am now working for the infamous Slenderman. However, the negative to reading this note is that due to me being a proxy, I may never return to Quotev, or the internet in general (unless I tag along with Ben, anyway). This note is my only method in which I can say my final farewell to you, and I suggest that you take these words and remember them as the last thing I can give you.
Throughout life, I wanted to be a variety of things when I'd grow up. Never once did a thought come to my mind that I'd die before I grew up. I remember that I wanted to be an artist, a scientist, a singer, a dancer, a writer, and/or a paranormal investigator. But now, I can't be any of those things I've wanted to be. Sure, I've always wished to be immortal, to live forever and never age. And I've always wanted to have a life that isn't normal compared to others. I've now gotten that wish, but I'm only just now realizing just how much of a life I could've led that would be great.
I've planned to graduate high school, and get a part-time job for a while, then go to a college that could help get the career I've wanted, as well as take Japanese lessons so I could live in Japan some day. Now, none of that will happen.
I've planned that during high school, I'll get out of my emo/goth phase and dress like the popular girls with their shiny jewelry, comfy UGGs, and name brand clothing. I also wanted (still do) to become a cheerleader, get a sweet boyfriend, and be popular on social media, as well as in the real world. But I can't do that now.
I've always wanted to be the most perfect and beautiful girl ever, but that's damn near impossible...
I supposed I'll just have to suck it up, and deal with this new job and lifestyle I've been given. I've always wanted this, so I should be happy, right?
Devin and Ronnie... I'm so sorry that I've been a jerk to the bitter end. Breanna, I'm so sorry that I abandoned you. My little peacocks, I'm sorry that I disappointed you. Mary, Laura, Luna, Thea, StoneWall, and Raven and any of my other internet friends, please stay strong. I'm going to miss you guys so much. But this is where the road of my human life has to end. It's not my fault. It's Slender's. And to all of the people who bullied or doubted me... I'll be there really soon.
~Sincerely,
Shawanda Lee"