Arthur
I am totally absolutely not freaking out right now. Okay yes, I am abso-fucking-lutely freaking out, an infinite expanse of freak-out, an -I forgot to take my meds- freak out, an Arthur Suess is going back to New York freak out.
For the record, I have mixed feelings about the universe. Sometimes it wins you the lottery. Or a surprise trip from your best friends, or a really good deal on high tops. But most times it plays the mom just walked in on you having sex card, or the dropped your ice cream on the sidewalk card, or the "accidental" stumble upon dinosaur porn online card. Sometimes it flips tables, turns the tide, drives you absolutely crazy. The universe is big, infinitely expanding, and nobody really knows how, or why, or what.
I sometimes think of people as lines; people meet, their lines cross, but eventually, they continue on. Maybe their lines cross again. Maybe they don't. But the point is something happened when they did, meeting someone put a tiny dot on your line. A dot that will always be there. Something to look back upon, even if your lines never cross again. Sometimes peoples lines never cross, there are people you will go a lifetime without meeting or knowing, parallel lines extending infinitely outwards.
I think that's sort of sad, which is why I'd prefer to get to know someone, if only for a little while. We can't change the universe, but we can change how we choose to live in it.
The universe played a lottery card. A fantastical -I'm questioning reality- lottery card. Or maybe that's just how I choose to see it. College hasn't been the wild cliche and fun parties I'd thought it would be. It's more of the tumblr "yes I have 2 exams tomorrow lets stress eat tacos and get high on coffee" But among new friends, navigating Ethan and Jessie vs Ethan+Jessie, and casual hookups that never seemed to really work out, I found something.
A dream. A push, a passion, a reason. Sophomore year I took a premature fictional writing course. And now I can't stop.
Guess where I ended up? New York City. Again. My own crazy New York do-over. I can't help but be ridiculously excited, and a little scared because New York is enormous, beautiful, stunning, and worth absolutely everything. And suddenly I realize I'm not talking about New York anymore, I'm talking about Ben.
It's been over 2 years since that first summer, and at least 8 months since the last time I saw him. We had a reunion party in Georgia. Everyone came down even Dylan and Sam (who are still together!) I don't really know what Ben and I are, even after all this time. We haven't kissed since that summer. I didn't want to start something I couldn't finish. Instead, we call ourselves best friends but both of us know it's always been something more. And now we finally have the chance, have the time, to figure it all out. I don't know what to think, or what to do, or how to act but I can't help but believe in the universe. I can't help but believe in us.
It's all too soon that my plane lands. The hard thump of the wheels hitting the ground brings me out of my Disney movie binge and back to reality. I am literally living the dream right now; finishing college at NYU and starting a dream internship for my dream job. I'm literally going to see him in thirty minutes oh my god. I force myself to calm, It's only Ben. Just it's Ben. Like how could I be anything but calm. It's the first time in forever where I'll' get to see his face, his freckles, hear him laugh without the staticy phone calls and blurry facetimes. I sling my backpack onto my shoulder, I don't have any other luggage. Mom made sure to ship everything to Uncle Milton's last week. I smile at the security guard at the gate and his mustache twitches as he waves me through. Oh New York, land of the handlebar mustache and emotionless cat ladies. It's good to be back.
Okay, scratch that the MTA gods still suck and the subway sucks even more. I finally finally exit the tube and dash onto the street. I allow myself one tourist look up at the buildings before I hurry along. At least I know exactly where I'm going, how could I forget.
Ben
I'm pacing my room and swearing a little as I continue to fling every available article of clothing out of my closet. My phone buzzes and it's Arthur, texting me an aesthetic picture of his plane and his usual overuse of exclamation points. I can't help but grin and text back a dozen smiley faces. The interaction it only brings me back to the problem at hand, clothing. I take my phone out again and facetime Dylan.
"Hey benenance the menace, what's cooking!"
"Are you, at a party right now?"
"Heck yeah baby the struggle never stops" A blurry Samantha appears in the corner of the screen waving a red solo cup and flashing a "Dream and Bean" coffee tee. Couples are so gross. But go Dylan.
"Hey Ben!" she shouts.
"Hi! Hey sorry I just need some help with--"
"Say no more!" The screen shifts and I can hear static and then echoing footsteps as someone (Dylan) plops himself onto a toilet in what I presume to be a bathroom. I can faintly make out the boorish plaid wallpaper as the screen clears.
"Dylan what the-
"No fear! I have my pants on- for now" He wiggles his eyebrows and I fake gag.
"Real talk man, I need a pep talk."
"Is this about Arthur?"
"When is it not about Arthur-"
"Dude! Seussical has been head over heels for you since that summer. You've been head over heels for him! It's like Titanic all over again, or those gross romcoms Sam makes me watch. For the record, Leonardo Dicaprio will always have my heart. Fuck Gilmore Girls."
"Dyl, I know but it's the first time he's back since, since then, and I can't even decide what to wear. I'm so scared of fucking it up again, we have a real chance this time, this is it"
"It's never it, The universe will through a ton of its in your face and tells ya to dig in, there's always gonna be another it, there's always gonna be another chance. This is Arthur dude, you guys are like second-best friends! After me of course. Just be you Benny-boy, that's all that matters. Also, I would recommend glow in the dark c-"
"OK- thanks Dyl. Really, I love you"
"No problem Benny-o, I love you, and Arthur loves you too. Also, I left a surprise for you, third drawer on the left."
"Thanks, D. I sure hope he does. Cause I love him a whole heck of a lot."
"He does. Don't doubt the all mighty Dylan! Now go, get your man!" Dylan blows me a kiss and hangs up the call. I smile at the blank screen and make my way to the closet.
The third drawer is the designated "clothes that I wouldn't wear but don't have the heart to throw away" drawer. It's become a memento of Dylan friendship keepsakes. I pull it open apprehensively, it is Dylan after all. Carefully folded atop twin superman costumes is a Dream and Bean T-shirt. It's perfect. I pull it over my head and brush my hair out. Something falls to the floor- it must have been folded with the T-shirt. I groan. you guessed it- a glow in the dark condom falls onto the floor. I blush even though nobody's home. Jesus Christ Dylan.
Arthur
It's exactly 5-o'clock as I round the corner. Large white pillars come into view and the shiny glass window, prepped with the days' display of postage boxes greets my eye. Ben? Nowhere to be found. I sigh inwardly. He's late.
When I reach to grab my phone, strong arms pull me in from behind and a face nuzzles my hair. Ben. I turn around and he's right there centimeters away eyes sparkling, smiling like an idiot. He pulls me closer and I breathe him in resting my face against his chest.
"Arthur." his voice is muffled "I missed you so fucking much."
"I missed you more" Pulling away I look him right in the eyes, He's gotten taller, more filled out, all the teenage boy is gone and replaced with a grinning 21-year-old. Well, hot damn. It's like he's read my thoughts. He grins even wider, both dimples on display. Some things never change. I poke one.
"God, I missed your face so much"
"Just my face?" He jokes.
"No absolutely everything, I missed your laugh, your freckles, the way your ears droop, this shirt! I missed being here, with you. New York isn't New York without Ben, and Arthur isn't Arthur without you."
He laughs. Then he smiles, then he tugs my shoulders, and for a moment I think he's going to kiss me but he just pulls me millimeters closer before saying,
"I know you're not here because of me. Well not exclusively me.--" I start to cut him off, but he just smiles and nudges my nose with his. We're that close. I stop breathing.
"I want you to know that I'm so ridiculously overjoyed that you have this opportunity. You get to follow your dream Arthur! I'm beyond happy for you." He scrunches his nose. Adorable. "I don't want to get in the way of that. New York is your city too now. But I'm even happier that I get to share it with you. I'm so happy you're here. But after waiting so long I-" He stops, frowning a little. I smile
"It's okay. You don't need to explain. I get it, we won a universe lottery. We're here together for the first time in 3 long years. A lot has changed since that first summer. And now we finally have the chance to figure it all out. It's crazy that we're both here right now."
"We get a do-over"
"Our own New-York do-over" I add.
"Our own Ben and Arthur do-over" We're both smiling now and I can feel his grin as his lips ghost my forehead. Loud honking from the street breaks the moment. We straighten up. Gotta love New York.
"Ready to see some horse portraits?" Ben asks. I shudder and he laughs reaching for my hand. I lace my fingers with his. It doesn't matter what happens next, It doesn't matter what the universe throws at us, it doesn't matter. What about Us? We're Us. And I know we'll never stop fighting for that.
We continue down 5th Ave leaving the post office behind.