Early Saturday morning, Charlie received a text from Travis. Want to go to markets tomorrow morning?
What kind of markets? Charlie sent back.
Lotsa stuff to buy markets. Robby will drive.
Charlie had never been to any kind of market before and the mystery of it all made him nervous, but he liked the idea of going somewhere where he could spend some of his allowance. Did this count as a date even if Travis' brother was there too?
Charlie still wasn't sure how he felt about Robby. He had an aggressive nature, but Charlie got the feeling he'd been trying to be nice last night.
I'll ask my grandparents, Charlie texted back before wandering out into the living room to find them.
He felt oddly nervous as his grandma glanced up from the book she was reading and his grandpa from his newspaper. He didn't like to ask for things. His dad had told him no too many times and much too harshly. Now every request felt weighted and risky.
"Can I go to the markets with Travis and his brother tomorrow morning?" Charlie asked as he dug his toes into the carpet.
Charlie's grandpa lowered his newspaper down onto his lap and frowned. "His brother? I don't know about that. He's a bit older, looks kind of shabby. Is he responsible?"
"Travis would know, and he wouldn't ask me to go with them if he didn't trust him," Charlie said.
Charlie's grandpa shrugged. "Well, I can't really argue with that. I'm pretty sure that kid would take a bullet for you."
"You take your phone, though," Charlie's grandma added. "You're only to go to the markets and then come straight back home."
Charlie nodded quickly. "Okay."
Charlie's grandpa had already gone back to his newspaper and as his grandma picked her book back up Charlie let out a sigh of relief and headed back to his room. That hadn't been so bad. Still, he felt too hot and his heart was racing. There was something about them that made every little interaction feel like some great ordeal. He was very glad he'd met Travis, very glad he had someone to show him that things could be different.
Yet there had also been tension between Travis and his brother, the stewing potential for tempers boiling over. Was that just how families were? Things had never been that way between him and his mum. Sure, she had occasionally been impatient with him, but most of the time her greatest concern had been with de-escalating him and keeping him calm.
So maybe this wasn't normal. Maybe this was just what it looked like when things went wrong. Only, Charlie wasn't sure he knew what things going right in a family looked like. No matter how high he tried to put his mum on a pedestal, he couldn't ignore the way she'd left him, all the dangerous things she'd brought into their lives.
Perhaps he and Travis, sitting close to one another late at night with Artemis sprawled across both their laps, was closer to how family was supposed to be. Perhaps one day that could be their lives, but for now they both had to work with what they'd been given.
#
Charlie was up way earlier than he needed to be on Sunday morning, but that was okay. It gave him time to make absolutely sure he was ready. He had a shower and dressed in a T-shirt, the kitty hoodie Travis had bought him, and his favourite pair of jeans. He put his phone and his wallet in his pockets and then stood in the middle of the room. He was ready, but it wasn't time to leave.
He pulled his phone back out of his pocket and texted Travis his dilemma.
You can come and wait over here while we get ready if you want, Travis texted back.
Charlie nodded firmly to himself and left the room.
It was probably better to leave now, anyway. Only his grandpa was up, and he was too busy drinking his morning coffee to make any kind of fuss about Charlie leaving.
Travis answered the door with a smile and no shirt on, and Charlie's eyes immediately tracked down to admire his bare chest. He had more of a proper shape to him than Charlie did. How he came together just seemed right in a way that made Charlie want to reach out and touch the skin around his nipples, find out if it was firm or yielding. He was pretty sure that fell into the same category as curious biting, though, so he fisted his hands in the sleeves of his hoodie and stepped around Travis into the apartment.
Robby was on the sofa eating breakfast, and he wasn't wearing a shirt either. Or pants, though he was wearing boxers. Travis had sweatpants. Robby was more muscular than Travis, but his shape wasn't nearly as interesting. He had hair all over his chest, which was kind of interesting but in an entirely different way. Charlie wondered if you could get lice in chest hair.
"Is your boyfriend checking me out?" Robby asked, his voice still husky from sleep. He didn't look like he'd been up for long.
"I did tell you to put some clothes on," Travis told him.
"Are you going to get a hairy chest like that when you're older?" Charlie asked Travis.
Travis let out a quiet, huffy laugh. "I doubt it. Robby's been a gorilla practically since puberty."
"It's cause I actually have some testosterone in me," Robby said around a mouthful of cereal.
"High testosterone can cause risk taking behaviour and alcohol abuse," Charlie said. "I read that in a book."
Robby raised his eyebrows, but he was smiling. "You calling me an alcoholic?"
Charlie shook his head. "I'm just passing on the book's knowledge."
Robby's smile morphed into a grin. "You're a little shit. I like you."
Next to Charlie, Travis winced. "He means 'little shit' as a term of endearment."
"Oh, I know," Charlie said. "He's like my dad."
There was a stretch of silence, and it took Charlie a few seconds to realise what he'd said wrong. His dad, who they'd all established was pretty awful. It probably wasn't nice to say Robby was like him. It was just that he'd said things like that all the time, and the only way to judge if he meant them kindly was to try to read his mood.
"In that way," Charlie added, several seconds too late. "My dad used to do that thing as well. So I know that Robby didn't mean it in a hurtful way."
"Yeah, see Travis, he gets it," Robby said, though there was something about him that was suddenly less relaxed. "No need to get all defensive when he's not even upset."
"Hmm," Travis said. "Charlie, will you be all right with Robby for like ten minutes while I go take a shower? You can go wait in my room instead if you want."
"I will wait with Robby," Charlie told him and went to sit on the other end of the sofa.
As soon as Travis had left the room, Robby turned to Charlie and looked him over. "I'm pretty sure that hoodie was meant for girls."
Charlie wriggled his hands underneath himself and swung his legs. "Yes, I think so too, though I got it at a second hand shop so it didn't really say. Travis bought it for me."
"He bought you girl's clothes?"
"Yes. It's my favourite, because look how it has cat ears." He twisted his body so that Robby could see the hood.
"You're a wei— an interesting guy."
"Yes. Do you think there will be more clothes at the markets?"
"Uh, yeah, there are always tons. And like... books, toys, plants, food, all kinds of shit."
"Good," Charlie said. "I want to spend some of my allowance. I was going to use it to pay for the psychiatrist, but my grandparents said they will pay even though it's expensive."
"You have to see a psychiatrist?"
"No, I don't have to. I want to."
Robby made a face. "Why would you want to, though?"
"I need someone to tell me what's wrong with me."
"Ah," Robby said carefully.
"My new psychiatrist is nice and she said she thinks I'm autistic. I read about it and I think that's right."
"Do you normally tell people you barely know this shit just because they ask?"
Charlie shrugged. "You're the first one who's asked. Didn't you want me to actually tell you?"
"It's not really my business, kid. Travis will be pissed if he thinks I was interrogating you about that kinda thing."
"That's strange," Charlie commented. "Is it like the being gay thing? He always thinks people finding out about that is a big deal, but I don't really care."
"Medical shit is private. Especially mental health things because people can be such dicks about it."
"Hiding everything anyone might be mean to me about sounds like a lot of work. I'm weird. They'll always find something if that's the kind of person they are."
"Yeah, I guess so." Robby hadn't touched his cereal since Charlie sat down, and he finally leant forward and placed the half empty bowl on the coffee table. "Hey... sorry if I've been a dick about things. I don't mean to be. Travis was always the one who was good at words and shit. I just say whatever comes to mind, and sometimes what comes out of my mouth is completely stupid. For what it's worth, I think you're a great kid and I can tell Travis really cares about you."
"Oh, don't worry, I mostly don't even notice if things are meant to be offensive," Charlie said. "Travis is always apologising for things that didn't bother me at all."
"You didn't like it when me and Travis were having a go at each other, though, huh?"
Charlie shook his head. "Don't like fighting."
"Yeah, me either," Robby said, his words coming out like a sigh. "I seem to keep doing it anyway, though. Stupid shit, really. It's never worth it."
"I kicked Travis once." Charlie had brought it up to express his understanding, but there was suddenly a hostile edge to the look Robby gave him. "I didn't mean to. I don't think that makes it okay, but Travis said it was okay."
"I'm gonna have to go with hurting my brother not being okay."
"I know."
As silence fell between them Travis stepped back into the room, fully dressed and rubbing a towel through his hair. When he got a look at the two of them, he frowned. "What's going on, guys?"
"Kid told me he kicked you," Robby said, jabbing a thumb in Charlie's direction.
Travis made a face. "Because I was stupid and touched him when he was upset."
Robby gave a sharp shake of his head. "He's smaller than you, but that still doesn't mean it's a good idea to be accepting excuses for that kind of shit."
Travis leant his head back and let out a long sigh. "Look, he feels bad about it. If he didn't, yeah, that'd be a problem. It'd be a problem if he'd done it intentionally or if he'd done it without any provocation from me. As it is, it happened because I was an idiot and ignored the warning signs he was broadcasting. He's not abusing me. He lashed out one time because he was very upset and didn't want to be touched and had lost the ability to communicate that calmly."
"Hmm," was all Robby said for a long moment. Finally he ran a hand over his short, spiky hair and nodded. "Guess I can't say I've never gotten violent at someone for getting in my space at the wrong time."
Charlie had already lifted his hand before he realised that this might very well constitute the wrong time to be exploring the texture of Robby's hair uninvited. "Can I touch your hair?"
Robby gave Charlie a strange look, then picked his cereal bowl up and stood from the sofa. "I'm gonna go take a shower. Play with your boyfriend's hair."
"But his isn't spiky," Charlie objected as Robby walked away.
As Travis claimed Robby's abandoned spot he asked, "Would you like mine to be spiky?"
"No. It wouldn't look as good. I just want to find out how it feels."
"Just so you know, most people find that kind of weird."
"Yeah, I thought so. That's why I asked first."
Travis grinned and pulled Charlie close against his side, planting a kiss on the top of his head. "You're great."