Chapter 3:
Andy's Point of View:
"Andy? Andy, can you hear me?"
Whoever was speaking sounded quite distant, and I wasn't sure if I was imagining it; I couldn't even tell who it was.
"Honey, I don't think he can hear you. Now come on, let's go get something from the café, ok?"
"They said he should be awake soon! What if he doesn't wake up?"
"Oh sweetheart, of course he's going to wake up. I know it may seem bad right now, but Andy's going to pull through. He's not going anywhere, so come on. We'll be back soon, I promise."
My head was pounding as I managed to open my eyes a bit. I couldn't focus very well, but I saw whoever'd been talking was heading for the door.
"Tara?" I managed to say as I tried to wake up properly.
They both stopped and looked back to me.
"Oh my God, you're awake!"
I was pretty sure by this time that it was Tara. She rushed over and pulled me into a hug as I tried to make sense of what was going on. Tara let me go, a relieved look on her face as my focus finally returned and I managed to wake up a bit more.
My aunt was still standing over at the door, a bit of a smile on her face as she saw how happy Tara was. I looked to Tara, feeling rather lost and confused at the moment as to what was going on.
"What happened?" I asked, feeling a bit freaked out now that I didn't even know where I was. "Where am I?"
Tara's expression changed to sadness and concern.
"Andy, you..."
She trailed off and looked over at her mom, making me glance over at her before looking back to Tara.
"Tara?" I said cautiously, still worried. "What'd I do?"
She looked back to me, clearly unsure about what to say to me. I just looked back at her, and the look on my face must've been enough to make her realise just how freaked out I really was right now.
"You tried to kill yourself Andy," she said sadly, my aunt looking at me with a bit of disappointment from her position at the door.
I looked between Tara and my aunt, not sure what to say. My aunt just walked out the door, disappearing around the corner. I looked to Tara who was still looking at me with concern.
"What day is it?" I managed to ask, feeling really bad about what I'd done.
"It's Monday," she said. "I came straight here after school about an hour ago."
I looked away and looked out the window that was off to my right. I was still having trouble believing I'd actually tried to commit suicide four days ago.
"We were worried you wouldn't even wake up," Tara said, and it was clear she was crying. "We didn't wanna have to make that decision Andy..."
I looked back to her, seeing how much this'd actually affected her.
"Tara, I'm so sorry," I said, putting my arms around her and pulling her into a hug as she cried. "I dunno what was going through my head. I'm so sorry."
"It's ok," she said through the tears. "I understand why you did it, and I don't blame you. I'm just so glad you're ok. I didn't wanna lose you."
She kept a hold of me as she calmed down, and I realised I'd broken my promise to Ashley.
"Does Ashley know?" I asked quietly as Tara let me go and looked at me.
She wiped the tears away and nodded.
"He found out from Mike, 'cause I didn't wanna tell 'im," she said, clearly unsure if that was the right thing to do or not.
"What about Connor?" I found myself asking. "What's goin' on with him?"
Tara shook her head. "Nothing. Mom was gonna send him to see someone about this 'violent behaviour' towards you, but I don't think he's been going. He doesn't even seem to care about what you tried to do, even though it was his fault."
"Tara, I'm not blaming anyone but myself," I said seriously as she looked at me with concern. "This was my own fault, no-one else's."
Tara looked unconvinced, but nodded anyway. She sat down on the edge of the bed and I sat up a bit more, feeling a bit of pain go through me. I tried to remember back to what'd happened before this, but I couldn't. I had absolutely no idea what'd made me do it.
Tara saw me thinking.
"Everyone's been so worried about you," she said, making me look down. "I've had people comin' up to me and asking where you were, even though they didn't even know you. Everyone knows about you now 'cause of Connor..."
Upon her saying that, it triggered something in my mind and I sort of remembered what Connor'd done. That would've been why I was still in pain when I moved.
"Great," was all I said, sighing.
Tara looked at me sadly.
"Do you even remember what happened?" she asked with a bit of a frown.
I shook my head and looked at her, Tara just returning the look.
"I didn't even remember about what Connor'd done 'til you said it just then," I said quietly. "I dunno what happened or why I did this..."
Tara still looked very upset, and I knew I'd disappointed her.
"I've disappointed you, haven't I?" I asked sadly, seeing the disappointment in her eyes.
"No, Andy, no," she said, though I knew she was lying, so I looked down. "You had legitimate reasons for attempting to take your own life, and it's ok."
I shook my head.
"No Tara, it's not ok," I said seriously, not wanting to look up and meet her gaze. I made myself look up. "It'll never be ok. I shouldn't have even considered it as a way out of all this. I should've dealt with it properly and I only thought of myself."
"I know you changed your mind," Tara said quietly, making me frown at her words. "You thought of someone else; I know you did. The look on your face before you went out was enough to show you thought of someone else and realised it was a mistake."
"It was too late by then," I said with a shake of my head, though I knew she was right. I looked at her. "Thank you though. I dunno what would've happened if you weren't there."
"You probably wouldn't be," she admitted. "If you hadn't called for me, you probably would've still been locked in that bathroom and you would've been long gone by the time someone realised you weren't around."
"I almost didn't get the door opened," I said, remembering a bit of what'd happened. "My mind wasn't letting me do much thinking at all, and I nearly couldn't get the door unlocked."
I looked at her sadly, and she attempted a smile. I couldn't return one of my own, and she put her hand on mine.
"I'm just glad you're ok," she said, and I saw the truth in her eyes.
Even though I knew she was disappointed in me for trying to take my own life, I could see she was genuinely happy that I was alive and able to talk to her right now.
***
"Back already hey?"
I looked up from what I was writing and saw Jacoby standing in the doorway, arms crossed and an almost disapproving look on his face.
"Yeah; certainly looks that way," I said, just feeling tired and worn out as I looked back down at my notebook.
Jacoby wandered over and stood at the end of the bed, making me glance up at him.
"And here I was, gettin' used to being in a room by myself again," he said, making me smile a bit.
He smiled back and moved over to the chair that was over by the wall. He sat down and watched me as I wrote.
"So what'd you do this time?" he asked. "And whatcha writing?"
I shrugged. "Whatever I feel like writing. Gives me somewhere to write what I'm thinking."
He nodded and I closed the notebook and looked to him.
"I see you're still here," I said, Jacoby just rolling his eyes. "Haven't left yet hey?"
"Seems like you haven't either," he shot back, a bit of a scowl on his face.
I just shrugged again and looked to him. "Maybe I just like it here."
"Ah-huh," he said, his tone disbelieving. "Now Andy, I know for a fact that you hate it here. I know for a fact that you hate hospitals."
"Really," I stated. "And how would you know that?"
"Just gotta listen to people; you learn a lot that way," he said with a smirk, and I realised he'd heard what I'd said to Juliet last time. He looked at me curiously. "So how come you're back?"
"I dunno," I mumbled as I looked out the window at the night sky. "Just 'cause."
Jacoby got up and moved the chair so he was on the other side of the bed, so I could see him, even when I was looking out the window.
"I heard Tara talkin' to ya earlier on," he said.
"Then I don't need to tell you what happened to make me end up back here," I said, still looking out the window. "You said so yourself, you just gotta listen to what others say and you learn things that way."
"Listen Andy, don't feel bad, ok?" Jacoby said as I glanced at him. "I know where you're comin' from, so if you ever need someone to talk to, let me know and I'll listen, yeah? I've been in that boat, still am sometimes, so I know you need help. Just know I'll be here if you gotta talk, 'cause I'm probably not leavin' any time soon."
I looked at him, giving him a sad smile, to which he returned one of his own.
"Thanks," I said, Jacoby giving me a nod. "I'll keep that in mind."
***
Mike's Point of View:
"So any news on Vic?" Jinxx asked as I sat down next to Matt.
I shook my head. It was Tuesday, and I'd hardly seen mom or dad for nearly a week now. They were taking it in shifts to stay with Vic, and I still wasn't allowed to see him.
"Still not allowed to go see how he's doin'," I said. "As far as I know, he's not awake and they don't think he's gonna wake up."
They all looked at me sadly as I quickly tried to stop the tear that was threatening.
"Mom and dad're gonna have to make a decision if they're sure he won't wake up and he's not awake sometime," I continued, keeping my gaze down. "I don't want them to have to make that decision Jinxx. No parent should have to decide if they kid lives or dies."
"I know Mike, but things like this happen to the best of people," Jinxx said sadly. "But I'm sure Vic's gonna get through this and he's gonna be ok."
I just shrugged, not looking up.
"These guys that made him do it this time probably don't even give a fuck," I continued, feeling a bit frustrated. "They're the ones who've pushed him over and over and now I'm gonna lose my brother and best friend."
"You're not gonna lose him," Ashley said, clearly not convinced by his own words.
I still didn't even know why Vic wasn't gonna wake up. My parents hadn't told me the reason. When I'd found Vic, he'd done the same thing as last time, but the more I thought about it, the more I started the think that maybe he'd taken something as well, just to make sure he didn't make it through this time.
Just the thought was enough to make me tear up.
"Mike; hey buddy, it's ok," Jinxx said, getting up and sitting next to me. "You're ok, yeah?"
I shook my head. "I'm not ok Jinxx. I can't lose my brother. He promised me."
Ashley looked at me sadly, knowing how I felt about broken promises. Matt looked to Ashley, and I saw him flinch. He certainly hadn't been lying when he'd said Matt still scared him. Just having him look at him was enough to make him flinch.
"Heard anything on Andy's condition?" he asked, making Ashley frown.
"Even you knew before me?" he asked, clearly feeling a bit offended that Matt out of all people had known before he did.
Matt shrugged, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms.
"Juliet was told and she told me," he said casually. "Then it was Jinxx and Mike. Deryck over there found out from Jinxx, as he called him."
Deryck looked up upon hearing his name, but dismissed it and went back to whatever he was doing with his phone. Ashley looked at us all with a disapproving expression.
"Why'd no-one tell me, if every single one of you – including Juliet – knew?" he asked, his expression pissed off.
"We all thought you knew," Jinxx said back in annoyance.
"If I didn't say anything on Friday, then I didn't know!" Ashley snapped back. "I thought we were friends man."
"We are Ash," Jinxx shot back. "Unless you don't wanna be friends."
Ashley looked at him in surprise and got up, going around the table and sitting next to Jinxx who was still next to me. He put his arms around him, making Jinxx sigh.
"We're best friends," Ashley said, leaning against him as he hugged him. "And I'm not giving that up for anything."
Jinxx just looked to me and I smiled, feeling a bit better.
"Alright Ash, if you still wanna be friends, we'll be friends," he said with a bit of a smile.
"Not lettin' you go," Ashley said with a shake of his head. "You'll run off and become besties with Matt. I can't afford that."
Matt smiled in amusement and Jinxx looked to Ashley who was serious about not letting him go.
"Thought you hated the word 'besties'," he said with a bit of a smile.
"Only when you say it," Ashley said back, still hanging onto Jinxx.
"You gonna let me go, or am I stuck with you like this for the rest of the day?" Jinxx asked, the amusement still there.
"All day."