WITHOUT THE FEAR OF HER IMMINENT DEMISE, THINGS WERE MORE RELAXED. She hadn't realized that everyone was on edge until she finally stopped having the episodes and Bruce and Tony weren't constantly in the lab, trying to find a cure for her. They were still constantly in the lab, of course, but they were easier to draw out now that all they had to work on were things that didn't require their immediate and full attention at every waking minute.
But now that she was fine, everyone seemed to be sleeping in more. Steve didn't go out as much, but Clint, Natasha, and Arabella left almost immediately, stating that they had to get back to S.H.I.E.L.D. to clear things up, but since they were heading to the Headquarters in New York, they would be home in time for dinner most of the time, which was pizza for three nights whether they liked it or not, as Clint so eloquently put it.
"I think I might go for a run in the park," Steve said at breakfast, though he sounded unsure about it, eating his second serving of breakfast while everyone was still eating their first, "Marnie, do you want to come with me?"
She paused for a moment, thinking it over, before shaking her head. "I don't think I'm ready to go back out just yet."
"That's okay, Marnie, there's no rush," he said, looking towards Bruce and Tony who had chosen to join them for breakfast that morning, the two nodding their affirmations.
She smiled, still struggling to get it right, and she felt a warm sensation coursing through her at the sound of Steve using her name twice in the span of only a few seconds, and her joy must have been clear as Tony smiled at the two men from over his coffee cup, all of them sharing a look.
She watched him pull out his phone after a sound filled the room and he raised an eyebrow, only to groan, sighing to himself and pocketing it. "Well, now that I've lifted the emergency no-contact protocol, I have approximately three billion meetings to get to today. I'll see you later."
The three gave an intermingling of soft goodbyes, Steve giving Tony an encouraging smile while Bruce raised his mug in silent solitude, and she could only watch him go, unsure of how anything she could do would relieve him of his duties, but he seemed appreciative despite her lack of any real action.
"Steve, can you pass me another biscuit, please?" she asked, motioning towards the biscuits that Bruce had gone out to buy for them after Tony had whined about wanting some after watching an episode of the cooking channel with her.
The blond smiled and passed the plate over, letting her take one, watching as she slathered it with butter before taking a bite. Clint had told her that fancy people buttered their food as they ate, rather than all at once, and Bruce had agreed with the sentiment, though he also pointed out that Clint drank his coffee directly from the pot.
Speaking of Bruce, the man had finally finished catching up on all his sleep and was back to a more constant schedule, something he tried to get her to find as well, saying it helped with stability and it would be easier for her to understand herself if she were able to find routine.
She had some routine, of course, but it involved waking up at noon and doing her studies and watching TV that wasn't the news, because the last time she watched the news it was with the whole team and while everyone agreed, it was enough to give her a headache with how passionate Steve got, asking so many questions to the others who were knowledgable in certain areas, the man declaring that he had expected things to be better at this point in the future, but it seemed like things were just different. Better in comparison, but not necessarily good.
It had been enough to force her into bed to try and sort out everything that she was hearing, and it was then that they all decided she wasn't going to be watching the news anymore, at least for the time being, and she was fine with that.
But that wasn't to say she wasn't aware of current events to some extent, Bruce often explaining things to her when she asked, and it was nice to ask questions and have someone who, for the most part, had the answers. If he didn't, she could always ask JARVIS or someone else.
"I'm gonna head out, have a good day," Steve said, taking his plate to the sink before walking off, nodding towards the two left at the table, Bruce raising his glass again and she just waving.
With Steve gone, the two found that they were just sitting and working on other things. She had her tablet out and was studying while continuing to eat, Bruce reading a hefty novel while also continuing to eat himself, and it was nice to just have some company.
"What are you reading?" she asked, tilting her head to try and read the cover.
"The Hunchback of Notre Dame," he explained, showing her the cover, "I read it when I was younger, but I've been so busy ever since I haven't been able to go back to it, not to mention there were other books that kept getting my attention."
She nodded, tilting her head at the book. "What's it about?"
He opened and closed his mouth, laughing softly. "Um...you know, there's a movie about it, would you rather just watch that? I'm not the best at summarizing books, I wind up just telling you every little plot point I think is important. Which is everything."
"You can read it to me," she offered, and he laughed again, not harsh, just a reflex.
"Yeah, I could," he said, but then she saw just how far he was in the book and decided to try something else.
"You can watch the movie with me then read another book to me," she offered, and she didn't know why she wanted to spend so much time with him, but he didn't seem to mind, nodding in agreement, watching as she went back to working on her studies before continuing to read.
They stayed at the table in silence for half an hour more until she was tired of getting things wrong on her lessons, her head hurting, and she set the tablet aside, continuing to eat as she turned to watch Bruce continue to read, the man taking sips of coffee and bites of toast every so often before he turned a page with his pinky.
Without looking up, he spoke, "You wanna watch the movie now?"
She smiled, ducking her head in embarrassment as she nodded taking a sip of her juice, as she still wasn't ready to drink coffee; it had been suggested she not drink it back when she was still at risk, so she still had some adjusting to do.
He laughed again, smiling to himself as he bookmarked his page and stood, putting away their plates and walking towards the common area. She followed right after him, dropping onto the seat next to him, pressed up right against his side.
"Disney always softens the movies, but it's not totally different, they still keep the same message," he explained, pulling up the movie on the TV.
"What is it?" she asked, raising her head to look at him from where it was propped on his shoulder.
He smiled, looking down at her before turning his attention back to the screen, more excited than she anticipated he would be. "You'll see."
º º º
She wasn't sure if she liked the movie or not. Correction, she liked the movie, she thought it was nice, though she wished Esmeralda fell in love with Quasimodo, and Bruce pointed out that theirs was a platonic love and still just as strong, but she argued that if she had fallen in love with him it would have shown that his looks really didn't matter, but that was besides the point.
The point was that she was still on the fence about the meaning of the movie.
"In the original text, Frollo was meant to stand in for the people who truly believed that they were without sin, it was his mindset that made him the monster because while he truly believed he was a good man who just so happened to fall into his concupiscence due to his mortal lust for Esmeralda, he wouldn't see to it that it was his fault, he blamed her for witchcraft and it was all because he couldn't dare accept that he was the reason for the death of his brother Jehan who fell in love with a Romani woman whose baby was Quasimodo and he believed Quasimodo to be a product of sin and thereby less than, and it was his mindset of being pure and led to destruction by others rather than himself and his own faults that made him the monster, because that mindset later led to his actions, which is similar but not necessarily identical to that of Javert in Les Misérables, also written by Victor Hugo," Bruce explained, holding the book with one hand while using the other to expression himself, looking between her and everywhere else in the room, rambling on and on about the story.
She nodded along with him. "So the first act of him being a monster was not standing up for his brother when he was sent away and instead choosing to blame the Romani woman and everyone else."
"Yes, essentially, that's how I've always interpreted it anyways," Bruce said, nodding, clearly surprised that she was actually listening.
"So just like me," she said simply.
"No," he said immediately, blinking for a moment before shaking his head, "God, no. Why—what? Why would you think that, no, you're not the monster here."
"But I did exactly what he had, someone else was hurt on account of his masters and he chose to stand idly by, only to realize what happened as a result of his lack of action, and he chose to pretend it was the fault of others not himself," she pressed, leaning against the armrest closer to her, Bruce facing her, the two still on the couch.
He seemed to be at a loss for words at the moment, just staring at her with parted lips, as if trying to understand her, only to sigh and shake his head. "That is true, but the point was that he had free will and the ability to disobey, but he didn't. He chose to do what he believe was right, which is what everyone does, but he didn't grasp his faults."
"But that's what I'm doing right now, I don't believe that I was the one that caused all those deaths, that it was all my masters, I didn't do any of it," she argued, and he laughed incredulously, shaking his head.
"If you did believe that, we wouldn't be having this conversation, and it's exactly your ability to be critical of yourself that proves you're not the monster," Bruce said, reaching out to grab her hands, holding them in his own, "This can't apply to you if you didn't have any control or power to change, and I'm not talking about the blocks that Frollo had in his understanding and conceptualizing, you were literally unable to do anything that wasn't told to you, and you know what they made you do was wrong."
"So you admit that I killed those people," she said, and he nodded, frowning.
"That was never what we were arguing about, it was your hands that killed those people, but they were piloted by you," he explained, and he kept running a hand through his hair, sighing.
"The question is what makes a monster and what makes a man, and there are so many answers to this and we're not about to get into it right now, but, Marnie, you're not a monster," he said, taking her hands again, but she pulled away.
"Bruce," she sighed, shaking her head, "I hurt people."
"What do you want, then?" he demanded, not raising his voice, but he was clearly upset, "Do you want us to kill you, put you in jail, what do you want? You need to let this go, there's nothing you can do now, but living in the past won't make things better, trust me, I know. All you can do is just accept it happened and work to be better, and you've made it clear that you're never going to do anything like that again. Because it wasn't you who wanted to do that or had any control over it."
She sighed, resting her cheek against the back of the couch, just looking at him. "I just don't feel right."
"You have years of blood on your hands, blood you never wanted, of course you don't feel right," he said, reaching out for her hand again, and she let him take it, moving her fingers ever so slightly, fitting their fingers together.
She couldn't help but sigh again, her heart heavy. "I don't know anymore. I don't know if I knew anything."
Bruce breathed a laugh, not directed towards her, just on impulse. "I think you know a lot of things. And, granted, you really didn't know a lot of things when we first met. But that's why it's called progress."
She nodded, trying to smile at him but feeling like she fell short. "I just hate feeling so terrible, Bruce."
He nodded as well, glancing away. "It gets better. I know you don't believe it now, hell, I don't even believe it half the time, but...it will. Trust me."
She shrugged, humming. "I trusted you before and now I have a name and don't need to worry about dying soon, so okay."
He laughed then, the real kind and leaned forward, shaking his head to himself. "I'm really glad I met you, Marnie. Here I thought life couldn't get any more interesting."
The two fell into a silence for some time, just idly playing with their fingers, fitting them together then running over the other's callouses, and at some point she found herself draped across him, just closing her eyes, Bruce holding her as he started to read his book again.
"Read it to me," she said softly, already feeling herself growing tired, eyes unable to stay open.
Bruce hummed, shifting her slightly as he held out the book, adjusting his glasses and beginning to read, his voice lulling her to sleep quickly enough, her head tucked into the crook of his neck.
When Steve returned back after his run, he found the two curled up on the couch fast asleep, Bruce with his arm around her protectively, the window covers drawn despite having been opened when the movie finished, a product of JARVIS catching wind of their impromptu nap.
Smiling, the blond grabbed a blanket and draped it over the both of them, taking Bruce's glasses and book and placing them on the coffee table, only to cause the man to stir, waking momentarily.
"Steve?" he croaked, looking around."
"Hey, sorry, just thought you didn't want these to break," the man said, pointing towards the glasses, then towards the both of them, "What's going on?"
Bruce looked down at her, sighing softly as he shifted, looking towards the pillow on the other couch, Steve grabbing it and helping him tuck it behind him without waking her. "She wanted me to read to her and she fell asleep, guess I did too."
Steve just smiled at him, tilting his head, and it was a smile Bruce had yet to see, but over time he would learn that it was a very specific smile that the man kept for only special occasions, the one where he was still Steve Rogers, not Captain America, but was looking on like a proud senior citizen at the youth of the day, despite still being so young himself.
"What?" Bruce asked, raising an eyebrow, "What is it?"
"Nothing," the blond said, shrugging, but the smile never left, "It's just interesting to see her like this, you know?"
Bruce frowned. "Whatever you're implying? Don't."
Steve laughed, standing up and making his way downstairs. "I didn't say anything, Bruce. Nothing at all."
The scientist only sighed, rolling his eyes at the situation. However, when she started to shift, her eyebrows furrowing, he immediately shifted her, wrapping his arm around her again, not moving until she finally relaxed, falling back to sleep, him following not soon after.
If Tony was somehow sent pictures of the both of them asleep on his couch, well, no one needed to know.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
This chapter was one that I had in theory but never knew how I was gonna go about it, but I
It took me some time, but I've decided to keep having the narration only refer to her as she/her and not Marnie, not because that isn't her name and it isn't who she is and who she's chosen to be, but because I'm gonna do something really neat and I really wanna, you know, savor the moment.
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!