'Something doesn't feel right.'
Slowly fluttering my eyes open, I instantly wince in pain feeling the bright sunlight hit my eyes, causing me to feel a throbbing pain in my head. I slowly sit up, groaning as the pain in my head increases due to the alcohol from last night. I place my head in my hands,
"Oh fuck," I mutter to myself, slowly regretting my choice of the amount of drinks I had last night. I look at the time and widen my eyes slightly.
2:42 PM
'I slept for that long?'
I close my eyes, trying to remember what happened last night. Generally, I would wake up in another womans bed covered in multiple hickeys. So basically, I felt relieved to be in safe in my own home. But the flicker of a piercing brown cat like eyes and light pink plump lips appears into my mind, causing the memories of last night to surface into my mind. Recalling my actions towards Jennie from last night causes my cheeks to heat up, slightly embarrased and shocked by my boldness.
'Shit.' I thought to myself, mentally face palming myself, irritated by my drunken state.
Slowly becoming aware of the silence in the house causes me to be removed from my thoughts. I furrow my eyesbrows in confusion, wondering why the silence was so intense. Usually, at this time of day, I would hear Jisoo and Chae bickering over something unimportant with Jennie scolding them to shut up. I wince in pain as the pounding in my head increases, bringing me away from my confusing thoughts. Needing pain reliever, I groggily hop off my bed and begin to exit my bedroom.
I enter the kitchen lazily, ignoring the presence of my roommates like I have been doing for these past 2 weeks. With the awful pain in my head, I haven't realized the silence of my roomates. I walk towards the cabinet and grab a glass and begun to add water in it. After grabbing the pian reliever I begin to make my way out of the kitchen, but the sudden tension in the room and their burning gazes on my back causes me to stop in my place. I slowly turn my gaze at them to see them sitting at the kitchen table staring sadly at me. I couldn't comprehend the meaning of their stares,
'Was it pity?' I thought to myself. I clench my fist slightly, hoping that I was mistaken adn that they weren't staring at me with the look of sympathy. I patiently continue to stare back at them, waiting for them to say anything to end this silence. After a few minutes of silence I begin to grow even more confused and slightly irritated. Losing my patience, I roll my eyes,
"What did I do now?" I lazily ask. My eyes suddenly widen at the sound of Chaeyoung sniffing sadly, I quickly avert my eyes towards her to see her quickly and silently wiping a tear away. I feel my heart beat nervously,
'Oh God, it can't be,' I nervously think to myself, feeling my knees begin to tremble slightly.
"What?" I nervously ask, hoping and praying that it wasn't what I think it is. I gulp when Jisoo suddenly closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
"Why didn't you tell us?" She calmly ask. I glance at her hands to see them clenched.
'Please, no'
"W..What do y..you mean?" I nervously stutter out, fear taking over my body. Jisoo opens her eyes and silently turns her gaze to Jennie. I slowly follow her gaze and instantly feel my heart drop. Jennie was holding my phone in her hands, avoiding my eyes.
'No.'
A flicker of last night appears in my head, reminding me that I was completely drunk and forgot to grab my phone on the floor in the hallway. What made the situation worse was that it was alone with Jennie.
'I completely forgot to grab my phone!' I mentally face palm my face, feeling anger towards my drunk, forgetful self. Irritation towards myself increases as I begin to realize the situation could've been avoided if I paced myself with the alcohol I consumed last night.
'No, no, no, no.' I instantly feel my breathing become heavier,
"This can't be happening," I whisper to myself. I feel my vision slowly becoming blurry, due to my tears that were forcing it's way out of my eyes. My heart was pounding wildly against my chest that it felt like it was going to burst in any minute. Feeling slightly dizzy, I clench my eyes tights, wishing that I can disappear from this cruel reality, away from these worried eyes of my band members.
"Your mom called and told us everything, why didn't you tell us?" Jisoo asks. I open my eyes to see her staring sadly at me. I begin to scan all their faces and grit my teeth in anger,
'Stop it, don't look at me like that!'
Feeling my knees weaken slightly, I begin to stumble back. I lean against the counter behind me, trying to steady my trembling body. I quickly lift my gaze up, seeing all of them rushing towards me. I lift my hand up, motioning for them to stop.
"Don't," I lower my head and cringe at the sound of my weak voice. They instantly stop moving and sigh sadly desperately wanting to heal my broken state, tbut how can they if I continue to push them away? With my anger increasing, my mind suddenly becomes blank, removing any civil thoughts. With my eyes staring blankly at the floor, I begin to whisper,
"You had no right," They furrow their eyebrows in confusion, not being able to hear what I said. Chae afraid for my well being gently asks,
"What Lis?"
With all the awful memories, with all the pain I have been feeling, I finally snapped. I instantly lift my gaze up towards them, full of anger. It was gradually clouding my judgement. I grit my teeth, not bothering to wipe the tears that have fallen on my cheeks and begin to reapeat my words sharply,
"You had no right! No fucking right!" I spit out angrily, causing them to flinch and back away from me slightly, shocked by my outburst. I have never raised my voice at them, but I did not care. I was hurt, angry, scared, sad and confused. I was completely broken, I quickly turn my gaze to my phone that was being held by a nervous Jennie. I immediately push myself off the counter and angrily march towards Jennie. All I could see was red as I swiftly snatch my phone out of her hand, fuming in anger and hatred,
"I told you to mind your own fucking business!" Jennie suddenly grows angry and hurt by my harsh tone, eyes slightly teary,
"How can I when you're clearly hurting!" I scoff,
"Stop acting like you care!"
"I do care!" I quickly shake my head,
"No you don't!" At this point everyone was deeply crying. Jisoo was holding a sobbing Chaeyoung while tears were also cascading down her own cheeks. Jennie closes her eyes and angrily wipes her own tears, trying to compose herself. Not being able to handle the brutal pain in my chest I grab my glass of water and out of frutration, I harshly throw it against the wall. The glass shattering against the wall causes all of them to flinch at the awful sound. Jennie takes in a deep shakey breathe and opens her eyes, staring sadly at me. She softly says,
"I do care about you Lis." I quickly shake my head again and begin to choke back a sob that was desperately trying to escape. I couldn't show my weakness, no, I forbid it.
"No you don't! If you did, you wouldn't have shut me out of your life for no fucking reason! out of everyone I never knew it would be you to hurt me this much! But you pushed me away!" A sob suddenly escapes from my mouth. I grab my chest, feeling myself hyperventalating. I desperately wanted this awful pain to earase from my life. I felt like I was suffocating, nothing was going right. I continued,
"You stopped being there for me! I was alone! I can't go a day without having my heart broken form the pain you have been causing me and the pain of not seeing my dad! It hurts so much that I feel like I'm suffocating!" I begin to clench my eyes tight, and begin to repeatedly hit my chest, wanting the pain to just go away. Jennie raises her hand to her mouth, covering her sobs. My broken state instantly broke her heart.
"Everything hurts! Why Jennie? What did I do for you to hate me this much?" I cry out. Jennie instantly wraps her arms around my trembling figure. She tightens her grip as I begin to struggle to push her away from me.
"Let go! Let go of me!" I feel her furiously shake her head no, refusing to let me go,
"I'm here, I'm here. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm here." She whispers. I continued to stuggle but after a while, the feeling of Jennies warmth and love that was radiating off her body caused my body to softly soften. Her soft touches that I've craved for was always my weakness. This feeling she was giving me gave my heart this light feeling. It was as if the light was finally getting rid of the darkness inside me. So, with trembling hands, I slowly and hesitantly wrap my arms around Jennies waist, causing her to sigh in relief and tighten her arms around me. Without letting go, we both slowly fall on our knees, crying loudly. We refused to let eachother go, it was as if we were afraid that if we did, the fire in our hearts would go out, leaving us cold and empty. With my voice breaking from my cries, I whisper,
"I'm scared, I'm so scared Jennie." Jennie slowly pulls away and gazes into my eyes. She gently places her hands on my face and as soon as my gaze meets hers, her eyes suddenly soften. I feel my heart melt, I haven't seen the softness in her eyes in a long time and I truly missed it.
"I know you are, but we will get through this okay? We're here for you Lis." She lowers my head and places her soft lips on my forehead, causing my breath to hitch at the warm contact. She pulls away softly and gazes back into my eyes,
"I'M here for you." I feel my heart melt at her genuine words. She immediately pulls us up and brings me to the couch. She sits us both down and makes me lean into her body. I feel my body weaken as she begins to caress my hair and starts to hum a sweet melody, trying to soothe my trembling body and ease my racing mind. My eyes begin to slowly close as exhaustion suddenly hits me. The last thing I hear before I completely drift off to sleep was Jennie whispering in my ear lovingly,
"I'm here."
.................
After hours of sleeping, I slowly begin to feel myself waking up. I open my eyes,noticing I was lying down on the couch. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, feeling something moving on my chest. I look down and gasp,
'Or someone.' My heart begins to pound loudly against my chest at the sight of Jennie's sleeping figure cuddling into my body smiling slightly. I feel my cheeks heat up at the cuteness of her sleeping face. She then scrunches her eyesbrows and mutters, half asleep,
"Lili your hearts too loud, shhh." I feel my cheeks redden even more out of embarrassement. I shift slightly under her and whisper,
"Umm Jen?" And with that Jennie suddenly opens her eyes and lifts up her head from my chest causing our faces to be inches apart. Her strawberry scent invaded my nose, causing my heart to flutter. Jennie slowly scans my features but stops as she gazes at my lips. With parted lips, I unconsiously begin to lick my now dry lips. Jennie's eyes begin to darken with lust at my action causing me to gulp nervously. We were soon removed from our trance at the sound of an obnoxious snicker from the other side of the room. We quickly turn our heads towards the sound to see Jisoo and Chaeyoung smirking at our position,
"Oh! Sorry, were we interrupting?" Jisoo sarcastically. I interanlly growl in frustration, wanting to slap the smug look off of Jisoos face for ruining a Jenlisa moment. We both instantly blush. Jennie quickly gets off of my body and begins to add space between us on the couch. Jennie nervously puts a strand of hair behind her ear and nervously clears her throat.I sit up straight and begin to clear my throat feeling slightly awkward. Feeling my racing heart slowly calming down I begin to sigh. I look down and clasp my hands together, trying to stop them from trembling.
"So, uhh.. I guess I have some explaining to do huh?" I nervously chuckle, wanting to lighten up the mood. I then feel a soft hand on my shaky hands. I look up to see Jennie gazing at me with a reassuring smile and softly squeezes my hand.
"I's okay Lis, you don't have to explain if you're not ready." I feel my heart melt at her words. I shake my head,
"No, I'm okay, I'm ready."
And for the first time in a while, I truly felt like I was indeed okay.