As I sit next to Jenna and Jay in the living room I wonder, not for the first time, what the hell happened between my brother and my friend.
I never got the answers I wanted whatsoever; I never asked anything. I was ashamed to ask anyone for help, plus I believed if I recovered my memory I would be able to remember if they hated each other this much, but I don't remember any of this.
I feel like there's still a huge piece missing. Like there's a blur that I can't clear at all, no matter how many memories I posses now.
But why?
"So you went to Kentucky." Jay says and I snap into reality. "Cool! But what for?"
"Tyler was feeling down." Jenna shrugs, winking at me. "After remembering me and the wedding and everything he was really overwhelmed so I thought it would be a good idea to travel somewhere nearby."
Jay looks skeptical but still nods. "Was Josh part of that trip?"
"There's no use lying now, so yes, he was." Says my wife. Jay eyes me, and I smile at him.
"I can't believe this whole time you knew more details than us." He says after a long pause. "I feel like the worst brother, holy shit."
"Nah, don't." Now it's my time to shrug. "It was a decision I took on my own."
We stay in silence for a little while. I should probably ask what's going on, because Josh and Zack are taking too much time. I'm afraid they're probably fighting or something.
Oh gee, I don't want to be responsible for anything that happens to any of them.
"What's going on?" I find the courage to spit that out. "Sorry I didn't ask this before, but why is Zack apologizing to Josh?"
Jay shivers, and Jenna just blinks at me.
"We can't answer that because we don't know exactly what happened." Jenna says, biting her lip.
More questions threaten to leave my mouth, but I bite my tongue to stop myself from overwhelming them. I'm starting to feel like a burden again, and I don't know why.
But as I breath in and out I hear footsteps. I stand up and find Josh and Zack pacing towards us, both of their faces completely still. Hopefully, none of them seem hurt.
When Zack reaches me, he places a hand on my shoulder. "So, what flavor do you want your birthday cake?"
I shake my head, remembering that today is my birthday. "I don't know. Surprise me, I guess."
My brother nods and smiles. He turns around to look at Josh, his expression surprisingly bright. "Stay, Josh, please. I will talk to my parents and tell them everything."
Josh nods. He looks paler than usual, and his eyes are so misty that I'm pretty sure he's lost in his own head right now. I exchange a look with Jenna and Jay.
"So?" Jenna looks at Zack now. "Everything fine?"
"I guess." Zack nudges me. "I hope you're ready for the party, bro."
I smile at him, trying to understand what he just said. But out of the corner of my eye I see Josh turn around and disappear behind some wall.
~
Later that night
"Your parents just arrived."
I open my eyes and groan playfully at the sight of Jenna's presence. "Give me just a few minutes to get ready."
"You seem fine to me." Jenna sits on the bed next to me and plays with my hair. "You don't have to wear a suit or anything. This is not exactly a party."
I let her tangle my hair, which, by the way, I want to cut so bad.
"Are you ok?" She whispers. "Why did you leave? Were you sleeping or something?"
I don't say anything. After spending all day with my brothers and Josh (who, by the way, was acting weird) I believed I needed a break to try to get my thoughts in the right order - specially since I'm still confused about what happened this morning - and I thought sleeping could help me. After all, I have gotten most of my memories while dreaming.
But of course I can't tell Jenna this, considering I left her to deal with my family and my disturbed best friend.
"I was just tired." I lay next to her.
"You're hiding something, Ty." Jenna raises an eyebrow. "I know you. Is there something upsetting you?"
I should trust her. I should trust my Jenna. I'm safe, after all.
"I don't know." I shrug. "I'm just a little confused. It bothers me not to know the reason why Josh and Zack were fighting, and I can't seem to remember anything, but something tells me they were fighting over me." I blush. "Sorry. It sounds stupid, but I'm finally starting to feel like this whole thing is actually my fault, but I can't remember when did I get caught up in this mess."
Jenna blinks, looking bewildered. "Oh wow. I had no idea you felt like that." Now it's her time to blush. "You seemed so confident this morning... but I can't assure you it's not your fault, Tyler. Their problem began due to your accident, but not because of you. But focus on the bright side: they're cool now. At least they didn't kill each other while we were all together."
I chuckle. She stamps a kiss on my cheek. "And don't worry about your memories. You shouldn't be rushing your recovery progress, you know; this all takes time."
I sigh and nod. Now I can't seem to shut up. "Did you notice something peculiar on Josh? he seems pretty nervous."
"Yup. I already talked to him." She says.
"Was he upset about the comments I made about the band this morning?"
"Kinda. You know he really meant what he said to you, right?"
I try to remember his words, and the memory brings chills down my spine. I know he has had a pretty rough time without me, but I'm not sure what happened to me in order to leave him. That freaking blur strikes again.
"I wish I could talk to him." I say out of nowhere. "I want to know what can I do to stop making him feel so miserable, but he makes himself really unapproachable at times."
"We all tend to make ourselves unapproachable when it comes to talk about our feelings." Jenna takes my hand between hers. "But I'm gonna give you an advice: Josh needs you right now, as much as you need him. If you feel like talking to him, do it; just don't let him deal with himself for too long. Neither of us deserves all this pressure."
Before I can say anything, she pulls me into a big hug. "Now let's go downstairs. There's a delicious chocolate cake waiting for you." She whispers.
~
"Look who just decided to leave his crypt." My dad cheers at my arrival.
I give my family a big toothy smile. I never thought their presence could ever make me feel this happy, but here I am. As my dad, mom and sister hug me and wish me a happy birthday, I wonder if they got me any gifts as Josh and Jenna did.
"Where's the cake?" I say, toying with them. "Clearly that's the only reason why I left my room."
"Oh you silly little idiot." I hear my sister mutter.
"We just ate it." My mom fires back, chuckling. "You were too late. Sorry."
"Aw, men." I say.
Behind them I see Zack and Jay chatting with Josh. They all seem to have tided up while I was sleeping. Josh notices I'm looking at him and I quickly turn around to find Jenna.
"Let's get this cake." I wink at her and all of us rush to the kitchen, where the small cake is waiting for us. Its chocolate frosting looks so yummy, I can't help but lick my lips.
As the night passes by, all we do is eat, sing the happy birthday song, and listen to a playlist Zack and Jay provided for us. I talk to my family about my memory recovery and I feel delighted to see their expressions slowly lose tension.
"This is great, son." My dad says. "We are proud of you." He gives me no time to feel proud about myself because he stands up and grabs the cup he has been holding al night. "I declare a toast. For Tyler."
"Dad, oh God."
"CHEERS!" Everyone says in unison and procede to drink whatever its on their cups.
I smile to myself and slowly turn my head to look for Josh. He did join the toast, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be here. After all, my family doesn't really care about his presence right now. I mean, poor Josh hasn't have somebody to talk about how he's doing (except Jenna, I guess), unlike me.
Well, I guess the time has come. I should talk to him right now and end his suffering. We're both nervous, after all.
I breath in and out, controlling my impulses. Everyone is distracted right now, this should give me time. I stand up and tiptoe my way to Josh, who's seated a little too far from the rest of us. He jumps when I place a hand on his shoulder and looks at me, surprised.
"Hey." I smile at him. "You ok?"
"Yeah." He says, trying his best to sound tranquil. "I'm not the most social when it comes to family reunions."
"It's alright." I pat his shoulder, biting my lip. This is it. "Do you want to, I don't know, go outside and get some fresh air?"
Josh opens his mouth to say something but closes it, clearly impacted. After doubting it for a while, he finally nods.
In that moment, my family calls me to join them. "Alright, but just give me a few minutes." I walk away from him and join my family.
As I sit down once again, I feel the urge to burst out of this house and forget I just asked him that.
(A/N) Just three chapters left! Hold your panties y'all.