River-rose stared blankly at the water running out of the tap as Hayze gently set her down into the warm tub.
"Do you want a scented candle, or..."
She didn't answer and instead kept her eyes trained on the water flowing into the tub.
He sighed and got up before grabbing a lavendar candle and some bubble bath from a gold rack hanging near the shower.
He lit the candle before pouring the bubble bath under the water.
River watched as fluffy bubbles formed in the water and she couldn't help herself when she reached forward and scooped up a bit.
"You know i'm sorry, right?" he asked as he smoothed back her long hair with his wet hand.
She looked up into his solemn, icy blue eyes and nodded. "Mhhmm. You can stop pushing your guilt on to me now. I just soaked the bed with my cum and i'm getting tired of you breathing onto my neck when you could be changing the sheets," she muttered calmly and Hayze nodded quickly.
"Yeah.. no. I'm sorry bella rosa. And i'm just worried. You haven't really gotten mad. I wanted to make sure you know you have every right to," Hayze said quietly.
She looked back down and grabbed some more of the bubbles before dipping her hand back under.
"Are you okay?"
Am i okay?
She thought she was. But now... not so much.
She was dissapointed in herself for not sticking her ground and trying to get Hayze to talk to her.
Being his little sex doll was not the answer, no matter how good he did make her feel.
She wasn't anyones to use.
"I don't know," she whispered.
"Are you sore anywhere? Should I get you some ice?"
She shakily shook her head no before sinking down into the bubbles. Her long hair grew heavy as it soaked up some of the hot water.
The truth was, she was very sore. Her breasts were sore. And her pelvis felt like it was just hulk smashed but she; for some reason, didn't want Hayze to feel anymore guilty than she knew he was already feeling.
She knew he didn't mean it
"I'll be taking time off work so I can help you feel better. If you... want me to."
She knew even if she said she didn't want him to stay, he would anyway.
River thought back to the last hour and cringed slightly. If Hayze had taken out his stress on her all the time, she would have gone into a coma from being pounded into by him all the time.
She tried to convince herself that this was only a one time thing.
She thought of how he cried over her and hugged him close to her like he genuinely regretted what he did; unlike Nico.
River could see this was only going to be a one time thing, it was clear.
The guilt would consume Hayze and eat away at his insides before he even begged her to have sex again.
Nico had shown guilt the first time. But it was out of his own interests. He wasn't worried about if she was okay. He was worried about her leaving him behind.
Hayze was worried about her well being. Things were different.
He cared enough to take the time and make sure she understood that what he had done wasn't right.
She thought of how he had told her he loved her in Italian and she couldn't even say it back. Not anymore she couldn't.
The very thought made her choke back a sob of anguish.
She snapped back into reality when she felt his large hand on her cheek. "If you need to cry, just cry okay. I know I f~cked up," he whispered as he gently wiped away the tears silently running down her face.
The way he used her body because he was stressed made her feel like that was the only reason he showed so much interest in her. But then again, nothing was spectacular about her body.
She was short. Her hips were okay. Her breasts were small. Her butt was plump and her thighs were toned. Some days her stomach was toned, other days she was bloated and it stuck out a bit. She wasn't anything special, so why did he care so much?
"You love me?"
"Sì. I do."
She smiled softly at him before sinking further down into the water to hide the fact that a lump was growing in her throat again.
"I promise you this won't ever happen again. I don't know what got into me," he sighed as he toyed with the black and gold wedding band on his finger. "I promise.. I know for a fact i'll never hurt you like that again. There's no way I could even think about something like this without feeling sick.."
She didn't answer him. Instead she just closed her eyes and tried to hold back the tears.
"Are you sure you're okay. Can I get you anything?" He asked softly as he massaged her head, running his fingers through the top of her wet hair.
River had asked him those same questions only hours before. And Hayze hadn't answered him.
She was planning to the do the same. But it didn't last long.
"A-actually, can you get me a glass of water? Please."
"Yeah of course. I'll be right back."
As soon as he was gone, she burst into tears. Her body shook with quiet sobs and the water rippled around her as she cried in heart break.
Everything was so unfair.
What he had done had just hit her like a semi-truck. And there was no taking it back.
There was only trying to move forward.
River climbed out the tub and was careful not to slip as she trailed water over to the door. She grabbed a small dark purple towel and wrapped it around her. She stared at the door knob and then locked it. She wanted to be alone.
She hugged herself as she began to cry again, the memories of him begging to be inside of her flashing through her head.
She cursed at the fact that he had made her come four times. Even after she pleaded with him to talk with her. To let her listen to him.
But he didn't seem to hear her.
River had seen the stress lines taking form on his handsome face and she wished she could go back in time and instead of staying silent, she wished she would have rubbed his shoulders and told him things would be alright.
She wished she would have sang him to sleep when it was one of those nights where he was exausted yet couldn't even close his eyes because he could hear his own heart pounding in his chest.
She knew he had trouble sleeping some days because his mind was always preocupied with something; yet... she said nothing. Did nothing.
She wished she had not made him those coffees with the extra caffeine in them so that he wasn't jittery and nervous all day.
She wished a lot of things, but it was too late for them to come true. It was too late to fix them. It was too late to stop them.
Now she had to deal with the consequences. And so did he.
He did.
"River." Hayze's voice came from behind the door. "Hey pretty girl. I've got your water here. So, if you could just unlock the door i'll just pass it to you and then leave. I know you don't want to see me right now."
She shut her eyes and rested her head against the bathroom door as she felt her eyes well up with tears again.
"Are you crying?" He asked cautiously. "I know I hurt you. And I hate myself for it." She could hear a thump a bit higher above her head and she wondered if he was in the same position as she was. "I'll go to the pastry shop and get you as many sweets as you want babygirl. I'm going to get you a new pet, okay. I'll do anything. I just want you to feel better. I don't want to see you hurting. This doesn't take away any of the things i've done today - don't forget what I did. But.. just so that you feel better, i'll go and get something for you."
She shook her head at how sweet he sounded.
"Bella rosa? Are you there?
"Sì," she said quietly.
"I'm right here for you okay. I'll be right here outside this door as long as you're in there. If you want me to. Should I stay?"
"Sì." She pressed her lips together as the tears started trailing down her cheeks again. "Hayze," she whimpered
"Sì. Yes babygirl? What is it? How can I fix it?"
"It hurts," she cried as she slid down onto the floor, the cold floor chilling her damp body.
"Tell me what hurts," he said in a panicked voice.
"I-i don't know. Things just hu-hurt."
She closed her eyes and rested her head against the door as she heard something slide down the door and saw a shadow blocking the light flooding in from Hayze's room. It was Hayze sitting on the floor.
"I know. I am so sorry. Do you have something warm on? I don't want you catching a cold."
"No."
"Put on my robe, please," he said quietly.
She yanked it down from the hook on the door and wrapped it around her, immediately sinking into its warmth.
It smelled strongly of Hayze and his manly shower gel that reminded her of the cold winter nights where he'd come home from work and make her his famous hot chocolate before opening the curtains in the living room so that they could cuddle on the couch and watch the snow fall. She'd always snuggle closer to his chest and sniff his scent before taking a sip of her delecious, rich hot chocolate. It was one of River's favorite things to do.
Now, she just wanted to cry.
°•○●○•°
River groaned as she felt somethig hit her head.
"Merda. Babygirl, i'm so sorry."
She cracked her eyes open and and then quickly shut them when she felt her her head begin to ache.
"Silly girl. You slept on the bathroom floor."
She groaned and shifted her sore body. "How did you get in here?"
"I have a key," he said as he picked her up carefully.
She tensed in his arms and immediately regretted it when his strong muscles tensed as well.
"I didn't m-"
"It's okay," he whispered. "You have every right."
He gently lay her on his bed and she sighed in releif when she realized he had already changed the sheets.
"Do you want your panda?"
"Yes please," she said as she turned away from him.
Her panda was something Hayze had found was good to give her after he had just made love to her. Because she was so clingy and vunerable afterwards, having the panda there helped her to relax when he couldn't be there to hold her afterwards.
He went into his walk in closet and grabbed the soft, fluffy panda before gently placing it next to her.
She immediately grabbed it and pulled it in close to her chest and subtly sniffed it. It smelled of Hayze before he was stressed.
If that was even a smell.
"Should I leave you in here by yourself?" He asked hesitantly. "Actually, i'll go. I'll just have Blue come in here and keep you company, sì?"
"Okay," she said hoarsly.
A few minutes later Blue was lifted into the bed beside her and Hayze was gone and River was left with a fractured heart.
This wasn't what love was.
Hayze himself had taught her love shouldn't hurt, but that night, it did.
Why hadn't he just talked with her?