Camilas POV
I don't usually drink but this pain is killing me so I went the basement and found my dads secret liquor stash and had a one women party
I don't know what I was thinking but I went upstairs and I saw that Lauren was still gone so I got my car keys, stumbled to my car, got in and started it.
I turned on the radio and of course 1000 times by Sara Bareilles was playing. as if hearing the first time wasn't hard enough: hearing it while drunk made it even worse
I started backing out of the driveway while singing
Back of the room
Looking at you
Counting the steps
Between us
A hundred and five
Little blades in a line
From your skin to mine
And I feel it
Eyes on the ground
But I can't look up now
Don't wanna give it away
My secret
In another life,
My teeth and tongue
Would speak aloud what until now
I've only sung
Cause I would die to make you mine
Bleed me dry each and every time
I don't mind, no I don't mind it
I would come back 1000 times
You can make me wait forever
Push me away and tell me never
I don't mind, no I don't mind it
I would come back 1000 times
Hey hey
Kiss me goodnight
Like a good friend might
I'll do the same
But won't mean it
Cause love is a cage
These words on a page
Carry the pain
They don't free it
In another life
I wouldn't need to
Console myself
As I resign to release you
Cause I would die to make you mine
Bleed me dry each and every time
I don't mind, no I don't mind it
I would come back 1000 times
You can make me wait forever
Push me away and tell me never
I don't mind, no I don't mind it
I would come back 1000 times
Again again
I let it go, let it go
Cover my mouth
Don't let a single word slip out
Wouldn't wanna tell you, no
Tell you, no
Nothing could be worse
Than the risk of
Losing what I don't have now
I'm weaker by the minute, though
Is it so bad if I wanna cry out
That I would die to make you mine
Bleed me dry almost every time
But I don't mind, no I don't mind it
I would come back 1000 times
Make me wait forever
Push me away and tell me never
I don't mind, no I don't mind it
I would come back 1000 times
I would come back 1000 times (Hey yeah)
I would come back 1000 times
I was now on the highway going way too fast but I didn't care
maybe if I was to die right now everything would be better
I wouldn't have to feel anything anymore
Now I would
Laurens POV
That was absolutely the worst "date" ever
I was so bored
"Camila I'm back" I yelled
When I got no response I figured it was because she was still ignoring me but it was better this way
we can't be together
and we never will be
I was hungry so I warmed up some leftover pizza, sat on the couch, and as I was about to turn on the T.V. I looked out the window and realized camilas car was not there
"She probably went to Dinah's" I thought to myself
But I couldn't ignore this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong
I ignored it and turned on the T.V.
Before I could see what was on my phone rang
I looked at it and realized in was Dinah
"Hey whats up" I asked
"nothing, but um do you know where Mila is" she asked
now I was starting to get worried
"No I thought she was with you. Her car is not in the driveway" I said with a shaky voice
"ok ok lets not freak out yet maybe she's at the park again" she suggested
"yeah maybe you're right. I'll call mani and see if she knows anything" I said trying to calm myself down
"ok yeah. call me back when you're done" she said
"ok I will. bye"
"bye"
Ok calm down Lauren she's upset and she's fine
maybe she got bored and hung with normani
so I quickly called her
"Hey laur, whats up" she asked
"have you seen camila or is she with you" I asked hesitantly
"No" she said
"ok look mani I'm scared and If she's telling you to tell me no than please don't listen to her. I don't care if she's out. I just wanna make sure she's safe" I said trying to hold back the tears
"Hey Lauren Im serious she's not with me" she said sounding concerned
"where could she be then" I asked frantically
"I'm not su-" she tried to finish but I knew what she was going to say so I cut her off
"I gotta go" I said quickly while hanging up
After I hung up I called quickly called Dinah back
"Dinah she's not with Mani" I said while tearing up
"ok ok um I'm coming over" she said
"ok, please hurry" I said while hanging up
15 minutes later I see Dinah pulling up into driveway
I quickly opened the door and started panicking
"Dinah what are we gonna do-do I-I have a feeling som-something bad happened and-" I couldn't say anything else because the tears took over
"Ok Lauren lets look around the house maybe she left some kind of clue to where she went" she suggested
After she said that we walked to the kitchen
She got me a glass of water to help me calm down
"ok are you better" she asked me
"sorta, but I'll feel a lot better when we find camila" I said
"and we will but you have to think positively" she said
"Dinah I'm trying but I can't help but feel like something bad really happened" I said while tearing up again
"ok ok calm down lets look around" she said
we started in her room but nothing was there or so I thought
I saw a journal. so I bent down and opened it
I realized that the most recent entry was from today
*TRIGGER WARNING*
I heard 1000 times by sara barellies for the first time and I couldn't help but to think of Lauren especially when I heard her sing
"Again again I let it go, let it go
Cover my mouth don't let a single word slip
Out wouldn't wanna tell you, no tell you, no
Nothing could be worse than the risk of
Losing what I don't have now
And we could buy the minute, though is it so bad
If I wanna cry out"
I started crying when I heard it because that's exactly what I did. I ruined everything because I told her. If only I didn't maybe things would have been different. Maybe I would not have started drinking . Oh yeah btw I started drinking. I've found its the only way to cope with this pain I feel inside. It also helps me drown out the voices inside my head telling me everything will be better if I killed myself. they're getting louder and louder each day and its getting really hard to ignore them. Maybe it'll get better, maybe it won't. Only time will tell. One thing I do know is that drinking helps me forget that I drove Lauren into lucy's arms by telling her, and that hurts more than anyone will understand
Love,
camila
"Dinah this this i-i-is really bad" I said while sobbing
I fell to the ground crying repeating that whatever happened was my fault. Dinah finished reading and quickly fell to my side telling me that it's not my fault but it is my fault. If I told her then we wouldn't be here
"Look this really isn't your fault or hers. she was upset and you were scared, and instead of talking about you guys chose to ignore it. Blaming yourselves does not help anything. So how about instead of blaming we get up and look around somewhere else" she said
" wait she said she started drinking. the basement" I said remembering that's where my dad keeps his liquor
"The basement?" she questioned
"yeah my dad keeps his alcohol down there" I said
I turned around and went to the basement and that's when I saw all the empty bottles on the ground. I immediately freaked out because she was clearly drunk when she left the house and she took her car.
I made my way upstairs and as I was about to talk to Dinah I saw the T.V. was still on. I was gonna turn it off, until saw it
BREAKING NEWS
This just in we have news of an accident on the highway. A 17 year old girl was found unconscious in her crushed and overturned car this evening. We don't have any news on who this girl is. We do know she has been flown to Mercy Hospital because of her extreme condition. If you know who this girl is please call in with the information. This is a picture of her, and whom I'm assuming is her best friend or someone equally close. Officers said she was holding onto this when she crashed.
I looked at it and realized that it was camila.
I started crying and screaming for Dinah who came down and quickly saw what I was screaming about
It's been confirmed that the driver in this horrible accident was 17 year old high school student Camila Cabello if you have-
Dinah quickly turned off the T.V. and ran to my side
"Laur come on lets go" she said
"I kn-knew so-so-something bad happened" I said while sobbing
"I-I-I can't lose her" I said
"And you won't now lets get to the hospital" She said
I can't lose her
she means more to me than she'll ever know
I hope I'm not too late