Seokjin's POV:
Sighing, I let a hand wander through my tangled hair.
I looked like a mess and was quite stressed about the whole situation.
The phone-call threw me out of my stable course.
Sure, life chances and things happen all the time, and yet I was too caught up in my own little bubble of imperfect perfection with this crazy family.
I forgot for some time, that I had some other family left in Korea. That I left my past there. Ignoring it, hoping that it never happened and would go away. Running from it.
Now it came back around, haunting me.
Haunting, in form of cancer.
This damn sickness. In all honesty!
Couldn't I just live a happy and contented life?
Why did it always had to hit me and my family?
"Don't worry Jinnie. We will manage this. Everything will be allright. We went to bigger crises together." Namjoon tried to soothe me, tried to calm me down, while I was running up and down the office, probably leaving tracks on the polished and shining wooden floor.
"This won't be all right. She is old and stubborn" I sighed, deflating immediately, stopping in my movement, just to pull on my hair harshly.
It was probably standing up in all directions, letting me look like a total mess. And yet I didn't care if Namjoon saw me like that. He knew me for eleven years now.
He saw everything of me and every state of mine.
Everything.
And I trusted him.
He still loved me.
"Calm down, Jinnie" he tried again, approaching me with big steps, hugging me from the behind, thumbs rubbing circles on my hip-bones.
His tender and soft touch immediately calmed me down and I sunk into his chest. All tension leaving me.
"I am afraid" I whispered and he turned me around, hugging me tightly, humming a soft tune into my ears.
"Don't be. We are all here.", he caressed my hair, playing with the strands that were touching my neck.
"She's my mom, Joonie. We parted in a bad way. And now knowing, that she is that sick, it destroys me. What if it was the stress?" I asked him, clinging to him, trying to hold onto anything my clutches could get.
"And if it was, it is her own fault. It was her decision alone not to accept you, not to accept us. Tell me, do you regret your decision by coming with me? Do you regret our relationship? Do you regret loving me?" he softly asked, holding me tighter to him.
I knew he was afraid of the answer.
Yet I knew that he knew that I loved him endlessly.
"No" I shook my head, a slight smile painting my facial features brighter for a few seconds. Unconditional love for the human being right in front of me, bubbling up inside me.
I had to lean back a bit, just to look into his bright brown eyes, that brought me so much joy.
I stared into them, with all the love I could offer, hands wandering up to his cheeks, caressing them softly with my thumbs.
"no" I repeated, this time more silent. I didn't need to shout it. I didn't need to yell and try to convince him with a loud and offended voice.
Because it was the truth. The only thing I could offer.
I loved him.
Unconditional.
He was there to run and catch me when I fell for him. He didn't let go of my hand during all these years. His grip tightened if anything.
He was walking by my side, not asking any questions.
Sure, we fought from time to time. But we loved too much to give the anger a chance to consume our hearts.
Relieve washed over him, a smile building this adorable dimples of his up again.
Without hesitation, I rested my thumbs over them, smiling at it, like a little kid.
His hands laid over mine, carefully guiding them down, without letting them go.
"Then, my Jinnie.", he inhaled and captured my whole attention. We stared into each other's eyes, searching and drowning in them at the same time.
"Then, you don't need to think about that. Then you don't need to be sorry. And I don't need to be too. Because all that matters to me is your happiness." He confessed cheesily and I blushed slightly.
After all this time, I should be used to his sneaky love confessions, that were bombed at me at the most random times and caught me off guard with its content all the time.
Sure, he stated simple 'I love you's' from time to time, but other than that, he explained his love to me with the most adorable confessions ever. Every love song and ballad was about his feelings for me, he literally shouted it out to the world.
And trust me, this man could turn anything into a song or a love confession.
He could start with a conversation about folding the laundry rightly and then over turns and corners would state something like "my heart is perfectly folded for you".
Last time, he was putting stuff into the dishwasher, and we kind of wondered how it really was working. I proposed to install a camera inside, just to see what was happening.
Jungkook then showed us, with a roll of his eyes, a YouTube video, with the exact same content.
After that Joonie somewhat stated somewhere near 'Your smile is my dishwasher, because you cleanse my heart and soul'.
While I was busy laughing, melting away and cringing at his weird cheesiness, Kookie made some gag-sounds, while Yoongi complained about innocent kids being in the room, Jimin awed, Tae stared at us in disgust and Hoseok burst out in a laughing fit. Then they left the room, Hoseok, and Kookie dragging Jimin out with them.
Thinking of that now, was kinda funny.
I smiled at him reassuringly.
"Still, I need to check on her. And Kookie and Chim deserve to meet their grandmas after such a long time. Heck, they need to know the rest of their family." I sighed and he frowned.
"What about Tae, Hobi and Yoongles? I thought we were one family?" he pouted. I chuckled and pulled on his puffed out cheeks.
"You remind me so much of Chimchim right now" I smiled at him.
"They are my family too, But I thought that you might not want them to think of my mom as their grandma since she was so rude and is so unaccepting," I mumbled and looked down on the floor.
"Don't you worry. She is their grandma too because we are together. Because I love you and you are my boyfriend. So she is their grandma. Whether she wants to or not!" he nodded, lifting up my chin, just to have me look into his sparkling and determined eyes.
"People change. Especially if they lose loved ones, grow older and face sickness. Your mother is going through all of it. I am sure she will talk to you. I am sure she wishes nothing more than your happiness and for you to be loved like you deserved to be." He stated.
"Maybe you are right" I sighed.
"So, I am right when I think, that we book some flight tickets for Korea now?" he chuckled and stopped as he noticed that I didn't join or answer his question.
"Yeah, about that. I was thinking, that we should move back to Korea. We've been in America for 11 years. I miss home, and I want the family reunited. Who knows how long we will all be together?" My voice got quieter and quieter while talking, knowing all too well, that I gave Joon a big piece to swallow right now.
He was doing good in America. His job went well, he felt at home, he had friends here and an actual life.
I did too. And yet I missed the place I was born.
"That, I don't know", he sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, letting my heart fall a bit.
I thought that he would say, that he considers it and has to think of it. An indication, that he was mostly okay with it.
"Why? I want to be by her side, during all this sickness until the bitter end" I sighed "And no one knows how long this will go. I don't want to leave you and the boys behind, because I can't live without you rascals." I explained, desperately trying to get my point to him.
"I know, Jinnie. We can't live without you either. But, think of our lives a bit too. We have an existence here. All of our kids grew up here. This is what they know, this is where their friends are. This is where they are planning their future. If we move back, there will be a lot of changes, changes that will need a lot of time to adjust to. Schooling in Korea is so different from here. Life is so different. I know that we tried to raise our kids after the Korean standards, but still, they all adapted a bit the American style of life. They all will have a hard time finding friends, even though they will have each other. And it's in the middle of the school year. It will catch them off guard. All of them" he explained, staring me down so that I felt so little and selfish.
I knew it was selfish but understandable? Right?
"I- Joonie, we always said that we wanted to move back after it calmed down. Every time I mentioned it to you, you said you would think about it, and be honest, you never really did. You like the life here. And I am happy that you are happy, really, but this time I have a good reason to go home and finally meet my family again after all these years." I sternly stated, staring back at him.
He had to understand my point. I didn't want to fight with him. For once he should share the same opinion as me.
For once he could give in and consider my proposal about this matter.
"Jinnie. I know it is hard for you. But your family didn't even reach out in all these years..." he started and that got me really mad.
"So you say, I just should abandon them, because they ignored me? I won't do that! Those people raised me. Made me to the person I am today, the person you claim to love. They are the very reason I and my sons exist. I won't leave them hanging. There is no way, I will fall that low!" I half shouted at him, now hurt.
"I am grateful towards them. I never said you shouldn't take care of them and I always encouraged you to search for contact with them. But throwing all we have built up overboard, just to... Jinnie! This is a huge decision. It will change everything." He explained, hands flailing around in the air, painting invincible explanations between the dust particles flowing in the room, trying to get over his point.
"Yeah, it changes everything, but it won't change the fact, that I love you and you love me!" I shouted now, enraged and sad that he doubted my decisions so much. That he didn't even really think of my proposal.
"Yes. I love you", he sighed, and stepped closer again, now totally calm again, intensely staring into my eyes.
"I love you Jinnie and nothing will change that. Just... Just give me some time, okay?", he whispered, not letting go of me, not breaking off the eye contact.
And if I was put under a spell, I nodded.
"I will give you time. But consider it Joonie. It means a lot to me. I love you too." I gave in.
Both of us still a bit mad at each other.
Yet, he planted a quick kiss on my forehead, leaving the office room in our house.
"I will wake the kids. Make sure you have the breakfast ready" he stated and disappeared without turning around.
I closed my eyes and let my tired body fall back into the swivel chair, hand rubbing over my eyes.
I am so tired of all of it and this day only had started.
I swear, if the boys are making a fuss or are fighting each other, I will dump their heads into the toilets, one after the other, drowning them and then sending them off to school without breakfast, lunch money or packed lunch.
And I was serious!