Dear Future Wife,
I know, I'm back.
I feel like such a pussy for continuing a project that Mrs. Hathaway the sap assigned, but here I am.
This week without you has been torture to say the least. I have had to keep everything bottled up like I did before and it was increasing my saltiness, so I finally caved.
I will NEVER turn to a diary. No, that's where I draw the line. I will padlock my feelings if it ever comes to that, but I have you, so you're stuck with me.
Ok so I'm low key having a panic attack from what happened last night...
Clarissa wants to fuck.
Last night I was forced to attend the Torturous Troy Torment, otherwise known as meet the parents night. Thankfully, I wasn't the poor slab of meat on the chopping block this time, instead Clarissa's little sister brought Donovan Cole to be interrogated for the longest one and a half hours of his life, I know it was the longest of mine.
It seemed to go surprisingly well for him, and I don't know if that was just him or me being there to set the standards low. Mr. and Mrs. Troy tolerated me, but I can't say they particularly enjoy me, which I'm fine with, but Donovan had them smiling and laughing and I couldn't help but feeling a little self conscious.
Afterwards, to make myself feel a little better in an attempt to try to live up to Donovan's glossy standards, I offered to take care of dishes.
While her parents were continuing their lively conversation about global warming with Donovan, Clarissa and I got to scrubbing.
So there I was, just minding my own business trying to be a good guest and clean up, when Clarissa grabs my balls.
I turn to her (making sure her parents haven't seen) and am like "What are you doing?"
She just smiles and kisses me, still awkwardly fondling my nuts.
Ok, usually I'm okay with this, but not while I was trying to do a good deed to get her parents to like me with them only a room away, and definitely not so spontaneous. Sometimes we would be sitting on the couch or in the car or at the movies and she would touch the boys a little, sometimes she would even finish the job, but only at lulls in the day when we were just sitting around together. Never has she ever done anything like this.
I pull away instantly and get back to the dishes, pressing my hips against the sink so she can't grab my junk again.
"What's the matter?" She asked, biting her lip as she leaned down a little so I could see her generous cleavage.
I wanted to say "Bitch, your parents are in the other room and last I checked, they are just waiting for an excuse for you to break up with me so hop off!" But instead, I said. "Calm down."
"Grant," From here she continued to violate me by squeezing my ass and stroking my hair. "We've been dating for three months, you know."
At this point, the affection was kind of freaking me out so I quit my dish mission and started towards the bathroom.
Unfortunately, she followed me in.
"I think it's time we had sex."
^That was the part where I started to have a panic attack that continues to this day.
The problem was that I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Say yes? Say no? Ask her why? Break up with her? Wait? Of course I want to have sex, but do I want to have to deal with smuggling condoms into her house and not being able to make eye contact with her parents because "Oh hey, yeah I banged your daughter." I think not.
Was three months really the amount of time you waited to have sex with someone? It seemed so short, but I guess three months was the farthest I had made it with any girl, and Clarissa has had much longer relationships than this, so maybe it was the time to have sex, she would know.
But what if I didn't want to? What if Clarissa dumps me because of it? I really liked her and didn't want this to ruin it. What if she stopped sending me tit pics or kissing me or started telling everyone I was a virgin? She wouldn't do that, I think.
I just don't know, it didn't feel right and there were too many consequences.
Why did this have to be so complicated? Why couldn't this be a no strings attached easy deal? Why couldn't this be an easy, obvious decision?
I'm sorry if I make the wrong decision, and I really hope you will love me regardless.
Love,
Grant