Author's Note:
Just some quick words from me...as always thank you so much for all your love! I appreciate every vote, every view, every message, and every comment. I also try super hard to make sure I get back to everyone! You all are amazing. For real! So onto something more serious...in two weeks I start my final semester of college which means all of my focus is going to be on school for a few months. That most likely means not a whole lot of writing or updating. I apologize in advance and hope you all can bear with me until I have more time to write again. I have two solid weeks of writing though and I am going to get out as much as I can and I promise I will absolutely not leave you on as major of a cliffhanger as I did last time...it'll still be cliffhanger but not as serious.
Okay phew...not that we're done with that, here's the next chapter! Love you all a bunch, biscuits. Hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me during my upcoming hiatus.
-Nikki
PS: Also while there won't be any new stories for a long time...I'll still have time to think about putting something new out eventually. DON'T WORRY LILB STILL HAS A LONG WAYS TO GO. Anyways, any type of fanfiction you all want to see? I'm particularly fond of a Castiel or Dean fic, or maybe even Loki. I'm open to suggestions though :D
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Daryl
I pressed my foot hard on the gas pedal, dirt and stone flyin’ up from beneath the tires as I pushed the car as fast as it could go. Outta the corner of my eye I could see Charlie grippin’ the seat tight with one hand, the other holdin’ onto the dashboard. She was still pale, but other than that seemed alright again. She hadn’t asked me to pull over so she could toss her lunch anyways. I remembered the way to the meetin’ place without havin’ to really think about it, which was both a good thing and a bad thing. It meant not gettin’ lost, but it also meant my head had more room for other thoughts. Ones I really didn’t wanna think about. As we got closer and closer, though, and still hadn’t caught up with Merle, the bad thoughts got louder and louder in my head.
“How far are we?” Charlie asked, breakin’ the tense silence that had settled between us.
“Couple more miles.” I answered, adjustin’ my grip on the steerin’ wheel. My fingers felt cramped from how tight I’d been grippin’ it. She didn’t say anythin’ back, but I didn’t miss the shaky sigh that left her lips. She was havin’ the same sorta thoughts I was then.
I felt stupid for lettin’ myself believe Merle would sit tight, follow orders, and wait for the Governor to come to us again. Course he’d go after him alone. Merle was all about doin’. Mainly doin’ without thinkin’, but I was slowly startin’ to think that Charlie had been right. That this had been his plan all along after Harlow died. To end things his own way, on his own terms. He always wanted to be in control of everythin’.
The last couple of miles slipped by in no time at all. My stomach felt like lead when I finally pulled the car over so we could head the rest of the way on foot. Once the engine was off, the silence inside the car was almost suffocatin’. I could feel my heart hammerin’ against my rib cage, like it was tryin’ to break free. Suddenly, Charlie’s hand was coverin’ mine as she reached across the space between the two seats.
“No matter what happens, I’m right here.” She said softly. I could hear the silent meanin’ behind her words. Merle’s head start had given him the advantage, which meant our chances of findin’ him alive had plummeted. Her fingers squeezed my hand gently before she pulled away and stepped outta the car. I took a deep breath, grabbed my crossbow, and followed after her. She was waitin’ for me by the front of the car, her eyes wide and alert as they swept the world around us. “It’s quiet.” She finally said.
I nodded and swallowed hard. I knew what she meant. It was too quiet. If the Governor was still here, there’d be some kinda noise. Especially if a fight was ragin’ between him and Merle. Unless Merle had a change of heart and never got here. I knew that was wishful thinkin’, though. I turned back to Charlie. “Stay close.” I said in a hushed voice. She nodded quickly and I heard her quiet steps behind me as I edged closer to the scatterin’ of buildin’s.
A handful of walkers that were wonderin’ about spotted us and got interested. I took out two quickly with my knife and I heard Charlie’s grunt behind me, followed by a loud thud as she swung her bat and it crashed into a walker’s skull. I glanced over my shoulder, my eyes grazin’ her from head to foot. She nodded, assurin’ me she was fine and we got to movin’ again. I stepped over a walker’s fallen body. I was tryin’ hard not to notice, but this one was fresh. Couldn’t have been dead more than a few hours.
I crept closer to the buildin’ I remembered Rick meetin’ with the Governor in just a day earlier. The doors hung open and I peered inside. Looked like some sorta scuffle. A dead walker was in a heap a few feet from the door. There was also blood, though. Too red to be a walker’s. I gestured to Charlie to follow me around the side of the buildin’. I could hear my pulse poundin’ in my ears, my mouth felt dry like I’d been eatin’ cotton. Every bad feelin’ I’d been fightin’ against so hard suddenly became unleashed and washed over me as I stepped around the corner and saw the bodies. Half a dozen at least, maybe more. The grass looked slick with blood. It wasn’t the bodies, though, that stopped me and made my blood run cold. It was the lone walker in the middle of them, diggin’ hungrily into the stomach of a dead man. I knew before I saw his face that it was Merle.
“No.” The word fell from my mouth in a hoarse, strangled whisper.
The walker’s head snapped up at the sound and I heard Charlie gasp behind me, followed by the sound of her bat fallin’ to the ground. It was Merle, but it wasn’t. His skin was a chalky gray, his eyes yellowed. A loud snarl tore from his throat as he staggered to his feet and stumbled towards us, his one hand outstretched. The other still had his fake one attached to the end of his wrist. It felt like someone had a run a red hot poker straight through my chest. I felt somethin’ else push itself up through the hurt...Betrayal. How could he do this to me? How could he leave me here alone? He’d always been so damn good at that…so good at leavin’ that I felt like I’d spent half my life watchin’ him walk away. Now he wasn’t comin’ back and had left this thing…this monster…in place of the only family I had.
I hadn’t realized I was cryin’ until I tasted the salty tears on my lips. I felt a shudder suddenly rip through me, my breath shaky and uneven as I tried to keep myself from fallin’ a part. He came closer and the grip on my knife suddenly slackened as I thought about drivin’ the blade through his skull. Instead, I pushed him as hard as I could. He stumbled, but came right back. I pushed him again, my shoulders heavin’ up and down as felt myself slowly losin’ control. What was I waitin’ for? He wasn’t just gonna snap out of it. There wasn’t a damn cure. There nothin’ human left in him. He didn’t know who I was or who he was or that by givin’ up on the world he’d givin’ up on me too.
He came at me again and I felt myself crack as I strangled cry left my mouth and I launched myself at him, shovin’ my blade into his throat. I gargle sorta groan left his mouth as thick, black blood oozed from the wound. We both fell to the ground. I unstuck my blade and raised it over my head before bringin’ it down into his skull. Then again. And again, again, again, again over and over even after he’d stopped movin, even after he fell quiet. How could he do this to me?
“Daryl! Daryl, stop!” Charlie’s voice was suddenly in my ear, and I felt both her hands wrap around my arm. I fought against her for a second as I tried to bring the knife down into his shattered skull again, but the knife fell from my grip as I gave up. I let myself fall backward as Charlie’s arms wrapped around my shoulders. I slumped against her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Daryl.” I heard her frantic voice whisperin’ over and over again, her breath warm against my ear. Her cheek was pressed against the top of my head, her arms still tight around me like she was tryin’ to keep from breakin’ into a million pieces. I couldn’t look at him anymore. Lyin’ there, dead. His dark blood on my hands. I closed my eyes and leaned into Charlie, one of my hand findin’ hers and grippin’ it tightly.
I don’t know how long we stayed that way, crushed together with the thing that used to be Merle crumpled into a heap just a foot away. Charlie’s desperate apologies at some point had turned into low, soothin’ mumblin’s that numbed everythin’ else until my breathin’ was steady again and my hands had stopped shakin’. She carefully unwrapped her arms around around me and stood up, pullin’ me with her. I felt dazed, watchin’ as she scooped up my crossbow from the ground and handed it to me before wrappin’ an arm around my waist and leadin’ me away from the bodies, away from Merle, and back towards the car.
It wasn’t until the car was movin’ that I finally cleared my throat. “I can’t believe he’s dead. He always talked like he was gonna live forever.” I mumbled.
I felt Charlie glance over at me and when I finally looked at her, I noticed the streaks that stained her cheeks. She’d been cryin too. I hadn’t even noticed. Hadn’t noticed much at all for the past…how long had it been since I put Merle down? I didn’t even know. Time didn’t feel real for some reason. “I’m sorry, Daryl…I know how much you loved him.” She said. “It doesn’t matter what anyone else says. He was a good man…he died to give us a better chance.”
I felt myself nod. The anger I’d felt early didn’t feel as strong, more like a dull throb now. I didn’t know what I was feelin’, what I was supposed to be feelin’. I couldn’t decide if I was actually angry at Merle, or at myself for not stoppin’ him from leavin’, for not knowin’ what he was gonna do. Or then there was the Governor, who I knew without a single doubt was the person who put a bullet through his heart instead of his head. He wanted me to find Merle like that. He wanted Merle to turn into one of those things. I gritted my teeth before runnin’ a hand through my hair. I hadn’t felt this mixed up in a long time.
Charlie didn’t say anythin’ else, but I could feel her glancin’ at me every once in a while. She was worried about me, I could tell. I was glad she wasn’t tryin’ to talk to me ‘bout it more than we already had, though. She knew me well enough to know that tryin’ to comfort me, or tryin’ to make this okay wouldn’t work. I was pretty damn grateful about that because I didn’t think I could take any sorta sympathy or pity right now. I just wanted to be alone. To feel whatever it was I was tryin’ to feel without anybody else tryin’ to make it better.
When we finally pulled back up to the prison, Charlie shut off the engine and turned to me. “Do you wanna talk to Rick, or should I? It’s your call.” She said softly.
I shrugged. “Don’t matter. Governor’s probably already on his way here anyways. Probably should start worryin’ about that.” I pushed open the car door and climbed out.
The door slammed behind me harder than I’d meant it and when I turned over my shoulder, Charlie was sittin’ in the driver’s seat still, lookin’ hurt. Seein’ her like that stung me, but I didn’t go back. I didn’t turn around and tell her I was sorry. I just felt myself keep walkin’ away. I knew what I was doin’ then. I was shuttin’ down. Shuttin’ her out, more or less. The same way I’d done when my mama died and she’d tried to be there for me, the same way I’d done when she left for school all those years ago. I faltered. I could break the habit right now. I could turn around and let her be there for me for once. Let somebody take care of me. But I was almost as stubborn as she was, set into old habits and ways for too long. I took another step away from her.
It got quiet the second I stepped inside the prison, all the voices hushed as everyone turned to look. I froze and felt my throat grow tight. I could feel myself startin’ to crack again but fought against it. Instead, I swallowed hard and straightened up. “Merle’s dead, Governor shot ‘em. He’s probably gonna be headin’ this way soon with his soldiers so we should get ready.” I said, my voice weirdly calm.
The door opened behind me and I glanced over my shoulder to see Charlie. She gave me tentative look. “Did you tell them?” She asked quietly.
I nodded. “They know. We need to get ready.” She took a step closer and put her hand in mine, givin’ it a gentle squeeze. I felt the crack inside me open a little bit more but I slammed it back shut again and pulled my hand away. “You better help Hershel and the kids get into hidin’.”
She swallowed hard. “Yeah, okay.” I could tell she wanted to say more, but there were too many other eyes and ears around. A part of me wanted her to drag me away and yell at me until she broke me down and I could let myself fall into her, but the other half was too busy buildin’ walls again to hide whatever vulnerability and weakness Merle’s death had dragged out into the open. I watched her walk away and wondered what the hell I was doin’.
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There wasn’t a whole lot of time to even breathe, let alone think. This made it easier for me to push back Merle dyin’ and the way I’d treated Charlie to the furthest, darkest corner of my mind until later. If there was a later which I hoped like hell there would be as long as this plan went as good as Glenn said it would.
My legs were startin’ to cramp up from bein’ crouched in one place for so long. We’d divided ourselves in different parts of the tombs, smoke bombs ready. Carol was ready to raise the alarm as soon as we had ‘em inside and the second they ran out the doors for cover, Charlie, Glenn, T-Dog and Maggie were waitin’ with guns. I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand. I was startin’ to get real impatient, but I knew he was comin’. Ain’t no way he’d leave us be, especially not after Rick backin’ outta the deal. Not after what happened with Merle.
The sound of the cellblock door swingin’ up, echoed all the way back into the tombs. I felt my muscles tense. I felt for the smoke bomb at my feet and picked it up, feelin’ for the trigger release with my fingers. I could hear the Governor’s deep voice barkin’ out orders, no doubt wonderin’ why the place was empty and how we could’ve skipped outta here so quickly without leavin’ a trace behind. I only had to wait a few minutes longer before I heard the scufflin’ sounds of feet makin’ their way down the dark corridor. I was hidin’ out in one of the utility closets, the door just barely cracked open. I could see the beam of flashlights swingin’ around, lightin’ up the walls and the floor. They were movin’ slowly, every now and then a whisper would break out and the rest of ‘em would quickly hush whoever broke the silence. I felt myself smirk a little. They were already scared which was gonna make this all that much easier.
I crept back further into the dark closet as the line of Woodbury soldiers slowly passed me, headin’ deeper into the tombs just like we expected ‘em to do. Once they were far enough back, there’d be walkers close by. Not only that, but the tombs could be like a maze if you weren’t careful. Runnin’ around in a panic, it’s be pretty damn hard to find a fast way out.
Suddenly, the alarms were blarin’. Outside in the hall I could see the lights flashin’, blinkin’ on and off every other second. I threw open the door and let the smoke bomb loose. Waves of smoke rose up from the ground and pretty soon it was hard to see anythin’ between the smoke and the flashin’ lights. I could hear the screamin’ and the yellin’ start up almost right away. I ducked back inside the closet and pressed myself against the closed door as I listened to the confusion and chaos happenin’ on the other side. Above everybody else, I could hear the Governor yellin’, tryin’ to keep order. Didn’t do no good, though. I heard them all runnin’ back towards the cellblock, towards the front door that led to the prison yard. These weren’t soldier he had…they were just people scared outta their damn minds.
It only took a few minutes for the yellin’ and the footsteps to disappear. Then there was the gunfire as the four outside started rainin’ bullets on ‘em all. I pushed open the door and headed out into the hallway. I could hear the moans of a couple of walkers comin’ from around the corner and headed that way to take ‘em out. Rick was already there when I got there, though, droppin’ the few of ‘em that were there his knife. I had a fleetin’ glimpse in my head of doin’ the same thing to Merle, but pushed it back. Rick finally noticed I was there and looked up.
“They all run outside?” He asked, stridin’ past me.
I fell into step behind him. “From what I could hear. All sounded pretty damn terrified.”
I could still hear the gunfire as we jogged into the cellblock and checked around the corners for any stragglers. It was empty, though. Anyone who’d been here was gone. Michonne and Gabe suddenly came up from outta the tombs together. She looked like she was holdin’ ‘em up, his face drained of color.
“What happened?” I demanded, crossin’ the room towards the two of them.
“Got hit by a stray bullet from one of the Governor’s soldiers. I already checked it out, it just barely grazed his leg. I think he’s more in shock than anything.” Michonne said quickly.
“I’m fine, I already said I’m fine. I’m more worried about what my sister’s gonna do when she sees me.” Gabe huffed. He gave me a small smile as Michonne helped him into a seat.
“Hershel can take care of that when he gets back in. Stay inside for now.” Rick ordered him. Gabe nodded, lookin’ like he couldn’t stand up if he wanted to. He was right, Charlie was gonna flip when she found out he got hurt. Even if was gonna be just fine.
Outside the gunfire had stopped. Rick nodded at me, and I was first out the door into the sunlight. I squinted, shieldin’ my eyes with my hand as I looked out across the prison yard. There was no sign of the Governor or anybody else. Looked like they’d high tailed it outta here pretty damn quick.
“We did it!” I heard Maggie shout. I looked up at the catwalk to see her standin’ there in full riot gear with a grin on her face. Charlie was next to her, lookin’ more relieved than excited. She caught my eye and gave me a weak smile, like her brother had just seconds before although hers looked weak for a different reason.
“Come on down!” Glenn shouted up at her, comin’ out from his hidin’ space just on the other side of the wall.
Charlie and Maggie took the steps two at a time until they reached the ground and headed over to the rest of us. In the distance I could see Hershel makin’ his way through the yard with Carl and Beth in tow, Judith held tight in Beth’s arms.
“Where’s Gabe?” Charlie suddenly asked, lookin’ around and noticin’ he wasn’t outside with us.
“He’s inside. He got hit, but just barely. He’s gonna be fine.” I said quietly, lockin’ eyes with her.
The blood drained from her face. “He-He got shot?” She repeated, her eyes growin’ wide. She moved to push past me, but I suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders and stopped her. She looked up at me numbly.
“Hey…calm down, girl. I said he’s fine. Alright?” I said again in a gruff whisper.
She nodded slowly. “I need to see him.” She shrugged outta my grasp and headed towards the prison. I watched her disappear inside before lookin’ back to Rick.
“We need to go after him.” He said suddenly. “We need to finish this today.”
I caught myself noddin’ in agreement. “I’ll come with ya’. I’m tired of this shit. He needs to get put down.”
“I’ll come, too.” T-Dog added, steppin’ forward.
Rick looked at him gratefully. “Whoever wants to come to Woodbury then needs to get ready to leave in five. Load up on ammo and meet back out here.”
There was a hustle then as T-Dog and Rick disappeared back inside the prison, meetin’ up with Hershel, Carl, and Beth who had finally made it back up the hill. I stayed where I was, Michonne lingerin’ close by. I hadn’t used any of my arrows and was good to go, crossbow on my back. Michonne had her swords so I doubted she was worried about gettin’ anythin’ else. I moved to where we’d hidden all the vehicles, findin’ my bike safe and sound and wheelin’ it back out in front of the prison.
I heard footsteps comin’ closer and glanced up to see Charlie headin’ towards me. “Gabe alright?” I asked when she was in earshot.
She nodded. “You were right, he’s fine. Hershel’s looking at him now.” She answered quietly. She shot me an unsure look.
I spoke up before she had a chance to say anythin’ about the way I’d acted earlier. “You can keep an eye on him and everybody else while we’re gone then.”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “No, I’m coming too.” She said slowly.
I was shakin’ my head before the words even finished leavin’ her mouth. “No, you ain’t. You’re stayin’ here where it’s safe. Besides, somebody’s gotta stay behind.”
“Maggie and Glenn are staying. Carol is too. I want to come!” She argued. “You need more than just four people, Daryl!”
“Well I don’t need to be worryin’ about you the entire damn time we’re out there! I’m gonna have enough problems without you puttin’ yourself in danger every five minutes!” I shouted before I could stop myself. I regretted every word almost right away. Charlie looked like I had just hit her, her eyes wide and mouth fallin’ open. I realized I had clenched my fingers into fists and slowly uncurled them as I took a deep breath. “I didn’t mean-“
She put up her hand to shut me up, shakin’ her head. “No, I get it. I’m just a problem. I just get in the way.” She said coldly. “Sorry to be such a god damn inconvenience to you all the time. You’re right, I’ll just stay here where you won’t have to worry about babysitting me and keeping me from accidentally killing us all, since apparently I can’t take care of myself and you have to do it for me!” Her voice got louder as the last words left her mouth, her eyes narrowed at me.
I felt stunned at first. I hated seein’ her this way. But then again, I was the one who pushed her to it. I shook it off. “Good, makes my life a little easier.” I shot back angrily. “Go inside and take care of your brother since you still have one!” I’d knew I’d gone too far but I pushed my wall back up as high as I could go to stop myself from feelin’ the guilt that was threatenin’ to spill over when I saw the hurt look on her face. When I saw her crumple a little as the tears spilled from the corners of her eyes.
She took in a deep shaky breath before turnin’ around and walkin’ quickly back towards the prison. I took a couple steps after her. Why did I just say that? I ran both my hands through my hair as I paced in front of the bike. Why was I takin’ all this out on her? I knew I should’ve gone inside and made it right but I stayed frozen right where I was.
I didn’t move another inch until Rick came back out and asked if I would lead the way. I nodded, half listenin’ as I climbed onto my bike and revved the engine. I wasn’t thinkin’ clearly, wasn’t actin’ right. I knew that, but why couldn’t I stop myself? Just more for me to push back behind the wall I was buildin’ up for myself, the one that Charlie had carefully broken down not so long ago. I shook my head. Couldn’t be all that surprised. Runnin’ away from problems and pushin’ away the world had always been the Dixon way? Why should any of that change now? I pushed off on the bike and the gravel cracked underneath the tires as I drove down through the front gates and towards the main road.