"Say, (Y/N), do you think titans can yawn?" you flick your head to the right, only to make eye contact with an amused-looking Connie.
"Yes." Your response is curt and to-the-point.
"Well," Connie pauses for effect, "If yawns really are contagious, you'd probably be able to stop a dozen titans, just by making them stop and yawn every time they see you! Which is, like, always! Get it? Because you keep yawning? And because it's contagious? And you said titans can yawn?" Connie chuckles, glancing back at Sasha, trying to see if she heard.
You roll your eyes. His joke barely even makes sense. Regardless, you lean in next to him, "You know, Connie, if you really like Sasha that much, you don't need to impress her with jokes," you wink at him, "Ask her out. Standing on top of the walls, with a view like this...there's no better time!"
Connie gulps, embarrassed that you saw his glance, and shuts up.
He wasn't wrong with his first comment, though.
Last night, when Levi told you he didn't want to be friends anymore, you ended up getting no sleep. (Probably why you've been yawning nonstop for the past hour.) After all, your history together was so long, so complicated. How could he even think of throwing all that away?!
You close your eyes, trying to recall a happier time.
"Brat."
You arched your eyebrows and made a small "Hm?" sound, without making taking your eyes off the comic book you were reading.
"Brat."
You repeated the same motion, too intrigued by the plot to want to talk. Books were a rarity in the Underground. Interesting books were even rarer.
"Brat!"
You sighed and looked up from the pages. Learning about Jayjay's past would have to wait. "What is it, Levi? Can't you see I'm busy?"
Levi rolled his eyes and sat down in front of you, and he uttered four terrifying words, "We need to talk."
Your back straightened. The sleep from your eyes faded away. You were now diverting all your attention to Levi. "Talk about what?" Deep down inside, you didn't want to know the answer-you didn't know what to expect. But at the same time, you thought you knew.
You bit your lip as you waited for an answer, but Levi was taking his time to respond. That just made you more scared. A Levi who contemplated his words was not the Levi you loved. Levi only gave long silences where he drank tea. And, at the moment, he wasn't drinking tea OR lost in his thoughts.
He was actually trying to figure out what to say.
You swallowed hard and spoke up first, slowly starting to realize what Levi was probably trying to get at, "If you're..." you let your voice trail off when you began to feel your throat become thick. The last thing you wanted was to cry.
"I-if you're breaking up with me, you don't have to," you took a short breath in and then continued, "T-technically, we were never really even together in the first place. I mean, we never told anyone and our 'relationship' was more sexual than anything else and-" By that point, you were rambling. Trying to pretend that you felt nonchalant about your relationship with Levi.
Trying to pretend you weren't hurt.
Levi interrupted you, though. It was funny, you had always hated his habit of interrupting people, but for once, you were thankful that he stopped you.
"(Y/N)," Levi put a hand up, and you saw a glimmer of a smile on his face, "I'm not saying we should break up."
Your eyes lit up like lightbulbs.
But the happiness morphed into pure shock at his next statement.
"I think we should tell Farlan and Isabel about...us."
You shake your head and pull yourself out of your thoughts. If you and Levi really are through as friends, then there's no point in dwelling on the past.
Uurgh, pull it together (Y/N)! You can't spend another sleepless night about Levi, you mutter to yourself. Eventually, you'll be fighting titans! You need to be rested, so you're ready for a fight! I mean, what would you do if a titan showed up at a time like now?!
For the second time, you have to shake your head and pull yourself out of your thoughts, blinking the drowsiness out of your eyes. Then you see movement.
Oh shit.
You jinxed it.
"Holy wallsacs," you whisper.
The next thing you know, you're flying backward.
Still in midair, you open your eyes to see a giant hand -a giant titan-destroying all the fixed military artillery, brutally wiping out anyone nearby.
For a moment you scramble in the air, trying to figure out what to do, when Eren screams, "SWITCH TO VERTICAL MANEUVERING!!"
That's a line you've heard hundreds of times before, in training.
Everything from that point and forward is muscle memory.
You shift your weight forward to stop spinning and grapple yourself onto the wall so that you're being pulled towards it.
Then, just when you make contact with the concrete, you jump as high as you can and grapple yourself to the top of the wall, so that gravity causes you to loop around the top and come face to face with a titan.
No.
Normal titans aren't this big.
You bite your lip harshly and understanding floods into you-you're facing the Colossal Titan.
You blink in shock before recalling the last time the Colossal Titan made its appearance. It smashed the gate in! The second you remember the titan's previous pattern, you release your hooks from the wall and let yourself fall to the level of the gate.
Sure enough, the Colossal Titan is slowly pushing its leg backward, probably to gain momentum in preparation to kick the gate in. You launch yourself forward to destroy the titan's tendons, hoping to destroy its ability to kick.
You can barely lay a scratch on it though.
The size of the titan is gigantic, so it's tendons are, in turn, enormous as well. Your blades barely make a scratch in it; they're more like tiny papercuts than they are destructive blows to the titan's core muscles.
Then, just as the titan's foot is about to make contact with the main gate, you're forced to release your hooks from its leg and end up grappling yourself upwards to avoid being crushed.
As the gate crumbles, though, you feel yourself filled with a fury so intense, your physical speed seems to heighten.
Your movement is purely based on muscle memory.
Lurching forward, you grapple yourself up to the nape of the titan where you find Eren; without exchanging so much as a word, the two of you prepare to slice its neck-your blade even makes contact-and then all that's left is steam.
With your hook having lost its grip on something solid, both you and Eren start to fall as your eyes widen in shock, almost freezing you.
Once you come to your senses, though, you grab Eren's arm and pull the two of you up to the gate, where you drop to your knees in exhaustion.
Exhaustion and confusion.
Once your pants are spaced out far enough for you to speak, you interrupt everyone else's bombardment of questions and look at Eren, "Did -hah- did you -oof- slice its -hah- its neck?"
He shakes his head and shoots you a look of fear that says, "I thought it was you who killed it."
The two of you exchange glances and think the same thing.
Oh.
Shit.
***
You grip your blades tighter.
You're not sleepy anymore.
Heck, you might never sleep after this.
How can anyone have a peaceful sleep after seeing something so horrifying?
You blink back tears and try not to think of your friends.
Samuel. Tom. Mylius. Thomas. Nac. Mitabi. Ian. Mina. Ruth. Franz. Hannah.
All gone.
"(Y/N)," your eyes dart to the right, and your fists raise instinctively, ready to start a fight with whoever was speaking.
"(Y/N), calm down..." you blink, trying to figure out who was talking to you, but are only able to recall disturbing images from the battlefield, "(Y/N), it's me. Armin."
He shakes your shoulders, transporting you back to reality, and at that thought, you have to suppress an urge to vomit. That's right. This is my reality now.
"(Y/N), are you..." Armin's voice trails off. Both you and he know the answer to what his question was going to be, and the answer is no, you're not okay.
Nobody is okay.
You grip your blades tighter. You could have killed more titans. You shouldn't have dropped your blades every time they became dull; you should have kept them so that you could throw them at titans. That would have distracted them from eating your friends.
You should have teamed up with someone. That way, you'd have been able to protect at least one person. Or at the very least, you shouldn't have left your squad behind to kill that titan that was about to eat Mina. Heck, your hesitation ended up getting all of them killed. And you didn't even end up saving Mina.
You look down at your hands and see blood.
The blood of your comrades, on your hands.
You bite your lip.
There's so much you should have done.
And then so much you shouldn't have.
You blink back tears for the hundredth time. "I shouldn't have even been on that battlefield," you whisper, looking at Armin.
"(Y/N), let go of your blades," Armin murmurs gently, "You can't...you can't change the past."
"(Y/N), you need to sleep." You look up weakly to see Mikasa's figure approach, "It's been three days since the Colossal titan broke down the wall. You need to..." Mikasa pursed her lips before deciding to continue, "You need to get rest so that you're prepared if there's another breach."
That word.
Breach.
You've heard it so many times in the last seventy-six hours. And every time you hear it, you can't help but remember how you had come so close to stopping it.
So close to cutting the Colossal Titan's nape.
So close to preventing all this tragedy.
So close.
You shake your head and burrow into your arms, hiding the tears streaming down your face as you recall the looks of despair on everyone's face, right as they died.
You sob into your arms and ignore Armin and Mikasa yet again. Their attempts to comfort you are noble, but what can they truly do? Can they bring everyone back? Everyone you had failed to save?
They can't.
You cry harder and clutch your chest.
It hurts.
It just hurts so bad.
You feel yourself trembling, and you can't help but think of how things could have gone differently. How, if you had just been one second faster...
"It was my choice to leave, you know." You break from your sobs and look up to see the owner of the voice. Your eyes widen when you realize who it is, but understanding dawns on you when you notice Armin give you a hopeful-yet-sad smile as he signals Mikasa to leave the room.
"I probably could have stayed in the Underground."
For once, you let your companion talk. No interruptions, no personal thoughts, nothing on your end. In a way, his voice calms you from your hysteria.
"I guess you could say it was my choice to leave. Same thing when Farlan and Isabel died. I consciously left them. That was also...my choice."
Levi sighs audibly and continues on, "And every time you fight the titans, you're making a choice. You know, right now, Hanji is trying to capture the two remaining titans left in the Trost District. That's her choice."
"Erwin's choice is to prepare for the court hearing tomorrow. I'll have to help him with that. And my choice is to do what I've always done."
"The world is all about choices, and it's your choice if you keep fighting in the Survey Corps, (Y/N)," Levi pushes a gloved hand out and places it under your chin, gently pulling your chin up so that you make eye contact with him, "But that's a choice you have to make. Don't do it for me. Or for your friends who died three days ago. Or for Farlan and Isabel."
Levi leans in, giving you a stare that's neither angry nor bored, but earnest, and whispers, "Do it for you. Do what your heart wants, what you think is right."
And in that moment, you can't be too sure what exactly Levi means-whether he's still even talking about you joining the Corps or if he's talking about something else. But one thing you know for sure is that he said to do what your heart wants.
And you know, you know and you've known, what your heart wants. So you abide by Levi's words. You give yourself what your heart wants.
And so you lean forward and close the space between your lips.
The best part? He kisses back.
A/N: Word count: 2.2k / Notes: Aightt so I figured that eleven chapters in is a good place to plant the seeds of romance - though I suppose they did blossom quite quickly in that last line >.> Anyways, what do you think? Anything you'd like to see? Feel free to share your thoughts! :) / Comment & Vote / Next Update: 11/12/18 / I do not own the rights to Attack on Titan or any of the characters within it.