[[trigger warning]]
__________________________
Ashley
"W-What do you mean?" Emily stutters, her lips quivering.
"I only have a little while to live, Em." Venus says, her voice cracking. She pursues her lips, trying to stifle back a sob.
Dean had stormed out of the room and Nathaniel walked in right as Dean walked out. Nathaniel just nods, following Dean out.
"I-I couldn't just tell you guys 'Weyhey today's my l-last day!' And act like n-nothing was wrong." Venus stammers, sniffling and wiping her eyes. "I couldn't bare telling you guys. But, then again, you guys wouldn't give two fucks."
"Yes, we do." Emily stutters. Shaking her head as she constantly wiped under her eyes. I was just too stunned to speak.
"I'm nothing to you, Em. I'm nobody's best friend. Nobody's first choice. I'm your second choice, Emily. You're fine with just Ally." Venus says, looking away from us. She turned to look at the wall with her back facing us.
"That's a lie, Venus, and you know that." Audrey says, choking back a sob. "You've always been my best friend. You were there when nobody was. You've given me more support than my own family and my other friends. I can't live without you, please don't do this."
Audrey just sat down on a chair and curled into a ball, sobbing onto her knees.
"I can't live without you, Ve." Audrey mumbles into her knees, making it sound muffled.
"Yes, you can Audrey. You've lived most of your life without me and you can live the rest of it without me." Venus says, playing with the IV that stuck to her hand.
"Bullshit!" Audrey shouts, picking her head up from her knees. "We both know that's utter bullshit! You did this shit to me, too. Don't you be a hypocrite. I told you the same shit about how you can live without me but you said 'I've grown onto you and became dependent on you for me happiness' so don't bullshit me with my own words!"
"Audrey, it's not like she has a choice." I say, sitting next to her and putting a hand on her back.
"Yes, she does!" Audrey say, storming out of the room. Emily sighs and send me a half-smile as she followed Audrey out.
Harry remained silent. It was like he's mute.
"What does she mean, Venus?" I ask quietly.
"I have stage four lung cancer." Venus says, I saw her body twitch a little as she said it. "Just like my mother.. Just like my phobia.."
"Ven-" I start, but I cut myself off just as she started talking again.
"And I chose to not to get chemotherapy." Venus says, shaking her head. "I couldn't do it. I just had to catch the disease of something I had a huge-ass phobia of and I just.. Just fuck it. Fuck life."
"Are you really going to let this happen?" Harry finally spoke up. "You're just going to drop everything because you're scared?"
"You don't understand, Harry." Venus sobs. "Y-"
"Oh, but I do." Harry cuts her off. "I've known you longer than anybody and I've liked you longer than anybody. I know you better than anybody. I know you're massively afraid of the thought of cancer because you are mentally scarred because your mother died of the same disease. It's a big phobia of yours that you can't get over no matter how many times you say you're getting over."
"Don't be such a bitch, Harry." I say under my breath.
"I'm being the bitch? She's being selfish!" Harry shouts, pointing at Venus who was curled up into a ball. "She's willing to leave everything and everybody just because she's scared! That's fucked up and down right selfi-" I cut him off by slapping him across the face.
"You disgust me." I spat at him. He looked at me shocked, his hand on his cheeks in an attempt to stop me from doing it again. "She's dying and you're being a dickhead. Yet you wonder why she doesn't like you? You truly make me sick."
"He's right." Venus breathes out. She sits up and puts her hands over her blanket. She had scars that covered her forearm and it made me winced. Some of them looked extremely deep and it just made me sad looking at them. "I'm being selfish. But, when was the last time I did something for myself? Everything I do is for everybody. I never do anything for myself. I put people's problems in front of mine because my problems doesn't matter."
"They obviously do, Venus." I take a step towards her and she scoots farther away from me. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I pointed at her scar-covered arm. "You're expressing your emotional pain with physical pain."
She vigorously shook her head no. "This was just a stupid phase I fell into. Middle school bullshit." She mumbles and shoved her hands back under the blanket to hide her forearm.
"We all know that's utter bullshit." Harry says. "Self-harm is not a phase. It takes a lot of self-hate to tear open your own skin. You must hate yourself so much because you've gone so deep you ended up in a hospital."
"That was a mistake I made in 7th grade, get over it." Venus hissed. Wait a minute, 7th grade? She's went so deep with a razor she ended up in a hospital. She was twelve.
"How long have you been harming yourself, Venus?" I ask, swallow the lump in my throat.
"Ever since my mum passed." Venus says, hiding under the sheets.
"And when was that?" I ask, fiddling with the bottom of my shirt and biting my lip.
"4th grade. She was nine-years-old." Harry answers for Venus.
I couldn't take it. I ran out the room and cursed at the constant rain.
Pitter-Patter-Pitter-Patter-Pitter-Patter-Pitter-Patter
It just sickens me and makes me sad. Venus was in so much pain she resorted to self-harm at a very young age. And instead of helping herself she helps others. I don't understand why some people are like that.
Why do people put other peoples problems & feelings in front of their own?
"What happened back there?" Nathaniel asks as he came back. "And don't worry about Dean, he's inside the bathroom just down the hall."
"Venus.." I trail off, shaking my head. "She's dying, Nate."
"W-What?" Nathaniel stutters, his lips turning into a a frown.
"She's dying of cancer and she refuses to get help because she's afraid."
__________________________
Venus
I fiddle with the edge of the blanket as Harry sat in his seat, elbows on his knees with his hands intertwined as he leaned on his hands. He was just staring at me and I was getting extremely uncomfortable. I hate it when people stare at me.
"Go ahead, tell me how much you hate me." I say bluntly.
Harry chuckled lowly and shook his head. "I don't hate you. You hate me."
"Only because you're such a douche." I say, rolling my eyes.
"Must run in the family." Harry says with a smirk on his lips.
Harry's dad ran away when he was only three-years-old. He always plays it off saying 'I don't care' but if you look really closely in his eyes you can see the pain in them. Harry might know me well, but I know him even better.
"Hey, loser?" I say, waiting for him to respond to make sure he's listening.
"Yeah?" He says, chuckling lowly at the name I called him.
"Promise me one thing." I say, pulling myself up in a sitting position and making eye contact with him.
"What is it?" He asks, looking at me. I took my time to examine his features. His hair was getting way too long, but I kind of liked it. Though, I preferred it when he had a side sweep. He had this weird bandana thing wrapped around his head, honestly I think it may even be a scarf judging from how big it is. His green eyes looked a bit gray, just like every person with green eyes most of the time. He had this cute little goofy smile on that showed his dimples. He was perfect appearance-wise. But, he's an utter douche-bag.
"I believe Audrey has a thing for you. Please, just, please don't hurt her." I plead, staring into his blank eyes with mine.
"Your wish is my command."
__________________________
Audrey
After I stormed out I knew someone was following me so I walked even faster.
"Audrey!" The person called out.
"What?!" I hiss, spinning around and staring at Emily who looked surprised.
"Where are you going?" She asked, slowly walking closer to me but I distanced myself from her even more.
"To cool off, don't follow me. I'll be fine." I say before bolting out the door and into my car. Thank you athletic genes.
I start the car and drove away from the hospital. I drove to Blake's apartment, hoping he'd be there. I walk up the steps and knocked on the door slowly and weakly. Soon Blake opened the door, his eyes were puffy and bloodshot and his hair wasn't in the usual quiff, he wasn't wearing anything but sweatpants. He smelled a lot like Monster energy drink.
"Audi!" He cheered half-heartedly. "Nice you see you!"
"You look horrible." I blurt out, blushing and covering my mouth. He chuckled and sent me a half-smile.
"I couldn't go to sleep so now I'm relying on Monster to keep me up." He said, scooting backwards so I have space to walk inside. I walked inside and he closed the door. We stare at each other for awhile before my lips quivered and I started to cry.
"What's wrong?" He asks worriedly, hugging me.
"You're not wearing a shirt." I say bluntly.
"The problem is that I'm not wearing a shirt?" Blake laughed, half-smiling at me. He picks up a random shirt from the couch and pulled it on. "Better?"
I giggle and shook my head. "Venus." I say, letting out a sob.
"What happened?" He asks, furrowing his eyebrows at me.
"She's in the hospital." I cry.
"What?!" He gasps. He grabs my wrist and walks out of the apartment and dragged me down the stairs. I didn't even question what he was doing, I just let him.
He asked for my keys and I just give it to him and hopped in the passenger seat as he starts the car. I expected him to drive to the hospital but next thing I know he was pulling up in front of mine and Venus' house.
"W-What are we doing here?" I mumble, looking at him.
"I just have to do something really quick, I'll be right back." Blake says, taking my keys and walking inside the house.
I pull my knees up to my chest and burried my head on them. I can't believe this is happening. What am I suppose to do when Venus dies? I mean, I can't force her to do chemotherapy because it's her life. But, I just don't know what to do without her. She's been my [internet] best friend for so long and we just met in person.
Yeah, we met on the internet. Deal with it.
My phone started to ring and I looked at my screen though it was a huge blur and I couldn't read the caller ID, I just answered it because there was no point in trying to figure out who it was.
"Hello." I mumble into the phone. I sniffle and wipe underneath my eyes.
"Hello? Audrey, are you okay?" I hear Karlin's voice, she's my older sister who lives in a diffrent state.
"No." I sniffle.
"What's wrong?" She asks.
"My best friend is in the hospital." I choked. "And she's about to die."
"Oh my," She says. "Well, I was about to ask you if it's a good time to come visit you. But, I'm guessing it isn't."
"No, please come. I need you." I bite down on my lip as I was struggling to steady my breathing. I realized I was hyperventilating and I don't want to pass out.
"Okay, well I'll be there in five days." She says.
"Okay." I murmur.
I slipped my phone back into my pocket just as Blake appeared beside me again and threw something at the back. He starts the car again and started to drive.
"How are you holding up so far?" He asks, looking at me in the corner of his eyes.
"Bad." I say into my knees. "I don't know what I'd do without her. I just.." I trail off, not knowing what else to say. I started crying again and Blake sighs.
"Please stop crying, I hate seeing you cry. You still got me, Audrey. If you haven't totally forgotten about me, I'm still here." Blake sighs, frowning at the road. "Ever since Venus came I feel like you forgot about me. It's like I wasn't your first best friend. I wasn't the one you grew up with. I wasn't the one you can always depend on and trust. I just became the lame ol' pizza delivery guy."
I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck tightly and the car swerved a little as I caught him off guard.
"I'm sorry!" I cried onto his shoulder. "I-I was just really happy that I f-finally met Venus and I don't know why we stopped talking."
"It's okay, Audi. Just sit back down." He says. I sit back down and caught a glimpse of him smiling at me sympathetically before I looked out the window.
Soon, we got to the hospital and Blake grabbed something out of the back seat before walking out of the car. I noticed it was a little bag where you put gifts in. I followed him closely and lead the way to Venus' room. I knock on the door before opening it. Venus laid on her bed with her earphones on, tears silently streaming down the sides of her face. Emily was in the corner typing things up in her phone. Harry was having a bit of an argument with Dean about who knows what. Nathaniel was arguing with Ashley about 'Niall and Zayn', whatever the hell that meant.
They all looked up at us when we walked in. Harry and Dean sent Blake cold glares and Venus' eyes opened and she frowned. She quickly wiped her tears away and sniffled.
"Blake." She says weakly, forcing on a smile.
"You forgot something." Blake says, throwing the bag at Venus. She nearly didn't catch it and it nearly hit her in the face. Dean stood up, ready to scream at Blake, but Ashley grabbed him by the wrist and yanked him back down on the seat.
"Oh." Venus sits up. "Thanks." She mumbles and bites down on her lip.
"Open it." Blake says, smiling.
"Oh, uh, okay." Venus murmurs. She yanks on the handles to pop the stapler off that stuck them together at the top. She digs through the paper, looking for the item that Blake got her. She pulls out the Diablo game for PS4 and a PS4 controller. Venus gasps and looks up at Blake wide-eyed.
"I figured it was time that we tried to get Audrey into gaming." He says, half-smiling.
"I suck at gaming." I whisper to myself and slump down on the wall beside the door.
"Well, that sucks. Harry's a player. But, he doesn't really play with video games though, he plays with girls hearts. Don't let him play with yours." Venus smirks, obviously proud of what she just said.
"Shut up." Harry chuckles. He didn't even bother denying it?
"By the way, Blake," Venus says, getting his attention. "I'd slap you for getting Diablo on console because Diablo is more of a PC game than a console game. But, I'll let this pass because we do need to get Audrey into gaming. I mean, who would you game with when I'm gone?"
"Hey." Blake says, sitting down next to Venus. "Don't say that." He pulls her into a hug and she buries her head in his chest. I heard Dean mutter a couple things before storming out of the room. Harry rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone. Emily just snorted at the boys and rolled her eyes mumbling 'boys' to herself before turning her attention back to her phone.
I slump down next to Emily and looked at her phone screen. She was scrolling through Tumblr and reblogging all kinds of stuff. Once she realized that I was looking at her screen, she looks at me with narrowed eyes.
"What did you see?" She asks, her eyes basically searching my face for an answer.
"Gay, gay, gay, tv shows, bands, gay, gay, and more gay." I shrug, leaning back in my chair. "Oh! And smu―!"
Emily slammed her hand into my lips to shut me up and I yelped into her fingers. Venus and Blake looked at us.
"Hey, watch it." Venus snaps. "I maybe weak and both of you might be my best friend, but I will kill anyone that messes with my best friend."
We both looked at her dumbfounded. Mainly because we have no idea which 'best friend' she was talking about.
"The doctor says I can get out of the hospital in a couple days. I'm fine. Still have a little while to live." Venus nods.
"Did he prescribe you with more pills?" I ask. Venus already had to take a lot of them, she nearly died of an accidental overdose once because it was so many. She has to take about a dozen every night.
"Don't even remind me." Venus groaned, slumping back in her bed.
"Did he prescribe stronger anti-depressants?" I ask. Harry instantly looks up at me wide-eyed.
"Venus has to take anti-depressants?!" He asks, looking at me with one eyebrow raised.
"Ever since that time I cut a little too deep when I was twelve, yes. But, I never took them until recently." Venus sighs. "I hate having to take pills to be happy. I don't want a personality made up of pills. As if depression can be cured from something out of a first aid kit."
"You can't find anti-depressants in first aid kits though." Harry scoffed, snorting and smirking smugly.
"I know, Styles. It's just a line from one of my favorite poems." Venus snaps, throwing a pillow at him that ended up hitting the wall beside him. "It's called To This Day by Shane Koyczan, look it up, idiot."
"Is it sad?" Blake asks as he flips through the little book inside the CD holder of Diablo.
"Yes." I nod and bite down on my lip. "I sobbed when I watched it."
"Same." Venus giggles.
"Pffft, heart weak losers." Emily remarks.
"Shut up, soul less ginger." Venus snaps back.
"'Kay." Emily says before turning back into her phone.
Same, Emily, Same.
__________________________
Ashley
Everyone was out to see if they can sneak some outside food in for Venus and I stayed to watch over her. Venus and I were having a little 'Tumblr session' if you would say. Which really just means that we're scrolling through Tumblr together and showing each other things that we see that we think might interest the other person.
I was going to show her this cute picture of Luke Hemmings from 5 Seconds of Summer holding a cat when a FaceTime call from Niall popped up. Without thinking, I answered the call and all you can hear was Niall breathing heavily and occasional sniffles. I quickly put my headphones in and moved my phone out of Venus' view cause I knew he probably needed to talk to me and would've hated for her to know what was wrong.
I looked over at Venus and she looked at me worriedly mouthing 'Is he okay?'
I didn't answer, I just looked back at the camera just in time to see Niall turning on light. He then goes back to his position of curling up into a ball in the corner of his walk-in-closet.
"Niall?" I say softly. Niall sniffles and let out a couple of breaths.
"I-I did something I shouldn't have, Ash." Niall stammers, looking up at the camera for a brief second. His nose was puffy and his eyes were blood shot. He then raked his fingers through his face and hair before burrying his head back in his knees.
He looked so broken and I wish I could just fix him.
"What did you do?" I ask as I slowly made my way to the door.
"I c-can't tell you." Niall mumbles into his knees.
"Then how am I suppose to help you." I sigh. I really wish he would just tell me everything that was wrong so I could at least try to find a way to help him.
"Ashley." Venus says and Niall's head shoots up, looking wide eyed at the camera.
"Shit, did she hear that?" He whispers. I didn't bother answering, I just unplugged one earphone and looked at Venus.
"Yeah?" I say, tilting my head to the side.
"I can talk to Niall. I know what he's going through and I know how to help him." Venus says sincerely, pulling herself up to sit. "He doesn't have to worry about anything when it comes to me. I can keep secrets and I'm really understanding. I know what it's like to feel nothing and I don't want anybody experiencing the things I went through because it's just so.. horrid." She looked like she was about to cry as she looked into my eyes.
"Niall?" I say, as if I was asking him permission to let Venus talk to him.
"It's fine, I'll t-talk to her." He answers. He sniffles and wipes under his nose. I hesitantly handed her my phone and she plugged in my earphones.
"What's wrong?" Venus asks, looking into the camera sincerely. She looked so deeply worried. It was so.. weird seeing her like this. Because usually Venus seems to be this violent girl who didn't give a fuck about anything. She didn't bother doing homework or pay attention in class, she just talked about video games with boys and bands with girls. She would make up lies so she could get out of class or not go to the school. Sometimes she'd even sass the teachers. Her sense of style is sort of weird, because one day she'd go to school dressed up as a Tumblr girl and then as some weird-hardcore-metal girl the next day.You'd never expect anything so calm and nice from her.
"Ashley." She says, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Niall wants you to get out the room."
I suddenly felt jealous because Niall was trusting her with things he didn't trust with me. Who was there for him whenever he had anxiety or panic attacks? Who was the first person he told about his secrets? Who did he trust the most? Me, that's right, not Venus, not anybody.
Me.
"Oh, Okay." I murmur and step out of the room. I frown as I realized it was still raining really hard out.
But then again,
Rain isn't that bad.
__________________________
Author's Note[9/22/14]: OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO GOD DAMN LONG TO UPDATE. I STARTED SCHOOL AND I'M TRYING TO SORT OUT MY LIFE WITH LITTLE BITS AND PIECES LIKE A BIG JIGSAW PUZZLE WITH LITTLE TINY PIECES.
I've plotted out the next couple chapters, I dunno when Pretty Boy is going to end though. Probably somewhere around chapter 30 or 40. Not quite sure. Lots of drama coming up so that's a thing. I dunno when the next update will be, but hopefully it won't be so late.
I have to get up so early in the morning then I have after school activities(I might have quit though because no ride home. kms.) I barely have time to do homework and write.
JFC I hate school.
Love you guys,
Jean Chanty xx