Something that I have to say before you read the following chapter:
I am trying to wrap this story up as quickly as possible, simply because I do not want to leave this story open. To not go insane I need to find an end. I used to love writing this but I don't anymore and I don't really have the time to write stories that I don't feel passionate about. So I have jumped 2 years into the future. I'm trying to find an end that we will both be satisfied with so don't just give up on me!
I will try to not leave any questions unanswered so if there are specific things that you want/need to know, please ask in the comments so I can include the answers in the following chapters!
Now on to the story!
30. Arya
"I feel like I haven't talked to you in ages", I gnaw at my bottom lip as it starts to quiver. Sam sighs on the other line.
"I know... But it's only been two weeks and I will see you soon." He puts on his 'reassuring' voice but I've been talking to him over the phone for almost two years now and I've got his act down to a science. His voice was just a tiny bit shakier and higher pitched than usual. He misses me just as much as I miss him.
"Not soon enough, that's for sure", another sigh from my cousin. "Anyway tell me about your new roommate. Is he driving you insane yet?"
After Sam had been arrested for common assault, he had been put into jail. Mr. Smith had gone through with his threat of getting Sam arrested and for the longest time it didn't seem like he would give up. After a while I had lost count of how many times Sam had been to court but he would tell me how inhumane and cold Mr. Smith looked in the court room every time. Sam was sure that he was going to be locked away for a really long time. So he had lost hope after three months in jail. The court decided to treat Sam like an adult instead of a teenager so he was sentenced to six months of prison and two years house arrest. Out of the blue Mr. Smith dropped charges and completely let the whole thing fall without explanation. We didn't question it.
Fortunately our social worker managed to get Sam into a home for young adults with criminal past. It was a real blessing. He would have been homeless otherwise because he had lost all of his state support to pay for the house. He had lost his parents' house.
At first neither Sam nor I expected much but his new home is great. He shares a room with a roommate and can pretty much manage his day however he wants. The home also offered a home schooling program and Sam managed to get his high school diploma. He is now working for a break-shop across the street and couldn't be happier. Well, I guess he could but we'll get to that.
"He's alright. Quite young actually. Think he's around your age. Pretty boy but tattooed from head to toe. Think he might be in a gang. When he got here, he was beat bloody and had a broken nose", I winced at the thought of it. "He's probably not staying for long, though. He doesn't seem like the type to stay quiet and you know how they are about loud kids here."
His last room-mate decided to punch his therapist and was thrown out immediately after having lived there for over a year. The supervisors have to be strict to keep the peace.
"Sam, it's almost three o'clock. Kent is probably waiting already." I apologize, say goodbye and hang up.
I have to hurry now. It's a ten minute walk to get to Kent.
As I leave the main building I catch a glimpse of myself in the glass doors. I stop for a second and take a look at myself. The past two years have aged me quite a bit. The bags under my eyes have disappeared and I got a bit of a tan but my face has slimmed down and I have matured. Most people would still call me fat but I like what I see. Dark skinny jeans hug my legs perfectly and a white blouse hints at my curvy torso.
The corners of my lips pull up slightly and I peak down at my watch. 3:01pm. Shoot!
Out of breath and slightly sweaty, I arrive in front of Kent's office. I rip off the scarf that I had wrapped around my neck and push it into the back pocket of my jeans. One loud knock on the wooden door and I burst into the room.
"Sorry, I know I'm late! Please don't write me up."
But Kent is nowhere to be found. Usually you would find him behind his desk, focused on either his laptop or some file. But he isn't here.
I turn around to leave his office, check again if I'm in the right room. (I've come here for two years now but you never know.) On the sign next to his office door it reads:
Dr. phil. Ansel Kent jr.
Counselor & Supervisor
I furrow my brow and put my hands on my hips. He can't have forgotten about our appointment Mr. Kent is the most punctual person I have ever met!
When I met him two years ago I can't deny that I thought I would hate him. He was arrogant and asked all kinds of questions. He even demanded to see my notebook. At first I thought that was odd. I was used to writing and drawing but I wasn't used to sharing it. But it was a great experience. Being able to put my art into actual words. Speaking to someone who wouldn't judge me.
"Hey, Arya!" I turn around and there he is. He is carrying a square box as he comes jogging towards me. "Get in there! There's no time to waste, little one!"
He ushers me into his office. As I sit down in my usual spot across from him, he slides the box in front of me. When he sits down a grin spreads across his face and I narrow my brow.
"What's going on?" I ask incredulously.
"Open the box." He seems almost giddy.
"What if there's a bomb in there." I smirk but he just gives me a playful glare.
I take the lid of the box and my smile falters when I see what's inside. A leather-bound journal with my name written on it in gold cursive font. Carefully taking the journal out of the box, I try not to scratch the leather. It feels heavy in my hands and it's definitely not new. A quick nod from Kent and I know to open it. When I do, I gasp and clasp my hand over my mouth. Shock must be clear on my face.
"Why?" My voice is scratchy and I can feel myself starting to cry.
As I flip through the journal there are pictures of the people I had met here, quotes, well-wishes, poems, drawings... I couldn't believe it.
"Happy late birthday." Kent is still smiling widely. "I thought it was only appropriate to get you a little gift since it's... you know... your last day."
"Thank you. Thank you so much." Now I'm smiling as well and I have this tingly feeling in my stomach.
I am going home. I am really going home! After two years of pure waiting I get to go home. Whatever home is right now. I get to do my senior year of high school back home and I will spend as much time with Sam as possible.
"But don't get ahead of yourself. There are a few things we need to discuss first." He leans back into his chair and puts his serious face on. This I was seriously dreading. I sit back as well and put the journal down in front of me.
"You're not going to be living with your cousin which I know that you know. You're going to be on your own and I want you to be prepared." He says, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"I am prepared. I am getting help with my finances, I am going to finish high school and after that I am going to college any way."
"We both know that that's not what I meant. There are challenges waiting for you back home. Seth for example."
Of course he had to bring that up. Seth was a sore spot. We had talked about him many times. I wouldn't want to count how many hour-long conversations we had about him, how many times I broke down crying because of him and how many times I have stormed out of this room because of him. We had probably talked about Seth more than we had about my parents.
"You have to be prepared for two scenarios. He is either waiting for you back there or he has moved on. Either scenario is going to hurt. We both know that but I know that you have grown so much that I am assured that you can and will handle it." He reaches across the table to grab my shaking hands.
"I'm not so sure I want to see him again." I admit. It's been two years and he is still fresh in my memory. His green eyes, his shaggy hair and his incredibly annoying mood swings. It's all saved on my internal hard drive, marked as 'important and never forget'. No matter how hard I try to forget. It's impossible.
"Of course you're not but you definitely will see him again. Him and that brat of a high school girl. What's her name?"
"Leena," I mumble through gritted tears.
"Right, her. You'll see them all again. It will be hard. But things have changed. You have changed."
"Do you really believe that? Right now just thinking about them makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come back again—" he interrupts me mid-sentence.
"Stop that! Stop telling yourself that you're weaker than you actually are! You don't deserve that. You have to believe in yourself and then you have to fake it until you make it." The conviction in his voice is deafening.
I know that he is right. Once I stop doubting myself, everything falls into place.
Thirty minutes later and I leave Kent's office. I feel a lump in my throat as I trot back to my room. My stomach is churning and suddenly it dawns on me. People might have forgotten about me. I'm imagining this big comeback but maybe they won't even remember me. I honestly can't say what's worse; being forgotten or being remembered.
My room is bare. Two large suit cases and a large duffle bag lean up against a plain white wall. The cheap wooden desk is completely empty and it looks like I have never been here. I have already said goodbye to everyone. That was the easiest part. Don't get me wrong, I made some great friends but none of them were worth crying over. And some I was glad to never see again.
I sit down on the bed and take out my own notebook from the duffle bag. There is one drawing that I need to look at. It is old. Almost three years now. I haven't looked at it in a while, simply because when I look at it, a tidal wave of emotions comes crashing down on me. Partly because I know that Seth has seen it and because it displayed my most private feelings back then. I was so embarrassed when I saw the look on Seth's face and now I can't even imagine what he must have thought.
The page felt smooth below my fingertips and the charcoal that I had used to draw smudged slightly.
It is a self-portrait and it is beyond angsty. My limbs are distorted and my face swollen. I had smudged some red coal around eyes and lips. I am hanging on top of a grave. My parents' grave to be exact. A noose lies around my neck and is holding my body upright. Granted I had never intended for anyone to see this and no matter how angsty it looks, it is a picture that haunts me in my worst nightmares.
Tears gather in the corners of my eyes and I quickly wipe them away before they manage to slip through my lashes. I shut the notebook and chuck it at the duffle bag.
A knock on the door pulls me back to reality. I wipe my face, take a deep breath and get up to answer the door. When I pull it open, I am met with one of the supervisors. She grins at me and tells me that my driver is waiting for me outside. Without hesitation I grab my duffle bag and one of the suit cases while the female supervisor grabs the other.
It is a two hour drive back home but I make sure to tell the driver to hurry. The key to my new apartment seems to be burning right through the duffle bag and into my thigh.
As I slip into the car and shut the door behind me, my eyes start to close. I let myself drift off to sleep. I have an early morning tomorrow so I'll take all the sleep I can get.
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phew shit's gonna hit some fans in the next chapters ;)
1.) Please put questions in the comments
2.) Thanks for still reading!
3.) Excuse any grammar and/or spelling errors
4.) Feel free to point these errors out me! (Always grateful for people finding errors for me haha)