Loving the fat girl [Book 1]

18 - Confessions

18. Arya

An awkward silence fills the room as I place two cans of soda on the coffee table in the living room and take a seat on the couch between Seth and Ethan. I cross my arms in front of my chest and try to scoot as far away from the two of them as possible.Despite my efforts, my shoulder rubs up against Ethan's ever so slightly and my thigh is only a mere inch away from touching Seth's. Turning my head, I first glance at Ethan and then Seth. I let my eyes linger on his profile as he stares ahead. For the first time today, I see the dark circles under his bright eyes and the slight stubble on his jaw. For someone who scrutinizes other people's appearance like he does, this sure is odd. 

I scold myself for wasting thought on his looks and clear my throat awkwardly.

"So..." I begin hesitantly. "Someone please start talking. I don't care who. Just... explain."

As if to torture me even more, both of them stay silent for another painful few seconds. I am starting to get the feeling that most of the explaining will be done by Ethan. He takes a deep breath and gets up off the couch. I immediately take the opportunity to scoot away from Seth as far as possible.

"I should start off by saying that there is a lot you don't know." Ethan wrings his hands, his eyes apologetic. I lift one eyebrow, urging him to go on. With an awkward chuckle, he continues. "Obviously. But there is also a lot I have been hiding from Seth as well. So, I guess, I should start at the beginning. I know Seth told you that we used to be neighbors. What he doesn't know is that I had a slight obsession with him back then."

"Dude, that is so fucking creepy," I cringe and frown at him. In return he gives me an unreadable look and scoffs.

As a blush rises up my cheeks, I glance back at Ethan who smirks at the two of us. "It's not that creepy. I was just a kid. My dad owns a few entertainment businesses around town so he made a lot of money. He had expectations. He wanted me to be exactly like you. You had everything. You were great at sports, you had a lot of friends and provided a good image for your family. I was the opposite. So, I started watching you. I tried to figure you out."

Ethan's usual carefree expression hardens and I can see flickers of the pain and jealousy he must have felt as a child. I can only imagine what it feels like to always have to prove yourself to your parents. The people that are supposed to love you no matter what. It must have been incredibly hard for him to be confronted with Seth every day and know that your own parents would rather have him as a son.

"You moved, though. Why?" Seth's voice tears me from my thoughts.

"Well..." Ethan sighs and focuses on me with a sad smile. "I didn't learn fast enough. My father shipped me off to my aunt's. You met her, Arya. She owns that bar we went to before."

A hazy memory of an older woman with long blond hair enters my mind and my eyes widen. The way he had acted around her didn't make it seem like they are family at all. And she served us alcohol. She must have known that we are minors.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. She was never an aunt to me. Not in the conventional way at least. She's not very caring. Of course my father knew damn well that she wouldn't be able to take care of me but he... he just didn't care anymore. She would take me out drinking when I was ten years old. Had my first drink at eleven. Dad couldn't care less. To him I was dead."

"And you're back because...?" 

"Well, Seth, like I just said, my aunt owns a bar in town. She bought it a little while ago and we moved back here," Ethan continues, his voice emotionless and somewhat cold.

"So you decided to pick up where you left off and just went straight back into obsession-mode? I get it, your childhood was a bit fucked up but why the fuck couldn't you just leave me out of it," Seth spits and I give him a disapproving look. Ethan just laughs sadly and shakes his head.