Nagising ako sa agos ng dagat papunta saakin.
"Fuck high tide!!" I snapped at napatayo ako kaagad ng umabot ito saakin. The hell what am i thinking??
I sighed. Inaayos ko ang sarili ko at tumaas na, narinig ko ang mga halakhak ng mga tao sa paligid, it was in the drive in theater. And again i dont know if i got super tanned. Sino bang tanga ang mag babad sa araw? Well ako lang naman.
The elevator dinged.
hindi ko namalayan na babalikan ko nanaman ang nakaraan, i sighed again dumiretso nalang ako ng pasok sa opisina ng CEO without knocking, mabuti nalang wala siyang kasama o kliyente baka na sesante ako ng wala sa oras, lingid sa kaalaman ko masungit talaga si sir Mike, Michael Finnigan.
"Yes Sir?? How can i help you?" inayos ko ang aking postura. He looked at me from head to foot at biglang siyang ngumisi, tumaas ang aking kilay.
What the heck??!!!
"He's right.. " walang sabi niyang kumento at napakunot ako ng noo.
"Sino po ang tama? " takang tanong ko, and i walk to the visitor's seat.
I seated cooly.
"Wala.. wala.. it's just that i need a dog to obey my commands. " ngumisi siya at tumingin sa mga dokumento sa harap niya. Like the fuck?!
"Ah sir di po ako aso, bat po ako nandito? " tumawa siya, pogi padin kahit weirduhon.
Nagkibit balikat nalang ako.
"Nevermind about that Ms. Seranilla, you are here because a current investor wants to meet you." He shifted on his seat.
"Sino po ba iyon?" Umayos siya ng upo sakanyang swivel chair.
"It's Mr. Raza, owner of -----" naputol ang sinabi niya ng bumukas ang pinto, kasama nito ang sekretarya ni Mr. Finnigan.
Napatayo ako bigla.
Tumigil ang mundo ko for two seconds remembering the first time i saw him way back in Highschool.
Hindi ako makapagsalita.
"Alanis.." huminga ako, kailangan kong huminga.
He started walking towards me, narinig ko ang boses ng boss ko but it wasn't my concern anymore.
"Leifer.." bulong ko saaking sarili. He smiled at me. Bumalik ulit lahat.
Tanga nanaman ako.
Umupo siya sa harap ko at napaupo na rin ako, i just looked at him.
Mas lalo siyang gumwapo sa paningin ko, i sighed.
From his eyes, to his pointed nose, to those red lips, siya iyong lalaking inaantay ko noon pa man, siya iyong lalaking pinangarap ko na balang araw ay magiging kami, he is my past. Past is Past.
Napaawang ang aking mga labi.
Why would he find me?
Pinakiramdaman ko ang aking sarili ayos pa naman ako.
Napabuntong hininga ako at tumingin saaking mga paa.
"I'll leave you two alone." Hindi ko na pinansin si Sir.
"So how are you?" Tumingin ako sakanya at ngumiti nalang.
"Ayos lang ako Lei. Ikaw kumusta ka? Its been years." I replied back to him umayos na ako ng upo.
He was my first heartbreak. I smirked at that thought.
Pogi parin siya, but why did he resurfaced in my life again?
Bakit? Hindi naman siya iyong hinihingi koa ah. Bakit?
"Business is boomin." He said and he smiled at me like he really looks happy to see me.
I feel so uncomfortable around him.
"Ayan ka nanaman sa titig mo, but i miss those stares Alanis." Sabi niya pa ulit at napailing ako at ngumiti nalang.
"I've been finding you, the last time we talked was way back in college, through chat i was away."
Naalala ko, mahirap maghintay ng reply galing sakanya samantalang ako kada reply niya ilang segundo palang may reply kaagad. Grabe ang pag tyatyaga ko sakanya noon.
"Oo nga, i was pre occupied about everything around me.."
"Mara!!!!!" Narinig ko ang sigaw ni Ashton, papalapit na siya saakin, galit na galit siya.
"Where have you been? I've been looking around everywhere for you!! I almost called the police!" Galit niyang sigaw saakin.
"I see.." walang kaapog apog na sabi ko. Lumakad ako.
"I'm sorry, i should have been mad at you, umalis kami para maghanap ng party gifts for Aziria, alam kong nagkamali ako, i shouldn't have left."
"Ano ka ba? My life is so fucked up okay? Lahat naman tayo, nagkamali ako. And dont act like a possessive boyfriend okay??"
Patuloy ako sa paglalakad at some part tumahimik na siya.
"I am so dissapointed at myself, wala akong direksyon sa buhay Ash, my family is fucked up, my life is fucked up, everything is fucked up!" Tumulo nalang ang aking mga luha, he pulled me to his chest and he wrapped his arms around me.
Damn i breaking down again.
" I hate the drama, i dont open up to people because in the end wala naman silang maitutulong, in the end kakaawaan lang nila ako! Tapos wala silang gagawin, but when they are down i am there to comfort everybody!, why is it hard to find someone to care for you?"
"Ang awkward.. na--man nito, nito lang tayo nag kausap tapos ganito pa ang drama ko sayo, i should be a cool person infront of you now, because i like it when people think i am strong enough to face everything, that i have confidence within myself,na kaya ko ang lahat.."
He caressed my back whispering that its okay, it's okay, patuloy lang ako sa pag iyak.
"But deep inside i am weak, i dont want to gain attention that i always feel like i am alone in the dark, feeling nothing everyday." I sobbed.
"Ang hirap dalahin ng problema araw araw, na sana pwede nalang nakawin ng iba, na pwede nalang ibenta o isangla kasi sa dami ng problema ko, pwede ko nang pag kakitaan eh..." i tried to laugh. Pero hindi siya tumawa.
"You and your sick antics, Mara.. i am sorry i bullied you, i was just trying to get you off the grid with those girls. " aniya, tumango na lamang ako, i hugged him.
"I was never been hug before, you know just for comfort." Tumingin ako sakanya he smirked.
"You can always hug me." Humigpit pa ang yakap niya saakin.
"Reality, is so damn painful, you have to survive everyday. Even though you just want to chill in your own world without people judging you, without problems getting by.." he sighed.
"Marami pang problema ang mangyayari Mara, lahat ng tao may problema, hindi man malampasan ngayon, meron namang tamang araw at oras" he said positively.
Sumigaw ako ng sumigaw, i heard him cursed.
"Darn it."
Tumingala ako sakanya ulit at ngumisi.
"Now everybody is looking at us." Aniya.
"Ill be right here, alam kong mabilis ang lahat, pero i am deeply sorry about everything that i did to you Mara." He wiped my tears using his thumb " Huwag kanang umiyak." Inayos niya iyong buhok ko.
"Salamat." Sabi ko sakanya, kumalas ako sakanyang mga bisig, but before that.
"We are all damaged, how i wonder if someones gonna love me genuinely" wala sa sariling sabi ko sakanya. I heard him chuckle.
Hindi lang ako bigo sa pamilya,sa kaibigan , sa iskwela, pati na rin sa pag ibig.
"Pangit ka kasi, tas ang itim mo pa, para kang tinosta!" Sinuntok ko siya sa braso bigla naman siyang tumakbo. Nakakainis!
Umupo nalang ako sa kalsada.
Napansin ko namang pabalik na siya, i smiled. He was handsomely half running para nga talaga siyang model ng GQ.
Napailing nalang ako. Hinila niya na ako pabalik ng resort.
As the days passed by, we did explore some parts in bicol, we did go to the other beach around norte.
It was a weekend with fun, happiness, walwal.
"Handa kana ba sa reyalidad ng buhay??" Marcus lazily talked out of the blue last night na namin ngayon at aalis na kami bukas.
Sa totoo lang hindi ko sila kailangan but here they are i never expected them to be this way.
"Sus kung alam ko lang, you just dont wanna go, kasi maiiwan mo si ate girl sa cottage three." Napaubo si Andrei sa sinabi ko, at tumawa naman si Ashton.
"Huli si gago!"
Napatawa nalang kaming apat. He was with this girl, in cottage three, hindi ko alam kung bakasyonista siya or she's from somewhere pero nahuhumaling sakanya si Marcus.
"Why cant you just get the girl bro??" Andrei asked him, hindi ito sumagot.
"Mahirap abuti, ibang tipo ng babae ito,ganyan ba talaga ang mga bicolana, pa hard to get?"
Tumaas ang kilay ko sa sinabi ni Marcus.
"Palagay ko pag retired fuckboy kana saka ka niya papansinin" sabi ko sakanya.
"Nadali mo!!!" We laughed, hindi umimik si Marcus. He just sit still habang nakatingin dun sa girl.
I shrugged it off nakita kong umiiyak habang naglalakad si Aziria, naalarma naman kami roon. Napabalikwas ako pati narin si Ashton.
"What happened??"
" I just wanna go home!! Gusto ko nang tigilan ang taong pinaasa lang ako sa wala, lagi niya nalang akong pinag lalaruan, i am not his girl toy! Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ako katanga!" She ran off.
"I'll just find Keegan, kausapin mo si Aziria." Biglang nawala si Ashton sa paningin ko.
"We all have issues." Komento ni Andrei. "And we all have secrets" komento ko sakanya.
I know some of his secrets. Ngumisi na lamang ako.
Tinalikuran ko na siya at sinundan si Aziria.
Maaga kaming nag check out kinabukasan dahil kay Aziria, she didnt talk to me, nor anyone at all. Sumakay siya sa sasakyan ni Marcus.
I never heard anything from Keegan he just stood still, walang imik, hindi ko makita ang makulit niyang side. He became very dark and serious, mas malala sa expression ni Ashton noong makita ko ang galit niya saakin.
Inayos ni Ashton ang seat bealt ko at nagkatinginan kami ng matagal agad nalang akong umiwas, i feel awkward around him so suddenly that i recognize his appeal.
It was a very deep and silent ride. After all the fun there will be something that will ruin your day.
"Are you alright?, may nasabi ba akong mali?" Napatingin ako kay Liefer Gael Raza, i smiled awkwardly.
"May naalala lang ako."
I see myself as Aziria before begginh for someones attention, begging for his love, but eventually all you can get is the pain. Napabuntong hininga ako at tumingin kay Liefr.
He looked at his watch.
"Im sorry i have a meeting can we have some coffee next time?" Makahulugan naman akong tumango and he gave me his calling card, pumasok sa pintuan si Mike Finnigan at kasama noon si Ashton na naka simangot.
Napatawa nalang ako ng makita siya kakaaway lang namin kanina.
"So Mr. Raza, why did you find Mara anyway?" Ashton asked, parang siyang ewan.
" i just want to get back with her, i'll go now." Sabi nito at tumango kay Sir Mike.
"No way. " Ashton said at hinila ako.
Nakakainis siya.
Pinunta niya ako sa rooftop. Hiniklas ko ang kamay ko.
"Problema mo?!" Sigaw ko sakanya.
"Bat ka nakikipag usap dun sa pangit na yun?! Hindi ba siya iyong first love mo!"
"Oo siya nga yun! Ano bang pake mo kung babalik siya sa buhay ko ha?!"
"Wala akong pakialam!" Tapos tumalikod siya saakin.
"Ang arte mo Ash! He was the love of my life! Bat mo siya tinanong ng ganon?!"
"Tapos kinilig ka naman sa sagot niya! Napakagago lang!"
Ashton is a part of my life. The truth is he helped me, he helped me to stand up, he was always right therem
"Wag ka ngang mag inakto na parang boyfriend jan!" Then he glared at me napaawang ang aking bibig.
"Wow just wow!, remember when you told me na pinaasa ka niya, that theres this time that the two of you where texting way back in highschool and the two of you where flirting behind his girlfriends back? Ilang beses ba yung nangyari? First was when you where in second year highschool! Tapos iyon iniyakan mo, tapos noong fourth year kayo, nagkagustuhan na kayong dalawa!"
Napapikit nalang ako.
" i know you are being protective!"
He made face.
"But i am glad na hindi naging kayo kasi napaka paasa niya he's a fucking asshole!" He's mad like hell.
"And remember that time in college that you told me everything about him, napaka walang kwenta niya!!"
"Why are you reacting this way?!" It really did hit me, ano nga bang pinuputok ng butsi nitong lalaking ito?!
Natameme siya roon.
"Ano nawalan kana ng ibabanat?!" He rolled his eyes. Inaartehan niya nanaman ako.
Napansin kong suot niya ang binigay kong polo sakanya. He's wearing a business attire, ang pogi niya ngayon.
He just tsked.
"Ano mag wawalkout kana?!" Pang aaway ko sakanya, kinuha niyasaakin iyong calling card ni Liefr at ginumos iyon, tinapon niya somewhere.
"Let's have dinner in my unit. I'll pick you up. " mahinahon niyang sabi at napangisi nalang ako roon.
We didnt have any scenarios like this before.
I remembered when he acted like this, when i almost kissed billy.
Its been months, i usually hang out with them and Aziria went MIA, we didnt know where she go after we got home. Inayos ko ang bag ko at ang mga notes ko habang nakatambay sa Kiosk ng University, may klase pa sila Ashton. Maaga naman ang tapos ng klase ko ngayon.
Everything started to get better, hindi na ako pinapakialaman ng mga tao dito, but i still feel the feeling of being unwanted and hate from my classmates, pinursigi kong galingan para naman may mapala ako sa buhay, mahirap ang kolehiyo hindi ito tulad nung pabanjing banjing ka lang ay nasa top kana.
Napailing nalang ako, i was a top student in my highschool days, pinupuri ako ni michelle noon, and she was downing herself kasi hindi daw siya matalino.
Nabuntis ang kapatid ko, we have a 8 year gap, they all thought that Mich was just going to be an only child and i came along, bumagsak ang mundo ko nang malaman kong buntis siya, it was a shitty summer, we grew up to be the prim and proper sisters, kelangan mong maging pormal sa lahat ng makakasalamuha mo dahil dinadala mo ang apelyidong Seranilla. And i hated that, i didnt get any freedom at alll, lagi kaming nakatambay sa bahay, hindi kami pinapayagang lumabas o maglayas.
Nakakuha lang ako ng freedom nito lang college paglipat ko dito.
Para tuloy kaming nakahawla, Michelle grew up with fear, dahil sa parents ko, lagi siyang sunod sunuran, minsan iniisip ko kung ako ang nasa situation niya makakahinga pa ba ako? Ewan ko lang.
From that shitty summer ayon, it felt like hell, i had a very shitty birthday and my family already knows it, and i fely bad for my dad, may problema na talaga kami noon sa pera palang at ayon dumagdag si ate. Babies are a blessing kung saan man yan mang galing. Kaso walang maipakilala ang ate sa magulang ko.
Mas lalong gumulo. Mas lalo daw nakakahiya that eventually they accepted it ng konti lang dahil kay Noah. Hindi ko alam kung paano ipagpapatuloy ang buhay ko noon i've been all negative.
Lumipad ang notebooks ko sa ere, tumingina ko sa gumawa noon, huminga ako ng malalim pinulot ko iyon tsaka bumalik sa upuan.
Tinapon niya ang mga gamit ko.
"Stay away from him!" I think she's referring to Ashton napataas ang kilay ko.
It was the Alana girl, trying to be kind and all.
Tiningnan ko lang siya at inayos ang gamit ko. Hinila niya iyong damit ko i clenched my fist.
"Ano mag papa awa ka nanaman?" Hamon niya. Tinanggal ko ang kamay niya sa tshirt ko patapon ko iyong ginawa.
"why do you even care? Bakit nga ba ang pabida mo eh hindi ka naman si Jollibee." She the slapped me hard napanganga ako dun, tinulak niya ako ng tinulak hanggang sa mapasandal ako sa pader ng kiosk, masakit.
"Ang epal mo eh, napaka epal mo talagang nilalang, you are a fucking leech, malandi." Pinalakihan niya ako ng mata, hindi ko siya inintindi dahil pagod na ako. Gusto ko nalang umuwi.
"Ano lalayas ka?!" Sigaw niya, hindi ako umimik basta aalis nalang ako.
"Wala akong pakialam sayo kaya tigilan mo na ako!" Tinulak ko siya, hindi ko naman sinasadya ay napalakas iyon, dahilan na mapaupo siya.
"Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch"
"What did you do to her?" May babaeng nagsalita napaatras ako, she's the girl from Ashton's twitter album, she's the ex.
"Hey talk to me you bitch!" Dinuro duro niya ako, tinulungan niya iyong Alana na tumayo, umiiyak ito, i rolled my eyes at her.
Tinulak tulak niya iyong shoulders ko. Gusto sanang lumaban kaso sinampal niya ako.
"Pick someone your own size! Wag mong pakialaman ang kapatid ko!"
Umiiyak parin si Alana sa tabi niya, panay ang sumbong nito ng kung ano ano.
"Sinong gaga saatin dito? Didiretso ka nalang wala ka namang alam sa nangyari, before you slap someone else, alamin mo muna iyong nangayari hindi iyong kala mo strong kana, you people can easily conclude everything pero kayo naman ang mali!" I yelled frustratedly.
"Tangina college na ako at lahat, uso parin ang cat fights" i blunted, tinulak niya ako muli, hinampas ko naman siya ng note book ko napadaing siya bigla, dahil nadaplisan siya nuong string.
Ang arte. Umiyak na din siya, kinalmos ako ni Alana, i tried to pull her hair out, pero hinawakan na iyobg kamay ko ni Ashton.
"Ash..." sabi ni ate girl,the ex, hinila ako ni Keegan he asked me if i am okay, dinaluhan ni Ashton iyong babae nakita ko ang pag alala sa mga mata niya.
"Anobg nangyari?" Sabi niya. She pointed a finger at me.
"She did this to me ash! Look!" Pinakita niya iyobg sugat niya. Ashton didnt look at me.
"Dont play dumb, you know what you did! Ang arte tangina!" I blurted out.
"Pagsabihan mo iyang dalawa mong kaibigan Ashton, nanahimik iyong tao, dito mangingialam" tiningnan ko iyong si Alana.
"And for the sake of class that everyone is telling about, hindi ako naniniwala kasi ang baho ng personalidad niyo. You have class but you dont know how to act like a human."
"Shut up Mara!" Galit na sabi ni Ashton, galit itong tumingin saakin, hinila nalang ako ni Keegan paalis dun.
Pinunta niya ako sa Clinic dahil namumulha na iyong pisnge ko. Dahil sa sapak ng dalawang ingratang iyon.
"Dumudugo." Napatingin nalang ako sa sugat kong iyon. Gawa iyon ng pagkalmos ni Alana.
"That girl." I sighed.
"Mas lalo atang nagulo iyong buhay ko noong naging magkakaibigan tayo" sabi ko sakanya hindi ito umimik at ginamot yung sugat ko.
"What happened? Alanis are you okay?"
"Who hurt you?!"
Nag papanic ang dalawang fuck boi's sa harapan ko.
"Ayos lang ako, teka nga lang sino ba iyong babaeng yun?"
"We all know that Alana is a fucking brat, she's a pain in the ass. " sabi ni Marcus habang si Keegan ay inaalagaan ako, tinabihan ako ni Andrei dito sa bed.
"No the other girl." Sabi ko, nakatinginan silang tatlo.
"Bakit??" Tanong ko ulit, umiling din sila.
"Ex iyon ni Ashton, iyong bwisit na babaeng yun, she's more than a pain in the ass actually." Kwento ni Andrei.
"She's the one of the girls, that's too much obsessed with Ashton, you know Ash gustong gusto niya iyong babaeng patay na patay sakanya,like the girl would give him all, but still she always act like a freaking bitch in any ways as possible, hindi namin alam kung paano nagustuhan ni Ashton si Ashley."
So she's Ashley, base sa alaala ko sophisticated siya manamit galing sa mayamang pamilya.
"One time Ashton wanted to break uo with her pero ayaw niya, she threatened Ash, that she will kill herself." Kwento ni Keegan.
"Later then, Ashton fell inlove with her, it was a very weird thing actulally coz she's a brat, hindi namin alam kung ginayuma niya si Ashton. "
"They went for years like 3 years ata, and then, we found out Ashley was going out with this guy. Napaka unhealthy ng relationship nila , Ashton became a dog on purpose laging nakasunod, he usually spoils her a lot. " tumango nalang ako.
"Then they broke up. The end. " tinapos na ni Andrei " what a lousy love story eh?. " nagkatawanan sila napasama na rin ako.
Bumungad ang nurse saamin, at binigyan ako ng cold compress para sa pisnge ko.
"Hatid kana namin?" Tanong nila saakin, umiling ako dahil si Billisario nasa parking lot na daw siya.
"I have a dinner thing." Tumango naman sila at dinala iyong gamit ko palabas ng university.
I saw Ashton's side today, it was different when we were in bicol it seems like he's badly smitten by Ashley. I erased the thoughts about him, binigay saakin ni Andrei iyong bag ko, sinundan parin naman nila ako sa Parking lot. They went to their own cars, sabi ko ay wag na nilang kialalanin yung kasama ko sa dinner. Baka kaaway din ito ni Galeano.
"Mara! " nakita ko si billy, nakasandal siya sa likod ng mamahalin niyang sasakyan, i sighed, but then i smiled and wave back at him, pumunta na ako sakanyang direksyon.
Namataan ko namang pinasok ni Ashton iyong ex niya sakanyang kotse hindi ko na iyon pinansin sino ba naman ako? Friends lang naman kami wala nang kaso dun.
Pero nakita ko sa peripheral vision ko na nakatingin sakin si Ashton.
"Tara na? " hinila ako ni Billy sa shotgun seat, he's always a darn gentleman. I smiled.