The sound of the friction between the twigs, leaves and the unusually cold summer wind created a relaxing yet depressing atmosphere in that lonely meadow that night. The moon, full and yellow, casted long shadows of the trees nearby and somehow made a comfortable sanctuary for the troubled boy. Pocketing his hands, he trudged through the grass around a familiar lone tree in the middle of the meadow, trying to relax as he listened to the nature's musical.
All he wanted was to get away and just forget everything. Still he failed; the same thoughts continued to occupy his mind and he didn't know when it would stop.
He didn't know where else to run to. He didn't want to face Josh or Julian's worried looks nor did he want to hear anything from them.
No words of encouragement or comfort will change the fact that someone else is now holding Kaycee Rice's heart.
He felt he was punched in the gut, air suffocating his chest as the last image he saw played in his mind. He had wanted to cry, the sob raged in his chest like a lion wanting to tear it open, but it never came. Instead, it clawed repeatedly inside his heart, deepening his wounds.
He planted his knuckles on the tree trunk, taking deep calming breaths.
It's too late.
Silently, he looked up the old oak, running his fingers over the familiar carved letters on its trunk, and the same memory resurfaced, doubling the blow.
"What are you doing, Kaycee? We are not going to be married!" he protested at the seven-year-old girl who was carving their names on the trunk, her brows meeting in concentration.
The girl rolled her eyes. "Duh. This doesn't mean that way, Lewser," she said, as she continued to write using a screwdriver, with a small smile on her lips.
"But..." Sean started, his eyes running over the other names on the trunk; he could even see his and her parents' names there.
"This means we are going to be together forever. We don't have to get married for that, Sean," Kaycee continued, giving him a beautiful smile.
At that time he thought it was just a mere beautiful promise. He held the promise protectively inside his little heart, but as time passed and the more he saw her differently, it grew a different meaning inside of him. Unknowingly, he desired to do something for them to be together forever possible.
It all shattered now.
Those thoughts continued to plague his mind, not registering at first that someone took the place beside him. And when he realized, he didn't even look to confirm.
Cheuk Lew is the only one who knew about his sanctuary, and it hurts him to realize why he had come.
The first and the only time his father came looking for him in that meadow was when he was six. It was the first birthday that Ken had spent with them, and it broke his little heart when he saw that his cousin received the latest Hot Wheels that he had been begging his parents for a long time. Upset, he ran away from home down the path towards that meadow. Kaycee's family was out of town then, and he had nowhere to run to. His parents brought him to that place the year before, telling him stories about when they started liking each other up until they got married and had him. It was his place of refuge ever since.
Cheuk found him a couple of hours later, and instead of scolding him with his unexpected behavior, he stooped down to his son's small form, making him look at him – making him understand.
"You have to realize," his father had said. "Ken has no parents now. No one to give hugs and kisses to him like he used to have, no one to give him birthday presents. We are his family now, and I hope you'll see him as your brother."
He did, even though there were times that he had to swallow his hurt when he sees his parents giving him more attention and love, giving him things and opportunities as much as possible. Ken wasn't an easy child growing up; he was unruly and rowdy, but he also knew that beneath all that there was also a broken heart filled with loss and grief.
So he pushed himself to understand, until it came to it that he didn't mind if his needs weren't met anymore. Sean was a fairly independent child, and his parents thought that he could stand on his own, that he could fully understand what it was like having no parents to love you.
So he learned to accept.
To give more, and to give way.
"You knew, didn't you?" he asked his dad, his voice hard.
Cheuk could only sigh. After a moment, he nodded. "He had been telling me his plans about confessing to her," he looked at him with sad eyes. "You know I can't just stop him, son. He never knew about your feelings for her, and I can't tell him to not do it just because of that."
He felt his eyes starting to burn; but he willed himself not to cry, clenching his jaw hard. "Are –are you telling me to...give way again?"
His chest clenched in pain as his father remained silent. He shook his head in defeat before he walked away.
*****
"Hey, you're five minutes late –" Kaycee completely paused as soon as she opened the passenger door and was met with a smiling face that wasn't her best friend's.
For the life of her, she felt her face heat up. "H-Hey, Ken. Didn't know you're picking us up," she said, slightly stuttering. She cleared her throat, looking away.
God, she was never even like this before.
Ken laughed as she pulled her hand and help her sit down, and just in time, Josh opened the door behind, witnessing everything and stopped himself from rolling his eyes hard.
"Where's Sean?" Kaycee asked, looking at her phone, double-checking if she missed a call or message from him.
Nothing. Just like the past two days.
"In Maine –"
"Maine? Why is he in freakin' Maine?" Kaycee exclaimed. Sean had never told her anything about going somewhere.
"Working on a project. He said he'll be out for a few days," Ken said as he focused on the road. "Didn't he tell you that?"
Kaycee slowly shook her head. Josh, on the other hand, was rolling his eyes hard at the backseat, shaking his head in disbelief. He had to give Sean some credit for being on a perfect timing to be away from his sister to mend his broken heart.
Seriously, he thought grimly.
The last time Kaycee saw her best friend was during the showcase, standing among the audience as she received her Star of the Night and NYU grant. He was the first person she wanted to find despite their tense situation that night, and by the time she went down the stage to reach him and her friends, he was nowhere to be found. Her brother told her that the guy had to hurry home because he had to do some editing for his upcoming film project.
That was the lamest excuse Kaycee could think of. So his project is more important than congratulating her and even just saying goodbye? She wanted to celebrate with him and the others, maybe completely setting aside during their dance. And then there's Ken.
"You look like total girl today, cat –ow!" Ken exclaimed, chuckling, rubbing his forearm where Kaycee had hit him.
Kaycee crossed her arms, looking away. It took her the whole weekend rummaging through her wardrobe and find something appropriate –and by appropriate, not her usual clothes – to wear to school. And when she realized she was being too conscious, she compromised, leaving her usual dark clothes and cap, and found something with color.
She never aimed to please Ken – like hell she would – but if she wanted to give this a chance, she would have to try something new for herself. She realized she had to make effort, besides, this was her first time.
Her mind wandered back to that night. She remembered being too overwhelmed with all that happened – her makeover, her performance, the party, and her dance with Sean. And came in Ken's unexpected confession.
He was the last person she would expect to like her like that, especially since she could only count the moments when they would talk without ending into banter. But then, the genuine look in his eyes when he told her got right through her. Here was a guy who was brave enough to try to ask her out, despite her usual responses to these kinds of things. And in comparison to those who have tried before, she would trust Ken.
At that moment, the image of her best friend filled her mind. She remembered her chest tightening then, and with all her might pushed the thought of him away. A sudden bravery surged inside of her, that maybe she can try to open her heart now, to face her fear of the unknown.
"You have to help me out, Ken. I don't know how to do this shit," she had admitted, but her voice was soft.
His jaw hung open, initially speechless. "So this means...?"
She had nodded, saying yes to the question.
"Shut up," she spat, her face reddening at his comment about her look. "Stop the car! I'll go back and change then!"
Ken chuckled and reached out to rub her clenched fist. "Hey, hey, I was kidding," he said. "You look pretty no matter what you wear –"
"St-stop that! It's so gross!" Kaycee stuttered, not used to receiving compliments other than from her family and best friend.
"Okay, okay, I'll stop," Ken laughed. He silently reached out for her hand again and slipped his fingers through hers as his other held the steering wheel.
Kaycee just silently looked away, wanting to hide her pink face from the contact. Nevertheless, she did not pull away.
"Hey. Respect to the only single man in the car, assholes," Josh's irritated voice floated from the back.
Ken laughed and Kaycee couldn't help but smile. "Ask Taylor out, then!" she smirked.
*****
"You're a total genius."
Sean looked up from his crouched position in front of the multiple computer screens and turned to see Josh approaching his work area.
He was in one of the editing rooms of the visual and communication arts building trying his might to concentrate on his project. He nodded his head once in greeting and turned back to the computer screen while rubbing his tired eyes.
"Maine, huh?" Josh asked, crossing his arms as he leaned on the table where Sean was working on.
"I just came back," Sean said, his voice tired.
"But Ken said you'll be out in a few days. It's just been a couple of days, man," Josh said, raising his brow in suspicion. "If I didn't see you entering this building, I wouldn't have known."
Sean sighed. "Okay. You got me. I lied," he said monotonously. "I was supposed to be out only a couple of days but I told them that I won't be back until next week. I'll be staying in a classmate's house."
"What? Why?"
"I just –I just don't want to see people," Sean said after a long pause, his eyes glued to the screen.
"And by people, you mean Kaycee and Ken."
Sean just kept silent and continued doing his work as he leaned his cheek on his upright hand.
"You can't just avoid them forever, Sean. What if they see you around here –what will be your excuse, then? They will know something's up, especially Kaycee. She has this special stupid radar when it comes to you. She will think that you probably do not support their relationship, or worse, that you're jealous –"
"Maybe I am," Sean cut in, looking at Josh coldly.
Josh could only blink as he watched Sean's resolve crumbling, as the latter let out a ragged breath, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. He could see the tears starting to leak out of his friend's eyes which he wiped quickly.
"It's all my fucking fault. It could have been me..." his voice was hard, trying hard not to cry.
Josh silently stood beside Sean's chair, squeezing his shoulder, not saying anything. He knew he couldn't imagine the pain the boy was feeling, seeing his best friend that he was in love with and his cousin get together.
"Just give me this, Josh. Give me time to heal," Sean said, his voice now trembling. "I promise I'll be a best friend to her again."
*****
"Good morning!" Kaycee called in a cheery voice, eyes glued to her phone, as she bounced her way to Ken who had his back on her, leaning on the car, waiting for her.
She put her arms around his shoulders and gave the guy a quick hug – only the guy wasn't Ken.
Her heart pounded, eyes wide as she pulled away and met with her best friend's soft, dimpled smile.
"Hey," he said, giving her a grin. "Are you ready to go –ow! Hey!"
"You stupid, inconsiderate, uncaring bastard!" Kaycee exclaimed, as she threw angry punches on every part she could reach of Sean.
The guy could only calmly block her attacks when he had enough of it, grabbing her wrists to stop her, pulling her to him.
Kaycee was panting in anger, glaring at Sean as she forcefully ripped her wrists away from his hold. "Where the fuck have you been? You didn't even call me, text me or even replied to my texts! Not even one!"
Sean couldn't help but laugh at the sight of his always fuming and short-tempered best friend – he actually missed this. He gave her soft smile against her angry glare, eyes running all over the face he missed so much.
He swallowed the familiar hurt and regret, willing himself to focus on other things. Then, he suddenly realized the change in her get up. She was still wearing her statement shirts and her favorite sneakers, but now it was tucked in a denim skirt.
"You're wearing a skirt," he pointed out, eyebrow raised. "I've finally seen you in a skirt, Kayc," he smiled.
Skirt or pants, she will always be beautiful to him.
"Stop changing the damn topic!" Kaycee fumed even more.
Sean sighed. "Well, Ken told you, right? I had to finish a project, Kayc –"
"Would it be such a crime to just message me or reply to me?" she almost screamed. Why is he making this so hard? Can't he just answer damn question?
"I was really busy and tired, Kayc. I couldn't even lift my pinky," he pouted to give an effect, completely making the topic light but in actuality avoiding it.
"What the fuck. Lame reason," she spat.
Her best friend gave her an amused smile. "I thought you'd let go of the swearing by now. You know, with you being a girl now, and all," he teased.
"What? I am really mad right now, Sean Lew, and I can swear anytime I want to!" Kaycee exclaimed.
Why is he acting like this?
Sean only laughed, shaking his head, dismissing the topic, as he opened the door to the car. "Get in. Ken had to do some errands so he couldn't pick you up. Come on –"
And he was almost tackled to ground if he was not able to hold on to his car immediately as Kaycee threw her arms around him, embracing him tightly. They were silent for a while, listening to their breaths and the muffled beats of their hearts.
"I miss you, Lewser," she said, her voice slightly trembling, as she buried the side of her face on his chest.
Pain and longing reared its ugly head inside his chest, and Sean pushed himself not to cry. He dragged a deep breath and forced a smile as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, his other hand on her head. He embraced her tighter.
"I miss you, too, Rice," he whispered.
*****
*****
"Oh hey bro, you're back," Ken grinned as he and Sean did their usual handshake.
Sean tried to be inconspicuous when he returned home, hoping he won't come across his cousin, but Ken just came home from a date with his best friend.
He only gave him a small smile as he watched his cousin head towards his bedroom. He fidgeted on his beanie in his hands and with a deep breath, he plucked up the courage to find his voice.
"Ken?" he called, making the other turn. Sean knew he couldn't still find himself looking at his cousin in the eye. "How –how are you and Kaycee?"
Ken's face lighted up with the question, his stance instantly relaxing, realizing immediately that he had never seen his cousin this happy.
"She's –she's great, man," Ken shook his head, still unbelieving of the current events, with a big smile on his face. "She's still so short-tempered," he chuckled, "But I love it that she's trying, that she's giving us a chance," he said, his voice turning soft. "She's everything I hoped for."
Sean adjusted the straps of his bag uneasily and finally glanced at his cousin. Ken had a certain look of both determination and desperation that it almost broke his heart.
How could he even come in between them?
"Th-that's great, Ken," Sean said, his voice coming out as a whisper. "But please, just please, don't play with her heart. I couldn't –couldn't bear seeing her hurt. I really don't know what I would do if that will happen."
Sean looked up as he felt the weight of his cousin's hand on his shoulder and saw his faint smile.
"I'll remember that. You are free to do whatever you want to do with me if that happens," Ken said. "But just to let you know, the last thing I would do is hurt her."
*****
*****
Sean groaned as he pressed his pillow against his ears, shutting out the annoying sound coming off from his phone. It was after midnight and he had just gone to bed, and when he thought he would finally succumb to sleep, the familiar hip-hop song blasted from his phone. He was about to reach out for his phone when it stopped.
Taking a deep breath, he turned to the other side of the bed, taking deep breaths for sleep to finally settle in when his phone rang again. Breathing out the small amount of patience he had left, he reached for his phone, eyes closed due to drowsiness and answered the call.
"Hello –"
"Sea–hic –Sean..."
Sean sat bolt upright, thought of sleep thrown out of the window as Kaycee's sobs reached his ears.
"Kaycee! What happened?" he demanded, as worry crept in his chest and he looked around his room, trying to figure out what to do first.
"Cra–hic –cramps..." she hiccupped, then suddenly cried in pain.
"What do you need?" Sean said as he jumped up from his bed, donning a sweatshirt and pants, picking his car keys in the process.
"Pain-ki-killers," she cried weakly, and his heart hurt hearing her in pain at the moment.
"Okay, got it!" Sean exclaimed as he headed for his door. "I'll be there in –hey, wait a minute."
Brilliant, Sean Lew, just fucking brilliant, he thought as he stopped by his door.
"Why didn't you call Ken? And where's Josh or Tessa?" Sean asked warily.
He knew he shouldn't be doing this anymore; the boundaries between him and Kaycee pretty much must be raised now that the girl was in a relationship, and with his cousin at that. Yes, he is her best friend, and he did this and all other things a hundred times before, but doing things like these makes him wish he wasn't just the best friend.
He silently cursed himself for being so weak; he just wasn't that person in her life anymore.
"H-Hospital d-duty and they're n-not picking up," she said weakly. "And do you think I'll call Ken to bother him with this shit? I don't want to burden him! And he's a guy!" she blurted.
"What am I, then –?"
"SEAN LEW!" Kaycee thundered. "IF I DIE TONIGHT I WILL SURELY HAUNT YOU IN YOUR SLEEP AND YOU'LL NEVER WAKE UP!"
Sean sighed as he stared at his phone when Kaycee hung up.
Damn PMS.
His mind clouded with worry as he saw how the girl was curled up into a ball, crying.
Just like a hundred times before, Kaycee tried to straighten her position into a supine, sniffing, as Sean sat beside her. No words were exchanged as Sean helped her stand from her bed and lead her inside the bathroom to change while he prepared the hot compress. When he came back, Kaycee was again in fetal position, face scrunched in pain.
"Here you go," Sean said softly, feeding her a capsule of pain killer and letting her drink from the glass. He then handed her the hot compress to apply it on her belly. Kaycee pressed the hot compress against her as Sean threw the covers around her.
He watched her for a while, saw how pain crossed her face from time to time, and it's as if he could also feel the pain she was feeling. His hand reached out to push back her hair which was sticking into her forehead and he gently wiped the sweat lined against her skin.
Kaycee's eyes opened at the contact. Despite the pain in her belly, she felt warmth and comfort from Sean's touch that she was afraid that if he pulls back, she would feel cold again. And so she leaned against his palm and closed her eyes.
"Don't leave yet, Sean," she whispered.
Sean nodded, even though he knew she wasn't looking. He grazed his thumb softly against her cheek as he watched the shadows created by her lashes on her skin and as he felt her breath on his hand.
His heart clenched, seeing her so beautiful like this despite her pain. Despite his pain.
"Thank you, Sean," Kaycee whispered again.
Sean smiled faintly. "You're always welcome," he replied, but as soon as he said it, his smile ceased. "But, Kayc, I think this should lessen a bit, okay? You have Ken now," he said, swallowing the pain of reality inside his throat.
"Why?" Kaycee whispered, as if she was really talking in her sleep with the heaviness in her voice, but was conscious enough to answer him. "He's my boyfriend. But you're my best friend."
That's the problem.
Sean chose not to answer her. She would never understand anyway. "Just don't forget me, Kayc, okay?" he tried to joke, but it actually hurt him that it might come true.
He saw how the corner of her lips curled into a smile as she leaned her face further into his palm, as if preparing herself to sleep.
"What are you saying?" she said softly. "Like I would do that. Together forever, remember?" she trailed off and fell silent. He then knew that she fell asleep, her chest rising up and down in a steady rhythm.
He watched her for a while, looking at her now free of pain and in peace. He carefully withdrew his hand and with a small, sad smile on his lips, his eyes ran over every detail of her beautiful face, framed by her curly locks.
He didn't realize there were tears streaming down his face; he took a melancholic, deep breath before leaning in and planting a kiss on her lips without regrets.
**********
Author's Note
Thank you dear readers, for supporting this story. Know that I read each of your comments and I appreciate all of them, and will try to reply as much as I can :)
Let me know your thoughts down below!
P.S. This story is gonna end in a few chapters more, so stay tuned!
P.P.S. Shameless plugging, just put up a new story. (Dont expect too much, tho hehe). Go check it out on my profile :) And thank you to those who encouraged me to put it up. You know who you are ;) <3